


Somewhere I belong

by Wizard_92



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Action/Adventure, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-18
Updated: 2016-02-24
Packaged: 2018-03-02 02:14:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 44
Words: 181,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2795978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wizard_92/pseuds/Wizard_92
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andrina, Andy, Caine finds out that she is different. But what does it mean to be different? Where do you belong when you are different? Who can you trust in a world that follows the rules when you don't fit in their picture perfect? How do you survive? Maybe you are the bright new light your society needs, maybe you are not. Maybe you are a problem. EricXOC (pre-books).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own Divergent, only my OC's

I am very ordinary.

There is nothing special about me. I look plain, with long brown hair and green eyes. I am skinny, a bit too skinny to be good looking to boys. Not that I ever really thought about boy’s that way. Maybe once, but I guess you could say I didn’t make the cut, so I forgot about it.

I come from an ordinary family. Mom, dad, little sister.

Simple.

Like every other family, I guess.

Mom and dad are really smart. They are researchers, who focus on improving the health of the city. They are well respected in their field. They aren’t just smart, like most of their college’s, but they are also kind and they help others. It’s not very Erudite of them. People talk about that, behind their backs. I always catch their eyes following mom and dad as they walk by. Maybe they are jealous of them? 

My sister looks a lot like my mother. Both are very pretty. They have blue eyes and long legs. We all share the same hair color. Marie, my sister, keeps is short. Why keep it long, if you wear it in a ponytail or a bum every day? I guess she is right, but that doesn’t make me cut mine. I always liked long hair. It’s the only part of my body that I’m proud of. I think it gives me something wild, what is something else in Erudite.  
Everyone is so strict in my eyes. Simple, with elegant clothes that, sadly for me, show of peoples figures really good. I always hated wearing those long skirts that makes your hips come out just right. I’m too skinny, so it just doesn’t look good on me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not some obsessive teenager, who can only complain about her looks. It’s just something I get confronted with every day. At school, on my way home, at mom and dad their work. Everywhere I look, there are stunning, I would even call them beautiful, people.

And they know they look good.

I never got along with the girl’s of my class because of this and the boy’s liked mocking me for my looks. It never gets to me. I guess I have a thick skin, but it just makes me think about myself and other people.  
Especially at a time like this. When I have to decide what I’m going to do with my future.

I’m waiting in a hall with my classmates to take the aptitude test. I’m not really nervous. You can’t study for a test like this and it will tell you what to do. I’m not sure I want to stay in Erudite, but I can’t imagine living among these people for the rest of my life.

It sounds dull and boring. I think I would like some more action in my life. Maybe I should choose Dauntless. They are so fierce and every time I see them, they are having fun. Their life seems so exciting.  
And dangerous.

For some reason that sounds appealing to me, although I have never engaged in anything they do. Like jumping from trains, climbing bridges or fighting. I am not sure I am cut out to be like them. I’m pretty sure my body would never survive initiation. And that would mean I become factionless.

That doesn’t sound to promising or appealing.

Would I dare to take the risk?

I never really take risks. Would I dare to do it now? It only has an effect on the rest of my life.

Maybe I should choose Abnegation. In my eyes, they live an easy life. All day long they help other people and put their own needs aside. It sounds like something every person should do from time to time. Here in Erudite, they think that Abnegation is a joke. I hear mom and dad talk about it sometimes. They never openly say anything bad about them, but I can tell from their body language that they agree with their faction.

I don’t think I belong in Condor. I lie too easy for that. I should maybe stop doing that. It’s probably the reason why I don’t get along with people. I lie to easy and too much. I like being on my own, but no one around me seems to understand that. Apparently that’s weird. Why would you want to be alone, when you could be with people, discussing science and what not?

No, I defiantly don’t belong in Condor. I like keeping my secrets hidden within me. 

Amity then? Frankly I think those people are hippies. It’s a bad thing to think, I would never call them hippies out loud. It’s just mean. I get called funny names a lot, they don’t bug me, but it’s not like I enjoy hearing them. Maybe I do belong in Abnegation. The thing I like about Amity is that they decide everything together. There isn’t one leader, like here in Erudite. Janine Matthews is our leader and everyone loves her. She’s smart, cunning and beautiful. I have met her once. She seemed okay, but I think she’s too smart and to cunning and to beautiful. I don’t trust her.

Maybe I am jealous of her.

Another thing I like about the Amity, is working in the field. It appeals to me. Working under the sun all day, actually having a feeling that you are doing something worthwhile. If you think about it, what do the Abnegation and Condor do that is so important to our society? What do they bring to the table? Amity provides food, Dauntless protects us and Erudite keeps us healthy. 

Maybe I don’t belong in Abnegation. I’m too selfish for it.

But that doesn’t’ solve my problem. Where do I belong?

Maybe I should stay in Erudite. While thinking this problem over, I am approaching it like a true Erudite. There is a problem and I need to find an answer to that problem. What are the pros and what are the cons of every faction? 

This is driving me crazy! I can’t believe everyone has to go try this and we can’t talk about it to each other. Not that I have friends who I could talk to, but still. How are you supposed to choose? Every faction has its pro’s and its con’s.

Where do I belong? I barely know anything about the other four factions. How can I choose one? Maybe one seems appealing to me now, but when I live in the faction and learn their way of life, maybe I’ll realize that the faction I chose, it’s where I belong. 

“Andrina Caine,” a woman’s voice calls me and I look up. She’s from Abnegation. Her grey clothes are hanging like rags around her body. I don’t understand why Abnegation wears their clothes like that. It makes them look so poor and unsophisticated.

Okay, I do belong among the vain and smart people from Erudite.

“You may come in now.” I follow the woman into the room and look back at my classmates. They are talking and some look at me with their sharp eyes.

The question is do I want to belong among these people?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read & Review

I should just trust the aptitude test. They were created to tell us where we belong. It will tell me where my path will lead me too. I mean, I should be most happy in the faction this test tells me to go too. It makes its decision based on a bunch of stuff that happens in my head. Stuff that makes me…me. 

I’m going to just do what this test tells me to do and stop thinking about it. 

The Abnegation woman explains to me what’s about to happen. I drink some kind of serum and sit down in a chair that looks like it belongs in a dentist office. I never liked the dentists. I always leave them in pain. And I kind of hate needles and for some reason they always have to push one into my gums. Can you imagine? I hate needles and they put one, right in front of my eyes. I can’t even look away while that dame thing comes closer and I can’t seem to force myself to close my eyes. 

So yeah, I hate needles and the dentist. 

The aptitude test is a weird experience. One minute I’m sitting in the chair and another I am standing in front of big dog. And that dog looks angry. A voice tells me to choose between a knife and a piece of meat. I take the meat because I didn’t want to kill the dog. And because it would piss the dog more of if I pointed it at him. The dog ate the meat calmly. 

A girl appeared after that. She wanted to play with the dog, but the creature became mad again. It wanted to attack the little girl. While I saw her run away, all I could think about was my sister. What would I do if it was her? Would I just let her get attacked? But what can I do to stop this dog? I don’t have a weapon or anything to distract it with? 

Think Andy, think!

The only thing I could do was attack the dog myself, but it would most defiantly attack me after that. The girl screams as the dog gets closer. I guess that’s a problem for later. I sprinted after the animal and jumped on it. I tried to get control it. 

Somewhere during my fight with the dog, we fell through the floor and the dog disappeared. I was falling, but where would I stop? I closed my eyes. I landed on a hard floor that was moving. Moving? A train. I opened my eyes and saw I was on one of the trains that I always see the Dauntless jump from. What am I doing here? 

A man was sitting, reading the newspaper. I didn’t know what to do, so I just stared out the window of the train. I usually walk to school. It isn’t far for me and I don’t like to be crowed on these things. I’m not claustrophobic, but I hate being pushed up against other people. Especially when they are sweaty and stink. 

“Do you know this guy?” the man behind me suddenly asks. He taps the picture on the front page of the newspaper. The headline reads: “Brutal murderer finally apprehended!”. I just blink while I stare at the picture. Should I know this man? The word murderer sends a shiver down my back. It’s been a very long time since a headline like that made the front page of the newspaper. 

But it’s not real, Andy. You are still inside the test. It’s just a simulation. What am I suppose to do? 

“Well?” I hear anger in the man’s voice. “Do you?”

I don’t know him and it feels stupid to pretend that I do. I have a feeling something bad will happen to me if I say that I knew the man. Maybe this guy knew someone the murderer killed. I shook my head: “I don’t know him.”

My answer doesn’t seem to please the man. I graph one of the poles in the train to steady myself. Maybe this guy will attack me? What am I suppose to do then? Andy, it’s just a simulation. Whatever he does, it isn’t real. So the pain can’t be real, right?

The man comes closer to me and I straighten my back. He smells like cigarettes and his cheeks are rippled with scars, just like his left hand. “You are lying,” the man says. He sounds very intimidating. I feel fear inside my body, but I don’t want him to see it on me. I take a step forward, not sure that it’s a smart move: “No, I don’t know him.”

“You do know him! I can see it in your eyes,” the man is starting to sound desperate for some reason. Why? I thought he would attack me. The man graphs my arm. I want him to let go, but his grip is pretty good: “Please, if you know him, you can help me. You can save me.”

I was a bit stunned by his answer. What am I suppose to do now? How can I save this man? I don’t know the murderer? What does it matter anyway, it’s just a simulation. With that in the back of my mind, I pull my arm lose: “I don’t know him.”

After that the train disappears and I wake up in the dentist chair. It takes my mind a few seconds to adjust. I’m not in the simulation anymore. This is real. I get up and look at the Abnegation woman. She stares at the computer screen in front of her with wide eyes. She isn’t moving. What’s wrong with her? Her behavior sends a shiver down my spine. Did I do something wrong? 

“What is my result?” I ask the woman after. She jumps a little and looks at me with startled eyes. A nasty feeling starts showing its head inside my stomach. She doesn’t know what to say and stuttered: “Well…eum…your test…it’s…eum…”

“Just tell me already,” I raise my voice at the woman. I feel bad for doing that, but she is giving me a really bad feeling. Her hands hold the hem of her shirt. She looks really nervous. Why? She’s older than me? What is wrong? 

“Your test results are inconclusive. Normally each stage of the simulation eliminates one or more of the factions. But for some reason your actions have only ruled out three factions,” the Abnegation woman explains to me. I don’t know what to say or what to think. What does this mean?

“Your actions only rules out Amity, Condor and Abnegation. But the last two were barely ruled out. You spoke the truth to the man on the train and you scarified yourself for the girl, knowing you would get attacked by the dog.” 

“So what is my result then?” I ask, my voice and legs are shaking. It’s very quite in my head, what is weird for someone from Erudite. In a situation like this, my head should be working at top speed, trying to figure out what is going on. Why is my test inconclusive?

“According to the test you are Erudite and Dauntless,” the girl explains to me. I guess those were the most appealing factions to me. But what am I? Am I both? But she said that I was also practically Condor and Abnegation. So am I four factions? Do I belong in four factions? 

Great, this test is supposed to tell me what faction I should choose tomorrow at the Choosing Ceremony. Now what do I do? 

“What does it mean? That I am more than one faction? How is that even possible?” I asked the woman. I hadn’t notice before, but she is standing close to me and she is whispering. This must be information, no one else should hear: “It’s possible, but it’s extremely rare. People like you are called…they are called…divergent.” I barely hear the last word.

Divergent? I am Divergent? 

“You should not tell this to anyone. People don’t like divergents for some reason. My father told me about them. You shouldn’t tell this to anyone, for your own safety. I can manually enter your test results. I’ll give in Erudite. No one has to find out about you.”

“But I…,” I had a million questions, but I didn’t know which I should ask first. The Abnegation woman tells me to be quite and pulls me out of the room. I hadn’t notice there was another door. Why is this woman acting so weird? My Erudite side wants answers: “Leave, go home. I’ll take care of your test results.”

She’s about to close the door: “Don’t forget, never tell anyone about this. Not even your parents. Especially not yours. It’s not safe.”

After that she closed the door. I am standing alone in an empty hall. What am I suppose to do now? What did she mean with that last part? What’s wrong with my parents? Why can’t I tell them? They should help me? Why isn’t it safe? What’s wrong with me? I don’t feel any different, so what could be wrong with me? 

My feet start taking me home, but my mind doesn’t register how I eventually get there. 

What do I do now?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read & Review

This is impossible. I can’t decide what faction to choose. Am I brave and fierce like the Dauntless or intelligent like the Erudite? What about selflessness and honesty. Do I crave those? I guess I want to be all these things, but I have to choose one faction. 

Yesterday is like a blur to me. I can’t remember coming home, seeing my parents or having dinner. Marie was at school, so I didn’t see her until supper, but I’m not sure I actually talked to her. I’m not sure of anything anymore.

The aptitude test was supposed to tell me what I should do with my life. Maybe I am part of Abnegation, because I rely on the test to tell me what to do. I’m not being selfish, I want to do what the test tells me to do, what society expects me to do. 

Or is that just being weak? A cowards way out perhaps? Maybe I don’t trust my own strengths. Do I really want to end up in some faction just because some test tells me I belong there?   
No, I am stronger than that. 

I want to live a life that I chose. I don’t care about the test. I want to be daring, brave, adventurous and most of all, I want to be fearless. 

“Dauntless!”

My thoughts are pulled back at the present. I hadn’t realized that I had cut my hand and that my blood was sizzling on the coals. Jeanine Matthews was standing in front of me. The Erudite were responsible this year for the Choosing Ceremony, which means that Jeanine had to give me the knife. She looked stunned and a bit angry, although she hid it well. I guess she had hoped I would stay in Erudite and become as useful as possible, like my parents. 

My parents.

I hadn’t considered them in my decision. It didn’t seem logical. It’s my life and I shouldn’t be held down by them, even if they are my parents. Besides, if it was up to them, I would have stayed in Erudite. And I don’t want to be a smart mouth for the rest of my life. I don’t want to be intelligent, being smart is good enough for me. I don’t want to sit at a desk, staring at a computer for the rest of my life. My eyes hurt just thinking about it. 

And I most defiantly don’t want to wear glasses, considering I have perfect eyesight. I think it’s so stupid the Erudite do that. My sister does it too. I never understood why they did it. I know why, but I don’t understand it. For people, who value logic, it’s completely illogic. Why wear glasses if your eyesight isn’t bad. It’s not like anyone doubts that the people of Erudite are smart. They don’t need glasses to prove it.

I stood with the other Dauntless initiatives. They were full of energy and talking very loud. I stood in the back and watched them. I didn’t dare let my eyes wonder to the Erudite seats, where my parents sat. I can’t face them, not right now. 

Maybe they knew I would switch factions. Aren’t parents supposed to know their children? I am not really intelligent, like they are. Even Marie is smarter than me. But maybe they expected me to stay with them. 

What will they tell Marie today when she comes home from school and she will probably never see me again? Or at least not for a very long time. 

I wonder what they are thinking.

I want to believe they knew I was cut out to be Dauntless. Why would they else call me Andrina? It means brave. And my last name, Caine, means fighter. My grandmother, on my father’s side, gave me my name. She used to tell me I was destined for greatness, whatever that means. She was from Dauntless, but switched factions. She never told me why. She wasn’t extremely smart and she never gave me the impression that she wanted to know how the world works. She just did what was expected, nothing more, nothing less. She died five years ago. She was old. I never knew my grandfather. He was from Erudite and so were his parents. I basically come from a line of smart people. 

And I’m the only one who wants out. 

Two days before my grandmother passed away, she gave me her wedding ring. She said it was her most valued possession, even more then her children. I never understand why. It’s just a ring. She told me that my grandfather knew everything about her en she never thought that he could love her the way he had done. She felt very fortunate. The ring is a symbol of their love. 

Now that I think about it, my grandmother was kind of weird.

The Choosing ceremony ends and the Dauntless are the first to leave the building. They scream and laugh while running after each other. They seem so full of energy. I had a hard time repressing a smile while following them. 

I couldn’t bring myself to look back at my parents. I didn’t want to find out what they thought about my decision. I am afraid to find out. 

So I run after the Dauntless, who will accompany me for the next couple of days, maybe even for the rest of my life. For some reason, that sounds really promising. 

The Dauntless were running fast and I had a hard time keeping up with them. I am not used to running. My days used to be just studying and walking from place to place and help around the house. I never realized how simple my life was, even for an Erudite. It’s almost Abnegation like, without all the grey. 

I wasn’t the only one having a hard time keeping up with the others. A boy, from Amity, was running next to me. He was out of breath and I could tell from the look on his face that his side was hurting him. He looked at me. He looks like all the guy’s from Amity. Simple and colorful. 

I just realized that everyone looks simple in my eyes. Except the Dauntless. No one looks alike among them. Their hair, clothes, tattoos and piercings make them look like actually individuals, unlike all the other fractions. 

Well that’s my opinion anyway.

Maybe this guy thinks like me. Maybe he left Amity because he wanted more. Maybe he wanted to be strong and brave. But by the look on his face he wouldn’t make it on his own. 

Maybe he can be my friend?

I graphed the guy’s hand, when he’s about to stop. He needed to catch his breath. I drag him with me. I see the others climbing a bridge. It leads to the rails of the train. It shouldn’t surprise me, but I didn’t have a lot of time to wonder about it, because the train was entering the station. 

Shit.

If I am not on that train, then I will become factionless. Dame it! I start climbing, forgetting about the guy next to me. He’s not going to make it. He’s climbing to slow. I can’t just leave him behind, but I can’t miss that train.

“Come on, climb faster! Graph my hand!” I yell at him, over the shouting of the Dauntless. The boy does as I tell him too and I pull him up. I don’t know where the strength comes from. We climb together up the bridge. The train coming closer. 

I’m the first one to stand on the platform. The first compartments of the train pass by me. Shit! I pull the guy up with a lot of force, probably hurting him in the process. But I can’t dwell on that now. The other Dauntless and initiatives are already climbing on the train. 

We are far behind. 

And the last compartment is coming close, very fast.

“Climb on the train!” I yell at the boy. He’s looking very white. Maybe he’ll faint. If that happens, he’s on his own. I can’t carry him. That’s maybe a selfish thought, but it’s also the truth. And according to the attitude test I’m more Erudite than Abnegation. 

One of the older Dauntless helps the guy onto the train. I try to run faster, but I am out of energy. What am I going to do? I am never going to get on that train. I am running alongside the last compartment. I’m the last one on the platform. 

It can’t end for me like this, can it? 

This was supposed to be the beginning for me. It can’t end like this. The adrenaline going through my body, gives me some help. I reach for the handle next to the last door of the compartment. If I can’t reach it, I am done for! Come on Andy, graph it!

But my feet can’t keep running anymore. My eyes widen as I realize that I am not going to make it. The train will leave and I can just hear people laughing at me, at my failure. Why did I help that guy? I should have just left him. I would have made it that way. 

I am done for.

Before my feet stop running, I feel a hand graph my wrist and pull me with a lot of force forward. My feet aren’t touching the ground anymore and I feel myself flying. An arm latches itself around my waist and I get pulled against a hard frame. 

A body? 

A chest? 

My eyes look at the person who pulled me on the train. Green eyes meet grey once. It’s a man holding me. He looks to be somewhere in his twenties. Maybe twenty-five. Above his right eye there are piercings and I notice tattoos in his neck. For some reason I was holding my breath. Probably from the sudden change in the situation. The man holding me is basically the human form of strength. I can tell by the way his arms were holding me against his frame that he had to be really strong. He was literally holding my entire body up, with just one arm. His other arm was holding us against the train. 

Remind me to never pist this guy off. I’m pretty sure he can crack my skull with one hand. 

I feel his body move and my feet touch the ground of the last train compartment. I can’t believe I made it. I can’t believe this guy helped me. I was convinced I was done for. That I would have to live factionless. I am on the train and I can still become Dauntless. 

But I am going to have to prove myself and I will prove myself. 

The man who helped me doesn’t say anything. His eyes leave mine as he walks to the front of the compartment, towards a fellow Dauntless member. I feel a shiver run down my spine. Even his eyes are powerful. A sense of pride enters my body and I want to prove to these people what I am made of. That I can survive their crazy world and that I belong among them. 

I especially want to prove myself against the man who saved me. 

Next time, I won’t need his help.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hey my name is Rob,” I look up at the boy I had helped. His face wasn’t as white anymore and he was breathing normally. When the fear of becoming factionless had washed over me, I had sat down and tried to relax my body. I am so glad that I wore pants today, else I wouldn’t have been able to climb the bridge. 

The boy in front of me is holding his hand out. I shake it and he sits down next to me: “Thanks for helping me. I would have become factionless, if it wasn’t for you. You almost did. I promise I’ll repay you for it someday.”

“Yeah, sure,” I don’t really know what to say. For a short period I hated this guy, because I was going to become factionless. In that short moment, I really hated him and my own Abnegation side. I had wished I hadn’t helped him. Everyone made it to the train without help, why couldn’t this guy? But now, as I’m sitting on the train, I remember me thinking about becoming friends with him. He looks friendly and nice. I should just let go of what happened. That man helped me and I still have a chance of becoming Dauntless: “I am Andy.”

I don’t know why I introduce myself as Andy. I am starting a new life for myself, why not let go of my old life, my old name. Or at least a part of it. Andy is my nickname after all. My family has always called me Andy. Only on rare occasions my parents called me Andrina. And my sister only calls me that when she’s mad at me.

“I have a feeling we are in for a wild ride,” Rob said smiling and I smile with him. He’s right. These people are crazy, but that’s why I chose them. Running those streets, climbing that bridge and trying to catch the train. I have never felt such a rush. It made me feel alive. For some reason the train feels more real, pressed against my back. Rob’s hand felt more real when I touched it. That man’s body felt more real while I was pressed against it. 

I never experienced this kind of feeling at Erudite. 

It must be a good sign. 

The rest of the train ride I listen to the other initiates talk. They are excited. There are five kids from Condor, three from Erudite and two from Amity. Ten initiates. I don’t know if that’s a lot or not. I recognize all of them from school. I never talked with them though. Except the other two Erudite initiates. Their names are Sarah and Michael. I know them pretty good, well as good as someone with no friends can know people. They liked to mock me, along with their friends. I am kind of surprised to see them on this train. I didn’t think they would leave Erudite. Both are smart and always seemed interested in learning more.

Then again, maybe they just lied and sucked up to the teachers. I remember them being the teacher’s pets. 

“They’re jumping off!” Someone yells and I sit up. Apparently I had dozed off. How can I doze off on a moving train? Rob was standing at the door of the train compartment. He was looking at the front of the train. Dauntless were jumping off and landing on the roof of a building. I guess this is the next test. Are you willing to make the jump? 

I could tell Rob was trembling. He’s kind of a wimp, isn’t he? Then again, it is a deep fall if you don’t make it and the landing will probably hurt too. Maybe I should be trembling on my feet. But the strange thing is, I’m not scared. I want to jump. It seems fun and adventures. A smile crosses my face as I approach Rob. I wonder if he would jump on his own. 

“Let’s do it together,” I suggest and pull him back. It might be easier for Rob if we jump while running. The other initiates jump one by one. Everyone is leaving the train and soon it’s just Rob, me, the man who helped me and the man he was talking to. My eyes meet gray eyes. Is he wondering if I would jump? 

“Come on Rob, on three. One… two…three.”

I had to pull him with me. He really is a… what’s the world the dauntless use…pansycake. He really is a pansycake. We jump and for a few seconds we hover in the air, before we crash on the roof. I let go of Rob’s hand in midair. I land on my side and roll over a few times before I stop. 

I can’t believe I just jumped out of a moving train! That was amazing! My body is filled with adrenaline. I hope we get to do that again soon. 

I stand up and see Rob lying on his back. I walk over to him. He isn’t moving. Did he die from a heart attack in midair? I see him staring at the sky. His eyes meet mine and we both start laughing. I help him to his feet: “For a second I thought you were dead, pansycake.”

“For second I thought I was dead,” Rob told me. We followed the rest of the group initiates. They were standing at the edge of the roof. I wonder what the next test will be. Now that everyone was standing together, I realized there were more initiates then I first thought. I had forgotten about the Dauntless born initiates. There were fifteen of them. And they all look like they belong in this faction. They look fierce, bold and daring. I secretly want to be like them. Without the multiple tattoos and piercings. 

“Listen up!” I stop looking at the other initiates and focus myself on the edge of the building. The man who helped me was standing on the ledge. He looked even more intimidating that way: “My name is Eric. I am one of the leaders of your new faction.” 

He’s a leader? Dame, I didn’t just get helped by a random Dauntless. I got saved by a Dauntless leader. I am so screwed. I’ll have to prove myself extra if I want to impress this man. He doesn’t look like the type that is easily impressed. 

“Several stories below us, is the members entrance to our compound. If you can’t muster the will to jump off, you don’t belong here. The transfer initiates have the privilege of going first.” Eric explained. I should feel scared, but it seemed exiting to jump. It’s not like they would let us jump to our death. There will be something to catch us. Water or a net. Any Erudite would know that. 

“You want us to jump off a ledge?” Sarah asked. She looked scarred. I guess not every Erudite would see the logic. Michael is looking over the edge. His face is also a bit white, but as I expected, he volunteers to jump first. I don’t feel like jumping first. I’ll wait with Rob. Maybe he needs the extra push again. I look at him, but he doesn’t seem scarred this time: “It’s not like they would let us jump to our death, right.”

Apparently he’s smarter than Sarah. I smile and nod. After Michael jumps, almost everyone wanted to see what happened to him. But the darkness didn’t show anything. We only heard Michael laugh. After that the initiates weren’t scarred anymore and they lined up to jump. Rob was one of them. 

I wasn’t really paying attention. I was more interested in where we were. I have never been in this part of the city. The buildings look old and I wonder where the Dauntless really live. Underground maybe. 

In Erudite I lived in a small apartment. We lived with a lot of families in the building and it was one of the better looking once in the neighborhood. I guess my building was only for the families with good scientists in them. The buildings around the head building of Erudite were all kept in a good state. The buildings behind those weren’t as important and they were older. If people wanted to renovate them, they had to do it themselves. 

“Initiates, are you going to stay behind?” I turn around and see that all the initiates had jumped already. Was I spacing out that long? I was surprised to find out that Rob had jumped on his own. Maybe he isn’t such a pansycake. Eric was the only one standing on the roof, standing on the edge: “It’s a little late to back down now, wouldn’t you say.”

“Why would I back down? It’s just jumping into, what I suspect is a net,” I answer him honestly and walk towards the edge. I climb on it without showing fear. There was a small amount present in my stomach, but I wasn’t going to show it in front of this guy. 

Why? Why did it have to be a Dauntless leader that pulled me on the train?

“That’s a very Erudite thing to say,” Eric answers and looks at me. I turn my head to him. A shiver crawling down my spine again, when my eyes meet his. Am I feeling uncomfortable because of the power he represents? His eyes alone make me want to listen to what he has to say. How does a person become this powerful? 

“Well I am still wearing their uniform, so I guess I am still aloud to be a smart mouth. Don’t worry, I heard you guys have a few days to beat that out of me. Should be fun,” I answer back. Maybe I shouldn’t be such a smart mouth with this guy. He is a leader after all. If I make it to the end of initiates, I will have to take orders from him. Eric doesn’t seem offended, then again his body language and eyes didn’t chance. Maybe he’s just good at hiding his anger. He doesn’t say anything and I’m starting to suspect that that’s not a good thing. 

I decide to switch the subject.

“Thanks for pulling me on the train. Wouldn’t have made it without you,” I say, trying to joke, to lighten the mood. It doesn’t help. I’m starting to realize that I have made this man angry. And if I’m correct about the tension I’m feeling, I made him very angry. His eyes tell me, so I lower mine. I don’t feel like pissing him off more. 

“Jump initiates or I’ll push you of the edge,” Eric says after a few seconds. I didn’t know what to do, so I just kept my mouth shut. When Eric spoke again, his voice was carrying a dangerous tone. I believed him when he said he would push me. I think he wanted to push me. A lot. 

“Aya Captain,” I said and let myself fall of the edge. Eric’s face becomes a black spot fast and it didn’t take long for me to reach the net. 

I was right. Of course I’m right, it’s completely logical that there would be a net at the bottom of this black hole. I couldn’t suppress a small laugh. It escaped my mouth before I even realized it. While I stare up at the sky, I feel someone graph the net. I roll to the side and some other guy lifts me out of it. He’s looks about the same age as Eric. Maybe he’s a leader too? 

“Eric needed to push you?” he asks and I feel my feet land on the ground. My legs tremble a little bit. I see Rob standing beneath us. We are standing on some sort of platform. I shook my head and looked at the guy: “No, we were just having a discussion about the weather. It’s so nice today.” 

My answer makes this guy laugh. For a moment I thought he would be angry with me, like Eric. Speaking of the man, he came flying from the roof and landed in the net. He rolled out of it quickly, making him stand next to me and the new guy: “Hurray up Four, we’re late!”

“What’s your name?” Four asked me. What a weird name. He probably changed his just like I did. Maybe he wanted to leave his old life behind him too. He must be a transfer then. Eric doesn’t look like a transfer. He was probably born and raised in this compound: “It’s Andy.”

“Last jumper, Andy. Welcome to Dauntless,” Four says and I smile a little. This guy seems a lot nicer then Eric. I can’t help but let my eyes wonder towards the man. For some reason his angry eyes are on me and Four. Maybe I should stay low for a while. 

I follow Four down the platform and the group of initiates follows him, Eric and a nameless woman. Rob walks beside me and his smile reaches his ears. He must be proud of himself that he jumped on his own. His smile is contagious, but I can’t think about it any longer. We are walking through the Dauntless compound. The place I want to call home. 

I wonder what it looks like.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read & Review

Eric, Four and the woman, named Lauren, lead us down some tunnels. We split up at the end of it. Lauren takes all the Dauntless born to their sleeping quarters. I wonder what those will look like here. In Erudite the initiates would get pretty, but simple rooms. A lot of white. I would go mad in them. They look too much like a hospital. I went their once with my dad. 

Eric and Four show us around the compound. They tell us where everything is. The pit is apparently the center of the Dauntless compound. A lot of people are gathered there, laughing, fighting and doing others things. It looks like a fun place to just relax. There wasn’t anything like this in the Erudite headquarters. 

After seeing the pit, we walk up at the right side of it. For some reason it is very dark. I have a hard time seeing where my feet are. Suddenly the girls in front of me stop. I wasn’t paying attention. I bump into them and they give me nasty looks. I hear a roar, water. It’s moving fast and crashing against the rocks. I look over the other initiatives heads and see that the floor drops off at a sharp angle. Several stories below us, there is a river. The Dauntless call it the chasm. The water sprays upwards and my shoes get wet. 

“The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy!” Four shouts. I have a hard time hearing him. The chasm makes a lot of noise. I can’t believe I hadn’t heard it from within the pit: “A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and will again. Consider yourself warned.”

I have a feeling I’m going to have a hard time with that fine line Four was talking about. It seems very daring to jump in the chasm. I can imagine that people wouldn’t make it out alive. But wouldn’t it be amazing if you did survive it? Andy, stop thinking like that. You would never survive it.

“Only an idiot would jump of the edge,” Rob whispers to me and laughs. I laugh with him, but he doesn’t notice that my eyes linger on the water. Yeah, only an idiot would jump. For some reason the chasm mesmerizes me. It’s powerful. The water can crush you before you even know what is happening to you. 

“Keep walking initiate,” I feel a push against my back. I stumble forward and catch up with Rob. Eric is walking behind us. His eyes keep following me. What is this guy’s problem? I didn’t insult him or publicly humiliate him, so what is his deal? Can’t he go back to talking with Four? Although I don’t think these guys are friends. They barely said a word to each other and when they do, it’s short and snappy.

The next place we go is the dining hall. I smell meat cooking and it smells good. Four tells us to eat, after that he’ll show us to our sleeping quarters. I am rather tired. The day has been pretty eventful. I could use a good night rest. Tomorrow will probably be hell. 

Rob and I sit along with the other transfer initiates. The Dauntless initiates are spread across the room. They are talking to older Dauntless members. Maybe their parents. I wonder what mine are doing right now.

“Hey I am Rob and this is Andy,” Rob introduces us to the Condor initiates. Rob is a friendly guy. He smiles a lot and doesn’t seem to be afraid of conversation. The Condor initiates aren’t as bad as I thought they would be. Kim, Marnie, Victor, Lucas and Marc used to be in most of my classes, but I have never talked to them before. Kim and Marnie were always together. They probably discussed coming here together. Victor and Lucas are twins and they became friends with Marc on the train. They helped each other get on it apparently. 

How nice for them that they didn’t get stuck with a Dauntless leader. 

“I can’t wait for tomorrow. I am so curious to what we will learn,” Marnie says excited and Kim agrees. They seem to be easy to talk to. Rob and Marc enter their conversation. The twins are looking around and whispering to each other. They seem to be really close. I guess that’s normal for twins. I wouldn’t really know. I never met twins before. 

“I hope we get to work with weapons,” Kim says and I focus my attention on the conversation. 

“That would be so cool. I chose Dauntless because of that. Condor is just too boring. We never do anything that get’s your blood pumping,” Marc agrees and Marnie follows: “Yes, I haven’t even run that much in my life. I don’t think I can sleep tonight. I want it to be morning so badly.”

“Why?” I ask and everyone looks at me. Great, not really what I was going for. I just wanted to pretend to be part of the conversation. Saying yes and knotting my head, but nothing more. The look in everyone’s eyes affirmed that they wanted an explanation: “We will probably be begging for our beds tomorrow at noon. I am betting we will have to get up early, do a lot of running because that builds up stamina. When we can’t run anymore, they will make us work on fighting poses or teach us how to work with weapons. But I can practically guarantee you that you will be glad to see your bed tomorrow because it means you can stop working out. Oh and every muscle in your body will probably be hurting a lot.”

My new friends don’t know what to say to that and just stare at me. Great, I said something wrong. I notice a look in Marie and Victor’s eye. They were looking at someone behind me. I didn’t need to turn around to figure out who it was.

“You got that right initiate. You will beg for your beds tomorrow and even when you sleep, your bodies will be in pain. Believe me when I say that all I will be in every single one of your dreams tomorrow,” Eric’s voice comes from behind me. I can tell by the look of everyone’s face that they don’t know how to comment on that either. 

“Great, maybe I should have chosen another faction then,” I sigh and let my arms drop beside my body. I don’t turn around to look at Eric. The comments that are currently flowing thru my head aren’t very nice. I thought I said something about being nice to the Dauntless leader standing behind me. 

“Getting scared initiates? Don’t tell me I should have just left you on the platform,” Eric says. I can tell by his voice he is feeling very superior. The looks on my friends faces is probably feeding that feeling. 

“Oh no, thanks again for helping me. I was just referring to seeing you in my dreams. It just sounds horrifying. I mean who would want to see your face in their dreams?” I say and put a piece of meat in my mouth. I really need to keep my big fat gob shut. This man can break my skull with one hand. I think the filter that goes between a persons brain and his mouth, doesn’t work with me. I think I might have broken it some time ago.

“Eric, Max is looking for you. He needs you, now,” Four walks up to us. There is actually a god out there? Those Abnegation people were on to something. What else could have explained this spectacular saving? I kept my eyes focused on my plate. Feeling Eric’s angry eyes on my tiny body is more than enough. I think he might be able to break a person with just his eyes. Slowly the huge man leaves our table. He doesn’t say anything and the farther he walks away, the bigger the smile on my face becomes. My friends start breathing again when Eric’s body leaves the dining hall. I feel myself relax. 

“Are you crazy? Do you want him to kill you?”

“I can’t believe you just said that to Eric, a Dauntless leader!”

“That was awesome.”

“He’s so going to kill you tomorrow.”

I wasn’t sure what kind of response I was hoping to hear from my new friends. I guess I would have to do with these. I found myself very content with them actually. Some warned me for Eric, while others thought it was cool. I wasn’t sure what I thought about my own behavior. Still it was nice to be appreciated. I guess this way I can prove to people I’m not some weak little girl. I can stand up for myself and people should take me serious. 

After dinner Four shows us to our sleeping quarters or should I say sleeping room. All the Dauntless transfer initiates sleep together. There are eight beds: “We didn’t expect some many of you to make it to the compound. Usually we lose a few initiates on the road. Two will come with me to find some extra beds.”

Rob and I get beds at the end of the row. I sleep against the wall. I don’t feel comfortable sleeping with so many strangers in the same room. Showering and going to the toilet is going to be interesting. 

Four explains how the next couple of days will look like. As I suspected I am not completely in with the Dauntless yet. We have to prove our worth. I will have to work really hard. What do I have to offer these people? My brain and that’s not even special. 

Like I mentioned before. I am very plain. And not just in looks.

“Hey Andy, looks like your friend hasn’t made it back to show us around,” Marnie whispers to me. I can only imagine she’s talking about Eric. A smirk covers my face. I’m still walking on a cloud because of my comment. The Condor initiates seem to like me for my little stunt. Even the twins seem to be a bit more open towards me now. Lucas actually said something to me. 

“I will probably pay tomorrow for my comment. You heard Four. He and Eric over see our training, so I am doomed,” I say and lay down on my new bed. The mattress is very hard. And when I say very hard, I mean extremely hard. I don’t think I’m going to sleep a lot tonight.

“Yes, I think you should watch out tomorrow,” Kim warns me. She seems to be the most sensible one of our new little group. When Eric left, she was the one who told me I shouldn’t have said that: “I have been trying that ever since I choice Dauntless. I’m not really good at filtering my thoughts.”

“We can tell, “Rob says, while making his bed. 

I can’t find the energy to get up and make my bed. I fall asleep pretty fast. I guess even the crappy mattress can’t keep the sleep away. The day was exhausting and tomorrow promises to be worst.


	6. Chapter 6

“Wake up initiates!” A stern voice wakes us up the next day. My mind isn’t functioning properly yet, so I can’t make out whom the voice belongs to. I know I should get up, but I can’t’ bring myself to actually get up. I turn my head and try to get five more minutes of extra sleep. 

But that was apparently too much to ask. I hear Rob saying something, but he stops midsentence and my foggy mind can’t understand what the first part was what he said. I only heard my name. Maybe I should get up. I want to push myself up and leave my warm cocoon of blankets. How nice! Someone gave me one during the night. But suddenly all sleepy thoughts that were left in my foggy mind were gone, as cold water comes crashing on my head. I can hear people laugh, while I shiver from the water. My hair clings to my face and my clothes are soaking wet. 

Dame it! Who…

I look up and suddenly the cold water makes perfect sense. Eric is standing next to my bed, with a very big smile on his face. He seems very happy and kind of creepy. One hand is holding an empty bucket, while the other leans against the wall. I can see Rob standing behind him, sending me a sorry look. That’s what he wanted to say. He wanted to warn me. That’s really nice of him! I didn’t expect anyone to want to stand up against Eric. 

He is only two times all our sizes. Its ridicules how big this man is. 

“Wake up sleeping beauty,” Eric’s voice pulls my attention away from his arms. Wow, they are big. This man is actually making me feel small, almost insignificant. Well I can’t let him think that he’s won this round. Maybe I should let him win. Bite your tongue Andy, please bite it!

“Ha! I was right, you really aren’t something I would want to see in my dreams. I mean the sight of you in the morning is bad enough,” I say and get up, not carrying that my clothes are sticking to my body. If I was wearing a white shirt I might have cared more. 

I could see Rob, Marnie, Victor, Lucas and Marc all biting their lips and turning around so that Eric wouldn’t see them laugh. Even Four has a smile covering his face, one he couldn’t get rid of when Eric walked past him: “You have five minutes! If you are not in the training room by then, don’t bother showing up!”

“You have some kind of death wish?” Four asks me before walking away. I smile and lift my shoulders: “No it’s just how I flirt with guys. Do you think its working?”

I should really learn to keep my stupid mouth shut. I think the Dauntless way of life is already rubbing off on me. I never had a big mouth in Erudite. Then again, those people didn’t engage in such conversation, while Eric makes it too easy. 

I have to hurry to make it on time to the training room. Luckily Lucas, Rob and Kim paid attention yesterday and remembered how to get there. Kim and Marnie had lent me some clothes. They went yesterday to find Dauntless clothes and brought some with them for me. These people are so nice! It’s weird. It feels good not wearing blue anymore. Black is the new me. I kept it simple though: black knee shorts and a black t-shirt. 

Michael, Sarah and the other Amity girl, Annie, are already in the training room. Michael is checking the room out, like a true Erudite. Sarah and Annie are talking. My old Erudite companions keep giving me dirty looks. What’s their problem?

“The first thing you will learn is how to use a gun. The second thing is how to win a fight. Thankfully, if you are here, you already know how to jump on and off a moving train, so I don’t have to teach you that,” Four explains. He hands out guns, while the guy’s help Eric set up the targets. I try my best at standing as far away as possible from him. That might piss him off less. 

Maybe I should practice some more on jumping on and of a moving train, considering I didn’t get on the train by myself. I can tell that Michael wants to say something sarcastic about that, but Four beets him to it: “Well maybe I should work with Andy on that some more.”

He’s a cheeky little bastered isn’t he? The others laugh and Sarah sends me some evil smirk. Whatever, it was the Abnegation inside me that made me help Rob. I notice that Rob is the only who isn’t laughing. I can sense Eric wants to add a snide comment, so I beat him to it: “What! With you? I was aiming to practice some more with big guns over there. What are you going to do if I don’t make it? Look at you. You are almost as skinny as I am.”

“Andy, shut it!” Kim warns me while the others laugh. Four smirks, but doesn’t give me a comment back. He doesn’t seem to mind my comment. Looks like he can laugh about himself. This could turn out to be a lot of fun. 

When I referred to Eric as big guns, I looked at him and gave him a smirk. He seemed perplexed for a moment at my bold comment, but he doesn’t say anything about it. Maybe he won’t hate me as much now that I have also made some funny comment about Four. 

Let’s hope.

“Initiation is divided in three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performances in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time,” Four graphs everyone’s attention. I turn back at him and try to let go of the small amount of pride rising in my stomach. Pride that makes me very bold in my word chose. 

The gun I am holding is pretty big. The safety handle is still on. Maybe that’s a smart thing. I’m not sure if me holding a gun is a good combination. I think I am possible of shooting myself in the foot or something. I should probably practice a lot with this machine. I am not a precise person, my Erudite teachers always told me that and that’s probably a very important skill, when one wants to fire a gun at a target. 

“The Dauntless believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in midst of fear,” Eric explains, standing next to a target. He sounds quite smart when he is using big words: “Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical, the second is primarily emotional and the third is mental training,” Eric continues, while graphing a gun and placing himself in front of a target. He shoots practically without any effort and hits the center of the target. 

Excitement fills me. I want to learn how to do that!!

“What does firing a gun have to do with bravery?” Michael asks. I find it rather obvious. A gun is a weapon that can save your life, when you are faced with a threatening situation. Especially if you are not good with hand to hand combat. Sometimes Michael can surprise me with his questions. I really thought he was one of the smartest children of our class. 

It happens so fast, that my mind can’t follow Eric’s actions. One minute he is standing where he fired his gun at the target and the next minute his gun is pressed against Michaels head, a bullet clicked into place: “Because you are less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you’re prepared to defend yourself.” A cruel smile hangs on Eric’s lips. He enjoys the look in Michael’s eyes. I secretly do too. Michael looks like he is about to do exactly that what Eric warned him for. 

Four shows us how to fire a gun. How to hold the gun and how to place our feet. It looks easy, but I bet it’s not. We get a set of bullets and are allowed to practice, while Eric and Four watch us. The first time firing the gun is weird. I wasn’t holding the weapon correct and the gun jerked upwards. I wasn’t the only one who made that mistake. Rob, Lucas, Victor and Kim are quick learners. They don’t hit the target yet, but at least they hit the wood near the target. Marnie and I are less lucky. 

As I suspected, my aim is really bad. I try to aim at the target, but I keep missing it. And I miss it badly. Marnie at least hits the wood sometimes. Sarah and Michael look like they are naturals with their guns. How the hell did they get so good? Have they done this before? They hit their targets every time, sometimes even right in the middle or in the head. They aren’t the only once doing a good job. Marc also seems to be a natural. Maybe I can ask him to help me later. The last initiate, Annie, is not bad with her gun. She doesn’t hit her target every time, but she’s as horrible as I am. 

Oh great, I’m really bad at this. I’m the idiot with the big mouth, but I can’t aim at all. 

Eric is watching Sarah, Michael, Annie and Marc, the once doing a good job. Four is walking around me and Marnie mostly, giving pointers. I try to listen to him, but it’s not helping me. Marnie is starting to get better, but I keep missing. This is really frustrating!

Dame it! Why can’t I at least hit the wood? That would be at least some form of progress.

“Don’t sweat it Andy, I’ll help you out with this so you’ll get the hang of it,” Rob tries to reassure me, but it doesn’t help. I don’t want him to help me, I want to learn this on my own. I am smart, why can’t I figure this out? I am aiming at the target, why is my bullet not hitting it? 

Dame, Eric is coming this way! I really don’t want him to see how much I suck at this. He’ll mock me for it. Four at least’s tries to help. 

“What’s the matter initiate? Not as good with a gun as you are with your mouth?” he taunts me and I really want to give him a snide comment, but I manage to bite my tongue. I keep my eyes focused on the target and focus. I want to get this. I want to hit the dame target! Why am I not hitting it! 

Eris doesn’t move and a thought crossed my mind. I don’t want this guy’s help. He already helped me one time to many. I am thankful for it, but that doesn’t mean I want his help with this. The train was different. I needed help or I would become factionless. This gun situation is something I can figure out on my own. 

I can tell Eric is about to say something. Maybe he wanted to mock me again or help me, but that didn’t matter to me. I lower my gun and reload it. I don’t take my eyes of it: “I’ll figure it out on my own.” After that I turn back to the target and try again. I really don’t want him to think I need his help for everything. From Four I can accept it, but this guy is a Dauntless leader and I’m not going to be some weakling in front of him. Eric walks past me, towards the other initiates. I count my blessing that he doesn’t say anything, until his breath hits my neck: “Straiten your back initiate. It might help.”

Just as quick as his lips were next to my ear, they were gone. I had barely time to register his chest against my back. I don’t let my body react and just do as he says, my eyes following his back for a split second. After that I focus on the target again. Stay calm Andy, unleash your breath at the same time you pull the trigger. Keep your arms steady and pull the trigger. The bullet leaves the gun and my hands keep it steady. 

Dame it, his advice helped!

The bullet hit the target, barley. Still, I hit it. 

And it frustrated me a lot that I hit it because of his advice. I try not to give him the satisfaction of looking at him, because I know he kept watching me from behind. Don’t look at him Andy, don’t give him the satisfaction.

My eyes cross his for spilt second and a smirk crosses his face. 

Dame it Andy!


	7. Chapter 7

By the time we break for lunch, my arms are throbbing from holding the gun and my fingers are hard to straighten. I massage them on my way to the dining hall. I follow behind the others, who are laughing and talking about how good they are with guns. It’s a bit annoying, but I don’t want to be openly jealous. It’s bad enough that I am feeling extremely jealous on the inside. Especially of Rob. He couldn’t catch the train without my help, but he’s some natural while firing a gun. My brain is frustrating me. It’s a good thing we are going to get psychical in the afternoon. It will help with blowing of steam. 

“What’s eating you up Andy?” Marnie asks me while we’re filling our plates. The others are already sitting down and laughing about some joke Victor made. Apparently that guy can crake up jokes, unlike his quite little brother Lucas: “You’re not getting depressed about the shooting practice right. We still have a lot of practice, so I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it.”

“Oh I wasn’t thinking about that. I was already thinking about practicing some extra tonight or tomorrow. I can use it,” I explain. I wasn’t all that worried about the tests. My strength has to lie somewhere else. You can’t be good at everything, right?

“Then what’s wrong,” Marnie asks again and we sit down next to Kim and Lucas. I noticed that he doesn’t take part in the conversations, like me. Maybe he’s some outsider too, who likes to be part of the background: “That dame big gunned trainer of ours. He should have let me figure it out on my own.”

“Oh that’s your problem,” Marnie laughs a bit and rolls her eyes. She doesn’t understand. It’s about the principal of learning something on your own and taking pride in that. I like solving problems on my own, because it makes me smarter. I can adapt quicker that way. If people always tell me what I am doing wrong, I don’t really learn anything. 

And then there’s the thing that it’s Eric. For some reason I didn’t mind Four’s help. That’s probably because I like him more and he wasn’t the Dauntless leader who helped me on that dame train. I really can’t let that go, can I? 

“I agree, what did you learn now? You hit the target, but you can’t take any pride in it because Eric told you what you did wrong,” Lucas says. His voice is very deep and it’s kind of weird, because he’s so young. His brother’s voice isn’t that deep. It’s nice that he agrees with me. Marnie thinks about what he said and tried to see our point of view: “Okay maybe that’s true, but you can’t learn everything on your own. You only have a few days, you shouldn’t waist time on figuring what you’re doing wrong and try to get as good as possible, as quickly as possible.”

“Yeah Andy, we only have a limited time to prove ourselves towards these guys,” Rob joins our conversation, his mouth filled with meat. It’s disgusting to watch: “But that’s the problem. What have I proven so far? I needed help to get on the train and I needed help with firing a gun. And both times it was the same guy who helped me. And sadly that’s not just any guy, but he’s a Dauntless leader. If I keep getting help, I’ll look like a weakling and never get passed initiation.”

“Why do you care about that? I mean every time you open your mouth to him, it’s to say something mean or sarcastic. I didn’t think you cared about stuff like that,” Rob asked me. He talks like he knows me, when in reality he knows me for a day. Lucas seems to see my side of the story: “That’s different. It’s verbal sparring and she obviously gets a kick out of that, especially when the other person answers back. This is about taking pride of your own accomplishments.”

“What he said,” I say jokingly, trying to lighten the mood. During our conversation it got a bit strained. It doesn’t matter to me that Marnie and Rob don’t understand me, but I don’t want to end up in some kind of discussion over it. 

“Yeah, what’s with all this heavy and deep talk? Let’s talk about something a lot more important, like who’s up for getting tattoos tonight,” Victor asks and the others agree immediately. Only Kim and Lucas don’t seem excited to get tattoos. I don’t want one either. Not yet anyway. I want one when I achieved something. When I proved I could do something. I want my tattoos to have a meaning, not just be a symbol of me being part of this faction. 

Plus, I’m not sure yet that I get to stay. Maybe I’ll be factionless in a few weeks and then that tattoo will look stupid. It would be a reminder of my failure. 

I wonder what my parents would say about me getting a tattoo. I don’t think they would like it. In fact, they would probably scold me for getting gone. Hygiene and stuff like that. Marie would agree with them. She is so much like mom and dad. The perfect combination of both. I’m more like my grandmother. I wonder if she ever had any tattoos, considering she’s from Dauntless.

“I’m going to skip. I can use the extra practice if I want to beat all of you next time,” I say jokingly and get up. Time for the next training. I’m kind of pumped for it. I want to see what I am made of when it comes to physical training. 

I regret those thoughts three hours later, when I am dying from exhaustion. But I’m not the only one. Everyone is practically dead. I don’t think the others are going to go to the tattoo place and I will probably not be able to get some extra practice.

The room we are training in is huge, with a wood floor that is cracked and creaky and has a large circle painted in the middle. On the right side there is a chalkboard. Our names are written on it. We will probably be grated on that. The best initiates on top and the ones who aren’t worthy will stand below the red line. Tomorrow they will put our names in order of how good we are. I need to prove that I don’t belong beneath the red line. 

Training began with running, a lot of running. Like I said yesterday, it’s the best way to build up stamina. I understand that, but it doesn’t mean I like it. I can keep up with the top three initiates, who are Michael, Victor and Lucas. I am secretly pleased to see that Rob is behind me. It’s a very selfish thought of me. 

See, I don’t belong in Abnegation. 

After running, Four showed us some fighting techniques. I practice with Lucas. We are pretty equally leveled. He is stronger, but I am faster. We are a good match and I feel eager to push myself to get better. 

The others aren’t doing a bad job either. Well, Annie and Rob are maybe not a good match. They know each other from Amity and are very awkward around one another. Annie is weak and she’s afraid to hurt Rob. He is dealing with the same problems. He is insecure and his posture is all wrong. 

“You think those two have feelings for each other and that’s the reason they are basically dancing around each other,” I ask Lucas, while trying to punch him in the face. We made a deal. The first one to punch to other in the face wins and gets the glory of it. He graphs my arms and holds them behind my back. I can’t get lose. He takes a look at Rob and Annie: “Probably.”

“Maybe we should switch partners. You take Rob, I’ll take Annie,” I suggest and Lucas thinks it over. Rob and Annie aren’t learning anything because of their stupid puppy love dog dance. We want to approach them when Eric walks in. He had some business to take care of and left training us to Four. 

“He seems to be in a foul mood,” Lucas whispers in my ear and I agree. His eyes are sending daggers to everyone who meets his eyes. It’s probably stupidity that makes me meet his eyes. The others were smart enough to look away or pretend that they hadn’t seen him enter the training room. I should have known better, but it seemed stupid to avoid his eyes. 

His eyes are cold. He is really angry. Why? What did his business involve? A shiver goes down my spine and his eyes hold mine for a second too long.

He walks up to Four and they discus something in low voices. We aren’t supposed to hear what they are talking about. My eyes cross with Kim and Marnie. We signal each other to get back to work. I turn to Lucas and we forget about Rob and Annie and start practicing again. The others follow shortly after. 

I have a hard time keeping up with Lucas. My eyes keep wandering towards Eric and Four. What are they talking about? What’s got Eric so on edge? He doesn’t seem relaxed? His shoulders are rigged. It doesn’t look natural on him. He’s Eric, the big bad ass Dauntless leader, with arms as big as my head. 

Lucas notices my attention is lessening and finds an opening to punch me in the face. The blow sends me back and I fall on my back. Dame it, Andy! Pay attention to what is really important. Lucas is beating you! You really want that to happen? 

I shake all thoughts from my head and take Lucas his hand. We start again. I let go of my previous thoughts and focus on beating Lucas. I want to win and he’s a tough opponent. I forget about the piercing gray eyes that follow my movements. 

“Alright, gather around,” Four calls us at the end of the day. Eric didn’t stay during training. Apparently he left shortly after Lucas and I started training again. I didn’t notice when he left. I was too much focused on finding an opening in Lucas his defense. At the end of the day, I have to admit that he’s better than me. He is stronger and he is a quick thinker. He was able to win every round, but he kept me motivated to try again. 

I can learn a lot from this guy. 

Everyone was tired and cranky. It’s going to be a bloodbath to decide who gets to shower first, considering we only have two showers. I am so willing to kick someone’s ass just to be able to shower faster. 

“That’s it for today. Starting tomorrow you will fight each other. Winning get’s you more points, losing makes you lose points. I suggest you get a good night’s sleep and shower. You all stink,” Four dismisses us and I find some last energy to laugh at his joke. He seems pleased with our progress. 

Marc, Victor, Lucas and Michael look at each other for a split second and then start running. They are probably fighting over the showers. I start walking slowly and might I ad painfully towards our sleeping quarters, when Four calls my name: “What?”

He doesn’t look at me, just waves a black gun and places it on top of a closet. Did he just give me an okay to come and practice here on my own? How did he even know? Maybe it wasn’t that hard to figure out. Maybe someone told him? I’ll shower and eat first. Then I’ll come back for some extra practice. 

When I reached my room, the showers were occupied by Michael and Marc. Kim, Marnie and Victor were sitting on the ground in the middle of the room, telling jokes. Where do they find the energy to even laugh? I feel so dead at the moment. Annie and Sarah are lying on their bed, resting. I think Sarah is even asleep, judging by how calm she looks. It’s weird for me to see her like this. On school she always seemed to be in control of every situation, but now she looks like she gave up. I guess that’s what Dauntless training does to you. 

“Hey Andy, I’m going to look for clothes. You wane join me?” Rob asks me. I had forgotten about that. I only got this set of clothes from Kim and Marnie: “But we smell horrible: “Yeah, I don’t want people to smell me like this!” 

“Oh shut up! You can tell everyone it’s my stench,” Rob jokes and he slings his arm around my neck, pushing my nose towards his sweaty armpit. I punch him in his stomach, to get him to release me: “Disgusting! You smell awful!”

“You don’t smell like sunshine and daisy either princess,” he jokes while we walk towards the pit. Something is going on. The Dauntless were running everywhere, preparing for something. I saw Max, another Dauntless leader giving orders to other people. A lot of men and woman were running towards the entrance of the compound: “What do you think is going on?”

“I don’t know, but it’s kind of exciting,” Rob says, looking eagerly around himself. He’s starting to fit in here. I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns out to be some kind of adrenaline junkie. He only needed time to adapt to the way of the Dauntless: “Yeah, kind of.”

At the end of the hall, we see Eric and Four joining the group. Both are carrying guns. It must be something serious. They don’t notice us and leave the compound. We aren’t allowed to leave without supervision. It sucks. I wouldn’t mind practicing on getting on the train on my own, but I’ll have to find some way to do it behind Four and Eric their backs. 

We walk passed Lauren, the Dauntless born initiates supervisor. She is also joining the group outside. She is talking to someone, but I can’t make out what they are saying. The only two words I can understand are factionless and Erudite. Rob didn’t hear it and he walks to the place Kim told us to go to. It’s a store, but they give old cloths away to the initiates for free. None of us have money. We are basically free loading on Dauntless their back. 

Lauren her words keep haunting my mind while I search for clothes. I don’t listen to what Rob is telling me. Are the factionless attacking Erudite? Are mom and dad okay? What about Marie? Is she safe? Where did the factionless attack? It’s been so long since they have done that. Why are they doing it now? Did the Erudite do something? I know they are trying to stop the Abnegation from giving food and clothes to the factionless. Maybe they found out? 

“Hey Andy! Stop spacing out on me, will you,” Rob punches my arm and I stiffen. I am starting to space out a lot lately, aren’t I? I smile apologetic towards Rob and look at the cloths he’s holding up: “What do you think?”

“Looks good. I’ll just take these shorts and t-shirts,” I say and thank the store lady for giving us the cloths for free. I had taken some black, knee shorts and black t-shirts. Simple. It’s not like I’m going to do anything other than sweat or sleep in them.

On our way back to our sleeping quarters I try to keep my attention focused on what Rob is telling me, but I keep turning my ears towards Dauntless men and woman, running passed us. I try to pick up new information, but I can’t understand anything because of Rob’s talking. I gave up after awhile, but a nasty feeling stayed present inside the pit of my stomach. 

I hope my family is safe.


	8. Chapter 8

When Rob and I had dropped our clothes of at our room, we went to the dining hall. We were doomed to be the last once to be able to shower. So we decided to get some food first. I hadn’t realized how starved I was when I sat down with a full plate of food in front of me. It tasted really good. 

I was the last one to shower and when I was done, everyone was gone. I was alone in our room. I had told them I was going to practice some more. They all wanted to get tattoos and piercings. I wonder what they will all have when they get back and show me. 

My blanket was still wet from my morning surprise from Eric. I had it spread across my bed, hoping it will be dry when I get back. If it’s not dry, I’ll just have to sleep without one and hope that’s it’s not too cold tonight. How can it be? We sleep with ten in this room? It’s practically a sauna in here at night. 

I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt, my grandmothers necklace hanging around my neck. It’s the only possession I had taken with me from home. This morning I had left it here, beneath my pillow. It would get in the way during practice and I didn’t want to risk losing it. A silver chain holds the ring. It’s plain gold. I don’t know how my grandfather got a golden ring. My parents have rings, but they are really simple and cheep silver. I heard that a long time ago wedding rings were expensive and woman would brag about theirs. A lot of woman even expected a diamond ring. These days’ people don’t care about that stuff anymore. I never understood why a ring would be the symbol of love. What does it matter if you wear a ring around your finger when you are married? Marriage doesn’t change you. At least that’s what I think. I mean, okay you decide to stay with the same person for the rest of your life and you have children together, but that’s it. It doesn’t change your inner core. 

Love is weird. 

On my way towards the training room, I notice that the halls are calmer. The Dauntless aren’t running around anymore or gathering at the compounds entrance. I guess they all have left or the problems are taken care of. I want to ask someone for more information. The Erudite inside me wants answer and the Condor inside me wants the truth.

I have never met a factionless person. My parents always told me to stay away from them. They are dangerous. Why are people who are different always described as dangerous? Factionless are dangerous. Divergents are dangerous. I bet that whatever is outside the fence that surrounds the city is also dangerous. People seem to fear things they don’t understand. What is the difference between a man who is Dauntless and a man who is factionless? Aren’t they the same, except for where they life? At one point that factionless man was part of a faction. 

What’s so scary about them? 

And for that matter, what’s so terrifying about the divergent? I hate that I can’t find any answers to my questions, because I can’t ask anyone for help. Maybe I can find that Abnegation woman again, some day. Maybe she can explain things to me. If I ever find her again. 

I reach the training room and close the door behind me. I don’t need anyone disturbing me. I just want to practice on my own and not get help from stupid Dauntless leaders with big arms. I probably shouldn’t call him stupid. 

The gun that Four had hidden for me was still lying on top of the closet. A small box standing next to it, filled with bullets. I remember where Four got the protection for eyes and ears and put them on. There’s no point in getting a headache because of some practice.   
The targets are storied away in the back of the room. I graphed one and place it in the middle of the room. I load the gun and take my stand like Four taught me: feet apart, both hands holding the gun (one to aim, one to support), shoulders back and relaxed... 

“Straiten your back initiate. It might help.” 

There is no point in getting annoyed by it now Andy, just do it. I do as Eric told me and aimed at the target. I take slow breaths and hold the gun steady. I release my breath when I pull the trigger. The bullet hits the wood. At least I’m hitting something. That’s step one. Now we try and hit the dame target. Maybe I should just imagine its Eric’s stupid big head. That might help. I snicker at the thought and try to focus after that again. 

I keep hitting the wood and my bullets are starting to get closer to the target, but it’s going to slow to my liking. It’s frustrating me. Why won’t this work? Why can’t I aim properly, like the others! My mind starts becoming a storm and I can’t make out anymore what I am thinking about, while I shoot at the target, again and again and again. 

Dauntless, factionless, Divergent, Erudite, Condor, Abnegation, Eric, train, gun, shooting, aiming…

Words that tick me of start swirling around my mind and I can’t focus anymore. Why am I Divergent? What does that mean? Why do people fear me? Why can’t I tell my parents? What’s happening in Erudite with the factionless? Why did that stupid boneheaded Eric help me? He should just back of and let my try on my own! Why can’t I hit the target? What’s so freaking hard about aiming a gun!

Click!

My gun is empty. I hadn’t realized that I had shot all my bullets. I lower the protection glasses and look at the target. I can’t remember trying to aim at it. I just got angry and started shooting. And apparently that helped. All my bullets hit the target and my body felt very relaxed at the moment. All the stress from the last couple of days left my body with those bullets. 

A smile covered my face. I reloaded my gun and tried again. Do I need to just get angry and shoot? Think about stuff that makes your blood boil Andy. Like being Divergent. I pull the trigger and the bullet hits the target. What about the factionless attacking the Erudite? My old home? I pull the trigger and the bullet hits the target again. What will become of me if I fall initiations? Will I become factionless? My bullet hits the center of the head of the target. What if someone finds out that I am Divergent? That I got multiple scores on my aptitude test? My bullet hits the spot where the hearts is supposed to be. 

That’s the trick? Get angry and focus my anger on my bullets. It seemed to calm me down. My mind isn’t a storm anymore and I can think clearly again. I could ask Four about the attack. I can admit that I heard Lauren say those words and that I was worried for my family. He might just be able to understand that. 

As for me being a Divergent. Well, I don’t know what to do about that, so I should just focus on becoming part of Dauntless. After that I can go out and find that Abnegation woman. It’s a good plan, simple but good. Everything about me is simple, so a simple plan should work. I lower my gun and my shoulders relax. A laugh escapes my mouth. I did it! I found a way to make this work for me! And I did it on my own! No help from Eric. I’ll show everyone tomorrow. 

“Not bad initiate,” a voice pulls me back to the present, to the training room and to the man standing behind me. I was so stuck inside my own head, that I hadn’t heard someone open the door and I hadn’t notice them walking towards me. 

I turn my head and see Eric standing behind me. When did he get back? He looks tired and he has blood on his cloths and a smear in his face. He killed someone, didn’t he? I hadn’t thought about that before. The Dauntless are the killers among our society. Not because they want to, but because they have to protect us and sometimes they have to kill someone to protect the peace. 

Would I be able to kill someone? I’m not sure. Maybe if they were attacking me and there wasn’t any other option. I would never be able to look my family in the eye again though. When I chose Dauntless, I didn’t think about this, although I should have. It’s a logic possibility. Why didn’t I think about that? Maybe I didn’t want to think about killing someone. Not everyone in this fraction is a killer by the way. 

Eric notices I’m looking at the blood. He wants to say something, but I beat him to it. I say the first thing that comes to my mind: “You stink. You need a shower!”

It wasn’t the answer he was expecting. He snickers and takes his jacket off. He throws it on the ground and takes a better look at the target: “So what’s the trick? Everyone has one. Most people just need to drown all the noise out, what’s your secret?”

“I imagined your lovely face and I hit the target every single time,” I answer sarcastically and take of the ear protection and collect my stuff. I should leave it back where Four left it for me. I’m not sure Eric would have allowed me to practice here. I don’t want Four to get into trouble over me.

“You’re a funny one aren’t you,” Eric asks me and takes the gun that was hanging from his belt. Is he going to kill me? Andy, please, why would he do that? Maybe because I have this habit of making this man angry. I really have a talent for it. 

Eric knows what I am thinking. I try not to back down, but his towering figure isn’t making it easy. He takes a step closer and there isn’t much space left between us. What is his problem? I will not take a step back. I try to give the man my most neutral look, but I can tell he finds me entertaining. My heart starts beating faster. 

Eric lifts his hand and without looking fires at the target. His bullet hit the center of the target. I try not to show that I’m impressed (even though I am extremely impressed). I look at the target. Dame it! His face is really close when he speaks again: “Don’t think that just because you can hit the target you are good with a gun, initiate.”

He walks away after that. I can feel rage trying to find a way out and I really want to throw my gun at his stupid big head, but I restrain myself from doing so. While walking away, Eric hangs his gun back at his belt and he graphs his jacket. At the door he turns around and his eyes tell me he’s being serious: “And drop your wise ass comments or you will find yourself becoming factionless a lot faster than planned.” 

Right before he closes the door behind him, I answer him: “No promises.”


	9. Chapter 9

The next morning I get up early to run around the compound. I could use the extra training. I was the last one in bed yesterday. After my little encounter with Eric, I staid to practice on my fighting technique. I needed to blow off steam. I was secretly pleased that I had managed to control myself and that I hadn’t thrown my gun at his head. But he was right. I hit the target yesterday, who knows what I’ll do today, when everyone will be watching me. Can I hit it again?

I wasn’t the only one getting up earlier. Lucas walks out of the shower when I’m about to leave. Why did he shower this early? He hasn’t even done anything yet: “Where are you going?”

“Running, you want to join me,” I ask him and wait at the door as he get’s ready. We start at a calm pace, letting our muscles warm up. Running helps with exploring this place. There are still many hallways I can get lost in and I only know my way to the pit from our sleeping quarters and the training room. This is a good way of learning my way around. 

“So how was your evening yesterday,” Lucas asked me, while we run across the pit. It’s good we got up this early, there is barely anyone up at this hour. All the shops are still closed and there is no one in the dining hall. I can’t believe I’m running on an empty stomach: “Nothing much, just practiced. I found a way of hitting the target.”

“Really, that’s great,” Lucas says and we pick up the pace. We aren’t going to get better by running at a slow pace: “Yeah, I just need to get angry. Apparently that helps me focus better. It was a great way of releasing stress too. After that I trained some more in fighting technics. You won’t know what’ll hit you today.”

“I’m looking forward to the fighting. I wonder how good I really am. I know I am better than you, but what about the rest,” Lucas says, avoiding my fist. He’s right. How good am I really? I know Lucas is better than me, but what about the test. I know I can beat Rob and Annie, but what about the others. Maybe they’re all better than me. Only one way of finding out: “What did you guy’s end up doing by the way? Did you get a tattoo?”

Lucas shakes his head: “I didn’t, but the rest did. Even Kim. She doesn’t like needles and Marnie took an hour to talk her into doing it. Victor and Marc also got piercings.”

“Why didn’t you get anything,” I ask, curious. If everyone got one, why didn’t he get one? Didn’t his brother talk him into getting a tattoo or a piercing: “I’m not really into that stuff. Maybe if I make it into Dauntless I might get one, but I don’t want more. What about you? How many are you getting?” 

“After I get over my fear for needles, I’ll probably get like twenty,” I joke and we run up to the chasm. The water awaking the adrenaline junky inside me. I didn’t know I had one. I should watch out with it. I don’t want to end up dead because of it. You heard Four, Andy. People have died because they jumped into the chasm. There is no way you would survive it. 

“No, maybe one or two. I don’t want to get a tattoo because everyone is getting one. I want them to represent something to me, like achievements. So maybe I’ll get my first one when I make it into Dauntless. It would look stupid if you got one and then become factionless. It would be a constant slap in the face, if you ask me,” I explain and Lucas agrees: “I tried to talk my brother out of it, but he wouldn’t listen. I think he already believes that he’s a member of this faction.”

We run for another forty minutes around the compound. After a while we discover a route we can run, without having to turn back in hallways with a dead end. Lucas is easy to talk too. We think a lot alike and have the same opinion about a few things like training, initiation, and the next stages of the training. 

“It’s going to be hard work, but I want to make it. I chose Dauntless because I feel they can offer me the most. Victor and I decided that we would choose separately. We didn’t discuss our choses with each other. It was by accident that we both chose Dauntless,” Lucas tells me. They didn’t discuss it? I would have killed to have someone who I could talk to about choosing a faction. How did they do it, knowing that there was a big chance that they would be split up in the end? It must have been hard.

“Why did you choose Dauntless?” Lucas asks me and I have a hard time remembering why I actually chose this faction. I know I don’t belong in Condor or Abnegation. Amity was a possibility, so was Erudite. Why did I choose this faction again? Was it the power they represent or the fun they always seem to have: “I just followed the aptitude test. I didn’t know what to choose.”

We stopped at the training room. Four and Eric are in it. They are fighting in the circle, in the middle of the floor. It seems that Lucas and I aren’t the only ones who got up early. The two men didn’t notice us walking in. We decide not to say anything and just watch. We didn’t want to break their concentration. They seemed to be in deep concentration, focusing on nothing but each other. 

Lucas and I graphed a bottle of water and watched them for few minutes, catching our own breaths. The two men were evenly matched. One being the stronger, the other being the faster. They remind me of the fight I had with Lucas yesterday. I paid extra attention to the way Four moved. I might learn something from him. He doesn’t stand still for long. He tries to keep moving. It makes it hard for Eric to keep up, but he keeps a distance from him. He only comes close when he wants to punch Eric. The other man knows Four’s plan and doesn’t do what most people would do: attack blindly, with a lot of power. He stays calm and waits for Four to come closer and then puts all his strength into his punches. Eric uses mostly his arms, when Four also uses his legs, to get Eric on the ground. 

The fight is fascinating to watch.

“Come on, watching them makes me want to kick your ass,” Lucas says and he walks to the mats. They are meant to break our fall: “First one to punch the other in the face wins?”

“Deal,” I answer and get ready. Lucas is like Eric, he has more strength and he stays in his circle. I am more like Four, light on my feet and quick. I should try to keep moving and get behind Lucas his back. It will be easier for me to punch him from that angle. 

We start moving. Lucas stays inside his circle and I try to throw in punches as quickly as I can. I move around his circle and Lucas has a hard time keeping track with my footwork. But I can’t seem to get to his face. I shouldn’t focus on that too much on getting behind him. There are other ways for me to get to his face. 

I saw some Dauntless girl once throw a man over her shoulder, by just graphing his arm. Maybe I can do that with Lucas. It’s not like he’s extremely heavy and speed will help me. Plus my own body would be supporting his completely. I should be able to do it. 

I only need to find an opening. 

I keep my eyes alert, trying to find an opening. I start throwing my kicks in quicker. Lucas can block them all and I’m not giving him time to throw in some punches of his own. 

There it is!

His left arm is wide open. I graph it quickly and turn my back against his chest, pulling his frame over my shoulder. Lucas didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t seen that move coming. He falls on his back and before he knows what is going on, I punch him in his face. 

This time I won. 

My eyes meet Lucas’ and he seems impressed. We are both out of breath and take a second to catch our breath. Then he smiles: “Guess you won this time.”

“Yeah, this time,” I say and offer him my hand. He takes it and gets up to his feet. He has a cheeky grin on his face and his jaw is turning red, with a small blue spot in the middle. I must have punched him a lot harder than I anticipated: “Don’t count on it happening again Andy.”

I laugh and then notice that we aren’t the only once in the room anymore. Somewhere during our fight, Eric and Four stopped theirs or someone won and the other initiates had arrived in the training room. Marnie and Kim have smirks plastering their faces and Victor mocks his brother: “You lost to a girl? Brother, that’s pathetic!”

“Alright, get started with your training!” Eric calls everyone attention. He’s really not going to say anything about the fact I just won? Come on, it has to count for something. He just saw me win, on my bloody own!

The others gather around him, while he passes out guns. He doesn’t say anything about the fight. I follow Lucas to the man and wait for him to give me my gun. Four walks past me: “Nice punch.”

“Thanks,” I say and smile at him. At least someone acknowledges the fight. Maybe I should put my money on Four. He seems to like me a lot more than Eric anyway. 

I get pulled out of my thoughts when strong hands push a gun into mine. I look away from Four and my eyes focus on the gorilla standing in front of me. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes say enough. 

What did I do this time? 

“You get thirty minutes to practice with the guns. If you can’t hit the target after that, than you probably never will. We will count how many times you hit the target. This will count for your evaluation,” Eric explains. He’s far too pleased with himself. What is he withholding from us? It’s obvious from his posture. 

“I would just give up, if I were you Caine,” Michael whispers in my ear. His voice gives me the creeps. It always did. A very satisfying smirk was covering his face. He’s just like Eric, creepy.

“Why do we only get thirty minutes?” Marc asks and Eric seems pleased someone asked him that question. He walks past us, with his back straight and his eyes narrow: “After that we go outside and you practice on moving targets. If you can’t hit the target here, you won’t be able to hit the target outside and you will fail this part of the test.”

I knew he was withholding something. Moving targets? That’s going to be a pain for me. It took me a while to get used to this target, that doesn’t move. I’ll never be able to hit those moving targets. I just need to focus on my anger and let that guide me. It helped you yesterday, so it will again today. 

We started practicing again, but my head was like a jungle. Thoughts were everywhere and I couldn’t focus on any of them. Divergent, Erudite, mom, dad, Marie, factionless… Stop thinking about everything, just pick one and focus on that. I try to focus on my aptitude test, but it isn’t working. Why can’t I hit the target anymore? I did it yesterday perfectly. 

And that gorilla saw it. I bet he’s enjoying this. If I can’t hit the target here, I won’t be allowed to go outside. I’ll fail this part of the test and that means I can’t make any mistakes in the physical tests. But I don’t know how the other initiates are doing there. I should have paid better attention yesterday to the way they were practicing. Dame it, why didn’t I watch them? 

Why am I panicking? Andy, you need to calm down. My breath is hitching and I’m not releasing it when I should. Dame it Andy, do what Four told you to do. Let it go when you pull the trigger. 

“You are to tense, relax,” Four’s voice pulls me away from my negative thoughts. His hands help me hold the gun steady and I feel his chest against my back. I feel his chest rising and try to breathe with him. I feel myself calm down. My mind starts to calm down as well and I can focus on single thoughts again. I try again to focus on my aptitude test and I hit the center of the target. 

“See, there you go. You need to relax when you handle a gun,” Four tells me quietly so the others don’t hear. Not that they were paying any attention. Everyone wanted to hit their target, so that they would get extra points. They had other things to worry about: “Thanks.”

I stand back in position when Four’s body isn’t pressed against mine again. I notice Sarah is having a hard time with hitting the target today. Maybe she can’t handle the stress and that’s affecting her ability to focus. 

I forget about Sarah and turn my attention back to the target. I am able to hit it every single time. My thoughts are calm, but are focused on subjects that make me angry. Eric’s stupid head popped in into my head a lot. 

I am able to catch up to the others. I end up not having the lowest score. Lucas and Kim scored the most points. They are followed by Victor, Michael and Rob, than Marc and Marnie, me, Sarah and Annie. At least I hit the target and I’m not last. That means I can go outside. I’m still in the running. 

The other training ground for shouting is on top of one of the buildings the Dauntless live under. We take the stairs. The roof is build especially for this kind of training. There is a low wall that we can’t pass. Behind it there are several windows. They show a target one by one. The better you are, the faster the process goes and the more points you get. 

I just need to figure out how the process works. The targets probably come in the same order or there is some sort of structure in it. I need to figure that out and then I’ll be fine. 

We go in turns of three, based on how well we did during the first test round. Meaning I go at the same time as Annie and Sarah. At least that means I won’t look like a complete idiot. 

I try my best and focus on the targets placed in front of me. I’m able to hit some of them. I don’t pay attention to Annie and Sarah. I can sense Sarah is panicking and she keeps looking at me. 

Just breathe and figure out the process, Andy. Use your strengths.

The program has four rounds that go after each other. Like a loop. They are fairly simple. I quickly figure out in what order the targets are shown and after a few tries, I am able to predict which target will be shown next. I can easy hit them. Sarah should have figured this out, but she’s too preoccupied with watching me and freaking out. It’s annoying and distracting.

“Stop looking at me and focus on the target. Any Erudite can figure this program out easily, so use your brains,” I hiss at her. Only the people standing behind us can hear it. The girl is stunned for a second, but then does I told her. She is quicker than me at figuring the program out and she starts hitting the targets. Only Annie is not able to hit the targets. 

And I don’t know how to help her. She doesn’t think like an Erudite. I feel bad for her. She’s nicer that Sarah. Why did I help her anyway?

I feel Eric standing behind me, trying to intimate me, but I refuse to let it work. I am not going to freak out. I’m just going to focus on my family and what happened yesterday. I should ask Four about that after practice. 

“Don’t sweat it initiate, I’m sure you have other talents,” Eric mocks Annie. The way he said talents made my blood boil. Eric’s words were having an effect on Annie. This man get’s off on installing fear inside others. It’s obvious that Annie is an easy target. She’s nice, sweet and kind. Frankly I don’t think she’s Dauntless material, but this gorilla shouldn’t mock her! She would never stand up for herself and he knows it!

“Yeah don’t sweat it Annie. He’s just getting scarred that we all end up better at this then he was,” I tell Annie and I can see a small smile hovering on her lips. Eric sees it too: “Just drown his load mouth out, shouldn’t be too hard. Nothing useful ever comes out of it anyway.”

“I didn’t ask you anything initiate, so keep quite!” Eric’s voice is sharp and I can tell he is angry. I keep my eyes focused on my targets. I eye Annie that she can take mine. Sarah is confused and doesn’t know what to do. She hesitates and Annie takes that as a sign that she can also take her targets. This way Annie is able to catch up with scores and she won’t be completely last. This way she can prove what’s she’s worth. Eric will probably not notice it, but Four would.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you. Did you say something?” I say when I see that Annie is focused again. Sarah keeps quite and doesn’t move, not sure what to do. The others are all holding their breath behind me. Kim is probably shaking her head and pleading with some higher power to make me shut up. 

I feel a hand graph my shirt and I am lifted from the ground. My face is leveled with Eric’s and for a second I’m convinced he would punch me in the face and blow me into unconscious land. He seems to be able to control himself and lowers his other hand. 

“I advise you strongly, initiate, to keep your mouth shut. Wasn’t last night’s warning clear?” Eric threatened me. I hear the others whisper among each other. Rob and Lucas are standing behind Eric. Rob looks scared, but Lucas looks like he’s ready to punch Eric with his gun. 

The way Eric spoke was strained. He wanted to beat me, but that would just prove I got under his skin and that would make him look weak. And I doubt that Eric would want anyone to think that he is weak, especially a bunch on initiates.

“Apparently not,” I snap at him. He is still holding me up by my t-shirt, my feet not able to touch the ground. He was about to say something again, but I beat him to it: “Back off from my friends!” 

“Your friends?”

“Yes, my friends. What are you? Deaf?”

“What makes you think any of these people want to be your friend?”

“Because we have common enemy and that’s you. And when someone attacks my friends, I bite back,” I nearly spit in Eric’s face.   
“Maybe you should learn who’s in charge here…” Eric’s voice is dangerously slow as he talks, meaning he’s about to break at any second and that will probably not look good for me. Even though I know this information, I can’t help myself: “Apparently, because it clearly isn’t you.” 

“Eric!” Four yells as Eric’s fist is two inches away from my face. I can hear the others yell and hold their breath, but Eric’s fist doesn’t collide with my face. What is he doing? I had managed to keep my eyes open, somehow. I kept my eyes locked with his.

He releases me. I didn’t expect it and my legs weren’t capable of catching me. I land badly on my ankle. This isn’t really a good time to strain that body part. I get up to my feet and put all my weight on my right foot. My hands balled in fists, turning white. 

“Follow me,” For some reason Eric seems perfectly calm. This isn’t a good sign. I can’t tell what he’s thinking now. What is he going to do? Throw me out of Dauntless. He is a leader. Does he have that kind of power? A sudden fear entered my body. What if he does decide to throw me out? Why would he put up with my behavior? What am I going to do? He can actually just do this and I can’t do anything about it. What was I thinking?

I do as I was told and follow the man down the stairs, limping. I push the door behind me closed before Four can ran after us. The door only opens from the inside out, meaning the others are locked on the roof. If Eric wants to throw me out, fine. Let him! It will only make me win in the end. I might be factionless, but I will not bow down to his behavior. Just because he’s a leader, doesn’t give him the right to act the way he does. 

My left foot is throbbing badly and I have to force myself not to cry out in pain while I ascend the stairs. I’m not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me in pain. 

We walk throw the pit. Most people are working, so there were only a handful of people hanging around. The woman from the clothing store is one of them. She seems to understand that something is wrong. Her eyes follow us while we cross the pit. I see her run up the stairs we came down from. She is probably going to find Four. 

I follow Eric to the chasm. He stops when we are standing on the bridge. There isn’t a railing to keep people from falling of the bridge. Maybe Eric will push me in the chasm and make it look like an accident. I am about ask what we are doing here, when one arm graphs mine and lifted me of the bridge. He lowers me quickly, not giving me time to react: “Graph the railing.”

He sounded way too much in control. How did he manage to calm down so suddenly? He was about to punch me in the face five minutes ago. I’m not sure graphing the bridge is smart. It’s wet, so it will be really hard to hold on to: “Do it or I’ll drop you in chasm and tell everyone you jumped.”

I don’t really have a choice. I do as he says. My hands get wet quickly and I have to focus on holding on, instead of my throbbing ankle. Just hold on Andy. Think positive. If this is his revenge, than that means he won’t throw you out of Dauntless. I keep my eyes locked with his: “If you can hang for five minutes above the chasm, you can stay. If you can’t, your initiation ends here. The next time you speak up, I’ll have you hang ten minutes and every time you speak up again after that, I’ll ad five minutes. Do I make myself clear initiate?”

“Cristal.”

I try to think about something else, to make time go faster. Becoming divergent, choosing Dauntless at the Choosing Ceremony, Jeanine’s face was priceless. She did not see coming that I would leave, but I don’t understand why she would want me to stay. I am not that smart or have ever showed any kind of interest in what Erudite does.

One hand is losing its grip. 

“Four minutes left.”

Why did Jeanine react like that? Maybe she hoped I would become like my parents. They are really good at their jobs and highly respected. Maybe she wanted me to follow their footsteps. I never liked that woman. She sometimes visited our apartment. She makes me feel uncomfortable. Like she’s watching me, observing me. 

A sick thought crosses my mind. Does she know I’m Divergent? 

One hand lets go of the railing. 

I shake it and then graph the railing again. I can do this. I will not cower down in front of this man. I hear Four and Lucas their voices. They are shouting something. Behind them stand the other initiates. Annie is holding her hands against her lips. She’s scarred. 

I can’t make out what Four is saying but it has probably something to do with me hanging above the chasm. Eric stops him and signals he doesn’t want to hear it: “Three minutes initiate.”

I try to forget about everyone watching me. What was I thinking about before? Right Jeanine. Yeah, she’s a weird woman. I never understood her. Sometimes she acts like a perfect human been and other moments she regards human life as replaceable. I remember hearing her talking about some experiment to my mom and dad once. She mentioned something about sleep and test subjects.  
Human test subjects. 

I was overhearing their conversation. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I couldn’t stop myself. Jeanine gives me this negative feeling. I don’t trust her. I remember dreaming that night about becoming a test subject to one of her tests. I woke up screaming that night.

“Two minutes.”

It was starting to be difficult for me to hold on. My hands were slipping and my arms were tired. I’m not sure they will be able to keep holding my weight for two more minutes. This is not looking good for me.

“Come on Andy, keep holding on! You can do it,” Annie’s voice makes me look to my side. She is standing in front of the others. She’s actually cheering me on. Annie? Nice, quiet, little Annie? She is actually doing something that would piss Eric off. He is looking at her, but she keeps her eyes focused me. I turn my eyes back to Eric. 

“One minute initiate,” he spits. He’s starting to lose his control again. That’s a very satisfying thought. It keeps me motivating. I can hear Annie cheer me on, followed by Lucas, Rob and Marnie. I don’t break the eye contact with Eric. He bends thru his knees, so that I can hear him speak: “Remember initiate, every time you speak up, I’ll hang you here again. And every time I’ll add a few minutes.”

“Eric,” Four wants Eric to call the time, but Eric just keeps starring me in the eye. He could be handsome if he wanted to be. I’m not a fan of piercings and his tattoos look more like body decoration, but they don’t look bad on him. He could be a very good looking man.   
If only he had a nice personality. 

“Eric!”

“Time,” Eric calls and Four and Lucas help me up. My arms are tired and I have a hard time standing on my feet. They are trembling. I should let someone take a look at my ankle. It’s hurting badly. 

“Don’t forget what I told you initiate,” Eric gives me his final warning and walks away after that. 

He doesn’t come back to supervise our training that day or the one after that.


	10. Chapter 10

Four days have passed since the incident at the chasm. My ankle has healed and my arms aren’t throbbing anymore. I had a hard time with practice after hanging from the bridge. My arms and ankle didn’t allow me to do a lot, meaning I couldn’t fight. I helped Annie with her training instead. At least that way I was being productive. Lucas fought with Rob. He didn’t go easy on him. Rob apparently had a problem with hurting people. It sounds like something an Amity person would have problems with. Lucas had to beat Rob up, to get some kind of reaction out of him. I felt bad for the boy, but I understood why Lucas did it.

Surprisingly I have been starting to get along with Sarah. She thought it was cool of me to stand up for Annie. Michael didn’t agree with her. I guess you can’t be friends with everyone. We did all start to hang out together. We practiced and ate together. It felt nice, being part of this team. Everyone started helping each other, only Michael and I stayed away from each other. 

At least he doesn’t call me names anymore.

Four didn’t go easy on us during practice. I could tell that he didn’t agree with Eric’s behavior, but he also didn’t agree with mine: “You should learn to listen to your superiors, no matter how they behave. I’ll deal with Eric, that’s not your job.” I guess Four might have been a little angry with me in the end. I shouldn’t blame him. I did act out. My parents would have scowled me badly for it. 

On the positive side, I haven’t seen the gorilla since that day at the chasm. Sure I passed him in the hallways and I have seen him in the pit and the dining hall, but those encounters were short and we didn’t have to exchange words. It is a good thing for us. 

My eyes did meet his. Sometimes I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to piss him off, but every time I was able to control myself in the end. I was always the one to break the eye contact. I should ignore him and just get on with my life. We seemed to think alike and we ignored each other. I think we are learning to share the Dauntless compound. Kim is proud of me. 

“So what are we going to do tonight?” Marnie asked us, while she throws herself on Kim’s bed. We are hanging around in our room, relaxing. It’s something we don’t do often, but we all agreed we needed a break. Our bodies need a rest from all the training. Lucas and Kim had to talk me out of going to practice on my own. I think they are even keeping an eye on me, so that I don’t sneak out. I’m getting addicted to working out. 

“We can hang out in the pit? I wouldn’t mind getting another tattoo,” Marc suggests, but no one is in the mood to hang around the loud Dauntless people. I wouldn’t mind going outside. Fresh air would do me so much good. We have been stuck inside this compound for almost a week. I have never been inside a building that long. In Erudite I would walk everyday outside, just so I could stretch my legs and feel the wind on my skin. 

It’s a pleasant feeling.

“You know, there isn’t really much to do around here, is there,” Victor says and we all agree. It’s our first night out and we don’t even know what to do. We’re officially lame.

“I heard there is a bar that’s pretty popular among the Dauntless. Every night there is some kind of fight among drunken people,” Rob tries and we don’t see much of another option. Maybe I can sneak out later and go outside just for a few minutes. I can’t take everyone with me. If I get caught, then we will all be in trouble. I’m not willing to risk that.

“Well, then Andy will probably be the cause of tonight’s fight. If it’s that popular, Eric’s bound to be there,” Marc jokes and everyone throws their pillow at me. I hate to admit, but he’s probably right. Kim gives me a warning look. She sometimes acts like my mother: “I will behave, I swear.”

“Come on, let’s check this place out,” Lucas says and we get up. I graph my sweater. Lucas eyes me suspiciously: “I might get cold later.” He lets it go. 

We follow the rest out to the pit. Marnie, Annie and Marc are for some reason pumped to go. Why? What’s so fun about a bar, where people get drunk? It’s not like they would give us alcohol? We are too young. Actually I don’t know what the rules are here about minors drinking. But we shouldn’t drink, we have practice tomorrow and I can just imagine the look on Four’s face when he sees us with a hangover. He would drill us even harder. I think he secretly likes our group, but he doesn’t want to admit it.

Michael and Sarah are talking about some technical stuff and my eyes cross with Michael’s. He still sends me angry glares. I don’t really understand why? I have never done anything to him. He’s the one who always tortured me in school. Well, maybe tortured is a big word, but still. What’s his problem? 

“There it is,” Rob says and points at a bar on the lower level of the pit. A lot of people are standing outside, talking and laughing. We could hear the music from across the pit. It looked like a fun place. Maybe this could be a relaxing evening. 

Eric walks out of the bar, with some people I didn’t recognize.

Or not.

I can feel Kim’s eyes on my back. I ignore her and follow Lucas. Four is also standing outside, but he isn’t talking to Eric. I noticed they haven’t talked to each other the last couple of days. Well, not in the pit or in the dining hall. Then again, I don’t think they get along, so why would they engage in conversation.

A group of men is watching us when we walk past them. Most of the seemed pretty drunk. One was eyeing me and Annie. It sent shivers down my back. What a creep! Annie saw it too and we quickly walked inside the bar. It was really hot inside and loud. How do people understand each other in here? Music that I didn’t recognize was playing and people had to shout to understand each other. The temperature was just bearably. Maybe I shouldn’t have showered, I could feel sweat already developing in certain regions. 

Victor was able to graph a table in the back. We all fought our way through the crowd. Some of these people aren’t really friendly. They noticed us and were deliberately making it harder for us to pass. I had to push Annie or we would never get to Victor’s table. 

The twins went out to get us some drinks. How are they going to pay them? None of us have money. 

“Well, this is different,” Kim tries to start the conversation. She and Marnie start gossiping about people their outfits. Annie, Sarah and Michael were talking about fighting techniques and the others were cracking jokes again. It surprised me that they haven’t run out of them by now. I try to laugh along with them, but I can barely hear what they say above the music. 

This is not what I call fun.

I start observing the people who are crowding this place. Every single one of them had some kind of tattoo or piercing somewhere on a visible spot. I felt kind of naked. I didn’t have any. I hadn’t notice before that every Dauntless man and woman had them. My friends also have tattoos but they got them on places they could easily hide, like chest, upper arms or their back. 

I catch Four walking back inside the bar, followed by Eric and some woman. I think I have seen her before in the dining hall, but I don’t know her name. She had her arms wrapped around one of Eric’s. She must be his girlfriend. She looks nice, well nice according to Dauntless rules. One arm was covered in tattoos and one ear was pierced multiple times. She wore a black skirt and top. Nothing flashy, but she looked good. She looked like a cool person. 

What the hell is she doing with Eric? 

The twins come back with drinks. They didn’t have to pay because we are initiates. We get to drink free. They did serve alcohol to minors. Victor, Marc, Michael and Marnie tried it. I passed with the rest. Water was fine for me. I have never drank alcohol before. Who knows what I might do when I’m drunk?

When I turn my attention back to my previous activity, my eyes cross with gray once. I let my eyes linger. His face stays neutral, so does mine. I can’t make out what he’s thinking or what he’s achieving by this. Can’t he just go back to giving his girlfriend attention? She notices that he isn’t listening to what he’s saying. She looks at me. I can tell from the other side of the room that she has stunning blue eyes. I guess you could call her beautiful according to Dauntless rules. She smiles at me. 

Why is she smiling at me?

She lets go of Eric’s arm and walks over to our table. What is she doing? Is she really coming over here? Why? Please don’t pick a fight with me. Kim will kill me and I will probably lose (this woman looks fierce) and I will look like an idiot in front of everyone. 

“Hey, I’m Amber. You must be Andy,” Amber introduces herself and smiles. The others stop talking and look at the new comer, not knowing who she belongs with. She has a nice voice. Is everything about this girl perfect?

I knot, not knowing what she wants from me. The others look at where she came from and figure out that she’s some kind of friend of Eric’s. I straighten my back, taking a stance just in case she wants to start a fight. Didn’t Rob say something about there being a fight in here every night?

“Oh relax, I just came to chat. You’re kind of the talk of the compound,” Amber explains and smiles at the others. Now that I know she’s here just to talk, I feel stupid and give her a small apology smile: “What do you mean?”

“Please, don’t act like you don’t know why. Everyone knows about you and Eric. It was quite entertaining when I heard about it,” Amber laughs and orders a drink from some guy walking past her. She gives him a stunning smile and he actually does it. I look at the others, but they don’t know what to do either. Amber turns her attention back to me: “You really don’t know?”

I shake my head and she laughs again. I can’t figure out what this woman wants from me. She can’t just be here for some small talk. She’s friends with Eric for crying out loud: “I told Eric to just ignore you, but apparently you have a talent for pushing his buttons. You should take pride in that, because a lot of people in here wouldn’t dare to do that. It’s going to get you killed one day, but still, respect.”

“Eum, thanks I think,” I answer and look at Kim for help. I was hoping she would tell me to just behave, but she didn’t understand why this Amber person came to talk to us. Everyone was staring at her. She noticed: “What? Everyone keeps their eyes on you guys. You are the transfer initiates and Eric was assigned to train you. We all knew he couldn’t handle that. He’s such a hothead.”

“We noticed,” I say and give her a small smile. She turns her attention to the other initiates and tells them about how everyone keeps up with how we are doing, since my little scene with Eric. Apparently everyone knows about that and they seem to think it’s hilarious. 

Why?

“Because a little girl, no offence, is capable of getting underneath Eric’s skin,” Amber explains to me and giggles. Her eyes aren’t as focused as they were before. She’s starting to get drunk. She tells some joke about Eric and makes everyone laugh. I still don’t know how to level this woman. Is she just being friendly or is she planning something? I don’t trust her, she belongs with Eric. 

The others seem to like her and Amber starts telling them about her initiation days. She was an Amity transfer, like Annie and Rob. Amber orders drinks for all of us and they arrive shortly after. 

This is too weird. 

“Excuse me, bathroom break,” I lie and disappear into the crowed. I think I’m going to get some fresh air. I don’t feel like hanging around with Eric’s girlfriend. I don’t want to be friends with her. He can have his friends and keep them. They should stay away from me. It’s just too weird. 

I walk past the creepy guy’s, who are now really drunk. The one who was eyeing Annie and me earlier, notices me. He gets up and I try to get away from him, but he graphs my shoulder: “Hey you’re that girl, aren’t you?”

“No I am sure you are mistaking me for someone else,” I reply and pull myself lose. The stranger doesn’t back off. He has a hard time standing on his feet. And he spills the drink he is holding over himself: “No, you are her. The way Eric talks about you, you would think you are some kind of monster, but you’re actually cute.”

“Good to know, but I suggest you let me go,” I try to sound threatening, but the noise is making it difficult for me to do that. Plus his friends are eyeing me in a way I don’t feel comfortable with. The stranger doesn’t listen and I give him a sudden pull, making him lose his balance and fall to ground. His glass falls with him and breaks next to him. 

He looks angry when he gets up. So do his friends. The drunk man was holding a piece of glass. I should have just stayed with the others. How do I keep ending up in these kinds of situations? 

“Why did you do that?” The drunk man asks me and takes a step closer to me. One of his friends stands behind me and blocks me way out. I’m stuck between two drunken men. I try to keep my face neutral, but I can tell that my eyes are screaming for help. I can’t start a fight here. It’s bound to end badly. If I win, everyone will think I’m a lose canon and that I pick fights with everyone. If I lose, I’m the loser who lost to a drunken man. I don’t know what to do? It’s not like I can actually take these guy’s on. Drunk or not, they are Dauntless man. I bet they can fight pretty well, even when they are drunk. 

“You wouldn’t let me go,” I say and try to find a way out of this situation. The man standing behind me graphs both my arms. It alarms me. I don’t feel safe and I want to get out of here, now! I try to pull myself lose, but the man holding me seems to have a good grip on my arms. I am starting to panic. Suddenly the man holding me loses his balance and I pull myself lose. I lift my fist and hit his jaw. I duck and quickly walk away from the scene, making my way towards the stairs. I don’t turn back and eventually slower my pace. I walk towards the roof of the outer training ground. I take the stairs and push the door open. 

Its pitch black on the roof. I can’t find any lights to turn on and there isn’t a moon to give me any light either. It’s cold outside. My jacket doesn’t offer me much warmth. I walk to the edge of the roof and stare at the city. It’s so quite. It’s always quite in the city, except for this compound. I’m surprised to found out that the music from the pit doesn’t reach the roof. I’m glad for that.

That bar scene isn’t my thing. Standing and talking in a room where you can barely hear each other doesn’t sound appealing to me. I rather hang out in our sleeping quarters. Next time I’ll pass.

I sit down on the edge and let my mind wonder about the last couple of days. I still haven’t asked Four about the attack on the Erudite. I forgot about it after my stunt with Eric. I should ask about it though. Maybe something happened to my family. 

Visiting day is soon. Maybe I should wait and ask my parents what happened then. That is if they come and visit me. Would they bring Marie? I do miss them, especially my sister. We were never close, but I miss our bickering. I think I bicker with Eric, because I used to do it with Marie. It used to relax me when we were fighting. It meant that we felt comfortable enough around one and other to yell at each other when we weren’t okay. We didn’t share much with each other, but it was still more than with mom and dad.

I really miss Marie.

I get pulled out of my thoughts when I see a group of people running down the street. They are wearing black cloths and are hooded. Are they Dauntless? Or factionless? They are running away from the compound. What are they doing? There are six of them. One of them is holding something, but I can’t make out what it is. I’m too high up for that. 

I don’t think they belong to Dauntless. What are factionless people doing here? I thought they never came here. They all live near Abnegation and that is on the other side of the city. My eyes follow the men, but they disappear around a corner. I only hear them yell to each other: “Hurry up, before those faction freaks see us!”

Faction freaks?

My eyes focus on the last man running. He stops for some reason. He turns around and is looking around. Does he know I’m watching them? Suddenly he looks up and sees my figure sitting on the edge. I don’t move. Maybe he won’t see me if I don’t move. This man doesn’t need to know that I am sitting up here.

Andy, you are being ridiculous. Even if he can see a person sitting here, he can’t see your face. You are too high up and it’s dark. I still don’t feel comfortable. 

“Divergents before factions Andy,” the man shouts all of a sudden. Did he just say my name? What does he know about Divergents? 

“In three days, midnight, 18th street,” the man yells at me and then runs after his friends. How does he know it’s me? He shouldn’t be able to see me. Does he want me to meet him in three days? It sounds like a trap, but it also sounds like he knows about Divergents. 

I get away from the edge. I hope no one heard that. He just verbally brought my name in connection with Divergents. I haven’t even said it out loud. If someone finds out, I am dead. Well according to that Abnegation woman. 

Wait a minute, how can that man know that I am Divergent? No one knows, besides me and that woman. Did she tell someone? She wouldn’t. It’s an act of selfishness. It goes against her own faction and…

“What was that?” my thoughts frees as I realize that I’m not alone on the roof anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the people who are reading my story and who gave me comments and kudos. They ar every much appreciated!!

Chapter 11

I slowly turn around and see Eric standing in the door opening. I feel my entire body frees. What if he heard? What if he heard about me being a Divergent? He would tell someone, if not everyone! They will come after me. At least I think they will come after me. I don’t know anything for certain when it comes down to this Divergent stuff. I just know that no one can find out, especially not Eric. 

“What,” I ask, my voice trembling slightly. I know it’s from fear, but someone else might think it’s trembling because it’s cold outside. I hope Eric thinks that. He doesn't need to know that I am felling like a dear in front of teh lights of a car. I take a few steps away from the edge of the roof. Who knows what Eric would do to me? He might push me of this building. No one would question him, as a Dauntless leader and that Abnegation woman had warned me that people would fear me, even hurt me. 

Also, I’m pretty sure Eric wouldn’t mind shoving me of this building.

“Those people, who were they,” Eric asks me and walks towards the edge. He looks over it, but the men are gone. They disappeared between the buildings of the city. I can’t lie about not seeing the men. He knows I saw them and heard them. But I can pretend that I don’t know who they are, because well… I don’t actually know who they are. 

“They looked like Dauntless people,” I lied. Technically they did look like Dauntless people. I don’t know who they are. I have my suspicions, but no facts. Eric’s linger on my face longer then I am comfortable with. I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t question the identity of the men further: “What were they talking about?” 

“Something about meeting somewhere,” I answer and walk slowly towards the door. I don’t feel safe with Eric here. He might have heard more than he is letting me believe. Maybe it’s a trap to see what I would do. I scan the roof for a potential weapon. I only see a lose pipe. That could work, if Eric decides to attack me and if I am quick enough to graph it. 

The man turns to me. He can’t find a signal of the men. Great, now his full attention is focused on me. I don’t like this situation. The last time I was alone with Eric, it was because of my own stupidity. Now it’s that man’s fault. He shouldn’t have said my name and he shouldn’t have mentioned the word Divergent either. 

“Meeting where?” Eric asks me. He walks towards me. I have to force myself to not move my feet. If I start taking a step backwards, that would suspicious. He knows I wouldn’t back down to him, so it would be weird if I do it now. I can feel my body tremble. I press my knees against each other to make them stop shaking: “I couldn’t hear it.”

“I don’t suspect you heard when they were meeting either,” Eric asks. He doesn’t believe me. What am I going to do? I need him to believe me. He stops in front of me. I look up and do my best at keeping my face neutral. I can’t figure out what Eric is thinking or what his next move will be. The pipe is in hand reach, but Eric is standing to close.

“I did actually…,” I say, my voice still slightly trembling. Should I tell him the truth or lie about the date? If he heard the whole thing, he would know for sure that I was lying about what I heard. But if I tell him the truth he will probably inform someone important to watch the exits better on that day, what will make it harder for me to sneak out. 

I hadn’t realized that I had already made up my mind about meeting those people. 

“And when would that meeting be taking place?” Eric asked. His breath hits my face. I can smell bear. He’s been drinking. Maybe his mind is foggy and he didn’t hear that much. I take the risk: “Four days.”

“You sure you heard that correctly initiate,” Eric asks me again, his face coming closer to mine. I can’t tell if he thinks I’m lying or that he’s just making sure that I’m telling the truth. I can hear my heart beat in my ears, making it hard for me to focus on the threat looming over me. I’m surprised he can’t hear my heart beat. I keep my eyes locked with his. If I break it, he will know I was lying. 

“Positive. Can you back of now,” I try to change the subject and somehow manage to sound like my normal self. There isn’t much he can say more about it, besides calling me a liar. I’m not sure what I would do if he does that. Eric seems to be taken back by my question. His eyebrows pull together. I explain: “I’m sure you enjoy drinking bear, but I don’t enjoy the smell of it in my face.”

Eric pulls back, but doesn’t say anything. His eyes go over my face. I can tell he’s thinking about what he should do with me. He takes a step back and I feel a lot safer all of a sudden. His threatening body isn’t looming over mine anymore. I feel very tired all of a sudden. It’s like this conversation has drained me. I can’t suppress a yawn, so I use it to my advantage: “Can I go now? I’m tired and I didn’t tell my friends where I went, so they are probably looking for me.”

“They are. Lucas noticed you hadn’t come back after five minutes and he and the other initiates went to look for you,” Eric says, his eyes still scanning me. For someone from Dauntless, he analyses things for a long period. 

It’s almost Erudite like. 

Wait a minute…

He is an Erudite transfer! He is not a Dauntless born. He is from Erudite, like me. 

A small smile creeps on my lips and I feel my body relax for some reason. Eric notices the sudden change in my behavior. I cross my arms over each other. I am only pointing out a fact, so it shouldn’t piss him off. I hope it doesn’t piss him off: “You are an Erudite transfer, aren’t you.”

My question caught him off guard. His eyes widen slightly and he presses his mouth shut. That’s all the confirmation I need to know I am right and it makes me feel good for some reason. The big bad Dauntless leader is not a Dauntless born. He used to be part of Erudite. I tried to picture that, but it didn’t seem right. Eric’s voice stops my brain: “What makes you say that?”

“You analyze too long,” I state flatly, seeing no harm in telling him that. It’s the truth. Maybe that’s why he watched me so much during training, to analyze me. To figure out what I am worth. Four does it too, but not as long as Eric. It’s a true Erudite trade. 

“So do you,” Eric tells me and mimics my posture. I should leave, but I have a feeling he has something to say. I am surprised that Eric actually comes from the same faction as me. He didn’t strike me as an Erudite before, but now that I think about it, maybe he does. I should keep an eye on him. He’s not as dumb as I thought he was or as he sometimes makes others believe. 

“At least I won’t have to worry about fitting in soon. Apparently it takes a while to adjust completely,” I say, feeling a bit relieved. It’s okay to need time to adjust. Eric has been here a few years and he still shows Erudite trades. 

“Go to bed initiate,” Eric tells me. I understand that I said something wrong, but it was still a weird comment coming from him. I turn around and walk towards to door. I want to go to the only safe place in this compound, my sleeping quarters. My friends would bug me with questions, but I could easily lie to them. I feel bad having to lie to them, but I can’t tell them that I had this talk with Eric. 

“Know that if you are lying to me, I will find out,’ Eric warns me. I know he doesn’t believe me and I shouldn’t be surprised that he isn’t going to let this go, but that information is going to make it hard for me sleep tonight. He hates me, so of course he would look for something to use against me. I’ll just have to watch out. I turn around and face him: “Then it’s a good thing I didn’t lie. Goodnight sir.”

After that I leave. I try to walk at a normal pace, in case Eric is following me. I am too stressed out to be able to focus on who’s following me or not. 

“Andy! There you are!” Lucas yells and I turn around. He and his brother come running towards me. They seem to be out of breath: “We have been looking everywhere for you. Where did you go?”

“Oh the roof, I needed some fresh air. The bar scene isn’t my thing. Sorry,” I apologize and see Eric walking across the hall. His eyes cross with mine. He was following me. I need to watch my steps. Especially if I am planning on meeting those people. I am not sure it’s a smart move, but I want answers. I am willing to risk it.

“You were on the roof with Eric? We saw him just come down the stairs,” Victor says and he eyes his brother. Crape, they saw Eric leaving: “Yeah, apparently I wasn’t the only one who had that idea. On the plus side, I didn’t fight with him, so I’m learning self-control. Because I really wanted to bash his head in.”

“Great, we should tell Kim, she will be so proud,” Victor jokes and we walk to our sleeping quarter. After apologizing to everyone and explaining why I left, we all crawled into bed. I was exhausted. My encounters with Eric always seem to make me tired. 

“Psst Andy, are you okay?” Rob whispers. He is facing me, his head half hiding beneath his blanket. Why is he whispering? Everyone can hear us: “Yeah, I am kind of proud of myself. I’m learning self-control, can you believe it!”

“I knew you would, sleep tight,” Rob yawns and closes his eyes. I turned around and face the wall. Why are all my days in this compound so exhausting? I need to figure out tomorrow how I am going to sneak out of this compound and get to 18the Street by midnight.

During practice the next day I try to stay focused, but my meeting with that man is spooking thru my head. Who is he and what does he want from me? How does he even know my name? 

“Andy, pay attention!” Four yells at me, as Michael is able to tackle me to the ground. We were paired together today. We haven’t faced off against each other. I should pay more attention. I am losing and that grin on Michaels face is telling me he is enjoying it. 

“I know,” I say thru closed teeth and get back on my feet. I end up losing to Michael. He notices something is of with me, but he doesn’t question me about it. I can feel his eyes following me, as we walk to the dining hall. He’s such an Erudite. 

“Andy!” I turn my head and see Amber running up to me. I feel my stomach twist as I see who’s walking behind her. I really don’t want to see his face right now: “Hey, I missed you last night. Where did you go?”  
Oh great, Eric didn’t tell her.

“Oh I need some fresh air, the bar scene isn’t really my thing,” I use the same words as yesterday. The others greet Amber and get food after that. I ask Rob to graph me a plate too. Amber smiles and accepts my apology: “That’s okay, it was rather crowed yesterday. In fact it was boring, no one fought and the music wasn’t that great. Don’t worry, next time it will be better. Anyway, the reason I can over was because I promised Annie, Marnie and Kim to go look for some better clothes that they are giving you and it would be kind of mean of me not to invite you too. So, you wane join us?”

She is asking me to go shopping with her? Is she serious? Why are these people interested in doing stuff like that? It seems so…useless. 

The last time I went shopping with someone, was with Marie. Mom had asked me to go buy some new clothes with her, she was growing fast and none of her clothes fitted anymore and my old cloths were to worn down to give to her. It didn’t end well. We bickered a lot on the way and after two shops, we gave up. We have very different opinions and that makes us collide sometimes.

I feel like laughing at the offer, but Amber is being serious. I shake my head: “Thanks for the offer, but I’m not the shopping type of girl. Besides, I like my manly shorts.” I graph the side of my shorts to emphases the fact that they are manly and laugh. I really do like them. They’re comfortable, not to hot, not to cold, not to tight. 

Someone calls Amber. She asks me if I’m sure and I assure her that I am. She runs to the person who called her name. It’s a man, about twenty-seven years old I think. She hugs him. That’s weird. Isn’t that something you only do with your boyfriend? What would I know? I’m sixteen. 

Speaking of that boyfriend, he’s still standing in front of me. His posture doesn’t tell me anything about his intentions, but I’m positive he doesn’t mean to start a fight. But I know what he’s thinking and he knows that I am thinking the same thing.

I need to get out of here, before I give him more reason to suspect me of lying yesterday. I walk past him, but he graphs my arm. I jump a little, a little too much. My eyes meet his, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t have to. We both know what the other is thinking and my reaction proves that I am on edge around him and that I am hiding something. 

That I lied to him yesterday. 

Eric’s eyes tell me he knows, but he decides to let me go. He walks to Max, the Dauntless head leader. I relax and join my friends. I try to shake the uneasy feeling that is lingering in my stomach, but it doesn’t go away. After dinner we go back to the training room. I ask Michael to fight me again. I want to win from him and learn more techniques. I might not like him, but he’s good. I can learn from him. He doesn’t mind, but I sense his calculating eyes follow me. 

“What is eating you up?” he asked me when we are standing inside the circle. We take our positions and start walking along the line of the circle. Why is he analyzing me? Does he know more? What could he know? He wasn’t on the roof. He couldn’t have heard anything or seen anything for that matter. I am starting to get paranoid. Eric is the only one who knows. Michael doesn’t know anything.

“Just stress from all this practice and our first upcoming test,” I answer and attack. I’m able to land a punch on his face quickly, but he graphs both my arms and twists them behind my back. This guy is fast. Must faster than the others. I step hard on his foot and he releases me. I turn around quickly and throw myself at his chest. I plant one leg behind his and push myself forward, holding on to one of his arms. He has to bend his legs and eventually falls on his back. I try to punch him in the face, but he can block my fist. This guy is fast and strong.

“Yeah…,” Michael says, not believing me. Why doesn’t anyone believe me when I lie to them? Did I really just ask myself that question? Why is he interested in knowing anyway? We haven’t engaged before in friendly conversation. We avoid each other. The others have noticed, but they don’t say anything about it. I don’t really know why I avoid Michael. I can stand up for myself and I can take him on. I have a fair chance of winning. 

What is he hiding? 

“I could ask you the same question, you know,” I tell him and take a step back. We are both standing in front of each other again. This time Michael attacks first. I take a step aside and plant my foot on the backside of his knee. He falls. I sit on his back and wrap my arm around his throat. If he says he is done, I win. We don’t fight until our opponent is unconscious. It makes it harder to train.

“None of your business,” Michael answers and is able to punch me with his elbow. The blow makes me loosen my grip on his neck and he turns around. He graphs my wrists and pushes me beneath him. I pull my legs up and wrap them around Michael’s body. I wriggle beneath him, but I can’t get lose. Michael’s grip on my wrist is strong. I lose the fight. 

“Don’t stick your nose in things, if it doesn’t belong there, Andrina,” Michael warns me, his face really close to mine. If the others were paying attention to us, they wouldn’t be able to hear what he said. Why is he acting like this? 

“Initiates, get out. The Dauntless initiates get the training room today,” I turn my head to see Four, Eric and the other initiates walk into the training room. They all looked like they belonged here, like they are already in. Maybe not many transfer initiates make it to the end of initiation. 

I feel grey eyes on me, but I’m more focused on Michaels face. He holds me down and puts extra weight on his hands, to hurt my wrists: “Call it Andrina.”

I don’t want to give in, but I can’t get him of me. He has me pinned down and there isn’t anything I can do about it. My legs can’t reach him and he has more strength in his arms, so I can’t push him of me. Damn! I wanted to win this time. I can always head but him, but that just sounds like a stupid idea. I would probably end up hurting myself more. 

“Say it Andrina,” Michael spits my name out. Why does he keep calling me that? Everyone calls me Andy. I don’t like it that he calls me by my full name. I like Andy. Andy is fierce and stands up against Dauntless leaders and can take a beating: “Say it!”

“You heard Four, get out of here,” Eric says and he pulls Michael of me with one hand on his color. He just lifts him up and drops him next to me. How strong is this guy? I take it back, he can’t knock me unconscious with one hit. He can kill me with one hit. 

I sit up and so does Michael. Our eyes locked. What is he hiding? His behavior doesn’t suit him. He usually acts all collected, but now he acts like he doesn’t know what to do. His body language is telling me he’s slightly panicking. But why? 

I feel Eric’s towering present, waiting for us to leave the training room. I offer my hand to Michael and he takes it. We pull each other up, standing nose to nose. 

“Back of Andrina!”

“Don’t call me that!” 

Michael lets go of my hand and follows Sarah. She looks puzzled. It seems to be a look she carries a lot. She never seems to understand what is going on. I shouldn’t talk like that. I barely know what is going on.   
“Today initiate,” Eric warns me and I turn my eyes to him. I seem to go from one problem to another. The man wants to take a step closer to me, but Four graphs my elbow and drags me outside: “Let it go Andy!”

When we are outside, Four closes the door of the training room. He gives me a warning look. I should have backed off on my own. Four apparently expects that from me. Why does everyone expect that from me? I am the kid and Eric is the adult. He should know better and act like the better person.

I just admitted that my behavior is childish. Nice going Andy! 

The others are walking towards to sleeping quarters. It’s shower time. I can hear Marc and Victor bicker who gets to shower first. They didn’t noticed Kim and Marnie running ahead of them. The guy’s always get to shower first. It’s about time the girls get to shower first. I usually end up showering last with Rob or Annie. 

Four is about to leave, when I ask him what’s been bugging me for a while: “What happened a few days at Erudite? I heard there was an attack.” 

Judging by Four’s look, I wasn’t supposed to know that information. I quickly explain how I had heard Lauren mention the attack and that I was worried for my family. Four seemed to understand: “The factionless were angry and they attacked Erudite headquarters. There were a few casualties, on both sides.”

“Were any of them named Caine?” I ask quickly, to quickly considering we are supposed to live after the saying “faction before blood”. Casualties? Meaning as in dead people? Mom? Dad? Marie? Wait, they won’t be hurt. If they were, I would already know, I think. They would tell me, wouldn’t they? 

“No, your parents and sister are fine,” Four reassures me and my body relaxes. I let the breath I was holding go. My family is safe. Why did they attack? I want to ask Four that question, but he beats me to it: “You aren’t supposed to know this. We don’t know why the factionless attacked, so don’t tell anyone. We don’t need people to start panicking. Understood?”

I knot and Four leaves. 

How can they not know why the factionless attacked? Did they kill all of them, before they could explain themselves? I remember the blood covering Eric’s face and cloths. 

They wouldn’t do something like that, would they?

It would be completely unfair and not to mention stupid. How can you live in piece if you don’t make them explain themselves? Maybe they were in their right to attack Erudite. 

I wonder.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Tomorrow is the day I meet those people from the roof. The people who made Eric very suspicious of me. He joined our training again, but he keeps himself to the background, watching us. Four doesn’t give much thought to Eric suddenly showing up again, neither do the other initiates, but I know better. I can tell when Eric walked back into our training the first time, it was for one reason only: to keep an eye on me.

During training he watches everyone, but his eyes always find a way back to me. My body automatically tenses when his eyes land my figure. He can tell. I can feel a smirk hanging on his lips whenever I tense. I don’t feel comfortable around him anymore. Not that I felt great around him before, but that was different. He didn’t like me and I didn’t like him. I understood that situation. Now, I am not sure what Eric’s next move will be. I can’t figure out what he is thinking, what he is hoping to accomplish with this. He already knows I lied and he knows that I know that he knows. 

This is such a complicated situation. 

Tomorrow is also the day we have our first test, along with the Dauntless born initiates. The test will decide who gets cut and becomes factionless. Sara, Rob and Annie feel the pressure of that and have been pushing themselves even more. They basically walk around completely covered in bruises. I have also noticed that Annie gets up at night to train some more. I followed her once and saw her practicing fighting techniques. If I have to point out who has worked the hardest these last couple of day, it would be her. She’s transformed from little Annie, to fierce Annie, who isn’t afraid to throw out a punch. 

Everyone is doing a good job, but I fear for the test with the Dauntless born initiates. They have been living here for a long time. They must have been practicing since they were young. If that’s true, they will probably be able to beat us with one hand tied on their back. We need to come up with a plan to survive this test as a team. I have grown fond of these people. They are my friends and I want to become Dauntless with them. Even Michael. 

He has been keeping his distance again. Even from the others. He eats alone and doesn’t join us when we go out for extra training. Lucas asked me if I knew why he did that, but I don’t know. I know he’s hiding something, but so am I so I am not going to call that out. Sarah tries to get him to join us but he keeps refusing. 

Well I have other problems, so I can’t bother with him right now. 

“That’s it, practice is over. Get a shower, your family will be here in an hour,” Four ends the training and the battle for the shower begins yet again. It has become a ritual. Every time Four would end practice at the end of the day, most of our group would sprint to our room, to own a shower. I never have the energy to participate in that fight. With every day that paces the fight gets more aggressive. It is fun to watch the guy’s get punched in the face by Annie or Marnie. 

“Do you think your parents are coming,” Lucas asks me, while we help Four clean up. I always end up with that job, because of the others. It’s nice of Lucas to stay behind and help me. Rob helps too sometimes, but he was the first one to leave the training room today. 

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen them since the morning of the Choosing Ceremony. I hope they come and bring my sister with them, but I am not sure,” I say and sign. I would really like to see them. I have missed them a lot these last couple of days. Especially Marie: “What about your parents. Are they coming to see how you and Victor are doing?”

“Probably, we are their only children and I think they knew we would leave. Condor life was never our thing,” Lucas explains and we graph our stuff. Four and Eric are talking, but Eric’s eyes keep finding their way to me. What is he talking about with Four? And why does he keep looking at me? Are they talking about me? No! Eric wouldn’t tell Four about the roof. At least I don’t think so. Maybe he would. Maybe I have judged their friendship wrongly. Maybe they get along really good. 

“I am not sure what they would say about Victor’s tattoos though,” Lucas pulls me away from my thoughts. In the last couple of days Victor got two more tattoos along with Marnie and Marc: “I am so glad I didn’t get any yet. I can hear my father already scold me for it: ‘you know how dangerous those things are, Andy! Were those needles sterile? How do you know that they were’?”

“Och, that sounds bad,” Lucas laughs and we walk towards our sleeping quarters. When we reach them. Marnie is already done with showering and Marc is leaving the shower. Kim quickly disappears into it. It’s a good thing everyone hurries when they are in the shower. We only have a certain amount of warm water and we try to share it with each other, but that means we only get like five minutes each. Well, maybe it’s more like four.

I am nervous for seeing my parents again. At the Choosing Ceremony I didn’t dare to look at them. I was afraid for their reaction. Would they be angry, sad or glad that I made the transfers? What did Marie say when she heard I transferred to Dauntless? She is probably mad at me, maybe even furious. Although I think she would understand in the end. Probably more than mom and dad.

“Is everyone ready?” Marc asks when it’s time to go to the pit. There is a nervous vibe hanging in the room. No one is sure if their parents will show up. Maybe no one comes for us. This is getting to depressing!  
“Oh lighten up everyone! The people whose parents don’t show up can drown their sorrow in Dauntless cake and after that we can go beat each other up. That sounds like fun, right,” I joke and the mood lightens a bit. Marc and Marnie laugh and the others all have smiles on their faces. 

We head to the pit and wait together. Rob snuck out to get some Dauntless cake and we all end up taking a piece of it. We’re a bunch of nervous nellies. Marc starts telling a joke, to make us focus our attention on something else. It works. Victor, Annie and Sarah stop looking at the hallway that leads to the compound entry and I can see Rob and Lucas relax. 

I wish I was able to relax myself. 

“Listen up initiates,” Eric’s voice makes all of us go quite. The tension was starting to leave our circle. Now we are all focusing on him, but I can tell that everyone is actually looking at the hall behind him. It was still empty: “I want to give you some advice. If by some miracle your family decides to come visit you, which I doubt, it is in your best interest not to seem to too attached to them. It will make things easier for you and your family. We take the phrase faction before blood very serious.” 

Divergent before factions!

I shake my head to stop the words from ringing inside my head. Rob gives me a questioning look, but I shrug it off. I try to listen to Eric’s little friendly advice: “Attachments to your family suggests you aren’t entirely pleased with your faction, which would be shameful. Understand?”

He expects us to answer him and I was about to say something to satisfy his need for that, when Annie shouts out: “MOM!” I guess she didn’t hear what Eric said. She runs towards her mother, who she looks a lot like and hugs her. 

“Do you think she did that on purpose to piss Eric off?” Lucas whispers into my ear and I grin. I’m not sure. I can’t remembering having a conversation with Annie about her mother, so I don’t know how much she has missed her. If she did do it on purpose, it was genius. And she should get an extra piece of cake.

Annie’s mom wasn’t the only one who had arrived. The twins were talking to their parents and Marnie and Kim were talking to a men. I think he’s Kim’s father, but I can’t be sure. He seemed to know Marnie as well. Probably from the old days. 

It didn’t take long before I was the only one standing in front of Eric. I was battling really hard with myself to not laugh at him and he could tell. In fact he was giving me a look that was daring me to laugh out loud. I try to restrain it because I’m not sure what he would do to me if I did laugh out loud. 

I really don’t want to hang from the chasm for ten minutes right now.

“That was interesting,” Eric says and I break. I laugh out loud, hard. My stomach starts hurting from it. I have tears threatening to leak from my eyes: “Yeah, you can say that again. I never knew that Annie had that much gut’s!”

I need a few seconds to control my laughter again, before I am able to look Eric in the eye. I have to admit, it felt good to laugh like that. It has been a long times since I have done that. In fact, I can’t even remember when the last time was I laughed that hard.

“Yeah I wonder where she gets that from,” Eric says and I give him a cheeky smile. I might be rubbing of on her. I take another piece of Dauntless cake. It seems that I’ll be the only one eating my sorrow away today. Eric takes my piece away from me and takes a bit of it: “Consider it your punishment for laughing.”

“What? No chasm,” I ask sarcastically. I really should know better. That was the dumbest thing I could have said to this man. He’ll probably make me hang again and make me watch while he eats my piece of cake. Eric doesn’t move, he just sends me a glare and then in a low voice adds: “I’m not allowed to ...”

“What?” I ask, not catching the end of the sentence, but it sounded promising. Eric glared at me: “I’m not allowed to hang you from the chasm today.” 

That makes me laugh. Again! Really hard! He isn’t allowed to hang me from the chasm today? That’s so funny! They actually restrained him, now that our parents are coming to visit us. It seems like I’m not the only one who has to be on her best behavior. Eric isn’t allowed to be a complete dickhead today. Who would have thought he would listen? 

A flick to my forehead makes me stop laughing. The flick actually hurt. I glare at Eric, while rubbing my forehead. He just smirks and eats my cake: “What was that for?”

“You annoy me,” Eric mocks me and takes another bite from my cake. I really want to take that piece out of his hands and eat it myself, but that would probably create a scene. I just keep glaring at him while he eats: “Here I was think we were having a moment.”

“And you know it,” he says, grinning and leaves. He joins a group of Dauntless men, who are playing some card game. He’s such a creep. And you know it! Dickhead.

I don’t have time to over think the gorilla’s actions, when I hear a familiar voice call my name. I turn around and see Marie standing on the other side of the pit. She is wearing an Erudite skirt that used to belong to me. I walk over to her, she runs to me. A smile is covering her face and I can see mom in her. She throws her arms around my neck and her body forces me to take a step back: “I have missed you so much. It’s so boring at home without you.”

“Marie, we only bickered,” I say and try to get my sister of off me, but she doesn’t move: “I know, but it was fun. I don’t have anyone anymore to fight with. I am a complete mess and it’s all your fault!”

“Sorry I left, but I…” I try to explain. I want Marie to understand why I left. I couldn’t stay in Erudite. I don’t belong there and I never will. I belong in Dauntless. It’s a though place and I might not like a few people, but it’s still better that Erudite. Marie interrupts me: “I know, I saw it coming. I didn’t expect you to come home that day. I was prepared for it, well sort off.”

Marie finally let’s go and I smile at her. My little sister, who is smarter than me. I wished I could see her more. Maybe she knows what to do with this whole Divergent situation? I look behind her and notice mom and dad aren’t there: “They aren’t coming?”

“Can we go talk somewhere a bit more private?” Marie’s body language suddenly changes. Her eyes scan the room and she takes notice of everything and everyone she sees. She’s on her guard. She isn’t comfortable. I graph her arm: “Come on, I’ll show you around the compound.”

No one needs to know we are leaving to talk more privately. Marie understands and skips behind me, smiling. If there is something that proves we are sister, besides our looks, it would be our talent for reading a situation. We are quick to understand what is going on, when we get all the facts and understand each other behavior quickly. Marie doesn’t like Jeanine either and when she would visit us at home, one of us would always pretend to be sick and the other would watch over the sick sibling. It was our strategy to get away from Jeanine. 

I take Marie to outside practice roof. I can’t close the door behind me, because it only opens from the inside, so I have to leave it open. I don’t want to be stuck here all day. I sit down on the edge of the building. Marie keeps her distant from it. Her eyes travel down the building to scan how high we are.

“What’s going on? Why didn’t mom and dad come?” I ask, making sure I don’t talk to loud. I don’t think anyone would follow us or want to listen to our conversation, but you never know. Marie claps her hands together and is thinking. She always does that when she needs to gather her thoughts. 

“Something is going on in Erudite. I don’t know what, but there is a weird vibe. Jeanine has been at our place a lot lately and mom and dad are barely home these days. They say they are working on some new medicine and they think they are close to a break, but I can tell they are lying,” Marie explains. That is weird. Mom and dad always liked coming home on time, to spend time together and with Marie and me. They loved family time.

“I think Jeanine wasn’t happy when you chose Dauntless. I can’t explain why, but she is giving me these angry looks and you know she has always been nice us,” Marie continues. She is right. Even though we don’t like her, she has never been unkind. In fact she used to praise us a lot. I always thought she did that because of our parents: “She did look confused when I chose Dauntless on the day of the Choosing Ceremony.”

“But why would she want you to stay in Erudite? It’s not like you are extremely smart. No offence but I am smarter then you,” Marie says. Coming from her, I don’t feel offended. I just sent her a glare: “And it’s not like you have ever shown any real interest in Erudite. So why is this woman interested in you?”

I could name a reason, but I’d rather not think about the fact that she might know that I am Divergent. A chill runs down my spine. It would be bad news for me if she knew, though it could explain why she is interested in me, but I don’t have proof for that. I don’t think I should mention this to Marie. 

“And I’m sure you heard about the attack from the factionless a few days ago…” Marie continues, not noticing a small chance in my behavior. The attack? What about it?

“Those weren’t factionless people,” Marie states and she can tell by my look that I don’t understand her, but that I am extremely curious now: “You know I have certain convenient connections, right?”

“If you are referring to the guy you made out, whose dad is part of the security team of Erudite headquarters, then yes I am aware,” I say, feeling lame because my little sister has more experience with men than I do. She grins at me: “Whatever, I got a passcode from him awhile back. So we could meet and I wouldn’t have to wait outside the office. That would look…”

“Get to the point Marie,” I tell her and try not to think about my little sister and some guy, alone, in a dark room. When I become Dauntless, I am paying that guy a visit.

“Anyway, the day after the attack I snuck into the control room when they had a break, to watch the security cameras of the day of the attack. Those weren’t factionless people attacking Erudite. It were Erudite and Dauntless people, pretending to be factionless. I recognized a few from Erudite.”

“What?” I nearly shout and my eyes immediately go to the door. It hadn’t moved. Marie sits down beside me and starts to whisper: “I knew something was wrong when mom and dad came home that night. That’s why I checked the security cameras. They were acting all over the place and I didn’t understand a word they were saying. They weren’t behaving like themselves. When I watched the security cameras, I went to their laboratory. From the moment mom got the message that people were attacking headquarters, she called dad and they left. I couldn’t find them anywhere on the cameras.”

“They thought that the attackers were targeting them?” I ask, stunned. Why would anyone want to target our parents? They don’t have enemies. They get along with everyone. They are smart and nice. Why would anyone want them…dead?

“Where are they now?” I ask quickly, afraid that something happened to them and that that’s the reason they aren’t here today. Because they are dead. Marie shakes her head: “They are fine. They have stopped working so much and they make sure they are at home before dark. And they want me inside the house before dark too. They are afraid of something and I don’t know what. They won’t explain to me what is going on.”

“But if they are fine, why aren’t they here today?” I ask, puzzled. I am relieved to hear my parents are safe, but why didn’t they come visit me? Are they really mad at me for transferring factions?

“They didn’t come because of Jeanine. She made sure they would be stuck at work all day. Mom and dad wanted to come. They have been talking about it all week. They miss you and want to yell at you for not saying goodbye, but they really wanted to come,” I feel relieved, knowing that my parents didn’t hate me. They weren’t angry at me because of my decision. Maybe they did see it coming. Maybe they were prepared for it, like Marie.

“I didn’t want to come without them. Their behavior is scarring me, but they told me I had too. To tell you this and to warn you. Something is going on and you need to watch out. Mom said I had to emphise the you part. She said you would understand that and that I shouldn’t question it. So now you know,” Marie ends her story. I feel exhausted from just listening to her. 

“What are we going to do?” my little sister asks me and I recognize the little girl who’s hand I used to hold while walking to school. She is smart, but scarred easily. I smile at her, trying to reassure her. But I don’t know what we should do, what we can do: “Don’t worry sis, I’m learning how to beat people up, so I’ll protect you.” 

“Good, I’ll send you a smoke signal when I need you,” Marie jokes and we laugh at the idea. Even if I am learning all of this, I can’t do anything to protect her. We live to far apart. If I want to sneak out to see her, I need to take a train and that ride at least takes thirty minutes and then I still have to walk to our apartment. 

“Don’t worry about it. I am sure mom and dad are taking care of everything. Just do as they say and avoid situations you think are threatening, that includes Jeanine,” I tell her and get up. I don’t tell Marie what I know. She’s worried enough and I don’t know if my information has anything to do with hers. Maybe it does. I have a feeling that Jeanine knows more about the Divergent and I wonder why. 

“Tell mom and dad I said hallo and that I miss them. It’s going to be fine. I’ll see what I can find out from over here, but I can’t promise anything,” I tell Marie and we walk down the stairs, back to the pit: “Do me a favor and don’t hang out with that guy anymore and stay away from those computers.”

“I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises,” she jokes but nodes her head anyway. I hate that she has to go back to Erudite. I have a feeling that it is safer here in Dauntless at the moment. What is Jeanine hiding? What does she want with my parents? And what roll do I play in her plans? What does she want from me? 

“Who’s he?” Marie asks me suddenly. I stop and turn to follow her eyes. I roll them and sigh when I realize who she’s talking about: “That’s just Eric, a Dauntless leader and a real pain in my…”

“He was there. He knew that those factionless people were part of his faction, but he killed them anyway,” Marie says and I can feel her body tense. A shiver runs down my back, when I recall the evening when I saw Eric covered in blood. 

Did he knowingly kill people from his own faction? 

Eric feels my look on his back and he turns around. Grey eyes meet green and I want to believe that he isn’t cable of such an act. I might not like him, but I want to believe that somewhere deep down, he’s a good guy.

His eyes tell me something different.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

That night I didn’t sleep. I kept tossing and turning in my bed. Is Eris really a person who would just kill people from his own faction? Or anyone for that matter? If Marie is right about him, then that means he knows more about what is going on. He might work together with Jeanine. It’s not that farfetched, knowing that he used to live in Erudite. Maybe he made the switch because Jeanine told him to. 

Andy, now you are just talking nonsense. What proof do you have for this? The only thing we know is that Eric killed people from his own faction. Maybe he had a reason to do that. But what kind of reason could ever justify such an act? The man nearly punched me because I got under his skin and he made me hang for five minutes above the chasm. I think this man is cable of a lot. I should stay away from him, but considering he is following me, that won’t be easy. 

I shouldn’t be thinking about this right now. The first initiation test is tomorrow and I don’t know what we are supposed to do for it. There is no way I can prepare myself. I have been training a lot, there’s nothing more I can do. I have gotten pretty good with a gun. Most of the time I hit the targets now. In the circle of the training room I can hold my ground. Sometimes I win, sometimes I lose. I’m not the best initiate, but I’m also not the worst. Actually I’m not sure who that would be. Victor, Lucas and Michael are the strongest of our group. All the others are on the same level. 

How are we going to survive this test? We have to go up against the Dauntless born initiates. We need to figure out a plan, to make sure we can all pass. But how can we form a plan, when we don’t know what we are going up against?

At six in the morning I can’t take it anymore and I get up. I head for a morning jog. I like the Dauntless compound the most at this hour. People are slowly waking up and starting their day. It’s quite, but not to quite. The pit is calm.

I am not the only one who got up this early. Three Dauntless initiates are also running. They are laughing and don’t seem to be worried about the test. They are far to relaxes. Even if I was one of them, I would still be worried. They don’t know anything about us. How can they be relaxed with so much lack of information? Maybe they are underestimating us. Maybe they are already sure that will pass this test. That would be a dumb mistake and maybe we can use that to our advantage. 

I scan their bodies. I can tell that they have a lot of muscle development, meaning they are probably physically strong. But do they know how to use that strength to their advantage? It’s not because you are strong, that you can win a fight. I have learned that while fighting Michael and Lucas. And then there’s the question how well are they with guns? I expect them to be good with them, but can they hit a moving target when they are under pressure? We are used to it because of Eric. We learned to help each other thru those moments and to drown everyone around us out. Can they do that? 

“You are up early,” Four asks me when I sit down on one of the tables in the dining hall. A few people are eating quietly. It’s a weird thing to see, considering these are Dauntless people. I guess even they have moments when they can be calm and silent: “You should take it easy. You don’t want to be exhausted for the test, do you?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” I answer and keep watching the Dauntless born initiates. One by one they are entering the dining hall. They just woke up. Some are still rubbing the sleep out of their eyes. Why are they up this early?

“Are you nervous for the test?” Four asks me and sits down next to me. All of the Dauntless born initiates look the same if you ask me. They are all big and they show off their strength towards one another: “Something like that.”

“Four! There you are,” Eric shouts and walks towards us. I feel my body tense. I try to act natural, but he can tell something is up. He still hasn’t said anything about the meeting and me lying to him, but he knows that I am on edge around him. The only thing that he doesn’t know, is that I am on edge because of a different reason. 

They start talking, but I drown their voices out my head and focus on the Dauntless born initiates. Maybe I can find some weakness and we could use that against them. They act like a group. Running together, eating together and training together. But why do they all seem to have assigned seats? They don’t just sit down and eat. They sit down next to certain people. They have subgroups. That’s it! They pretend to be one big group. It’s to psych us out, because of their number of initiates. It is smart, but I am smarter. I quickly discover that there are four subgroups and that two people function as a bridge between those subgroups. They must be the leaders of the entire group. Everyone likes them and will listen to them. If those two guys were removed from their group, they would fall apart.

“Hey Andy, are you listening to me? “Fours voices pulls me out of my concentration. I nearly growl at him and he and Eric can tell he did something wrong: “No!” I spat and leave the dining hall. I need to talk to the others. I have to tell them what I know. Maybe someone has figured out by now what the test will be.

Hours pass and we don’t see or hear from Four or Eric. The evening is starting soon, but we still haven’t heard anything about the test. We stay for most the day in our room, but it isn’t doing us any good. Everyone is on edge. When we hear footsteps in the hall, we all quite down and don’t breathe until the footsteps disappear. No one knows what the test will be like, so we don’t know what we can do with the information I gathered that morning. Michael and Sarah seemed impressed I was capable of deducing the Dauntless born initiates. But it doesn’t matter, we can’t form a plan without knowing what is waiting for us later today. 

It makes me nervous. 

At eight o’clock sharp our two instructors show up at our room. I feel like laughing to release some of the stress, but I manage to keep my mouth shut. Everyone is looking at Four and Eric with scarred eyes. They noticed, but don’t address it: “We leave in fifteen minutes. We are going outside, so I suggest you graph something warm. You don’t need anything else. We meet on the train. Anyone who isn’t on it, will automatically be eliminated from the test, so be on time!”

After that they leave. We don’t get an explanation of where we are going or what we are going to do. 

“I don’t like this. We are leaving the compound,” Annie says. She is shaking slightly. She is right. I don’t like this either. Where are we going and what are we going to do there? 

“Don’t sweat it, we are going to together. We can watch each other’s back. We just need to be on our guard for those Dauntless kids,” Marc says and tries to lifts our spirits. It helps a bit, but we still leave with a heavy feeling in our stomach. Half our group can be gone at the end of today. The question is, who will be gone?

The Dauntless born are already on the platform when we arrive. They are laughing and talking really loud. My eyes cross with Michael. We understand what they are trying to do. They are trying to intimidate us. One look at Marnie, Sarah and Annie and we can tell it's working. Why would they need to psych us out? Unless they aren’t as tough as they appear to be. Four and Eric are talking with the Dauntless born trainer, Lauren. She seems to be just as confident as her initiates. 

“Is it just me or do these people seem to confident,” Michael whispers into my ear. He is right. They all believe they are already part of Dauntless and that this is just a formality. They think they are already in: “We could exploit their overconfidence.”

“I was thinking the same thing,” I whisper back. 

The headlights of the train makes the platform go quite. Everyone starts to run. The Dauntless born are the first to jump in the only open compartment. There is only one compartment? Everyone has to get into that one? 

It doesn’t take the Dauntless born to get in. They are used to it. Before initiation they came to school with the train every day. They probably learned to jump on and off a train when they were ten. 

Annie is the first one of or group to jump on, followed by Rob, Kim and Marnie. Michael and I run last, along with Four. Michael’s eyes meet mine and he grins: “Care to make a scene?” 

“Just be ready to pull me in,” I say and slow down a bit, so that Michael and Four run past me, the last one eying me suspiciously. When Michael climbs into the compartment, I pick up my pace again. This is kind of risky. If I miss the train, I am done for. I cannot believe I am actually back in the same position as last time. I hope Michael keeps his worth. Maybe he’s trying to get rid of me. But why would he do that? He gains nothing from it. 

“Andy! Hurry up!” Michael shouts at me and I can see a few faces look at me, thru the window. Kim and Lucas are standing behind Michael, holding him steady so that he doesn’t fall out of the compartment. I graph his hand at the end of the platform and they pull me in. I could hear the Dauntless laugh among each other and my friends eyed me suspiciously. I winked and turn to Michael, who is breathing just as hard as I am: “You think they bought it?”

“You bet. I think their egos are reaching new heights,” Michael grins at me and we get up. My friends ask me if I am okay and I assure them, talking just loud enough for the Dauntless born to hear: “I’m fine. I guess catching a train isn’t my thing.” I smile sweetly, to sweetly. My friends understand that Michael and I are up to something. They play along. 

“That’s okay Andy, you’ll get the hang of it,” Victor reassures me and I feel kind of sick to my stomach, hearing him talk like that to me, but I just smile. I turn around and notice the questioning eyes of Four and Eric. They could tell something was up as well. How could they not? 

“Listen up!” Lauren shouts above the noise the train is making. We all gather around her. Dauntless born on the left and transfer initiates on the right. Lauren is sitting on a box that is labeled paintballs.  
Paintballs? What are we going to do with those?

“You are probably all wondering where we are going and what we are going to do, well guess what…it’s evaluation time,” Lauren says and she has a mean smirk hanging on her lips. No one says anything. It was rather obvious that this has to do with the test: “During the test one third of this entire group will fail and become factionless. Now I bet you are all wondering how we are going to evaluate you. We are going to play a little game.”

Lauren taps the box she is sitting on and the Dauntless kids get excited. A paintball fight is the only logical thing I can come up with that will decide who gets to stay, but it sounds so childish. 

“You will be divided into two teams and the point of the game is to capture the flag of the other team. The winning team gets to stay and goes on to the next stage of initiation. The team that loses will be evaluated based on their accomplishments from the last couple days. Half of that group will leave Dauntless,” Lauren explains. 

I can feel my brain go into an overdrive. Two teams against each other, capturing the flag. Winning team stays in Dauntless. But we will probably be mixed during this test. I can’t work with the other initiates. I don’t know how they work, think or move. I don’t know if I can rely on them. I am not the only one analyzing the situation. I can tell by the look on Sarah and Michael’s face they are also thinking how we can best approach this situation. Even the twins have weary looks on their faces. 

“The teams will be even matched and the first team gets of first to hide their flag. The second team will get off at the end of the railroad. At nine o’clock sharp the game begins,” Lauren continues her speech, but I barley hear any of it. Two teams. I don’t want to be split up from my friends. How can I make sure we can stay together? We can only stay together if we challenge the Dauntless born initiations. The transfers against the Dauntless born.

Would they go for it? What would the others say? 

“This is a Dauntless tradition, so we take this very serious,” Lauren looks at our group. 

Can I take the risk? Will the others thank me for it?

I lean forward and whisper to Sarah and Michael: “I have a plan, but it might be risky.”

“Does it involve us staying together?” Sarah asks me and I nod. I can tell that Michael has the same plan as me. It must be an Erudite thing. He leans closer to Lucas, who is standing next to him. He passes my message on and the Sarah does the same thing. After a few seconds everyone one of them is looking at me and nods. Michael leans closer to me: “Do it.”

“Let’s divide the teams, shall we,” Lauren says. She jumps up from her box and stands next to Eric and Four. I take a step forward: “Why not just take the teams that are already standing in front of you?” 

Everyone turns to me and I see Four smile. He’s catching on with my plan. I can tell by the expressions on the Dauntless born faces that they agree with me, but they don’t want to surrender without a fight. Eric and Four don’t say anything, but Lauren does: “The teams wouldn’t be evenly matched.”

I am not sure if she was referring to our numbers or to the fact that we are transfers and have only been training a couple of days for this.

“Why don’t you let us be the judge of that? Let’s face it, none of us want to work with members of the other team,” I explain. I hope they go for it. Lauren doesn’t seem to be happy and I can’t make out what Four and Eric think about the situation. The Dauntless born agree with me and Lauren turns to her fellow Dauntless trainers. Michael takes a step forward: “If you let us take the test in these team, you have a big chance of being able to rub in Eric’s and Four’s faces that you are a better trainer. You’ll be able to do that an entire year long.”

That seemed to spice up Laurens interests. How could it not? How sweet would it be if you could rub something like this in someone’s face for an entire year and I am sure that she doesn’t like Eric as much as she is pretending right now. 

“If you are really that scarred, we will give you Eric gladly,” I add and get a dirty look from the man, but my friends snicker. Lauren seems insulted by the idea and so do the Dauntless born initiates. They look at each other and nod. Lauren steps forward.

“New rules, Dauntless born initiates against the transfer initiates. You can have both Eric and Four, considering we have more initiates. Let the best team win,” Lauren says and she looks pumped to win this game.

Let’s just hope their overconfidence becomes their downfall.

“Graph a gun transfers, you can get of first,” Lauren says and we do as she says. A minute later we jump of the train and the Dauntless born leave our vision and we form a circle.

“So what is the plan,” Marc asks and everyone turns to me. 

“We only have one advantage over the Dauntless born,” I start explaining: “We are able to work as a team. They aren’t. They pretend to be a team, but it’s fake. They just do it to psych us out.” I explain again what I saw that morning and Michael and Sarah agree with me. They have noticed it too: “They are completely underestimating us and that will make them reckless.”

“I agree, I expect them to all charge at us at the same time, leaving their flag only guarded by one or two people,” Sarah says and the others agree. Four and Eric stay out of the conversation. They let us handle it: “We should put up a good defense, but we need fast people to infiltrate their camp and get their flag. I don’t think they know how fast we can be.”

“The physical strong should stay here and guard the flag. Those Dauntless born all look strong, but I don’t think they know how to use their strength to their advantage,” I continue and Lucas agrees: “Yes, they all act loud and big, but I bet it’s just an act.”

“Exactly and we are going to exploit that. They already think they have won. Let’s prove them their wrong,” I say and we start to formulate a plan. We hang the flag in a tree. Three people stay close to it: Lucas, Victor and Marc. We decide that we can use Michael’s brain better when we infiltrate enemy territory. Marnie and Kim will place themselves in the middle of both camps. They will try to stop most of them and they can warn the others that the Dauntless born are coming. Annie will place herself in between the girls and the guys and act as an extra barrier. She will hide in a tree, so no one will see her. Michael, Sarah and I will head towards the flag: “We should split up though. If we are ambushed, it will be over for us.”

“Maybe one of us should infiltrate from the left and the other two should attack from the right. Maybe one team can use the railroads. I don’t think the Dauntless born would use those,” Sarah suggests and I think it over. I agree with her, but it is very risky. The railroads are very open and if you are seen, you don’t have a lot of places to hide. 

“I would stay clear from the railroads. It’s to open, too much of a risk,” Victor says and most of our team agree with him. But we need something that gives us the advantage. Something high, low or dark. 

“Not that I want to tell you what to do, but I really want to beat Lauren. There is a sewer system you could use. It would bring you close to the end of the railroad track,” Four advices us. That would work. It would be dark and underground. I don’t think…”

“Lauren knows about the sewer system and she has used it before. I’m pretty sure she will do it again,” Eric chips in. Well, there goes that plan. 

“Do you know where they came back up?” I ask. We could ambush them easily if we know where they would pop back up. I can imagine the look of shock on their faces. Eric grins: “Of course I do.”

“We should place one person there,” Michael says and Sarah offers to do it. Four goes with her. Michael will attack along the line of trees of our right. It will give him a lot of cover and he can easily attack from the dark if needed. 

“We only have two options. We either risk the railroad or the sewer system. Which are the Dauntless born most likely to use,” Kim asks us and I think it over. If Eric is right and they use the sewer system, then no one will be watching the train tracks. It would be stupid to go down in the sewer if there is a big chance that the Dauntless born will be there. We won’t be able to hide if we encounter them.

“Lauren likes to attack from below, I would bet my money on the fact that they will use the sewers,” Eric says. It’s decided. I’ll infiltrate using the train tracks. Everyone knows what to do, except for Eric. If he ends up tagging along me with me, I will scream. But apparently it’s already decided. Before I can protest, Michael uses logic against me and it infuriates me: “Why would he come with me? I am stronger and faster than you and I have a better aim. It’s the most logical thing that he would come with you.” 

The others don’t give me a choice in the end and I get stuck with Eric. He isn’t happy about it either, but it was made clear that we were allowed to make all the decisions and Four and Eric would follow. Imagine how big my shock was when Eric actually does as he his told. Must be a soldier thing. We wait till Four’s clock hit’s nine and then we spread out. We stick together until it’s time for Eric and me to split from Michael. From that point on it’s just me and the big guns. 

This is going to be fun.


	14. Chapter 14

“You are impossible!” I yell at Eric and throw my fist at his arm. He barely felt it, but it felt good me to release anger. This man is infuriating. We lasted ten minutes. Ten whole minutes we were quiet and avoided looking at each other or any other form of communication. Then I happened to look a second to long at him and boom! It started with a round of saying what and not receiving a dignified response. Then we started mocking each other and then we somehow ended up calling each other names. I know it’s extremely childish, but I can’t help myself. This man is so annoying and his near present ticks me off. What were the others thinking, making him come with me? I would have been fine on my own. I would have probably already been in enemy territory. 

“I am impossible? What about you! Is it so hard for you to actually act like a normal person?” Eric throws back at me. He walks towards me and I end up having the nerve to actually not move. His body towers over mine. I have to tilt my head back to look him in the eye. He is breathing heavily, telling me I should watch out. As usually, I ignore that piece of information.

“Says the one who can’t get over his own ego! You know, I finally understand why they made you our supervisor. It’s not because you are a Dauntless leader, it’s because they wanted to get rid of you!” I yell in his face and I seemed to have hit a nerve. His hands graph my shoulders and I have to use all my strength to not make him push me back. 

“Don’t you dare to…” He starts using his slow voice, what signals me to watch out. The last time when he used that, he nearly punched me. The only reason he didn’t do it was because off Four. He isn’t here right now, so I’m basically screwed. 

Of course that doesn’t stop me.

“What? I hid a nerve? Good! You disserve it, you oversized…” I wasn’t done yelling at him, when all of a sudden his eyes change and he places a hand over my mouth. I panic for a second and then I realize that something is going on. Eric’s body tenses and it’s not because of me. 

“What is that noise?” he asks, not really pointing the question to me. I hear it to, but I can’t seem to place it. Can’t he just take his hand of my face? This isn’t exactly comfortable. He doesn’t move and I end up doing the only thing I can think off. I lick his hand. I try not to pay attention to what his hand tasted like or the smell for that matter and I spit when his hand finally get’s of my face. He sends ma a glare and whips the spit of on my jacket: “You are disgusting.”

“Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror? You aren’t exactly prince charming either,” I spit back, but Eric lets it go. He’s scanning the area, but he can’t find the source of the noise. I feel the tracks beneath me tremble all of a sudden. 

Wait a minute… 

I turn around and see two headlights coming around a corner. It’s a train. The noise we are hearing is from an approaching train. I graph Eric’s hand and pull him forward. There is a pillar we can climb down a few meters ahead. Eric seems to understand my train of thoughts. 

The train is approaching us fast and we are sprinting towards the pillar. My legs start to hurt from the sudden activity and my lungs are burning. We reach the pillar and I want to climb down it, more like jump down, when Eric’s arm laces itself around my stomach and he pulls me back. I don’t understand what he’s doing. All I see is the head lights from the train coming extremely close. 

To close. 

I look at Eric and see him climbing down the pillar. Did he just really pull me back so that he could go first? Is he that selfish? I told you he is impossible! I feel like screaming at him, but the train is to close. I want to climb down, but there isn’t any time anymore. What should I do? Jump? I’ll never survive such a jump.

“Jump!” Eric yells and I barely hear him over the noise of the approaching train. He can’t be serious? He holds one arm out to me, while the other is holding him steady against the pillar. Does he want me to jump in his arms? I can feel my heart skip a few beats and my lungs aren’t allowing me to breathe anymore.

The train keeps approaching. Ten meters...

I look at Eric and he yells again: “Jump!”

Five meters...

I can’t think this over anymore. I need to jump.

Three meters...

I don’t trust him to catch me, but the approaching train doesn’t give me much of a choice. 

My eyes lock with Eric’s. A flicker appears in his eyes and I jump. My arms find a way around his neck and I feel his outstretched arm wrap itself around my waist. My heart skips a beat as I feel his heart beat against my chest. His heart beat was steady, almost calm, while mine was beating at an unhealthy pace. He must be used to situations like these: stay calm, think fast and take action.   
I guess it was smart of him to climb down first. If I went first, he wouldn’t have had enough time to climb down and the train would have hit him. The blow would have most likely killed him. If not, the fall from the pillar would have.

The train races past us and after a few seconds the silent night returns. It doesn’t feel natural. I feel like at any moment there could be a potential life ending threat approaching us. 

My heartbeat calms down and my lungs are celebrating the sudden serenity I am giving them. My body trembles as the situation catches up to me. I just jumped from a bridge and hoped that the men, who I always fight with, would catch me. I have never taken such a risk in my life. Eric could have let me fall and I would be dead. Or maybe he wasn’t able to graph me and I would have fallen. Why did I trust him? I guess I didn’t have a choice. It was him or the train and his frame seemed far more welcoming that the frame of that train. I think the flicker in his eyes made me jump in the end. That and the life stealing train.

“Are you still alive?” Eric’s voice whisper in my ear and I restrain myself from saying no. I am not going to give him the satisfaction of knowing that this has been the scariest moment of my life. And I had to go thru it with him, the Dauntless leader I can’t stand.

“Sort of,” I end up answering and I feel his arm tighten around my waist as he holds me. It hadn’t downed on me yet how close we were, how our bodies were pressed up against each other. I have never been this close with a man. I can’t believe it’s him I am pressed against. I could feel his muscles move as he makes himself ready to climb down. He is going to need both arms to do that. I am not sure I like his safe arm leaving my waits. It gave me a sense of security. I am going to fall while he holds me. It was safe while he hold me. I shake my head to get rid of those taught. They make me feel uncomfortable and scare me a bit as well. I couldn’t possible ever feel anything for this man. It’s just too ridiculous for words. But then why is my heart beating faster again, when I think how he is holding me?

“I need you to hold on to me. I’m going to climb down. You ready,” Eric says and I tighten my grip on his neck. His arm leaves my waits and I feel cold. The sudden lack of physical exercise is probably responsible for that. It’s the only logical explanation.

I can feel ever muscles in Eric’s body move as he climbs down the pillar. He doesn’t complain about my weight and it doesn’t take him long before his feet touch the ground. I don’t feel like letting go. A reassuring hand crawls up my back. His hand feels warm. I have to focus on breathing, because it starts to hitch every now and then. A set of lips are pressed up against my ears: “Are you just going to keep hanging there the whole night?”

“I’m good,” I joke and feel my body relax. My arms slowly loosen and Eric’s hand on my back stops me. My eyes lock with his and I can see a smile starting to form on his face: “I didn’t expect you to be scared of a little jump.”

“A little jump? A little jump!” I raise my voice and am about to bring up our discussion up again, when he smiles and leans his head on my shoulder. He sighs: “Do you ever stop?”

“No, why would I? I am such a joy to be around,” I joke and let my angry thoughts go. The arm, holding me against Eric his frame looses and I can feel my feet touch the ground. It gives me a very safe feeling. I have never been so happy before in my life to feel the ground beneath my feet. It feels good to have some distance between us though. I try to ignore the fact that I was a few seconds ago clinging to his frame and look at the train tracks: “Maybe we should just walk down here from now on.”

Eric nods and we start walking again. We don’t talk for awhile and I can tell we are both trying to ignore each other. My thoughts keep going back to Eric’s body and the way it felt pressed up against mine. I don’t need this right now. I need to focus. I want to win this game and go on to the next stage of initiation with my friends. 

“Stop,” Eric suddenly says and I stop next to him. I don’t feel like arguing with him right now. I feel exhausted actually. My legs hurt and a headache is starting to nest its way into my brain. Eric points up ahead. There is light and we can see people walking. They’re coming our way!

I scan the building around us and see a broken window on my left. I graph Eric’s elbow, avoiding his hands and pull him towards it. We can take shelter in it and attack from the dark. They won’t be able to see us. I crawl thru the glass, followed by Eric. We graph our paintball guns and place ourselves in the corners of the window. Eric on one side, me on the other. 

We wait in silence. My heartbeat is the only thing I can hear. We see people walk past the building we were earlier standing at. There are two of them. I lift my gun and aim, but Eric signals me to wait. Of course, they can run back and take cover easily from where they are standing now. 

“Wait until they reach the pillar,” Eric whispers and he keeps his gun steady. I wonder how many times he has done something like this in real life. With real bullets. I turn my attention back to our attackers. I hope I can hit them. I have gotten pretty good with a gun, but I’m still not that great. 

“I’ll fire first. I’m pretty sure your aim will be better than mine when the other guy starts running,” I whisper back. I hate that I have to admit to him that I am still not great with a gun, but he doesn’t say anything about it. He just nodes: “Wait till the last possible moment.” 

I wait. I keep my breathing steady and keep my eyes focused on one guy. They are talking, but we can’t make out what they are saying. My hands aren’t shaking, what is a good sign. I feel calm actually, considering the situation.

“Are you sure you heard something?” one Dauntless kid asks the other. He sounds annoyed. The other is scanning the area. His eyes fall on our hideout. I keep absolutely quite and aim for his chest. It’s the widest part of his body and I will have the most success if I aim for that. 

“Skander, come on. There isn’t anyone here,” the annoyed Dauntless kids whines and starts walking away. Skander waits for a few seconds before giving up. He turns around.

“Now,” Eric says and within less than a second I pull the trigger and I see a big red mark cover Skander’s back. The impact from the bullet makes him stumble and his friend turns around and he tries to aim his gun, but he gets hit by Eric. The man moves quickly and climbs back thru the window. I follow him. He has more knowledge about situations like these, so I should trust him for the moment. The guys see us approaching. The whinny one wants to say something, but Eric aims at his head: “Talk and I will shoot at your head. It won’t kill you, but it will hurt like hell.”

A shiver runs down my back as I hear him speak. He is so serious. His eyes are focused on his target and I can tell the guy is about to wet himself. The other one, Skander, lifts his hands. He surrenders. His friend follows. 

We walk past them and leave them behind. They stay quite. Lauren explained that if you got shot during the game, you die. If that happens, you stay at the spot where you died and wait for the game to end. It is considered a cowards act if you yell to warn your friends once you are dead in the game. 

I run after Eric and we keep our guns ready to be used. We hear laughter. We must be getting close to their flag. Between the buildings we see four people walking and talking. They aren’t paying much attention to their surroundings. They are a pretty open target if we can aim at them from above. I turn my head and see a lower ladder. It leads to the roof of a container. It’s high enough for us to lie on and aim at them. If we stay really quite, we should be able to hit them. The only problem is there are four of them and only two of us. If we shoot, they will run and two people can easily get away and disappear between the buildings. Then they will know we are here and they will be on their guard. 

We need to avoid that situation. 

I can see the flag, hanging from a pole. Two Dauntless kids are sitting against it. They’re paintball guns lying besides them. Maybe if one of us attacks from here and the other one attacks them from behind, we might have a shot. They are most likely going to disappear between the buildings behind them when we start shooting at them. 

I explain to Eric my plan in hush towns. I don’t like how close we are standing, but it will have to do for now. He nodes and signals that he will climb up the container. I run silently towards one of the buildings behind the pole. I can hide in the shadows of the building. There is some light coming from where the Dauntless kids are sitting, but it shouldn’t give my presence away. I lay down on my stomach. A low target is a harder target to hit from afar, especially when it’s hiding in a dark environment. I place my gun and take slow breaths. Eric will shoot first. I hope our plan works. I really want to win and frankly I want this to be over.

I wait for what feels like hours. What if Eric has been shot? What if they noticed him? I can’t imagine the Dauntless born to be silent victors, but maybe they would realize that we are a bigger threat than they expected. 

I wait and wait until I hear a scream. 

Eric must have shot someone. Two shadows run between the buildings and I wait for them to get away from the opening. They can’t see me. They ready themselves to go back out there and attack Eric, but I act first. I aim for the one standing the farest away from me and shoot. I hit him on his arm. He shrieks from surprise and his friend turns around quickly. I aim for him, but he moves to fast for me to hit him. He shoots towards me while he runs, but his bullets don’t even come near my figure. 

Click!

I am out of bullets! What do I do now? The guy shooting at me notices that I stopped firing at him. He stands still and aims for me in the dark. I lie still on the ground and pray to a higher power that he doesn’t hit me. I really want to win this!

Click!

My eyes closed when he pulled the trigger. I was so convinced that I was done for, but the guy standing in front of me was also out of bullets. He wasted them. I get up and run towards him. There is only one way I can win from him now and that fight him. The guy is big and looks strong. Then maybe he isn’t fast. I lift my fist at him and go in for the punch, but he blocks it easily. I keep my feet moving and soon discover that speed isn’t this guy’s talent. I just need to hold on and then an opening will present itself. I keep throwing punches at him from different angles and he keeps blocking them. I also notice that doesn’t use his feet. He stands practically still. 

I wait and fight. 

After a minute I see an opening. His arm is wide open. I go for it. I reach it, but he seems to know what I’m doing and he lets me graph his arm. When I want to turn my body and pull him over my shoulder, he kicks my knee from behind, making me fall down. I felt my knee throbbing. It hurt a lot. I get up quickly, before his fist connects with my face. I am able to place myself behind him and I place my foot in front of his, making him fall on his stomach. I jump on his back and punch him square in the face. 

I forgot one important detail. We weren’t fighting until the first punch was blown to the face. We were fighting until one person was unconscious. I have never punched someone so hard or so many times that they felt unconscious. I am not sure I can do that. The guy beneath me uses my withering attention to his advantage and turns the tables. He pins me to the ground and I couldn’t move beneath him. He puts a lot of pressure on my wrists. I pull my legs up, but they don’t collide with his back. 

This is just like my fight with Michael. Damn it! What can I do? I cannot get lose and I cannot attack him from any angle. I am done for and it’s going to hurt. The guy pulls his fist up and I feel my eyes close, afraid for the threatening danger that I can’t avoid. But he doesn’t move and I feel something wet drop on my cheek. I open my eyes and see the guys face is covered in red paint. Someone from my team shot him? I am saved? Wow, talk about cutting it close!

I can tell the guy isn’t happy, but he is able to lower his fist. He gets of me and sits down on the ground. He knows he lost. He and his friend are out and Eric probably took out the other two Dauntless born. 

“I didn’t figure you as the type that needed saving every hour,” Eric says as he walks over to me. I get up and see he isn’t covered in paint. Of course he isn’t. I still feel relieved. 

“We won,” he says and I see Michael standing behind him, holding the green flag. We did it? We actually did it? We beat the Dauntless born at this game. That means all the transfer initiates get to stay and go on to the next stage of initiation. I feel like laughing and screaming and dancing, but I keep my cool and try to keep my voice even: “Yeah well what did you expect? I am awesome and can come up with the best plans.” 

Eric tries to control himself, but a small smile escapes his lips. He hangs his gun on his back and looks me in the eye: “Come here.”  
I am perplexed at his command and feel danger, so I naturally tense and keep my distance. I shake my head. Eric’s smile gets bigger and he walks towards me. I feel like running, hard. But I am sure he can outrun me. I stand still and wait for the men to stand in front of me: “What are you…”

Flick!

A sudden sharp pain enters my forehead. That bastered flicked me, again? I feel like throwing myself at him and beat him senseless, but I restrain myself and decide that I will let him have this one. He did save me earlier and we didn’t exactly make a bad team today. Well after the near death experience we managed to be able to work together. I guess we just need a little push or something.

Did I just really refer to a near death experience as a little push?


	15. Chapter 15

It turns out we did nearly lose at one point. The Dauntless kids had a better strategy then we suspected. Lauren did go into the sewer system with three Dauntless kids. She got a nasty surprise from Sarah and Four, who were able to take them all out. Six kids were left at the flag and were supposed to guard it. The others attacked us from the side that Michael was using to infiltrate them. He was luckily that he saw them coming and he could hide in a tree. He was completely outnumbered and wouldn’t have been able to take them on, so he let them pass. They were able to take out Kim, Marc, Victor and Marnie. Lucas, Annie and Rob were defending the flag. They were lucky that Sarah and Four decided to join them. They basically saved everyone. 

I was surprised to hear that so many of us were eventually taken out as well. I guess that I was probably a bit too confident as well. Michael told everyone how he saw me and Eric split up and he quickly understood our plan. He decided to wait and let Eric make the first move. When he fired at the Dauntless group. Two were able to escape, while Eric took care of the other two. The two that escaped ran towards me. Michael saw a perfect opening and ran to the flag.

How nice of him to let me take the beating while he acts the hero. 

“So you managed to stay alive,” Lucas asks me while we sit down on the train. The Dauntless kids were sitting in another compartment. They are less joyful right now and that gives me strength. I feel like I can do anything. If I lean on my friends I can achieve all my goals. 

“Haha, really funny you guys,” I punch Lucas his arm and the others laugh. They start sending each other looks and they seemed to be communicating something. What aren’t they telling me? 

“We might have made bets,” Marnie says carefully and I sit up straight. I notice the others are avoiding my glares and I can see Four take a few steps away from Eric: “Bets on what exactly?”

“It wasn’t my idea,” Marnie says quickly. Her body language tells me she feels threatened. The question is why. What did they bet on?  
“We might have made bets on whether or not you would still be alive at the end of the game,” Victor explains. I eye him and my glare makes him uncomfortable. I can’t believe my friends would make such a bet. Kim tries to reassure me: “It’s not like we thought you would be the one to beat Eric up.”

“No, we were just sure that you would end up annoying him so badly that he would kill you,” Marc jokes and he gets a punch from Eric to his arm. The guy whines: “It’s not like we were the only once! In fact it was Four’s idea!”

“What!” Eric and I yell at the same time and glare at Four. He is trying to suppress a laugh, but his eyes are screaming how much he is enjoying this. 

“You hold him down and I will punch him,” I suggest to Eric and Four’s smile drops from his face. He looks at Eric, but Eric just shakes his head: “Too many witnesses. We will ambush him like those Dauntless kids.”

“Sounds like a good idea,” I say and grin at Four. We didn’t explain to them how we took care of the Dauntless kids we encountered. We also didn’t tell them about what happened on the train tracks and I plan on keeping it that way. I could feel a small blush cover my cheeks as I think back at my body being pushed up against a man’s body. 

Annie jumps up suddenly: “So I think we need to celebrate tonight our victory! Who’s up for cake and new tattoos?” 

“I am thinking about getting one tonight. What about you?” Lucas whispers in my ear and I don’t hear what plans the others are making. I had thought about it when we were walking back to our camp, when I took a rather long look at Eric’s neck tattoo. It was pure for analytic reasons. I couldn’t figure why he would get a tattoo like that. 

He caught me staring.

The train stops at the Dauntless compound. We get off, my friends laughing while the Dauntless kids are quite. They go to their sleeping quarters and have to wait there while Lauren decides who gets to stay and who has to leave. 

“Maybe, if I don’t chicken out when seeing the needle,” I laugh and sadly have to add that it wasn’t a lie. Thinking about having a needle pierce my skin sends shivers down my back. Maybe I’ll never get a tattoo or a piercing because of it. I will probably end up being the only un-inked and un-pierced Dauntless person in this compound.

“Don’t worry, we will hold your hand,” Lucas jokes and I smile at him. I think they would have to hold me down to get me to get a tattoo. Four heard our conversation: “Are you afraid of needles Andy?”

“No…,” I say slowly, not really wanting to let Four and Eric know what I am afraid of, especially Eric. It’s such a lame fear if you ask me. A needle, it doesn’t do anything, except inject you with weird substances. Besides that the object is completely harmless.

“Don’t worry initiate, we will hold you if you are really scared,” Eric says and I understand the subtext of the comment, but Four and Lucas don’t and they want an explanation. I try to give the man an angry glare, but I can feel a smile threatening to escape my lips. I slightly let it slip: “Well I know I can always count on you big guns.”

Eric smirks, but stays quite. Four and Lucas don’t understand, but they let it go. Half the group heads towards our room, to shower. The other half goes to the dining hall, to graph some cake. Michael and I are allowed to shower first because we were apparently the genius that saved our group tonight. 

“It was your plan that kept us together and you two were the once who claimed their flag first,” Marc tells me before I head towards the shower. The water washes a lot of stress away. I can enter the second round of initiation. I can stay with my friends, all my friends. I wonder what we will have to do in the next stage. Maybe we can survive it if we just work together? But to be honest I doubt we will be able to help each other in the next stage. It will be focused on emotional stuff. We will have to get thru this on our own. The victory of tonight gives me strength though. Whatever they make me face, I can handle it. I will become Dauntless. I want to become a part of this faction. I feel like I belong here. With every day that passes and with everything I learn, I feel like I truly belong here.

When I am done with showering I lay down on my bed. I might have survived the Dauntless test, but what am I going to do about my secret meeting at midnight. I don’t know how I will be able to leave this compound unnoticed. And how will I get to 18the Street on time? I could take the train, but it would be easy to spot me. I don’t know if the Dauntless watch the platform at night. I don’t know how much these people work with security cameras. I realize that I don’t know a lot about this compound and the people in it. 

How will I handle tonight? Maybe I can convince the others to go to that bar again. They know I didn’t like it, but they did. Maybe I con pursue them to go again and to celebrate our victory. If that works, I will be able to sneak out easily. I feel bad about planning on leaving my friends, but this is more important. I need to know what those people know about Divergent and if they know anything about the attack on Erudite. 

I can’t leave the compound thru the main entrance. There has to be another entrance, small and less known by the Dauntless. Maybe I can ask Four about that. If I just ask out of curiosity, he might tell me what I need to know. I can’t ask Eric, because he will follow me without a doubt. It surprised me that he didn’t mention our encounter on the roof during the game. He had plenty of opportunity, but he didn’t. 

“Andy, are you ready?” Rob shakes me out of my concentration. I grin and follow my friends to the pit. The others want to get tattoos and the girls are going to shoot an extra ring thru their ear. I shiver at the idea. I never got my ears pierced because of my fear of needles. It also seemed un-logic to do it. What is the point of getting your ears pierced? I usually wear my hair lose, so it hangs over my ears so you wouldn’t even see the earrings.

I haven’t been in the tattoo shop before. It’s pretty dark and all the lights are red, giving the shop a red glow. It looks like a place I would forbid my little sister to go to. The shop is run by two people. I only meet one of them, Tori Wu. She seemed to recognize my friends. Apparently she did all their tattoos. She must be good. 

Her partner, whose name I didn’t catch, was working on a man in the next room. Marc, Victor and Michael were looking at piercings, while the girls were talking to Tori about getting their ears pierced. Lucas and I were looking at books, filled with pictures of tattoos.   
There are so many. I will never be able to choose.

“It’s best to pick a body part first and then look at the pictures,” Rob says and I sit down in one of the chairs. Where would I want a tattoo? Do I even want one? I think I do. It is a Dauntless tradition and I want to uphold that tradition. I wonder if my grandmother ever had a tattoo and if she did I wonder what she got. 

Where would I get a tattoo? On my arm, leg, back, chest, neck, face? So many possibilities. If I get a tattoo, I want to be able to cover it up when needed. So I don’t want one in my neck or on my face. I also don’t want one on my back, because I won’t be able to see it. I am also not a fan of a tattoo on my legs, so that leaves me with my arms and chest. 

It does sound kind of cool to have a tattoo on my chest. 

A tattoo catches my attention. It’s a small owl, spreading’s its wings. His eyes are fierce and I end up having a hard time looking away. Owls are usually the symbol for wisdom. It seems fitting for me to have a tattoo of an owl. It can represent my past or that is what I will tell everyone. I will know it stands for my aptitude test. Maybe I should get tattoos of my results, I can easily lie what they stand for and only I will know the truth. 

“Maybe I will get this one?” I tell Lucas and feel my heart beat faster. I am really going to do this. I am going to let a needle pierce my skin and I will be okay. Why shouldn’t I be okay? These people have done this a million times. They know what they are doing.

“You should. It fits you. You are a smart cookie,” Lucas says and shows me a picture of an eagle, with its wings spread out. He’s thinking about getting it on his upper back: “It would represent freedom, making my own choices and deciding for myself where I belong.”

“Deep, but it looks good,” I tell him and we wait for Tori to be done with the girls. Lucas will go first. I try to stay calm while Lucas sits down and Tori graphs her needles. I focus my eyes on everywhere but Lucas and Tori, but the sound of the needles is driving me crazy. It sounds like a drill is being pushed against my ears. 

After five minutes I can’t take it anymore and wait outside. I try to shake the noises out of my head, but it isn’t working. I watch people walk around the pit. Most of them are heading towards the pubs. The day is ending, so everyone is of course full of energy and ready to start an evening filled with full of laughter and probably alcohol. 

“You aren’t chickening out are you initiate,” Eric’s voice comes from behind me. He is standing in the tattoo shop, talking to Tori’s partner. A bandage is covering his right forearm. I guess he got a new tattoo. He paid the man who made his tattoo and he walks out of the shop: “I didn’t take you for the cowering type.”

“Well I guess you don’t know me that well then,” I tell him, not knowing why I really want to get a tattoo. Do I want it because it’s a tradition to these people? Do I really want to ink myself, for the rest of my life? Suddenly the tattoo I had chosen seemed stupid. Maybe I should get a tattoo that would symbolize my victory of tonight. And what was that exactly? My mind traveled back to the train pillar and a warm feeling started spreading throughout my stomach when I thought about Eric’s arms around my small frame.   
Wait, he thinks I’m though? 

I eye him and he notices it. I don’t pull my eyes away when his catches mine. I used to feel uncomfortable when his eyes caught mine, like he was trying to overpower me with them. Now I feel strangely calm and at ease. My irrational fear for needles was gone and I didn’t hear the annoying sound of Tori’s tools anymore. 

My mind started drifting back to the pillar and the few seconds I was pushed up against his body. It’s Eric’s voice that brings me back to the present and I feel my cheeks heat up. I can’t believe my mind is starting to…to… What is it trying to do? 

“It only takes Tori a few minutes and then it’s over,” Eric tries to sound reassuring, but it doesn’t help me. I feel my knees tremble. He stands beside me. I hadn’t noticed before, but I am really short compared to Eric. Well, actually he’s just big. His muscles and broad shoulders make him look big. Even Four seems skinny next to him and I have seen how strong he is during training. 

“Yeah well I’m not a fan of objects piercing my skin,” I try to joke to lighten my own mood, but it sounds lame. I try to focus my eyes on something else, so that I don’t keep reminding his nice eyes. 

A hand touches my lower back and I feel Eric leaning closer to me, his head next to mine, his lips touching my ear. My heart skips a beat and I hold my breath for some unknown reason. I caught myself wondering if he would take me back into his arms, but the idea sounded ludicrous. 

“Don’t do something you will end regretting initiate. It doesn’t suit you,” I felt my legs tremble and my skin heated up while Eric whispered in my ear. My hands itched and I had to focus to stand up straight. What is happening to me? This feeling inside of me isn’t because of fear, but because of something else. Something I can’t name.

“I’ll think about it,” I wisher back and feel his chest touch my back. I turn my head and I catch his eyes. I feel incredibly drown to him and that scares me. I feel myself enter an unfamiliar territory and I don’t know what to do. I simple follow my gut. I have never simple followed my gut. I follow my brain. I gather the facts and decided on them what my action will be. 

Eric is about to say something when his eyes caught something behind me. I couldn’t tell what it was, but he suddenly pulls away from me and stands straight, breaking whatever was hanging between us. He nods and walks away, into a hallway I don’t recognize. 

That was weird. I stare after Eric for a few minutes, until Kim walks up to me. I tell her I am going to wait with my first tattoo: “I am just not sure what I want to get and I don’t want to end up getting one I will regret later.”

“That’s okay. Maybe next time,” Kim says and Marnie joins us: “Have you guy’s seen Michael? He was standing next to me one minute and then the next minute he’s gone.”

Minute?

Hours?

What time is it! I have completely forgotten about my meeting! I have to leave now! I don’t know how I will reach the platform without getting caught before the next train arrives. First things first.

“Let’s head back to the bar from the other night,” Marc’s voice pulls me back to the conversation my friends were having. I hadn’t even notice them all joining us outside the tattoo shop. Perfect. I already told Lucas and Victor that I didn’t like the bar. I will be alone and can easily sneak out that way. 

“You guys should go, I am going to bed. I am exhausted,” I say and can tell that Rob, Annie and Lucas don’t want me to leave. I give them a reassuring look, trying to convince them that I will be fine: “You guys go and have fun. Tell me all about it tomorrow.”

“Are you sure Andy?” Lucas asks while the others start walking towards the bar. His brother waits for him up a head. I place my hand on Lucas his shoulder and smile: “Don’t worry, I am going to crawl into bed. I think my body is finally catching up with my mind. I will see you tomorrow.”

I walk towards our sleeping quarters and graph a sweater. It will be cold. On my way out my eyes find a clock. It’s 11:15 pm already. I will have to hurry. I want to run but I don’t know where I should run towards. I don’t know any secret doors that lead to the train platform. I only know the head entrance and I will never get passed the Dauntless guards there. 

What should I do? 

Andy, think! Don’t panic. There has to be more than one entrance to enter or leave this compound. Erudite had lots of secret doors that lead to other buildings or stairs that led outside the main building. The Dauntless compound is build around its center, the pit. That means that there will probably be three other entrances I can use. The main entrance is at the north side of the compound. I should try east or west. I think the south entrance will also be heavily guarded. 

I navigate my way thru the compound and end up quickly in halls that are in the east side of the compound. I am lucky that most people are at the pit at the moment, else they would be suspicious of me being in these corridors. I haven’t been here before.   
Left, right, dead end, right again, steps that lead down, dead end again. 

I repeat this cycle a few times, but I wasn’t successful. Damn it! What should I do now? I keep running and soon my muscles start to protest. I have been using them to much today. My body needs rest, but I can’t let this meeting slip by without knowing what it was about. 

I run into another hallway that has a dead end. I turn around and want to run back, when I hear a noise behind me. It sounded like an old door being pushed open. I turn around and see a door, slightly pushed open at the end of the hallway. My body tenses and I scan the hall for people, but there is no one there. I walk slowly towards the door. My heart starts beating faster when I am about to pull the door open. I plant my feet firmly on the ground, ready for whoever is standing behind that door. I let go of the breath I was holding and pull the door open. My eyes try to find a figure but the hall behind the door is completely black. 

“So they did contact you as well,” Michael’s voice enters my ears and I feel his hand graph my wrist and pull me into the darkness of the hall.


	16. Chapter 16

“Michael? What are you doing here?” I ask the boy, while my eyes adjust to the darkness. After a few seconds I can locate his frame. The hall we are standing in is small and bearably lid. I can make out some stuff lying on the ground. I will have to look out where I place my feet.

“Probably the same thing as you,” he answered me shortly and starts walking down the narrow corridor. What does he mean? There is no way that those people also contacted him. It is not possible, because that would mean…that would mean… he’s Divergent. That would mean he is like me. 

“And what do you think I am doing here?” I am not going to be the first one to say that I am Divergent. What if it’s a trap? Maybe he is testing me for some reason. Why, I don’t know. But this Divergent secret is too big to just blurt out. I follow Michael and come up with a back-up plan. If it turns out he’s leaving the compound for a different reason, I can always tell him I miss my family and that I am going to visit them. 18the Street is nearby my apartment building. Actually our apartment building. Michael lived two floors above me. 

Michael doesn’t say anything and I decided to follow him. I can’t picture him being Divergent, but it wouldn’t be completely weird. He’s one of the best initiates of our group, including the Dauntless born and he is really smart. Maybe his aptitude test results were Dauntless and Erudite, like me. I couldn’t come up with another reason why Michael would be here. He doesn’t talk about his family and I don’t think he really misses his friends from Erudite, considering Sarah was his best friend. I also think he values our new friends a lot more then the once he had in Erudite. Whenever I saw them, they were always talking about science stuff, mostly human behavior related. I guess that’s the reason he analyses people so much. If I remember correctly his grades were sky high in the classes that involved human behavior. In fact he was the teacher’s assistant and I once saw him turn in an extra paper. He didn’t need the extra grade, so I can only guess that he did it out of pure and general interest.

We make a few turns and end up at another door. It is open and I can feel the cold wind on my skin. It was pitch black outside. There were no street lights and the street was almost as small as the corridor we just walked thru. Michael scanned the street and then turned to me. His hands pulled me close to his body and he whispered in my ear: “Look, you and I seem to share a certain human characteristic. I am not going to name it, because I don’t know who followed us and yes we are being followed. I suggest you play along until we can shake them off. I am hoping the train will do the trick.”

I was stunned for second. I hadn’t noticed anyone following us. Maybe it’s Eric. He did leave on a suspicious way. Maybe he did hear what day the meeting was and decided to follow me. While I was looking for a way out of the compound, I hadn’t checked to see if anyone was following me. I guess I will have to play the part and frankly I can only think of one excuse that would make whoever is following us leave. I can’t believe I am going to do this. I stand on my toes and lay my arms around Michael’s neck. I feel his chest being pressed up against mine and my mind wanders for a split second back to the pillar from earlier. I shake my head and try to focus on the situation I am currently in. 

“I know a place where we can be alone,” I say just loud enough to be heard by anyone who was standing near us. I pull my head back and Michael nods, catching on to my plan. I let go and he graphs my hand. It feels weird doing this. I am not entirely sure I like it. In fact I don’t want him to hold my hand. His hand is sweaty. He must be nervous. I should be too, but for some reason I am more excited by the thought of someone following us and I am too curious about the meeting to be nervous. 

We run out in to the street and Michael leads us to the train platform. We run thru a maze of short and narrow streets, but we don’t see anyone. This must be an abandoned part of the city. It’s a good thing the factionless live near Abnegation, else we might run into some unfavorable people, of whom I am not sure what they are capable of. 

We end up beneath the train platform. We climb next to each other in silence, but both our eyes are scanning the area for movement. We don’t see any. Maybe Michael was wrong about someone following us. During our run towards the train platform, I tried to find some proof of anyone following us, but I didn’t find anything. Maybe Michael thought he heard or saw something. It happens sometimes that you imagine things when you are nervous or scarred. I can’t really picture Michael as scarred though. He always looked to me like someone who was in full control of himself and his emotions.

Michael reaches the platform first and he pulls me up. I let him help me, trying to seem convincing to whoever is watching us. His hands finds mine again as we wait for the train. I take a look at Michael’s watch. It reads 11:38 pm. We are going to cut it close. 18the Street is at least a mile away from the train platform in the Erudite section. And that is if the train shows up within the next five minutes. 

“I don’t suppose you know when the train will arrive here,” Michael whispers in my ear. His breath sends a shiver down my spine, but it’s different from when Eric had done it. It was sort of enjoyable when Eric’s breath had hit my skin, but when Michaels breathe hit my neck, it made me want to pull away as quickly as possible. 

I shake my head. I lace my arm around his and lay my head to rest on his shoulder. At least this way I don’t have to feel his skin touch mine. My mind wonders to the meeting waiting for us. I wonder who will be there. Who are those people? Are they also Divergent? What if it is a trap? Maybe they found out that I am Divergent and want to lure me away from the compound to take care of me in secret. What if that Abnegation woman told someone or someone made her talk. It would go against all her believes, so I don’t think she would talk freely about it. But they also contacted Michael and he seems to trust this meeting or at least wants to check it out. He doesn’t seem like someone who would go if he doubted these people their intentions. 

Headlights catch my attention and I see the train enter the train station of the Dauntless compound. My eyes catch Michaels: “There’ no going back once we are on that train.”

He nods and we start running alongside the train. We climb in quickly and it doesn’t hit me until later that I actually managed to get on the train without help this time. I stay near the door and watch the platform. I don’t see anyone get on the train and we soon leave the platform. I guess it’s safe to say that we made it out of the Dauntless compound without anyone following us. I sit down next to Michael.

“So who do you think these people are?” I ask, trying to start the conversation. I want him to mention the Divergent thing first. I am still wary about his intentions and I don’t want to get caught on some kind of recording machine he might be carrying. I don’t think he would frame me, not after the last couple of days, but it doesn’t hurt to be cautious.

“They are probably like us, hiding in factions. I am more curious to how they found out about us and what they want from us,” Michael answers me, not mention the Divergent word. I catch his eyes and I can tell he’s feeling the same way as me. I sigh: “Are we really going to keep analyzing each other until we reach our destination?”

“Probably, unless you want to mention your plans first,” Michael answers me flatly. I stare at the train door in front of me and see the city lights flash by. I guess I should feel comfortable knowing that he doesn’t want to tell me either where he’s going. That must mean that it is a big secret and the only thing I can come up with that could link us and explain this situation, is that he’s Divergent.

“I got Erudite and Dauntless,” I state after a few minutes. The words sort of found their own way out of my mouth. I don’t look at Michael, afraid of what I might find in his eyes. This is the moment where either he becomes my ally or my enemy. 

“I would have thought that you would have ended up with Abnegation, the way you put our needs in front of yours,” Michael tells me and smiles. Technically I did get Abnegation and Candor, but he doesn’t need to know that just yet. 

“I got Erudite and Candor,” Michael says after another minute. Candor? I would have never guessed that. I would say he fits in with Dauntless more, but then again I don’t know Michael that well: “Why did you pick Dauntless then?”

“It is the only place where I can learn to defend myself. I wanted to stay in Erudite, but it’s dangerous there for people like us,” Michael explains. My mind wondered back to my conversation with Marie. How does he know something is going on?

“My mom was also like us. I was told she was killed by a factionless man,” Michael starts explaining and I can feel his body get tense. He was feeling uncomfortable while he told me this, what was understandable. I am not good with grieving people, mainly because I have never met anyone who was grieving. I grieved alone when my grandmother died and when my grandfather died I didn’t feel so sad about it. I guess my Erudite mind explained to me that they were old and it’s the natural order of things. In fact I have never really thought about death before. I do the only thing I know that I can do to help Michael. I lay my hand on his shoulder. 

“You heard about the attack from the factionless a few days ago, right,” Michael asks me and I nod. So he did hear about it too. I wonder if Sarah heard about it too. I remember him acting weird during our training after the attack. Maybe this had something to do with it. 

“When my dad came to visit me on visiting day he told me the truth. My mom was killed by a Dauntless soldier, working for someone in Erudite. Dad didn’t know who, but he warned me to watch my back while I am here. He thinks there are spies working in Dauntless for Erudite,” Michael tells me. His story seemed to connect with what Marie told me. I tell him what Marie told me and I can see his brain trying to figure out what is going on in our old faction. 

“You think they are targeting your parents?” Michael asks when I am done explain him my story. I nod. I don’t think they are targeting my parents, I know they are doing that. They seem to know something and I bet it has something to do with something that Jeanine doesn’t want the public to know. Maybe it has something to do with Divergents. 

“I have to admit, it feels good knowing that I am not the only Divergent in our group,” Michael grins slightly and I agree. I have an alley in the compound, who I can tell everything. I know I can count on the others, but I cannot involve them in this Divergent thing, because I don’t trust them with this kind of information. It’s a selfish thought, but I can’t change it. This secret could get me killed. Especially now that Dauntless seems to be involved somehow. 

“We should jump of here. We can land on that roof and climb down the stairs. If we go to the Erudite station we might get caught and we will have to walk further,” Michael suggests. His watch reads 11:54 pm. We can’t afford losing more time. We will have to jump, but the jump is pretty far. The gap between the train and the roof is bigger than the one I had to jump with Rob on my first day as Dauntless.

“You think we can make it? It’s a rather big jump,” I say and catch my voice tremble slightly. I feel my knees shake slightly at the thought of having to jump, but a tiny part of me is also excited. It’s a combination that makes me unsure of deciding if this jump is wise. 

“You’re not scared are you,” Michael teases me and he places himself at the door. The roof is coming close and I stand next to him. If I don’t reach the roof, it will be a long way down. The street below us was barely lid so I couldn’t see the ground, but it would surely kill me.

“Just a bit,” I admit and see Michael bracing himself to make the jump. He turns to me and grins: “Why would you? We are Divergent. The rules of this world don’t affect us. Don’t think, just jump.”

And with that he was gone. He landed on his feet, ungracefully. I was alone on the train now. It’s now or never. If I don’t jump, I won’t make it to the meeting and I am not sure if Michael will tell me about it afterwards. I take a few steps back and ignore the voices in my head telling me not to jump. I start running and soon I am flying thru the air. It is cold and everything seems to be going in slow motion. I can see Michael and the roof edge is coming close to me. I start to panic. The edge is coming close to me, to close. 

I am not going to make it. I didn’t jump far enough. I will fall and become a pancake. I cannot let that happen. This is not how it will end for me. My body will not reach the roof, but maybe my hands can graph the edge. I can climb on the roof that way or Michael can pull me up. I brace myself for the painful impact I will make with the building and I concentrate on my hands. All I need to do is graph the edge. 

My hands make contact with the cold, hard wall and I have to use all my power to not let go. My knees are scratched open and I can feel blood trail down my leg. My head also makes a rather unpleasant connection with the building. I tried to keep my head back, but the impact with the wall made it go forward and collapse with the wall. Thankfully it wasn’t hard enough to knock me unconscious, but I could feel a headache form and a bloodstream was trailing down the left side of my face.

“Andy!” Michael shouts and his face enters my vision. He graphs my arms and pulls me up. I place my feet against the wall and soon I feel gravel beneath me. I let go of the air I had been holding since I had jumped from the train. 

“That was a close one. I thought you hadn’t made it,” Michael says and I can hear concern in his voice. I stand up and shake my head: “For a second I thought I wasn’t going to make it. If you hadn’t been here to help me, I would have fallen. Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it,” Michael smiles reassuring and we start climbing down the stairs. I wipe the blood from my face and ignore the pain coming from my knees. Running is going to be painful. 

“We have 3 minutes to reach 18the Street. Do you think you can run?” Michael asks me and he eyes my knees concerned. I give him a reassuring smile: “Don’t sweat it. We have been beaten up worse the last couple of days. I will be fine.”

We start running. It feels weird being back in the Erudite section. I recognize the streets. Sometimes I would help mom and dad deliver packages to other research centrums. Marie would usually join with me. Dad said it was a good way for us to learn our way around the Erudite section. Seeing these familiar places sends a pang of guilt to my stomach. I wonder how mom and dad are doing. I hope they are safe. I hope Marie stays out of trouble as well. 

We near the meeting point and I graph Michaels arm. I make him stop running and signal him to be quite. I look for something that can give me the higher ground, to scan the area. An old and broke staircase catches my eyes. It is hidden in the shadows, so whoever is waiting for us will not see me. 

“Wait here,” I tell Michael and walk to the staircase. I slowly climb on it, trying not to make a sound. When I reach the top, I can see the cross point of 18the and 19the Street. It is the meeting point. One figure is standing there. He seems to be alone. I think it’s a man, judging by this body structure. It suddenly downed on me that maybe we sound have brought weapons with us. What if these people attack us? We can only fight with our fists and run. I climb back down and join Michael: “There is one man standing on the cross point, with a black hood. I suspect he is here for us. What should we do?”

“We came all this way. I say we just walk up to him and see what happens,” Michael sounds confident. His words make the doubt leave my body and we walk around the corner. Michael whistles and the man turns to face us. He pulls his hood back and it reveals a dark skinned man, with short black hair. We walk closer to him and his clothes reveal that he isn’t part of any faction. He’s factionless. 

“I wasn’t sure you would come,” the man speaks with a very low voice. He doesn’t make any sudden movements. Michael and I eye each other, not knowing what do to now that we made contact. 

“We should leave the streets. It’s not safe, follow me,” the man spoke and he started walking towards a narrow alley, where the factionless used to live before they moved to Abnegation. We follow the stranger at a distant. He leads us to an abandoned warehouse. My eyes keep searching for other people, but we seem to be alone. After a few minutes the man stops at a door. He knocks on it five times, then waits and repeats his actions. The door opens and reveals a short woman, also wearing old and torn clothes. She must be factionless too. I eye Michael nervous. I thought we would meet faction people who were Divergents, not people who are factionless. 

The room is small and is only filled with some chairs, a table and a bed that has seen better days. 

“Please sit. We would offer you a drink, but unfortunately this meeting place isn’t equipped with food,” the woman speaks and we do as we are told. She doesn’t seem threatening. I scan her face, trying to discover from what faction she used to come. 

“Forgive us for all the secrecy, but as you probably already know it’s recommended among our kind,” the man starts the conversation. I think he used to be part of Candor. He speaks like one of them. Not many factions use the phrase forgive me and he is rather direct in his approach. 

“My name is Tabassum and this is Sacha,” Tabassum introduces himself and Sacha raises her hand in a greeting manner. I think Sacha used to be part of Amity.

“I am Michael,” my friend introduces himself and I follow: “Andy.”

“We know,” Sacha continues: “We know who you are and what you are. Don’t be scared. We are like you, Divergent. That’s why we made contact with you two.”

“How do you know we are Divergent. I didn’t tell anyone,” I ask, extremely curious as to how these people found out about us. If factionless people can find out about me and Michael, then it’s only a matter of time until the factions, especially Erudite, find out about this.

“Both of you took the aptitude test with an Abnegation woman, am I correct?” Tabassum asks us and we nod. I didn’t know Michael also took his test with that woman: “She works with us so don’t be afraid that anyone else will find out about you. She is a friend of ours and informed us about your situation the day after the aptitude test. We decided that it would be best to make contact with you quickly.”

“Because we didn’t know what your opinion was about being Divergent, we decided to contact you the way we did. If you were truly curious about what you are and who we are, then you would come and meet us. If you weren’t interested, you wouldn’t have come,” Sacha explains. 

“We also figured that if you weren’t interested, that you wouldn’t tell anyone,” Tabassum finishes the explanation. Michael nods understanding: “Because else we would have to explain why we were contacted and we might risk being discovered by the Dauntless.”

“Indeed and I am guessing that you already have noticed that something is wrong in Dauntless,” Tabassum asks us and I add: “And Erudite.”

“Good, that saves us time. We can’t tell you exactly what is going on because we don’t know everything yet and we don’t know if we can trust you,” Tabassum is defiantly from Candor. He is to direct: “Our leaders will decide after a while if you are trustworthy.”

“Your leaders? There are more Divergents,” Michael asks surprised. I thought that Abnegation woman said that Divergent was extremely rare. Sacha nods: “Of course. We aren’t the only Divergents. We have gathered in a group and are trying to find out what is happening to our society. Someone is targeting our kind and we want to know why.”

“How many are there? Divergents I mean,” I ask. I suddenly don’t feel alone, knowing that apparently there were more people like us. A lot more in fact: “I can’t give you an exact number, but more than 100.”

“100? How can that be? Where do they all live? Are they all factionless?” Michael asks quickly. Tabassum shakes his head: “No, there are a lot off Divergents among the factionless because they felt targeted in their factions, but we also have many spies hidden in the factions. They give us insight to what is going on. When we heard about you two, we had hoped that one of you would stay in Erudite. We need more spies there, because we think that whoever is targeting us is part of them.”

“We wanted to meet with you because we want to warn you and ask for your help,” Sacha continues. She leans forward like she doesn’t want anyone else to hear what she is about to say, even though there is no one here besides us four: “Dauntless isn’t safe. We believe they are part of this rebellion against our kind.”

“Do you know who?” Michael asks and I immediately think of Eric. He acts suspicious. Why would they let a Dauntless leader supervise our training? Four can handle us perfect on his own. What if Eric supervises us to see if there are any Divergents among our group? It wouldn’t be completely insane. I bet he analyses people and situations the most among the Dauntless leaders. And anyone of the initiates could have become Divergent. We are new and they will probably have to analyses us quickly. Eric seems like a logic option. 

“We suspect some of the Dauntless leaders, but we don’t have any concrete proof. We have three spies in Dauntless, five if you two are up for it. We can’t tell you anything more at this moment because you aren’t part of our circle yet, but just keep your eyes open. Maybe a fresh pair of eyes is all we need to figure out who is hiding something,” Sacha explained. I can’t blame them. I wouldn’t tell everything to someone I just met. Michael nodded in agreement: “You can count on me. I’ll keep my eyes and ears open.”

Everyone’s eyes turn to me. What will I do? Am I going to help these people? They haven’t really told me anything new. Am I going to risk my life for a group of people who say they are like me? And if I don’t, what will they do? I can’t picture them just letting me walk out of here without a scratch. Maybe I don’t really have a choice. Then again, I do want to help these people. I am Divergent, I can’t change that fact. 

“Count me in as well.”


	17. Chapter 17

Tabassum walked us back to 18the Street after explaining to us how we could contact him and Sacha. He gave us a small device. Michael hide it in his pocket. We could use it to arrange a meeting with Sacha or Tabassum or to send them a message. We have to use certain words in our message so that they would know it was really us sending it. If we would lose the device and someone would find it, Sacha and Tabassum would know immediately. They would send us every week a new set of words.

“I am truly glad to have met you two. You will be a great asset to our cause in the future. You should head back to Dauntless now. Be safe,” he told us, shaking our hands and taking his leave. He walked back to the warehouse. For a few minutes Michael and I were silent, not knowing what to say. 

“We didn’t really learn anything new, did we?” I ask when I couldn’t take the silence anymore and we started walking towards the Erudite train station. I could tell that Michael wanted to disagree with me, but he couldn’t find a single reason to object. He gave up in the end: “Yeah you’re right. However, we did learn that there are more Divergents and now we can contact them.”

“Yeah, that’s true. It wasn’t a complete waste of time,” I sigh and I actually feel glad that we took the risk. There is more to this society than I thought and it’s not just Erudite. Dauntless is also involved and that surprised me. I thought they were individuals, who were above something like this. 

“And we also know about each other now. Even if it’s you, it helps surviving this initiation period,” Michael confesses and he turns to me. We stop walking. He is right. The thing I really learned tonight, is that I have an alley in Dauntless. Someone who I can talk to about this Divergent stuff, someone who can help me understand it. It’s a reassuring feeling. 

“I will take that as a compliment, even though it’s you,” I get back at Michael. He smiles and it’s contagious. I lower my eyes and we start walking again, a calm and safe vibe hanging between us. I never in a million years expected to share my biggest secret in the world that could get me killed, with Michael. When I look at him now, he is different. He isn’t that annoying prick anymore from Erudite. He is my teammate, who is smart and I with whom I can come up with great plans. He is trustworthy and I think I can rely on him. More than I ever expected. 

We take another turn and we can see the Erudite train station up a head, but something else caught our attention. A big black cloud of smoke was rising from an apartment building. It was a building close to Erudite headquarters. 

“Is that…,” I ask and I am afraid to find out which building is on fire. It couldn’t be…

“…our building?” Michael wonders the same thing. His voice is trembling and I see fear in his eyes. It can’t be our building. The smoke is so big, it can only be created from a building that’s basically completely on fire. Our building is to new, to well taken care of. There’s no way a fire could break out in it and not be stopped in time.

Michael starts running towards the smoke. This isn’t a good idea. We aren’t suppose to be here. If we get caught, we will be into a lot of trouble. But what if it is our building? What if my parents are trapped inside it? What if Marie is hurt? Mom and dad have already been attacked once and that was unsuccessful, maybe whoever is responsible for that has come back to try again. I cannot leave, without making sure my family is safe. 

As we run closer to the smoke, we can hear people scream and the street in front of the building is filled with people, ambulances and the fire brigade. As I recognize the street we are in, I look up and see the building where the fire is.

It is my apartment building. It is my home. The place I was born and grew up in and had countless fights with my sister. My home is on fire. The floor my family lives on, had smoke coming from all the windows and I could see red flames trying to escape. People were running out of the building and they were helped by Dauntless soldiers. 

I recognized a lot of people in the crowd. Neighbors, kids from school, friends of my sister, school teachers, college’s of mom and dad. But I couldn’t find the once that mattered at the moment: my family. I kept scanning the faces of the people, while I walked among them but I couldn’t find them. Michael was behind me, looking for his dad. No one noticed us, probably from shock or they didn’t care that we were there or maybe they didn’t question it. 

Jeanine Matthews was standing among the crowd. She was talking to someone from Dauntless. A man I didn’t recognize. She looked dirty. It was weird, because it is Jeanine. She always looks perfect. Her makeup is flawless and her clothes are always clean. Now her face was dirty from the smoke and her clothes had a grey touché to them. She must have also been inside the building. Why? She doesn’t live here. She lives at headquarters. 

Maybe she was visiting someone, maybe my parents? 

“Dad!” Michael shouts and he starts running towards his father. I had seen him at visiting day. Michael looks a lot like him. They are built the same way, tall and muscular with blond hair and blue eyes. His dad was limping. He must have gotten hurt while getting out of the building. Father and son hugged and I left them. I needed to find my family. 

I scanned what felt like millions of faces, but I didn’t find the right once. None of those faces belonged to my family. I felt my body get cold, even though the fire made the temperature rise around us. What if something had happened to them? What if the fire caught them? What if they were trapped and the smoke was suffocating them? 

“Andy?” A voices calls me and I turn around, hoping it belongs to one of my family members, even though it sounds nothing like them. It is Amber, Eric’s girlfriend. She is wearing the Dauntless soldier uniform, with a gun strapped to her hip and gloves covering her hands. It seemed weird to see her like this. I kind of thought she was a joke. A girl who wanted to play with the big boys, but who didn’t want to brake a nail. It was a bad thing of me to think of her in such a way, considering I barely know her. 

“What are you doing here?” she asks me and one of her hands graphs my arm. I have a hard time focusing on what she is saying. I can’t stop scanning the crowd behind her. I feel my body shake slightly and I forget to breathe at moments. The combination of the foil air, my inability to breathe normally and the fact that I didn’t know where my family was or if they were even alive was starting to take its toil on me. I started having a panic attack. I have never had one before. I can only describe it as suffocating. But maybe that is a result from all the smoke that is around me. Spots appear in front of me, but I push my body and pull myself lose from Amber’s hold. I need to find them. 

Mom, dad, Marie, where are you?

I hear Amber yell at me for some reason, but I block her out. In fact, I have somehow blocked out all the noises around me. I don’t hear people screaming anymore or the sound of fire. It must be from shock. My vision is starting to fail me. I need to really focus on scanning people‘s faces. Blue becomes black and black becomes blue. I bump into people, barely registering that I did that. 

A sudden explosion makes me lose my balance. The people around me cover their heads and take cover, but I can’t find the will to move my feet. I keep looking at people faces. A second explosion makes me look up and my ears start working again. Amber had run up to me and she pulls me with her. I try to get lose, but she is to strong or I am too weak from lack of fresh air. 

“Initiate, what are you doing here?” Eric’s voice makes me forget about my search for my family for a split second and I think back at what Tabassum and Sacha told me earlier. Dauntless leaders were involved, but which once? Was Eric one of them? 

A third explosion is heard. This one is more powerful and I feel a shock wave push me forward. Amber had braced herself and kept her balance, while Eric’s arm kept me on my feet. When did it find its way around my waist? Debris from the explosion are flying around. They aren’t big, but big enough to knock you out cold, if not kill you. I turn my body away from the building and feel Eric’s arm around my head, shielding it from the debris flying around. His other arm keeps me pushed up against his chest. I didn’t move for what felt like hours. I didn’t mind being pushed up against Eric, in fact it gave me a secure feeling even though I am going to be in trouble later with him because I left the Dauntless compound unsupervised. 

When most of the debris was laying on the ground, Eric pulled his arm from above my head and I turn around to see the damage the third explosion had caused. The Dauntless soldiers were guiding the Erudite people away from the building. I could see a few body’s laying on the ground. Probably burned to death. Jeanine was helping, signaling to head to headquarters. 

“Amber, go help them,” Eric ordered the girl and I couldn’t help a shiver run down my back at the tone in his voice. He was being serious. There wasn’t room for jokes or snide comments. This is a whole different Eric. He was a man people took orders from, a man you listened too. I guess he was made a leader for some reason, beside his physical strength. He sounded powerful in his voice. He barked out more orders, but his voice didn’t reach my ears anymore. The world around me became silent. My eyes were focused on the main entrance of the apartment building. A smaller frame was walking out of it, accompanied by three adults, two from Dauntless and one from Erudite. I could make out her face after a few seconds.

Marie!

“MARIE!” my voice sounded strange, must be from all the smoke. It is her. It is my little sister. She is limping and one of the Dauntless soldiers is supporting her. Her face is dirty from the smoke and she seems to be in shock. Marie and the others are walking the opposite direction from us. I want to run towards her, but Eric stops me: “Let me go!”

“No, you stay here! I will get her,” his tone was so strong, commanding and final. I didn’t find it in myself to protest. Michael showed up at my side, with his dad. Eric says something to Michael, but I can’t hear them over all the noise surrounding us. Eric’s arms get replaced by Michaels and the man runs towards my sister. I graph Michael’s arm for support and I can hear him say soothing words to me, but my mind refuses to listen to him. Marie is the only thing important right now.

Eric catches up quickly with the Dauntless soldiers and they talk. I can tell from Marie her body language that she doesn’t trust him. Suddenly he points in my direction. Marie lets go of the Dauntless soldier helping her and starts limping towards me. I don’t know where the strength comes from, but I managed to pull myself lose from Michael. It seemed to take me forever to run towards my sister and hold her in my arms. Her small frame seems fragile at the moment and she starts crying while hiding her face in my shoulder. I found myself feeling rather calm the moment I felt my sister’s frame against mine. She is alright. She is okay. That is one person I have found. 

I pull back and inspect my sister’s frame. She is limping, but it looks like she doesn’t have any other injuries. Tears are running down her face and I cannot help but wonder if it’s because she was afraid or is she knew something about mom and dad. 

I toughen up. I cannot become emotional like her now. She needs me. I lay her arm around my shoulder and guide her towards headquarters myself. Michael and his dad follow us. Every now and then Marie makes a face, signaling she is in pain. I try and slow down, but after a while it seems like every step Marie takes is hurting her. She must have sprained her ankle badly. If it was broken, she wouldn’t be able to walk at all and she is keeping her weight away from her foot, not her knee. It has to be a sprained ankle. 

We don’t say much during our walk. I don’t know what to say to her. That she is safe, that it will be okay? I cannot guarantee those things. Considering our apartment just went up in flames, I think it’s safe to say that she isn’t safe. I bet it is the same person who was behind the attack from the factionless. 

We reach headquarters and it looks the same as the last time I was here, only now it was filled with dirty people. People covered in grey smoke, whose clothes were ruined. It was a very un-Erudite sight to withhold.

I help Marie sit down and inspect her ankle. It was swollen badly. Michael went to look for a doctor or a nurse who could help my sister. His dad started talking to Marie, to help her out of her state of shock. He was talking about school stuff. It sounded stupid to talk about it. It felt like a lifetime ago since I went to school, even though it has only been a few weeks. The man was asking her questions about her classes. Marie answered them after awhile. The man was patient and seemed to know what he was doing. Maybe he was a scientist who worked in the field of human behavior, like his son wanted to do. I didn’t enter the conversation. I suddenly felt very tired. I wanted to sleep next to Marie and wake up to find out this was all a dream. A very bad dream.

“Initiate!” And the dream just keeps getting worse. Eric was standing behind us, one hand holding his gloves and his jacket. His t-shirt showed his muscles well. If I hadn’t been dirty from the smoke, I would have tried to hide the blush creeping on my face: “A word, now!”

Eric was still in his leader role and that frightened me for some reason. I didn’t know how he would react. This was a new side of him and I didn’t know how to hold myself in front of him. I decided to try something new. I obeyed and followed Eric away from the masses. He stopped in a hallway that led to my old classroom. It felt weird standing here as a different person. The last time I was here, I was a student and my life was extremely simple. I had no worries. Now I am a Dauntless initiate, who is in a lot of trouble. Now I am Divergent, hiding my identity because it can get me killed. 

“Yes,” I asked as politely as possible and wait for Eric’s outburst. I wonder what he will say. Would he kick me out of Dauntless because of this? I don’t think Eric would mind me leaving, in fact he would probably be the first to applaud the idea. 

“What do you think you are doing here?” Eric asks amazingly calm, but I can hear anger in his voice. Why is he holding that back? I had expected that he would have bitten my head off by now. Was it really only a few hours ago that I jumped from that pillar into his arms? 

“I came to visit my family. I missed my sister,” I answer shortly. It’s not because I obeyed that I was going to tell him the truth. I kept my voice even and waited patiently for the man’s replay. He analyzed my face, his eyes not letting go mine. He couldn’t find a lie in them: “And what was Michael doing with you?”

“I ran into him on my way out. He tried to stop me. I don’t know why he decided to come with me. Maybe he missed his old man.” It was a possibility that could have happened. I am sure that there are more initiates who do stuff like this. They are probably just smarter and make sure they don’t get caught. 

“He missed his old man?” Eric asks me, a mocking tone in his voice. I raised one eyebrow at him. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that Eric would mock something as sentimental as missing once family. It seems to fit his character. I wonder if he has seen or spoken to his family ever since he became Dauntless. 

“Yes,” I answer shortly and I could tell Eric was getting fed up with my short answers. I place my hands in the pockets of my jacket and waited for Eric’s reaction: “And what gave you the idea that you were allowed to leave the compound without supervision?”

“Nothing, it’s against Dauntless rules,” I am surprised by my own ability to stay calm, considering I could tell that Eric was starting to tick: “Then why do it?”

“I already told you, I missed my family,” I stated and sighed. Can’t he just make his point and scowled me. That way I can leave and go back to Marie: “I also didn’t suspect that either you or Four would give me permission to go.”

“I might have surprised you,” Eric teased me, leaving his angry state of mind behind. It is unnatural how quickly he could switch in moods sometimes. I crossed my arms in front of my chest: “I don’t think so.”

“Our little pillar adventure doesn’t give me the benefit of the doubt?” Eric kept teasing and he took a step forward. I don’t think he would have granted me permission. In fact, he would have probably laughed in my face. Tabassum’s words kept running through my mind when I looked at Eric.

Dauntless isn’t safe. We believe they are part of this rebellion against our kind. We suspect some of the Dauntless leaders are involved.

“Not really, you don’t seem the trustworthy type to be honest,” I dared to say and I caught Eric being stunned for a second. I could have answered a lot of things to Eric, but he didn’t suspect such a forward answer. Even I hadn’t expected it, the words just left my mouth before I could stop them. Eric didn’t let my words get to him though. His playful manner stopped and he took another step forward and lowered his head. I had to look up because he was doing a good job of towering over my small frame. I tried not to feel intimidated, but he had a very intimidating figure.

“We head back to Dauntless in ten minutes. Make sure you are ready,” he warned me and I could tell from his tone that he dared me to talk back at him. It seemed to be the theme of the day: being in a close proximity with Eric. This was the third time today that his face was this close to mine.

“Yes sir,” I answered and walked away from him. I ignored the fluttering feeling in my stomach and walked back to Marie. 

“And don’t think this is over initiate,” Eric called after me. Has he ever called me by my name? I don’t think so. He always calls me initiate. I am the only one calls that, I guess I must be special. I didn’t stop the blush creep on my face. 

“I didn’t expect it to be, sir,” I called back and added as much violence to my voice as he had done. I walked back to Marie, Michael and his dad. A nurse was helping Marie and she seemed to have calmed down. Michael eyed me, but I told him to let it go. He saw Eric walk behind me and got that we probably wouldn’t see our beds tonight. 

“Michael, can I have a moment with my sister. We have to leave in ten minutes,” I asked my friend and he nodded. He helped his dad look around for friends of them, while I sat down next to Marie: “I can’t stay long. What happened tonight?”

“I don’t know,” Marie started in a hushed voice that was shaking. I laid my arm around her and leaned my head against hers, so that we could talk softly: “Mom and dad were home and Jeanine had visited us. They talked for a few minutes and there was screaming involved, but I couldn’t understand what they were talking about. But I think…no, I am sure that…that…”

“What Marie?” I asked and tried to stay calm. It wasn’t helping that I only had a few minutes and that Eric was watching us like a hawk. 

“I am sure that I heard them say…your name. They were talking about…you for some reason. I think Jeanine is really angry that you left Erudite,” Marie confessed and I felt cold on the inside. What were they talking about if it involved me? Did Jeanine know? Did mom and dad know? I suddenly felt like everyone was watching me. 

“You have to watch out Andy, whatever is happening it somehow involves you. Watch out for Jeanine,” Marie begged me and she looked up. I put on a brave face and grinned at her: “Don’t worry about me little sis, I will watch my back and I have friends who will help me. You should worry more about yourself at the moment. Do you know where mom and dad are?”

“No, but they weren’t in the apartment. When Jeanine left, they came back here, but I don’t think they were suppose to do that. They seemed scarred,” Marie started shaking again and I tightened my grip on her. So Marie doesn’t know where our parents are, but they weren’t in the building when the fire started. That’s a good sign I guess. I wanted to reassure Marie that they were probably safe and working everything out, when Jeanine Mathews appeared in front of us: “Marie, you are safe! Andrina? What are you doing here?”

Jeanine her tone betrayed that she wasn’t concerned about Marie. She must have seen me and wanted to talk about something. What is she up to?

“I wanted to visit my family,” I lied and stood up. It didn’t seem smart to put myself in a lower position when it comes to Jeanine Mathews. I need to be on even ground with her. She is dangerous. 

“I thought the Dauntless didn’t allow their initiates to leave the compound and it doesn’t sound very Dauntless like to me to visit once family after switching factions,” Jeanine told me sweetly, too sweetly. She smiled so innocently. I wonder what this woman is really capable of. I wonder what her dirty little secrets are.

“It has only been two weeks. It will come in time,” I answer her flatly and cross my arms. Without knowing it, I had placed myself between Jeanine and my sister. I didn’t want this woman anyway near Marie.

“Or it won’t. Maybe you choose the wrong faction. I truly was sad when you made the switch,” Jeanine told me and I wondered what her interest was in me. I was never really good in my classes and I didn’t have any rare talents. I am not super smart like mom and dad. Marie does a lot better in her classes in fact. 

“I doubt it considering I just passed the first stage of Dauntless training. I have the green light to go to stage two,” I told her, hoping it would stop her. My plan backfires on me apparently. Jeanine seems pleased to hear this piece of information. Why? Why would she want me to pass the first stage? What happens in stage two? Eric and Four told us it would be more of a mental challenge. What does that mean? A mental challenge can be anything. 

“Initiate! Let’s go!” Eric called, but I kept my eyes fixed on Jeanine. What was she hiding? 

“You could have been great in Erudite, under my guidance you could have gone far,” Jeanine whispered so that only Marie and I could hear her. I saw Eric’s figure walk towards us, he was suspicious of the woman I was talking to. His walk was less firm than usual. Great, if even blockhead Eric can tell something is wrong, then it must be bad. 

“I don’t think so. There wasn’t anything I was interested in learning from you miss Matthews,” I answered back and Marie stood up behind me. I didn’t want to leave her, especially not at this precise moment but I doubt that Eric would wait for me. 

“Jeanine, sorry but we are leaving,” Eric interrupted our conversation. I was secretly glad that he turned out to be my savior at this moment. I wanted to get away from Jeanine and I wanted that woman away from Marie. 

“Oh I was just checking to see if the youngest Caine daughter was alright, but I didn’t expect to find the oldest Caine daughter here,” Jeanine kept her sweet tone as she turned to Eric. It sounds weird to see someone talk in such a fashion to Eric. Now that I think about it, Jeanine’s way of talking reminds me of a mother who is scowling her children. It sounds wrong that someone talked like that to Eric.

“She will be dealt with,” Eric told her and I could tell he felt the same way as I did. He wasn’t a fan of Jeanine either. Eric graphed my arm and wanted to pull me away when Jeanine spoke again: “I am sure she will. Keep in touch Andrina.”

“Don’t count on it,” I bite back and take a step forward. My blood was boiling and I really wanted to…wanted to…I don’t know…punch her in the face maybe. This woman is bad news and the fact that I have to leave Marie behind with her, frustrated me. 

I feel Eric hand graph my elbow and pull me away from Jeanine. My eyes met Maries and we had to say goodbye quickly. I hope she will be alright. She told me she would ask her friends if she could stay with them for a few nights, until mom and dad get back. I assured her that they would be back soon, but I had a bad feeling in my stomach. Where did they go and what do they know about me? I need to find a way to keep in contact with Marie. Maybe I can ask Tabassum and Sacha for help. They might have developed some kind of communication system between the factions. How else do they keep in contact with everyone? 

Then again, who says they have to keep in contact with a lot of people. They never mentioned how many people were involved with their rebellion, if you can even call it that. We only know that there are currently more than a 100 Divergents. Who says they are all involved with Sacha and Tabassum?

I let Eric guide me to the other Dauntless soldiers who were also heading back to the compound. Michael was standing among them, along with Amber. I stood next to Michael and waited to be told what to do. Eric was barking orders and Amber kept her eyes on me. What does she want? Her eyes are so blank. I can’t make out what she is thinking. Is she feeling sorry for me or is she angry? Michael was thinking the same thing. Our eyes met briefly. I need to inform him about what I told Eric, about why we left the compound. We need to tell the same story, else we’re busted. That is if Eric even believes us. He knows I am hiding something and probably suspects Michael to be involved. I need to make sure it is clear to Eric that Michael was not suppose to come with me tonight. But how am I going to do that? 

“Amber, take everyone back to the compound. The train will arrive at Erudite station in ten minutes,” Amber knotted and took the lead over the group. It amazed me how easily and quickly all the soldiers followed her and did as they were told. These men and woman are usually so loud and I have noticed that they have a hard time keeping their opinions to themselves. It is almost as if these are different people. Everyone is so serious, it makes me feel like a child. I am trying to become a part of them, but I can’t even take an order and I have a really bad habit of vocalizing my opinions to everyone who doesn’t want to hear them. How am I ever going to pass initiation? 

I wanted to follow the Dauntless soldiers, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me. Michael noticed it and stopped too. 

“I will deal with you when we are back at the compound Michael. Keep walking,” Eric ordered my friend. He eyed me and I knotted. I could handle Eric on my own. Michael ran after Amber and they disappeared into the Erudite station. I didn’t move and waited for Eric to speak. I am not sure what he is going to say. He knows that I know that I am not allowed to leave the compound unsupervised and I don’t think he is going to tell me what my punishment is either for disobeying those orders. If he would, he wouldn’t have send Michael away. What does he want to talk about?

The man doesn’t say anything. He simply stood tall and crossed his arms over each other. His eyes were fixated on my body. It unnerved me a little. His gaze was too intense. I recognized his look though. He was analyzing me and I didn’t like it. It made me feel like a piece of meat or one of the animals they resurge in the Erudite labs. Eric was waiting for me to say something, but I don’t know what he expects me to say. It was starting to frustrate me. My hands were balled into fists and my nails were digging into my skin. I was trying to stay calm, but Eric’s analyzing stare was making me lose my usually calm exterior. It didn’t take me long before I yelled: “WHAT?”

“What is the deal between you and Jeanine,” the man asked me calmly. It didn’t feel right with me that he was so calm, while I was panicking for some reason. I tried to stop my knees from shaking. They didn’t. 

“She works with my parents and I have know her since I was little,” I explain. I don’t know how I should describe my relationship with that woman. I don’t trust her, but I don’t have any concrete proof that she is a bad person. All I can do is trust my gut and keep her as far away as possible from me and Marie. 

“And…” Eric waited patiently, as he took a step forward. He was slowly closing the proximity between us and the tension that had developed during the few minutes we were standing here, alone, in a dark street were growing. Wait, I don’t even know this street? A cold wind made me very aware that I was alone and no one would hear me if I scream for help. Maybe I should haven’t let Michael leave with Amber. 

“And…what?” I ask, not knowing what Eric wanted me to say. That I don’t trust Jeanine? That I don’t trust him? That I think Erudite is up to something? That I am meeting factionless people and discussing things I shouldn’t be involved in, especially since I am not yet part of Dauntless. 

“And what indeed.” Eric said the last word slowly and I felt my stomach do a flip. I had to focus on breathing properly. My nails were hurting my skin and I tried to stop myself from blushing when I realized that Eric’s body was almost touching mine. I wanted to take a step back, but my brain wasn’t sending the message on to my feet. After a few minutes I found my tongue back: “Just get to the point.”

“You disobeyed orders tonight,” Eric changed the subject. He smirked when I managed to lose my cool for the second time this evening. I don’t understand why he changed the subject, but I was glad that he did. 

“I think we have already established that we are both aware of that fact,” I answer the man and feel myself feel calm as I give him a smart ass replay. We were back in our zone of…of… of whatever we have going on between us. The thought of something going on between us, made me blush and I couldn’t cover it. I lowered my eyes and the cold wind made me shiver. I hugged myself and tried to focus on anything but the cold and the man standing in front of me. 

“You will be punished for that,” Eric continued and I felt my stomach drop. Is this it? Am I going to be kicked out of Dauntless? I just past the first stage of initiation. I had forgotten about the fact that I would become factionless if I was caught sneaking out of the compound. Eric and Four made it very clear what the Dauntless leaders would throw us out if we broke that rule. Maybe that was why Amber was looking at me earlier. She knew this would happen. But why would he sent Michael away. He broke the rule too. He has to throw Michael out as well. 

“And I know just the thing that will make you learn to appreciate the rules of our compound,” Eric sounded very dangerous for some reason. I felt a shiver run down my back, as the man leaned closer. His face was an inch away from mine and for a split second I wondered what would happen if he leaned closer. I felt really stupid when I busted myself on having such thoughts. 

“What? Are you going to hang me again above the chasm again?” I said and took a step back. The smirk on Eric’s face grew and I ignored the fluttering feeling rising in my stomach. How can I be feeling these…feelings, when I don’t know what this man might do to me? 

“No, I have a better idée,” Eric said, his voice dropping to a whisper. I took another step away from Eric, but felt my body come in contact with a wall. Eric took a step closer and I was trapped between his body and the wall. Now what do I do? Eric his face was too close to mine and I felt my heartbeat quicken. I tried to keep a calm expression covering my face, but I could tell by Eric’s smirk that I wasn’t succeeding very well. I didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t find myself break the tension that was hanging between myself and Eric. I wanted to push him away from my body and to walk away from this place, but for some reason I don’t see myself pulling that of. 

“And what would that be?” I try to sound nonchalant, but I hear my voice tremble. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. What is he doing? Eric’s face was coming closer. I pull my arms up and place my hands against Eric’s chest as he leans in. I feel his muscles move beneath my fingers and my cheeks heat up. Eric placed one arm next to my head and he leaned his body forward. My breath gets caught in my throat, when Eric’s breath hits my lips. 

“It only involves Tori.”

After that the man backs up, graphs my arm and pulls me along after him. It took me a few seconds before my brain understood what Eric was talking about. Tori works in a tattoo shop and Eric knows that I am afraid of needles. 

He wants me to get a tattoo!


	18. Chapter 18

When I realized what Eric’s plan was, I tried to pull myself lose. I was not going to let this man tattoo my skin. I am not going to get a tattoo just because he says so. I don’t care about my punishment, I am not doing it! I caught Eric of guard and managed to escape him. I made a run for it, but I didn’t get far. An arm went around my waist and before I knew what was going on, Eric had thrown me over his shoulder and there was no way I was going to get away from him. 

“I am not getting a tattoo just because you tell me to, you jackass!” I yell at the man and start pounding my fists on his back. He doesn’t flinch and waits for the train to arrive in the station: “Do you want me to kick you out of Dauntless instead?”

I am not lying when I say that I am actually thinking it over. I could survive if I became factionless. I can look for Sacha and Tabassum. They would help me out. Maybe it’s even for the better that I leave Dauntless. Eric wouldn’t keep his eyes on me anymore and I wouldn’t have to be afraid that someone might find out about me being Divergent. There are actually a lot of pro’s into becoming factionless. Granted, I will go hungry and I will get cold at night, but I might actually be safer with the factionless. Or at least Sacha and Tabassum. For all I know, the other factionless people might kill me. Even with al it’s pro’s, I still want to belong in Dauntless. I wouldn’t have chosen them, if I didn’t want to make it until the end of initiation. I want to stay in Dauntless, no matter what the cost. 

It was actually a really stupid thought of mine. I would never survive becoming factionless. How would I find Sacha and Tabassum? They could live on the other side of the city for all I know. And just because I am no longer part of Dauntless, that doesn’t mean that Jeanine will leave me alone. I can only assume she knows that I am Divergent and because of that she wants me. For what, I don’t know. 

“No,” I choke out and hit Eric one more time. I can feel him smirk. He lets me go and I feel the ground beneath my feet. The train enters the station. Eric pushes me forward and it only takes us a few seconds before we are sitting in one of the train compartments. 

We don’t talk. I don’t know what to say to this man. What is a topic that is safe between us? A topic that won’t tick us off? The weather maybe or Dauntless cake? No one can say anything bad about Dauntless cake. It is the best food I have ever tasted in my life. 

Now that I am thinking about it, I don’t know anything about Eric, only that he originally comes from Erudite. I don’t know what he likes, I can guess who he dislikes or why he took the job as a Dauntless leader or as our trainer. Maybe I can ask him about that. He doesn’t seem a teacher-type of person to me. Four is much better cut out for this job. Eric is okay, I guess. He pushes us to our limits, makes us deal with annoying thick headed leaders and he might know a thing or two about fighting. 

I want to ask him about it, when a sudden pain shoots threw my knees. I forgot about my near death experience of this evening. Actually to be more precise, my second near death experience of this evening. I can’t believe so much as happened in one night: the test, meeting Sacha and Tabassum and the fire at my Erudite home. I am surprised that I haven’t passed out from exhaustion. 

I roll my pants up. I had borrowed some from Marnie. I anticipated that it would be cold and my shorts wouldn’t offer me enough warmth. She didn’t ask about it, just made me promise not to ruin them. It’s funny how Marnie, Kim and Sarah are into cloths. They actually get up five minutes earlier, to decide what they are going to wear that day. I sleep five minutes longer and end up pulling some random clothes on while I am still asleep. In fact I usually have to pull my hair into a ponytail or a bum, while I am running to the training ground. I should learn to get up earlier. 

“What happened?” Eric asks me and I lift my eyes from my knees to his frame. He was sitting across from me. My knees were covered in blood and I had a deep gash in my right knee. I guess the adrenaline of the situation at my Erudite home made me forget about it. I should visit the sickbay tomorrow to let them take a look at my knee. 

“Eum…let’s just say that trains and I don’t agree with each other,” I laugh a little at my own comment. I really should practice on jumping on and of a moving train. I am surprised that I was capable of climbing on this train, without Eric’s help. I guess I am making progress.

“That doesn’t answer my question,” Eric says after a minute. He doesn’t sound threatening. I would call his tone curious and if I didn’t know any better, I would call it worry. I sigh: “I didn’t make a jump and nearly ended up falling to my death earlier.”

“What?” Eric sits up straighter and his eyes are slightly alarmed. I don’t feel like having to explain myself again, I seem to do that a lot with this man, but I don’t want to start another fight with him either: “The jump was big and Michael barely made it. I was able to graph the edge of the roof. Michael helped me. I smacked my head and knees into the wall. Now that I mention that, I do kind of have a headache.”

“You probable have a concussion then. We shouldn’t have taken the train in that case. It won’t do your head and your knees any good when you jump of this train,” Eric says and I can’t help but smile a little. He notices it: “Your Erudite side is showing.”

“Watch your tongue and you will see my Dauntless side fast enough,” Eric smirks and I focus my eyes back on my knees. I check my wounds for any dirt or small stones that might have gotten stuck in them. Both knees are scratched open, but only my right knee has a deeper cut, that might need stitches. The thought of a needle piercing my flesh sent a shiver down my spine. 

“You got it right if you are thinking about needing stitches,” Eric vocalized my thoughts and that was kind of weird. How did he know I was thinking that: “It’s your own fault? You shouldn’t have left the compound unsupervised.”

“It’s not like I would have gotten permission from you or Four to leave,” I answer him and try not to focus on the headache developing inside my brain. It’s not helping that we are on a moving train. I am dreading having to jump of this machine. Eric shrugs: “I might have surprised you.”

“Don’t lie,” I answer quickly and harsh. I support my head with my arms and try to block out the throbbing in the back of my head. Eric’s oh so calming voice doesn’t help: “Watch it, your Candor side is showing.”

He was right. I don’t want to admit it, but these last couple of days I have noticed that I show more than just my Erudite and Dauntless side. I help my friends to much, even in sacrifice of my own goals. Taking on the Dauntless born initiates as a team was extremely risky. We could have lost and then I would never have made the cut. But I didn’t want to leave my friends behind. It was an act of Abnegation. I need to watch out with that. I already show my Erudite side constantly. Everyone has probably noticed it by now. I don’t need them noticing another side of me. 

“So? Maybe that was my result on the aptitude test,” I answer, thinking that maybe I can throw him of by mentioning the test. It is true. No one knows what my result was. I could have easily scored Candor, Amity or Abnegation as Erudite and Dauntless. Eric doesn’t seem impressed: “You didn’t score Candor. You lie to easy for them.”

He is trying to lure me out. I manage to bite my tongue and not yell out that I don’t lie. It would have been very obvious to him that that would have been a lie. I sigh and try to relax: “Maybe.”

“You either scored Erudite or Dauntless,” Eric continued the subject. I need to watch out. He could be setting up a trap for me. He might know that I am Divergent. Jeanine already knows and I think my parents do as well. Maybe Eric knows too. Tabassum did warn me that Dauntless leaders were planning with Erudite leaders. That means that someone is talking to Jeanine. I don’t think Eric is planning something with Jeanine behind closed curtains thought. He seemed on his guard around her earlier. 

“What about you? I am guessing you scored Dauntless,” I reply and look at the lights flashing past the door of the train compartment: “Although it wouldn’t surprise me if you also scored Erudite. You don’t seem to be as stupid as you make others believe sometimes.”

“Did you just call me stupid?” Eric asks me, but he stays rather calm. My eyes meet his: “You just made my point. It is quite annoying that you make me repeat myself a lot, when I know you heard what I said the first time.”

“I guess I should thank you for the compliment then,” Eric smirks and I can tell he is slightly surprised that I picked up on his habit of making people repeat themselves, to appear less smart then he really is. The question is why he does it. I can’t stop myself from asking that question out load. Eric eyes me suspiciously. I seem to have asked a question that I shouldn’t have. I wait for Eric’s oncoming outburst. 

“If you show people all your cards, you will be quickly out of the game,” Eric replays after a few minutes. His shoulders are hanging lower than usual. He looks tired. His eyes catch mine: “Make sure you always have some tricks up your sleeve. That way people will never really know who you are and it will be easier to impress the right people when the time comes.”

“Is that what you did when they asked you to become a Dauntless leader?” I ask curiously. Eric’s answer got me thinking that he hides probably a lot of things. I wonder what made him that way. It sounds to me like he doesn’t trust people easily. Maybe he has trust issues. 

“Exactly.”

“That sounds like a lonely life if you ask me,” I think out load and close my eyes. My headache is making it hard for me to concentrate on Eric’s words, over the noise of the train. He probably doesn’t have a lot of friends. I don’t think I have seen him ever hang around with people, just for the fun of it. I have seen him with Amber and Four, but I am pretty sure that Eric and Four don’t really get along. 

“We can’t all be popular,” Eric states and he gets up. He walked over to the door of the train compartment. He graphs a pole and leans his head out of the compartment. He looks towards our destination. It seems our conversation has somehow gotten a lot more serious than I had anticipated. I never thought I would have this kind of conversation with Eric. His comment makes me laugh though. It hurts my head and I graph it, hoping my hands will somehow heal my head. Sadly it doesn’t work. 

“I never thought that anyone would call me popular. I am not even sure how I managed to become it,” I wipe some tears out of my eyes and Eric walks over to my sitting frame. He doesn’t follow my train of thought: “I wasn’t exactly every once favorite girl in Erudite. In fact I was the girl sitting in the corner, that no one took notice of.”

“What changed?” Eric asks me and I shrug. I don’t know what changed. Well, everything changed I guess. Maybe I wanted to become someone else in Dauntless. Someone who voiced her opinions and who helped others. That was something I missed in Erudite. I always had the feeling I had to do everything alone. Maybe that was a result of me not having any friends.

“I guess you bring out the best in me,” I reply and smile. My eyes catches Eric’s and for a minute I forget that I don’t trust this man and I am grateful to have had this opportunity to get to know him a little bit better. Maybe he isn’t as ugly on the inside, as I thought he was. It wouldn’t surprise me if in a few years I end up working beneath him or something. That is if I pass initiation. 

“Come on, time to jump,” Eric says and offers me his hand. I look at it and then back at him. Maybe he has more to offer than I had first wanted to see. My opinion about Eric was changing, but that didn’t take the away the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. I take Eric’s hand and he pulls me up. My legs and knees are sore. They will hurt in the morning. I hope we aren’t going to do much physical training, but I somehow doubt that. 

“Try to land on your side, spare your knees,” Eric tells me and the roof of the Dauntless compound came into view. It was the same roof as the one when I jumped on when I arrived at this compound. The roof I had to jump off to prove that I was being serious about becoming a Dauntless member. 

I nod and Eric jumps first. I follow him a second later and manage to land on my feet, but my knees can’t hold my weight, so they buckle. I bite my tongue to stop myself from screaming. Unfortunately I bite my tongue hard: “Damn it!”

“You okay?” Eric asks me. He landed perfectly on his feet and I am surprised he didn’t laugh at my undignified landing. I sit up and lick my hand to see if my tongue is bleeding: “I bit my tongue.”  
“Ha!” Eric starts laughing after that and I end up kicking him in is shines. It only made him laugh harder, because I managed to hurt myself in the process: “Can’t this just count as my punishment. I am already going to need stitches.”

“You should have thought about that before you decided to sneak off. The next time you plan something like this, you can remember your punishment,” Eric says and walks over to the edge of the roof. He climbs on and waits for me. The darkness of the nights swallows the entire space between the buildings, making it impossible to see where the entrance hole is preciously. It’s kind of risky to jump like this. You can’t aim for the middle.

“Are you scared?” Eric asks me and I grin at him. Before he can react, I push him of the roof and he disappears into the darkness. I hope for him that he lands in the net. Okay, maybe I am hoping that for me as well. I follow Eric ten seconds later. I roll out of the net with his help, what surprised me. He graphs my elbow before I fall out of the net. Before I can thank him, he flicks me in my forehead. 

“Damn you,” I say thru gritted teeth. I follow Eric thru the hallways of Dauntless. I would have gotten lost if I was alone. I don’t think I have come in this aria, except for when I arrived here. There are a few lights burning throughout the halls, but there was no one to be seen. Everyone was sleeping. I hadn’t noticed before how tired I was. I want to lie down on my bed and sleep for a day. What time is it anyway?

“You can’t wake Tori up at this hour. It would be cruel,” I try to bring Eric to reason. He cannot be serious about me getting a tattoo as punishment. He can’t make me do that. I have rights! I think? I actually don’t even know what my rights are. For all I know, Eric can do whatever he wants with me. I stop the blush that is threading to cover my cheeks. 

“I don’t plan to get on her bad side,” Eric answers me and we take a left. After two turns I am completely lost. Where are we going? I decide to stay quiet and try to orientate myself. We are walking thru short hallways. And we took a lot of turns to the left. So we must be in the west side of the compound. After some more turns I recognize where we are. 

“Why are we here?” I ask and stare at the door of my sleeping quarters. I don’t understand. Does he want to get Michael and come up with some ridicules punishment for him as well? 

“The medical centre is probably closed, so you will just have to try and sleep for now. We can visit them tomorrow, after that we will visit Tori,” Eric answers me and I feel an uncomfortable feeling rising in my body. He is actually going to make me get one, isn’t he? Before I can answer, Eric leans closer to me and his hand sets itself on my shoulder. He is standing close again. My heart skips a beat. That can’t be healthy. 

“Don’t sweat it initiate. If you are really scared, I will hold your hand,” Eric whispers and winks. I really want to punch him in his stupid face, but I manage to keep my fist next to my body. I give him an evil grin: “Good to know, muscles.”

Eric leaves after that. I open the door of my sleeping quarters and see that everyone is sleeping. Michael is lying on his bed, still wearing his cloths. He was probably waiting for me. I graph his blanket and cover him with it. I am thankful that everyone is sleeping. I did not look forward to having to explain myself to them as well. I want to sleep and try to ignore the pain in my head and knees. 

I change my clothes and crawl into bed. Rob is slightly snoring next to me and his mouth is hanging open. When he sleeps, he can be entertaining to watch. Sometimes he makes noises, like he is talking to someone in a strange language. The downside of his little show is that it makes it hard to fall asleep. 

I have to find a way out of this mess. I am not going to give this gorilla the satisfaction of seeing me scared and in pain at the same time. I also cannot forget to tell Michael what I told Eric. We need to tell the same story, else Eric will know for sure we are lying.


	19. Chapter 19

I end up sleeping until noon. When I wake up I am alone. The others were probably training. I am surprised that they hadn’t woke me up. Maybe Eric or Michael told them to let me sleep. I am guessing it was Michael in that case. I slowly get out of bed. My head still hurts, but the pain has numbed down. My knees are another story. I limp to the shower and the wounds sting a lot when I stand under the water. This isn’t good. I won’t be able to practice at all with these wounds. I can’t run. Walking is too painful. I won’t be able to practice any fighting routines and with the concussion I probably have, it wouldn’t be smart to practice with weapons either.

I stand for a long time under the shower, letting the water clean my wounds and take away the stress from last night. I should sent a message to Tabassum and Sacha and ask them if they know what happened at Erudite. Maybe they know something about where my parents are. I hope Marie is alright and that Jeanine has left her alone. 

“Andy, are you in here?” A voice suddenly calls me out of my mind palace. Who’s there? My heart starts pounding faster as I realize that I am naked and this person can open the door of the shower anytime. I quickly graph my towel and as I am wrapping it around me the door of the shower opens: “Andy are you… Oh.”

“What the hell is your problem? Can’t you hear the shower? That usually means someone is in the shower and it’s a safe assumption to make that they are probably naked, Four!” I bite the man’s head of and a blush is covering his cheeks. It makes him look a lot younger. He doesn’t move. I guess he is too surprised: “Get out of here you pervert!”

Four quickly closes the door and I can feel myself relax. I cannot believe that he just walked in on me while I was in the showering. What is his problem? He could have knocked! Thank god that I had graphed my towel in time. What if he had seen me naked? The thought send a shiver down my spine. Maybe I should be grateful it’s him and not Eric who came looking for me. Although maybe he might have been smart enough to knock before entering. 

I dry myself of and then realize that my clothes are still lying on my bed. My pants, t-shirt and underwear are lying there, spread out like some gallery thing. This is so embarrassing. What did I do to deserve this?   
“Four are you still there?” I ask and notice that my voice is trembling from embarrassment. I don’t want him to get my clothes, but I also don’t want to walk out and get them myself: “I need my clothes, so can you please wait outside while I get dressed and act like this never happened?”

“No problem,” Four answers me and I notice that his voice is scratchy. At least I am not the only one who is embarrassed. I leave the shower room when I hear the door of my sleeping quarters close. I limp, whit my small towel around my naked frame, to my bed, graph my clothes and then limp back to the shower room. My knees didn’t like the sudden action. I quickly get dressed and pull my wet hair into a bum. While I walk towards the door where Four I waiting, I try to relax and stop my brain from cursing the man into oblivion. It was an accident and we will never speak of it again. No one will find out about it.

As I open the door I see Four leaning against a wall, his face still crimson red. When my eyes meet his, I feel myself blush and I realize that it’s going to take a while before I can shower in peace again. I lift my finger at Four: “If you ever speak of this to anyone, I will throw you of the roof of this building and I will make sure there isn’t a net to catch you. Are we clear on that?”

“Yes ma’am,” Four replies and I close the door behind me. I should head over to the medical center for those stitches. I am not waiting for Eric to show up, so that he can laugh while I get them. I can picture myself biting my tongue to stop myself from screaming out in pain and fear. Why is that when you are afraid of something, it always feels extra painful when you have to deal with it? There is no logic in it.

“Okay, so beside you wanting to walk in on me in the shower, why were you looking for me?” I ask and see Four focus. He straightens his back and the blush covering his face disappears: “I heard about last night.”  
“I figured,” I reply and start walking towards the sickbay, well limping is more like it. With every step I take, it’s like a knife piercing thru my right knee. Four walks besides me: “I wanted to check up on you.”

“Please, don’t lie. You wanted to see if Eric didn’t kill me and after that you want to scowl me for leaving the compound,” I say and try to figure out where the sickbay is actually located in this compound. Four points it out for me. Why does everyone seem to know what I am thinking lately?

“What were you thinking? You know you aren’t allowed to leave this place, at least not without supervision. Why didn’t you ask me or Eric,” Four starts his scolding. I knew it. Well, it’s not like I will get away from it, might as well just listen to him: “Come on Four, Eric would have never let me go and frankly I didn’t expect you to give me permission either.”

“You could have still tried. Maybe I would have surprised you,” Four says and I am strangely reminded of Eric’s words from yesterday. He said the same exact thing: “Now you almost got yourself killed. You were lucky Michael was there and that Amber and Eric found you. What if the factionless found you instead? They could have killed you and no one would know.”

“I figured and I thought I could handle it,” I answer and see a sign up ahead that informs me that the sickbay is down that corridor on the right. I follow it and Four stalks after me. I really wished he would go away: “And as you can see, I am psychically regretting my actions of last night.”

“I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation Andy. You could have been kicked out of Dauntless. For all we know, you might still get kicked out of Dauntless by the end of tonight,” Four’s words make me stop. Wait, I am still not sure I actually get to stay. I thought Eric had decided on that matter. Is he taking it back? 

“Eric has to give a damn good reason why you and Michael should be allowed to stay and knowing Eric I am not betting my money on him to safe your ass,” Four warns me. But the gorilla said that we were cool yesterday. I thought I was out of the fire, now I am back into the frying pan? 

“He is talking with Max as we speak about this matter,” Four tells me and my thoughts are going into overdrive. Eric didn’t really tell me I could say. He said that if I didn’t get the tattoo, he would kick me out, but he didn’t specifically say that I was allowed to stay after I got the tattoo. Maybe he just wanted to mess with me one last time, taking advantage of my fear. Why would he keep me around? It’s not like I am the best combat fighter among the initiates. I am smart, but that isn’t a Dauntless trait exactly. He has been keeping his eye on me since that night on the roof and he has never liked me. There is nothing stopping him from throwing me out of Dauntless. 

What am I going to do? 

First things first. If I am going to get kicked out, I will need my head and knees fixed. I doubt the factionless have medication and I can’t rely on Abnegation for taking care of me. They probably have more wounded people to take care of. After the sickbay, I’ll graph some food and clothes and make a bag. I can hide it somewhere outside. At least that way Michael and I will have something to eat. If they throw me out, they have to throw him out as well. I also have to make sure I graph the communication device. We can use that to contact Sacha and Tabassum and ask them for help. 

“Then I will see what happens, but right know I need stitches,” I tell Four and walk over to a Dauntless nurse. I show her my wounds and she tells me to lay down on one of the beds. With my mind going into overdrive, I hardly realize that this woman is about to pierce my flesh with a needle. She cleans the wounds with some water. Her hands aren’t gentle. They aren’t gentle at all. I guess that could have been expected from a Dauntless woman.

“I am going to…” the woman warns me but I interrupt her: “Just do it and hurry up. I hate needles.”

I feel the needle press thru my skin and I bite my teeth. There is nothing to worry about. This woman knows what she is doing and it will all be over soon. I try to think about something else, but all my brain could focus on was the needle going thru my skin. Thank god I only have one cut that needs stitches. It takes the woman a minute to stitch my knee up. When she says she is done, I let go of the breath I had been holding without knowing. 

“You need to take it easy the next couple of days. Try to put most of your weight on your left leg and no combat training for you, you hear me,” the woman warns me and gives Four a threading glare. He knots: “I will make sure that she takes it easy. Thank you.”

Four is always so polity. It doesn’t sound very Dauntless like. In fact I don’t I have ever heard him say anything mean, like Eric does constantly. He makes jokes, but he knows perfectly well when to stop and he never hurts your feelings. He is nice, maybe to nice. I wonder from what faction he comes, because he is defiantly not a Dauntless born. 

“What about my headache?” I ask the woman and divert my attention from Four. I’ll figure out later where he comes from, if I have time for that. The nurse turns around and graphs some pills from a closet: “Take these, twice a day with your dinner. No more. Take them until the bottle’s empty.”

“Thanks,” I say and want to take the pills from her, but Four snatches them away from her: “Will she survive with one pill a day?”

“Yes, but it won’t be comfortable,” the nurse replies and seems to understand what Four is aiming at. He takes out one pill and gives it to me: “You get one pill a day, maybe that will make you learn to follow the rules. Now go and eat.”

I bite my tongue from asking ‘anything else sir’, but it’s visible in my eyes what I am thinking. It might have been a stupid move in their eyes, but I don’t regret it and neither does Michael. We needed to meet those people and our families were in danger. What did they expect us to do, turn the other way and hope they were alright? My sister could have died in that fire.

I walk slowly towards the dining hall. None of my friends are in sight. Where are they? They can’t be training, considering that Eric is talking to Max and Four was just talking to me. Maybe we got a day of because of Michael and my stunt or because what happened yesterday at Erudite. I will admit that I am secretly pleased about not having to train for a few days. I graph a plate and fill it with muffins and toast. My stomach is completely empty. I haven’t eaten since last night, before I left the compound. 

I had graphed some extra muffins and two pieces of Dauntless cake. I will hide them under my bed, while I go look for a bag and some extra clothes. Maybe I will run into Michael and we can form a plan together. When I am finished eating, I start my mission of gathering stuff that we might need when we become factionless. I have no clue what Eric would say to Max. After our conversation of last night, I thought he wasn’t as bad as I thought, but now that my life in Dauntless is hanging in his hands, I am not so sure anymore. 

“Andy!” I am hiding the food under my bed when Michael walks in our sleeping quarters. He is alone and out of breath. Has the verdict been called? Are we factionless: “I have been looking for you everywhere. Four told me you went to the dining hall, but you weren’t there.”

“Yeah, I ate quickly and came here to hide these,” I explain and show Michael my hidden food: “It might come in handy later, if they decide to kick us out.”

“Yeah, you heard huh. What happened last night with Eric? I waited for you, but well I guess I fell asleep,” Michael says and pulls a bag out from underneath his bed. Apparently he has been having the same thoughts as I have: “I started packing right after Four told me that Eric went to talk with Max. The others don’t know what is going on and Four sent them out with a patrol to keep them busy.”

“Good, I don’t feel like explaining myself for the millions time today. Besides, there is nothing they can do. It all depends on what Eric tells Max,” I say and put some clothes and the food in Michaels bag. I tell him what happened between Eric and me last night and what the story was that I gave Eric: “You have to tell him the same thing. Else he will know we are lying.”

“I know,” Michael says and he graphs some of his clothes as well. Another thought crossed my mind: “If we are allowed to stay Michael, you have to keep your distance from me. I think Jeanine knows about me being you know what. She might have spies watching me.”

“Why do you think she knows?” Michael asks me stunned, but he understands that it’s for his own safety. We haven’t been the best of friends during our initiation, so it would be weird if we suddenly always hang out together. People might ask questions and the wrong people might make conclusions out of our sudden friendship.

“I might have a spy in Erudite,” I explain and sit down. My knee is throbbing and the stress of the whole situation is making my headache worst. I thought these stupid pills were supposed to help me? Michael grins: “Marie?”

“I am not responding to that with a dignified answer,” I tell the boy and try to relax. It seems that trying to relax has been the theme of my life these last couple of days. Maybe I take to many risks: “You kind of just did, Caine.”

“Whatever Michael.”

We stay in our room. There is no where we can go. We have to wait until we hear what our punishment will be. I wonder what we have to do, if we get to stay. I guess it doesn’t matter, as long as I, I mean we, get to stay. I am not abandoning Michael if he gets thrown out, but I don’t. Not like that is likely to happen. The other way around maybe: “Let’s make a deal. In case that only one of us get’s thrown out, the other stays here okay. There is no point in becoming both factionless, if they allow one of us to stay.”

Michael thinks it over. I don’t plan to follow my own deal, but I want Michael to stay if they give him the change. We can make it past Dauntless initiation, I am sure of it. Michael sighs: “Okay, but that counts for you as well, Andy.”

“Deal,” I lie and fall asleep. My dreams are a jumble. I dream about my parents and about the fire of last night. I dream that I didn’t find Marie and that Eric didn’t let me come back to the compound. I dream that Sacha and Tabassum turn against me and that Michael leaves me behind when they attack us. 

When Michael wakes me up a few hours later, I have a massive headache and I have to focus hard on Michaels words: “Four is here. We have to go see Max.” 

A nasty feeling stirrers inside my stomach. They have come to a verdict. We get to stay or we become factionless. I have no clue which one they will pick. How serious do they think our actions were? They only know we went to Erudite to see our families and we ended up witnessing the fire. Maybe they will take pity on us, because our families could have died last night. I still don’t know where mom and dad are. Maybe they are…

“Let’s go you too, we shouldn’t keep Max waiting,” Four pulls me out of my thoughts and we walk towards Max his office. Four guides us towards it. I have no clue where Max his office is or where any of the offices or sleeping quarters of the Dauntless leaders are. I should know that though. You never know when it might come in handy. What if I needed Eric or Four for that matter? I wouldn’t know where to start looking for them. 

We walk slowly because of my limp, but we still arrive too soon at Max’s office. I feel my heart pounding like I had just run 10 miles and my legs were heavy to lift. Four knocked on the door. Everything seemed to go in slow motion. It took Max basically like forever to respond and it took Four even longer to open the door. I look at Michael and our eyes meet. 

This is it. Will our actions lead us to our downfall or will they give us a second change?

I have only seen Max three times. The first time was at our welcoming ceremony and the other two times was in the dining hall. I have never spoken to him though. He is sitting in his chair, behind a desk. It seemed a little weird to me: a Dauntless leader sitting at a desk. He should be standing and looking at cameras or something like that. Not sitting at a desk with paper in front of him. 

“You can leave Four,” Max says and he looks up from his papers. Four does as he is told. He gives us one reassuring look and then closes the door behind him. He really cares about us, even though he is mad at us. It’s like he doesn’t wants us to get thrown out of Dauntless. Maybe he used to be part of Amity, they are really friendly and carrying people. 

Michael and I stand, while Max finishes writing something down. I feel nervous. I don’t know what this man will say. I have no clue how to judge him. Max is not a really tall man. He is maybe an inch taller than Michael, but both Four and Eric are taller than him. He doesn’t seem as intimidating as Eric does. Maybe that is not a good thing, because it will make people underestimate you.

“I have heard that you two left the compound last night, without supervision or permission,” Max says as he closes a file and leans back in his chair. His dark eyes are looking us over. He is trying to deduce something from our bodies, but he doesn’t have the analyzing abilities that the Erudite do. I am glad that I do. I can tell by his posture that he hasn’t completely made up his mind yet about is. Maybe there is still hope.

“Yes sir, I wanted to visit my family. Michael tried to stop me. He came with me to make sure I wouldn’t get hurt,” I explain and try to keep my sentences short. This isn’t the place to beat around the bush. Michael nods in agreement next to me. I try to let my body take a relaxed position, but the stress of the situation doesn’t allow it: “Without him I would have probably died.”

“I heard about that. I assume you went to the sickbay to take care of it,” Max asks me and I knot. The man stands up and looks out the window behind him. It oversees the pit. His hands are resting behind is back: “You know the rules and what the consequences are for breaking them and yet you still broke them. Tell me why I should allow you to stay.”

“Because we scored the highest in the initiations ranking. We took down, together, the Dauntless born initiates. We could become very valued members of Dauntless one day, if you let us stay,” Michael says boldly. He is right, but I am not sure that I would have used those words to plead for our stay in this compound. On the other hand he did seem extremely confident. Maybe that’s why our teachers always loved him. He can pursued people with his confidence. 

“So I should forget about it because you are the best in your group?” Max says and Michael shakes his head: “No sir, you shouldn’t. Punishment is completely understandable and we will do whatever you tell us to do. I am saying that throwing us out of Dauntless is a mistake and judging from your words and body language, you agree with me.”

I was perplexed. I never knew Michael was so…so badass. I am starting to believe his speech. He can be very convincing. How does he do that? And he is not even lying? He is using facts that are all true. Maybe he has a hidden Candor side. I follow Michaels lead: “He is right sir. If you wanted to throw us out, you would have done it by now. You also shouldn’t throw Michael out. He wanted to protect me and needed to break a rule for that. I believe that fits in with the Dauntless morals.”

Max thinks it’s over. I feel confident that he isn’t going to throw us out, but I don’t understand completely why he would let twee teenagers, who broke the rules, make their case. We are children, why does he listen to us? 

“You are right,” Max says after three very long minutes. He is agreeing with us: “Michael you did what I expect from every other Dauntless men in this compound. I should reward you instead of punishing you, but you are an initiate and you should have called for help instead of going after Andy. You will be punished for that, but it won’t be as bad as Andy’s punishment. You, young lady, broke the rules and brought a fellow initiate in danger. We live according to a saying Andy, faction before blood, not the other way around. If you want to survive in this compound, I suggest you start living according to this saying. You will be put on probation. Your score from the initiation test will be whipped clean and you will start the second stage with a score of zero. You will also work in your free time for this compound, to make it up to us. Every day you will report to Eric and he will keep an eye on you. Is that understood?”

“Cristal sir.”

“You may take your leave then. Starting tomorrow, you will both help in the kitchen,” Max dismisses us and we take our leave. Four isn’t waiting outside for us. We walk back to our sleeping quarter and don’t speak say a word on our way. Inside our room, we sit down on Michael’s bed and our minds are thinking the same thing. 

Max doesn’t have an actual reason to let us stay. We broke the rules, we should have been kicked out or at least I should have been kicked out. Max kept us here for a reason and it sounds very convenient that Eric has to watch over me during this probation. 

Could Max be one of the Dauntless leaders who are an enemy?


	20. Chapter 20

“Wake up Andy, time for work!” Michael’s annoying voice calls at me while he gets dressed. I still can’t get used to getting up at five in the morning. We both have to help out in the kitchen because of our punishment. It’s been three days since Max decided that Michael and I could stay and that we figured out that we don’t trust him. He has kept a close eye on both of us, usually checking in with us around 6:30 in the dining hall. I don’t feel safe around him. Sometimes he tries to be nice while at other times he is very strict. He switches between moods so fast, I can’t predict how he will react to anything I say. For that reason I keep my conversations with the man short and simple. Michael feels the same way about Max. His eyes follow our leader whenever he is around.

Besides our morning work, Michael and I barely spend time together. He usually hangs out with Sarah, Victor and Marc, while I talk with Lucas, Annie and Rob. Conversations with Marnie and Kim are our even grounds. 

When the others came back from their work the evening that Max decided to let us stay, we had a lot of explaining to do. They were generally angry at us, mostly at me. It’s understandable. We couldn’t tell them the truth, so we repeated the lie we had told everybody else. Kim scowled us, but was pleasantly surprised that I managed to have a decent conversation with Eric. I didn’t tell her the contents of the conversation, but she was secretly proud none the less. 

Because of what happened at Erudite, our training has been post pound for four days. A lot of Dauntless soldiers were needed to help out the families whose houses were destroyed. They needed to move, so the Dauntless could start repairing their homes. Eric, Four and Lauren were gone most of the time to help out. Eric checks up on me in the morning and evening when he gets back from Erudite. I usually end up having to warm his food. Bloody prick.

Four and Eric haven’t mentioned my escape since it was announced that Michael and I were to stay. I am very pleased with that, but I can tell by Fours posture that he is biting his tongue every time he sees me. My conversations with Eric are too short to give him an opportunity to talk about it. Besides no one knows what was said inside Max his office. Everyone basically believes that he decided that a punishment would be enough. What Michael and I said wasn’t publically announced. Maybe that’s for the better. I am already in enough trouble as it is and Four and Kim would scowl me for my rudeness. 

“I am coming,” I say and literally drag myself out of my bed. It isn’t easy getting up this early, knowing that I only went to bed at 12 pm. In the evening I also help out in the kitchens, but at night I have to do the dishes in the bar. It’s really hard work. I basically only wash glasses, but the pile never gets smaller and I never get a break. Not that I complain. Charlotte and Scott are the owners of the bar and they are good friends with Max. I try to stay out of their way as much as possible. 

As Michael and I walk towards the kitchen, I notice that my knee isn’t healing as fast as I liked it to be. During the day I stand a lot on my feet. It isn’t good for my knee. I should be taking it easy with my wound, but I only complain about it in front of Michael. I think that if I complain in front of anyone else, they would laugh and make me work harder. The physical pain is a double punishment. My headaches are starting to go away. Usually they act up in the evening, because I am suppose to take my second pill then, but Four only gives me one a day. It’s an extra punishment. That man can be a mean prick. I thank whatever gods are up there every night when Charlotte tells me I can leave. She is a lot nicer than Scott. If he could, he would let me work while he went to bed. 

“Two more days and we finally find out what stage two of our training is. Are you excited?” Michael asks me while we begin our morning ritual of making muffins. The only upside of this job is that we get to eat as much muffins and Dauntless cake as we like: “Yeah, I am curious as to how they are going to test us emotionally. I heard in Erudite they were working on some kind of machine to perfect stage two of Dauntless initiation, but I didn’t hear what it exactly does. I guess we won’t be doing any physical stuff anymore.”

“I am secretly pleased with that,” Michael whispers and we try to make the best out of our job, without it seeming that we are having too much fun. The only thing that makes this job bearably is knowing that Michael will be there and I can have some sneaky fun with him. Like throwing flour at each other or eating whip cream from the bottle when no one is looking. 

“How are the rebels of our group doing?” Kim asks us when they came for their breakfast. After having them make me prepare their breakfasts three mornings in a row, I can guess what they all eat in the morning. When we see them coming, usually one of us starts gathering the stuff our friends eat. We try to suck up to them this way. 

“Peachy as always. The world of cooking is fascinating,” I joke and offer Kim her tree toasts, jam and one muffin. She grins at me: “Well at least now we can get free food whenever we want.”

“Free food? Since when are we paying for anything?” Marnie asks Kim and the other girl rolls her eyes: “You know what I mean stupid.”

Marnie and Kim start bickering. That has been going on a lot lately. I wonder what got between them. They hang out less with each other and we can almost announce when they are going to fight. It’s getting annoying. 

“How are you holding up? Not yet tired of the routine?” Lucas asks me, as he graphs some juice to go with his breakfast: “No, it’s actually nice having such a tight schedule. I can predict when I will have to talk to people. I’ll show you, its 8:00 AM, that means that Eric will be here in three, two, one…”

“Initiate, where is my breakfast?” the voice of the load and still obnoxious Dauntless leader yells from across the dining hall. Amber and two other guys’ are walking behind him. They are packed to head out to Erudite. I wonder if Eric finds it weird to go back there.

“You mean second breakfast?” I answer the man and he grins. He eats every morning at 7:00 am and comes back at 8.00 am to graph some food for on the way. He also comes back to secretly annoy me, although he has admitted that out load so I guess it’s not a secret. I graph him three muffins and some dry toast.

“Are you behaving, limpy?” the man asked me and uses his favorite new nickname for me. Thank you knee injury. I smile as politely as possible, while giving the man his breakfast: “Yes sir.”

“Are you working hard?”

“Of course sir.”

“Not annoying anyone?”

“I only annoy you sir.”

“Good to know, limpy. Stay out of trouble. Make sure my dinner is warm when I come and check up on you again tonight,” Eric says and takes his leave with Amber and the two men. Amber is wrapped up in a conversation with one of the two men. She was constantly touching him or herself: on his arm, shoulder, whipping her hair over her shoulder and so on. Is she flirting with that man? 

“Yes sir,” I call after Eric and secretly picture myself throwing muffins at the man’s fat head. This conversation has been going on since I first started working here. I know his questions by now. I try to keep my answer short to avoid making a scene, but that is not easy. His ego grows whenever I call him sir: “Dickhead. See what I mean Lucas.”

Before my friend can answer, Eric is back and says he forgot something. I should have seen it coming, but I guess my brain is still half sleeping. He flicks my forehead and grins: “That’s for calling me a dickhead, initiate.”

I am to dumbstruck to pretend that I didn’t call him that and Eric walks away. He couldn’t have heard me call him that. He was almost on the other side of the room and I didn’t say it loud, just loud enough for my friends to hear. How could he have…?

“You are predictable initiate,” Eric tells me and he has his trusty grin plastered across his face. He leaves after that. He knew I would call him a dickhead? Am I that transparent? Michael and Lucas stop me from throwing muffins at the man’s oversized head. Stupid gorilla!

My day is very uneventful and I end up sleeping most of the day. Michael goes off to practice with the others. It has been announced who of the Dauntless born initiates were allowed to stay and who became factionless. The Dauntless born initiates who were allowed to stay have started training a lot together. They have learnt their lesson and they won’t underestimate us again. Whenever I see them they walk together and they send mean glares my way. I don’t think they are planning on becoming our friends. Four and Amber told me that they had never seen such rivalry between the initiate groups. I can’t wait until stage two of our training begins and we have to train with them. I give it one hour until we jump at each other’s throats. 

While the others are practicing, I retreat to our room. I could use a power nap before my evening shift in the kitchen. It might help with my upcoming headache. I lie down on my bed and let my thoughts wander. I have contacted Sacha and Tabassum about the fire at Erudite and my parents. They told me they would let me know if they could find out anything, but they assured me that the factionless were not involved. That means that someone from Erudite must have started the fire, but who would do something like that? They endangered the lives of a lot of families. Children could have died. Is Jeanine capable of doing something like that? Or was it maybe one of the Dauntless leaders who are conspiring with her? 

So many questions and no one can answer them for me. It is very frustrating. I hope I hear soon from them. They would contact my sister and look around for my parents. Maybe Marie will send on a message. It would be nice to hear how she is doing. It worries me that I don’t know if she is alone or if mom and dad are back yet. 

I wake up just in time for my evening shift in the kitchen. I have to wash and cut vegetables. It is a very boring job. I am allowed to eat with my friends though. Afterwards I just have to go back and help Maggie, the head of the kitchen, clean up. 

“I am so ready to take this second stage on,” Marc says while stuffing his face with meat. Marnie looks at him disgusted: “You are such a pig! Ever heard of eating with your mouth close?”

“I am more curious to the Dauntless born initiates. I wonder how we will do in practice together. We are bound to clash with each other,” Rob avoids an argument between Marnie and Marc. They have also been acting weird. They used to get along fine, but now they bicker consonantly. It seems that Marnie is fed up about something and that makes her lash out easily. Kim and Marc are her usual victims. 

“Me too. I wonder how strong they are,” Victor continues and his brother agrees. I always thought they looked fierce, but that doesn’t mean they are actually strong. I see them every morning and evening when they come to the dining hall to eat. They aren’t really friendly, but I guess that is understandable. They always talk bad about my friends, but because of my probation I try to ignore them. It would probably end badly if I did say something about it. One time one of them was accidently dropping food on the ground. He was sneaky about it. Anyone who hadn’t heard their conversation would think it really was an accident. I heard the conversation and knew better. He did it so that I had to clean it up. While I was on my knees the guy spoke to me: “Get used to scraping food of the floor, by the end of initiation it will become a permanent habit for you, trash.”

“Pretty big words coming from a guy who lost to this trash,” Eric’s voice spoke from behind the kid and he paled. He was afraid from Eric. Understandable considering that Eric was putting up his though front and he was as intimidating as ever. He has his arms crossed in front of his chest and that made his muscles look bigger, especially his arms: “Beat it.”

The guy quickly left with his friends and they didn’t bother me for the rest of the day. When they came to breakfast this morning they were all quite when they passed me, but their eyes were still killing me with daggers. Whatever, I still had to clean his mess up and Eric enjoyed it: “Clean up the mess initiate.”

“Jackass.” 

“It doesn’t matter how strong they are. We have proven once we could take them on, we can do it again,” Sarah says and Kim and Annie cheer for our little group. I wonder if they are really entering stage two of our initiation with those thoughts. I am not sure we will be able to lean on each other during the next stage. It will test us emotionally. Everyone is different when it comes to that. I think the training will be more individual from now on and that worries me. I won’t be able to ask the others for help. I can’t count on Michael to watching my back. 

The others head out to the pit, while I retreat to the kitchen. Eric will probably show up in 15 minutes and expect his meal to be warm. It’s moments like this I remember my mother tell my father he should warm up his own dinner and get of his lazy ass. It was funny when mom and dad fought, because one of them would give up at some point and would start to stutter and say incoherent words. It was always funny to witness.

I help Maggie clean up the kitchen and the dining hall: doing the dishes, cleaning the counters, taking out the trash and mobbing. Doing the dishes is the worst. Dauntless people can be very messy. I forget about time and an hour passes quickly. Eric still hadn’t shown up. 

“Maggie are you sure I don’t have to help you with anything else?” I ask the older woman. She is the oldest person in this compound. She is allowed to stay, despite her age, because she used to be a Dauntless leader (and a really good one so I have heard) and she is an amazing cook. Apparently she is the only one in this compound who can handle the pressure of a kitchen that has to provide the Dauntless people of food. They tend to get very mean when they are hungry. 

“That’s alright dear, I will manage. You have a long shift ahead of you at the bar. You should rest, it might help your headache,” the woman assured me. She is very friendly. Her white hair reminds me of my grandmother. Maybe she knew her? My grandmother was older, but it could be possible. I feel her ring rest on my chest, beneath my t-shirt. 

“It’s fine. I am getting used to the headache,” I say and take out the last of the garbage. When I return, Maggie is making a plate for someone. She places it in the fridge, along with a bear. She catches me staring: “Your friend has yet to come graph his diner.”

“Yes, he is really late,” I say and look at the clock. 8:30 pm. Eric usually comes to eat around 6:30 pm. I have noticed these last couple of days that he is a very punctual man. I can almost count down the seconds when Eric comes to graph his breakfast and dinner. It’s weird that he is so late. Maybe something happened at Erudite again? 

“Don’t worry dear, he will show up. Every man needs his dinner,” Maggie says and starts checking the ingredients we will need tomorrow. Every night she has to chart the ingredients we have in the kitchen and pass on what we need for the next day. It amazes me how much this woman works: “Oh I am not worried. He can handle himself.”

“Yes he can. It amazes me how strong he is,” Maggie says and her tone sounds weird. She has a small smile hanging on her lips. She catches me staring again: “You have to admit dear, that he looks nice.”  
“Maggie!” I laugh and I don’t know what to say to that. The man is not bad to look at, but the idea of voicing that thought was to horrifying. A blush does find its way to my cheeks.

“I can always count on my Maggie for making my day better,” Eric’s voice enters the kitchen and Maggie laughs and a small blush cover her pale cheeks. Eric drops his bag at the door and sits down at the counter. He winks at Maggie and she smiles back. I feel really uncomfortable. 

“Andy, can you graph the plate I just made for Eric? I need to give my order for tomorrow to the supply guy’s,” Maggie says and she takes her leave. I do as the woman asked me to do. When I give Eric his bear, I sit down in front of him and stare at him. He eyes me: “Can I help you?”

“You got a new girlfriend you want to tell me about?” I joke and Eric grins. 

“Are you jealous?”

“Extremely, I thought I was the only one.”

Eric drinks his bear. The man looks tired. Must have been working hard at Erudite or whatever he does all day. 

“I thought I asked you to have my dinner warm when I came to eat it,” Eric says.

“Your dinner was warm at the hour that you usually come to eat,” I replay and place his plate in front of him. Eric digs in and it only takes him a few minutes to eat everything: “You really did that?”

“Yes, sometimes I am able to find the will in myself to do as you ask of me,” I reply and watch Eric finish his plate. I don’t know why I stay and sit with him. I should go to my room and rest, but I don’t move. I place my head on my hand and enjoy the silence. It doesn’t help my headaches that I have to work in the loud kitchen and dining hall. 

“How is the head?” Eric asks me when he finishes. I place his plate in the dishwasher and sit back down. The effect of my pill is lessening. Stupid Four, making me suffer: “I think it’s throwing a party in celebration of your arrival.”

“Have you gone to the sickbay to get more pills,” Eric asks me and finishes his bear. I don’t understand why people drink alcohol? I taste a bear once and it tasted so foul: “Like I am going to do that. I should take two a day, but that stupid prick only gives me one a day.”

“Who?”

“Your lovely companion,” I answer and open one eye to look at Eric. He needs a few seconds to think it over who I could be referring to. Apparently Eric doesn’t even think of Four as a friend, if he can’t even figure out that I am referring to the guy he spends most hours of the day with: “Wait, Four?”

“Exactly,” I reply and close my eye again. The light in the kitchen is very bright and it hurts my eyes. Eric laughs at the thought that Four would do something like that. It’s nice of him to enjoy my pain: “Ha, I never thought he would do something like that.”

“Well he does. I am starting to dislike him almost as much as I dislike you,” I say and get up. I should take a nap if the light is starting to hurt my eyes. Else I will never survive my shift in the bar. Eric grins: “As long as you dislike me the most, I am fine with it.”

“I figured you would be,” I sigh and take my leave from the kitchen. I am done for the day and Maggie will probably take her time with the supply guy’s, considering she always has a laugh with them. She is like the mother of this entire compound. Everyone loves her and will do whatever she asks them to do. She is secretly still in charge of the compound, Max is just blinded by her sweetness if you ask me. 

Eric walks with me towards the pit. We walk in silence and it bugs me. It is not a comfortable silence. I can tell Eric wants to say something, but he doesn’t. Why? I search for a subject to talk about: “How was work at Erudite?”

“Tedious, they are so damn obnoxious. No wonder you left them,” Eric says and sighs. The Erudite can be that when they want to be, but in all fairness, a lot of them they don’t realize they do that. Anyway, Eric is one to talk: “So are you. You are insufferable.”

“I am tolerable,” Eric says with a slightly raised voice. His eyes warn me not to push it. He seems to have learned my way of sarcasm. During our first days together he would get angry immediately. Now he can handle it better. It makes pushing his buttons so much more enjoyable: “Barely.”

“Watch it limpy. I might not want to help you out next time you get yourself into trouble,” Eric warns me, but his smirk tells me he is joking as well. He makes it sounds like I own him a lot. He only saved me once, okay maybe twice. Eric seems to know what I am thinking: “You owe me a lot more. You wouldn’t even be here if I hadn’t pulled you on the train on choosing day and you wouldn’t be here anymore if I hadn’t talked Max out of kicking you out of Dauntless. And I saved your ass twice during the test. You really own me a lot, initiate.”

He does kind of have a point. Wait, he talked Max out of kicking me out of Dauntless. Why would he do that? We can’t stand each other. I make fun of him a lot and I end up doing the opposite of what he tells me to do. I am probably the most un- respectful initiate ever. Why would he want to keep me around? I thought he would be the one to cheer Max on when he decided to kick me out of Dauntless.

“Why did you do that? Talk Max out of throwing me out?” I ask and stand still. Eric turns around. I can’t think of anything that could explain why he would want to keep me around. Maybe he thinks I have what it takes to become Dauntless. They are people who voice their opinions and who don’t let others walk over them. I kind of do that, maybe not always in the best situations or in the most favorable ways, but I still do it. 

“I would get bored if you are not around to annoy,” Eric answers me after a few seconds. I don’t believe that he is telling the truth. He might enjoy our little fights, but not enough to change Max is opinion. I don’t voice my thoughts. Who knows what his true thoughts were. The nasty feeling I get when I think about Eric being the traitor, shows its head in my stomach. I go along with Eric: “Are you getting off on it?”

“Absolutely,” Eric answers and he grins. His expression makes the nasty feeling go away and I feel at ease again around the man. I walk up to him and punch him in the arm: “You pervert! Why are all you trainers such perverts?”

I hadn’t directed that last part towards Eric, but he heard it none the less. I cursed my own existents for saying it. I didn’t want to bring it up, I didn’t want to think about it and I most certainty did not want to explain myself towards Eric, of all people. That didn’t mean though that he was going to let it go. He graphed my arm before I could escape him and he had some kind of death grip on it. I tried to pull myself lose, but he only pulled me closer and before I knew it his arm was around my waist and it didn’t allow me to move away from the man: “Are you really thinking you can say something like that and just walk away from me without an explanation?”

“Eum…I…kind off,” I stutter and Eric’s grin grows. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all. I am not going to tell him what happened with Four and I don’t want him to hold me this close to his body. I suppress the urge to blush at the lack of space between our bodies. It reminded me of my jump from the pillar during the test. 

“You are blushing and stuttering. I didn’t think it was possible for you to do those things,” Eric states. I can’t control the blush anymore and it leaks out. I feel very stupid and this man is enjoying it. I try again to escape the man’s arms and I curse every single soul that lives in this compound that has decided to not walk down this corridor. Why can’t someone show up and help me?

“Let me go, you oversized gorilla,” I answer him, slightly angry. I do not want to be here anymore. It is to embarrassing and I don’t like how my heart is beating faster at the thought of Eric’s body pressed up against mine. It is unnatural. And wrong. He should let me go.

“Oh no, I think…” Eric starts to say something, but my snappy mouth interrupts him: “Since when do you think?”

Eric’s grin drops and I can feel his body get tense. The air between us is shifting. This embarrassing thing that happened between Four and me has somehow managed to start another argument between Eric and me. Eric finds his voice again: “Are you giving me attitude?”

“Are you deaf?” I answer quickly and I pull my arms lose and push them against Eric his chest, trying to make him let me go. I ignore the feeling of his muscles beneath my hands. The man’s arm around my waist tightens: “Do you want to hang above the chasm again, initiate.”

“Are you really that thick headed that you cannot remember my name,” I spit back and without realizing Eric pulls me closer and I can feel his heartbeat rise beneath my fingers. My eyes have been avoiding his, but he manages to catch them: “Do you want to say that again with me, initiate?”

He emphasized the last part and I could feel my anger rise. It really annoys me that he keeps calling me initiate. I am a person and I have a name. I can deal with people calling me nicknames every now and then, but he consistently calls me initiate or limpy. He can remember all the other initiates their names, so he should stop calling me that. 

“Like I asked before, are you…” I stop mid sentence. My body freezes and I could tell by the way Eric’s body froze that he realized it too. Our faces were very close. I am glad that I was blushing from earlier. Eric couldn’t tell I was blushing because of our close proximity. My breath was stuck in my throat and I couldn’t find the will or the concentration to start breathing properly again. 

One of my hands had somehow placed itself on Eric his shoulder and I could feel his hands on my back. It didn’t feel horrible. I want the moment to end tough. I want to move my body away from Eric’s, but my brain has shut down apparently. I can’t seem to think straight anymore and all I can do is wait for Eric to let me go, but he stands still. I can’t make out what he is thinking. My eyes are caught by his and I can’t seem to draw them away from his grey eyes. 

After the initial shock was starting to disappear, my brain started rebooting itself. I was slowly able to think again and I busted myself on thinking that it wasn’t that bad being stuck in this man his arms. I have felt safe in them before, but now I don’t know what I am feeling. We aren’t in danger, like last time. We are just standing in a hallway that is deserted, pressed up against one and other.

Eric his heartbeat is starting to slow down and I manage to pull my eyes away from his. I lower them, but that wasn’t the smartest idea. My eyes land on his lips and I wondered what would happen if I leaned closer. It must have been some outer force that made me move closer. 

But it was an inner force that snapped us out of it. A loud bang, coming from the pit, made me pull away from Eric and his arm let me go slowly. It was almost like he didn’t want to let me go or maybe I didn’t want him to let me go. What is happening to me?

We didn’t say anything and we went our separate ways.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the reviews and kudos!! Feel free to leave more!!

Chapter 21

My heart is beating fast. My breath is stuck in the back of my throat. I want to scream, but I seem to have lost my voice. My legs are trembling. My skin feels ice cold, but on the inside I am burning up. The arm around my waist pulls me closer and tightens its grip on my body. I feel small inside those arms, not intimidating, just small. My left arm is wrapped around the man’s neck, while my right hand feels his heart beat fast beneath it. I am stuck in a trance, but at the same time I am extremely aware of everything that is happening around me. A cold breeze makes me push myself closer to him and I wonder how much more his arm can tighten its hold on my frame before it will snap. 

The man leans down and his breath hits my lips. They were slightly parted. My hand around his neck moved up and found its way into his hair. His free hand cupped my cheek. I pushed myself up, making me stand on the tip of my toes. Only an inch apart. I wanted to close that inch and my heart started skipping beats. I leaned in closer and…

I woke up from a sudden fall and my body making contact with the ground. My eyes needed a few minutes to adjust and my brain needed even longer to realize what had happened. Rob was sitting on his bed, looking at me with a smug expression: “Having pleasant dreams, are we?”

“More like heavenly nightmares,” I reply and my voice sounds very strained as I say that. I was lying on the ground. I must have rolled out of my bed. My blanket was lying beneath me. I stand up and lay back down on my bed. Rob was the only one awake. He was reading something. I look at the clock. 4:50 am. Time for my kitchen shift. I wake Michael up and we get ready for our shift.

I cannot believe I dreamed about kissing…him. My brain has been more damaged by that concussion then I realizes at first. I hadn’t told anyone about last night and I never will. This is a secret I am taking to my grave. After the incident yesterday, I came back here to relax and take a nap. Unfortunately the incident kept me tossing and turning in my bed and it made me very agitated. Charlotte, from the bar, had noticed it and asked me about it. I had a hard time lying to her. That it was nothing just exhausted from my work and the headaches. She let me leave an hour earlier than usual. Scott didn’t mention it. I didn’t get to feel guilty about it. In fact I was extremely pleased when Charlotte told me I could leave. 

The main factor of my current problem had been at the bar. He stood outside most of the night, but he came to the counter a couple of times. Seven in total. I counted, I couldn’t help it. I needed to know where he was, so that I could be somewhere else, preferable as far away as possible. One time I couldn’t avoid him. He was talking to Scott, while waiting for the drinks he had ordered. I was doing my usual job, when Charlotte asked me to fill the fridge beneath the bar. I couldn’t get around it. I didn’t have an excuse why I couldn’t do that at that exact moment, without raising suspicion with Charlotte. I carried the boxes to the fridges, without raising my eyes. I didn’t want to see if Eric was still standing there. I suspected he was, because Scott was still talking to someone. I didn’t want to look at him. I didn’t want my eyes to meet his. I didn’t know why, but I was afraid of what I mind there: shame, fear, confusion, mockery… Who know what he was thinking during the incident. 

The day seemed to be very uneventful for me until Michael got a message from Sacha and Tabassum on our communication device. They wanted to talk to us and it was urgent. The messages didn’t say more. I wondered if they had news about my parents. Maybe it was bad news if they wanted to meet with us quickly. Michael made arrangements with them. They answered us around noon:  
Follow the blue brick road, so that the scarecrow can find his brain. It has a face and arms, but no legs or hands. There is few of you and more of them who took a risk. 

It was a riddle. They could not put in concrete information, because you never know who might get this information. We were supposed to answer Sacha and Tabassum back in a riddle, using the words they used were referring to in their riddle. We went for a run after lunch. It would be a slow one considering my knee injury, but I had to start training it. Tomorrow the second stage of initiation will begin. I need to be ready. 

We ran to the practice roof. It was abandoned. Michael stood at the door, making sure no one would hear us. I sat down and stretched: “Okay so the riddle has tree parts. The blue brick road, the face and arm thing and the reference to the Dauntless transfer initiates.”

“How do you know they were refereeing to us?” Michael asked me and he sat down next to the door. I give him the water bottle I had taken with me. After sitting still for four days, I was bound to be out of shape considering I have been training my body every day since I made the transfer: “There is few of you and more of them who took a risk. The risk is refereeing to the transfer we made. The first bit of the sentence is referring to you and me and the second part is referring to the others. So that means two and eight, so I am guessing they want to meet us around 10:00pm. The answer to the second riddle is a clock. A clock has a face and arms, but no legs or hands.”

“Impressive,” Michael compliments me and I smile. It is still weird sometimes that I share this deep secret with him. If you had told me that this would happen a month ago, I would have never believed it. Michael and I were just too different at that time. He throws the bottle back at me: “What about the first part: “Follow the blue brick road, so the scarecrow can find his brain. What does that mean?”

I think it over. I don’t understand the scarecrow part. Well I guess scarecrows don’t have brains, but why would one want to look for a brain? Michael seems to know the answer to my question: “I think they are referring to an old story, called the Wizard of Oz. My dad used to tell it to me when I was younger.”

I don’t know the story, so Michael tells it to me: “It is about a girl, named Dorothy. She magically ends up in the Land of Oz She goes on this journey to find the Wizard of Oz to ask him for his help. She wants to go home and his magic can help her. On her way to the castle, she meets three friends: a lion without courage, a tin man without a heart and a scarecrow without a brain. They decide to join Dorothy and ask to Wizard to give them courage, a heart and a brain.”

“But what does that have to do with us?” I ask. It is a nice story, but what is the meaning behind it in Sacha and Tabassum their message: “I think that they are referring to us as the scarecrows and they are our brain. They have information that we need. The blue brick road must be where they want to meet us.”

“Blue? There are no blue brick roads in the Dauntless compound and they didn’t mention anything that could lead us outside the compound,” I think out load. Talking in riddles is not my thing. I like to receive the message loud and clear and in words I understand. I didn’t read fiction books as a child and my parents never told me any stories like this Wizard of Oz story. 

“Could it mean the chasm? That is the only blue thing in this compound and there is a small and might I add dangerous road that leads down next to it. I don’t know to where though, but it doesn’t look like a road that a lot of people would use,” Michael says and it makes sense. They could be referring to the chasm. Now that he mentions it, I have seen the road they are talking about. It is small and the stones are wet from the water that splashes up. It must be a slippery road: “Maybe they want to meet there because it is a slightly dangerous road and I am suspecting that the road of Dorothy and her companions was dangerous as well.”

“Yes, so we have to be at the chasm at 10 o’clock tonight,” Michael states. I hope the next time Sacha and Tabassum send us a riddle, it won’t be so farfetched: “What are we going to answer them? We have to use the words clock, scarecrow and refer to the chasm in code.”

“The scarecrow will be on his way to the Wizard. He will use a clock as a guide,” Michael suggests after a few minutes. It is simple and I understand the meaning of the message. We only need to add the chasm in it. The chasm is a river, water, boats: “And a ship to transfer him.”

“Perfect, so the scarecrow will be on his way to the Wizard. He will use a clock as a guide and a ship to transfer him. I’ll send them the message,” Michael says and he pulls the device out of his pocket. We head back to the others after that. Michael heads goes with Lucas, Marc and Victor to practice some fight moves, while I stay with the girls and Rob in our room.

After my shift in the evening, Michael I meet up at the chasm. People are walking around, so we can’t leave direct, but we have time. It’s only 9:30pm and if we are early at the meeting spot, we can hide and wait for the others to arrive. 

Most people are starting to head to the pit for some evening fun as Amber would call it. She talks to me every time when I work in the bar. She is good friends with Charlotte. She comes to entertain me for awhile so that I don’t get too lonely. It is really nice of her, but after what happened last light, I do not want to be around her. I almost… No, I can’t even say it. Because of the incident, I don’t want to face her.

“What do you think? The coast seems clear,” I say when the corridor was empty besides Michael and me. Michael gets up and walks around casually, eyeing the connecting hallways. He knots after a few seconds and I follow him down the path: “Hurry up! Someone might see us.”

Michael was fast and he disappeared quickly in the shadows the rocks provided. I was about to follow him when a voice called my name: “Andy! I need to talk to you.”

I freeze out of fear that it could be Eric, but I quickly realize that the voice doesn’t sound anything like the man. I turn around and see Max. Why does he want to talk to me? Please don’t let him have seen Michael: “Were you going somewhere?”

I think he hasn’t seen Michael but he defiantly can tell that I was about to go down this road. I can’t deny it: “I am curious to where this road leads. I need to know, so please tell me. My friends keep telling me to forget it, but my brain won’t let it go.”

Max takes my lie and smiles, but his smile doesn’t seem real. It seems forced. What does he want to talk about with me? Max walks up to me and looks down the corridor Michael just disappeared into. I pray to whatever god is out there that my friend doesn’t come back to see what is taking me so long. Max interrupts my prayers: “It leads to some old storage rooms. We don’t use them anymore because it is difficult to transport our goods down this path. We have lost members of Dauntless because they were reckless and fell into the chasm.”

“So there is no way out of it? This is the only way in and out?” I ask too quickly, but it doesn’t raise suspicion within Max. He turns around: “No, so if you are thinking about leaving the compound again…”  
“I assure you I have learned my lesson. I really hate getting up at 5:00 am in the morning and I hate doing the dishes. I just wanted to quite the Erudite side of my brain,” I assured the man. I am still on probation so I have to make sure this man trusts me. 

“Erudite side of your brain?” Max asks me while he starts walking towards the pit. I assume he wants me to follow him: “Eum yes sir, I have only been here for a few weeks, while I have lived in Erudite for sixteen year. You cannot expect me to change my way of thinking in a few days. It is a bit deeper rooted into my brain I am afraid.”

“I can tell. You think like an Erudite. Have you ever wondered if you made the right decision?” Max asks me and I wonder if it is a trick question. Does he want me to tell him the truth or lie and say that I am completely comfortable in my new home? It sounded fake to my ears. I decide to tell the truth: “I think everyone wonders that at some point during their initiation, but Erudite couldn’t offer me the knowledge that I seek.”

“And what kind of knowledge is that?” Max asks me and seems pleased with my answer. We walk up the stairs next to the pit, towards Max his office. I see people fighting each other in the center of the pit. Four is one of them. He is fighting a dark skinned man I don’t recognize. People were cheering them on. I see Scott and Charlotte walk towards the bar: “The knowledge to survive. Sir, I don’t mean to be rude, but my shift at the bar starts in fifteen minutes. I don’t have much time.”

“You are not working tonight. I talked it over with Charlotte,” Max informs me and I feel very heavy all of a sudden. It can’t be good news. Working in the bar is a punishment and Max would never give me the night of if it wasn’t for a serious reason. I feel very uneasy when I walk into Max his office: “Please sit down.”

“I think I would rather stand sir,” I say and he can tell that I know he is going to tell me something bad. My feelings are starting to clash with each other. I don’t know what to feel: scared, angry, maybe it’s not that serious. Max his eyes tell me different. He stands behind his desk and he is searching for the right words: “I have received a call from Jeanine Mathews earlier. She had some bad news. I came to find you afterwards, but it took me awhile to find you and…”

“Please just say what you have to say sir.” Max understood my rudeness. He sighed and his shoulders are hanging low. I feel like I am going to throw up: “I am sorry to have to inform you, but some Erudite members found the bodies of your parents this morning. I am afraid they are dead.”

The world seems to stop spinning when Max finished his sentence. My parents are dead? My parents…are…dead? Mom? Dad? They are gone? I will never see them again? A sudden guilt washes over me. Why hadn’t I said goodbye to them after the choosing ceremony? That was the last time I could have seen them, but I was afraid of meeting their eyes. I didn’t want to know if they approved my decision.  
What an extremely selfish thought. 

The heavy feeling inside my stomach comes up and I am capable of graphing the trashcan that was standing besides Max his desk. I throw up. My entire stomach empties itself and I feel my body start to panic. No! I cannot and will not break down in front of this man. I refuse to let him see me like this. 

“The doctors think they died from burn wounds. They must have been inside the building when the fire…” Max explains, but I barely hear his words. I get back some control over my body and I stop throwing up. I whip my mouth and try to stand up. My legs are shaking and my injured knee is bleeding. My head hurts from the sudden outburst of my stomach and the information Max just told me. 

My parents can’t be dead. They are at home with Marie, making sure she is safe. Where is Marie now? Who is with her when they break the news to her? I try to block out the thoughts that are swirling thru my head and I look at Max. I need to get out of here.

“I informed Charlotte that you wouldn’t work today, so that you can deal with this. I suggest you head back to your sleeping quarters,” Max suggest and I am thankful for not having to work at the bar tonight. I wouldn’t have been able to work anyway. I gather whatever self-control I have inside my body: “Thank you sire. Can I go now?”

“Yes of course,” Max says and I take the trashcan with me: “I’ll… eum…take this...,” I stutter not knowing what I should do with the trashcan. Should I leave it here and let Max clean the mess? Maybe it would be safe to take it with me. I don’t know how long I will be able to keep the rest of my stomach on the inside. Max understands and says it’s okay. He walks to the door with me: “If there is anything I can do, just let me now. I am truly sorry for your lose.”

“Is there…maybe…some other way away from your office? I rather not walk across the pit right now,” I ask. Max nods and leads me down an unknown corridor. He doesn’t say much and he doesn’t lay his arm around my shoulder. I don’t want anyone to touch me right now. I just want to be left alone. We stop at a staircase: “Follow these. They will lead you to your corridor.”

I nod in understanding and take my leave. I walk faster than normal and stop in front of the door of my sleeping quarter. I could hear Marnies laugh on the other side. They were having fun. I didn’t want to be a part of that. I turn around and walk towards the roof practice grounds. I don’t run into anyone, so I don’t receive any weird stares from people who see me hugging a trashcan. I probably also look like a complete mess at the moment. 

I run up the stairs. I feel suffocated inside this compound at the moment and I break down on the roof of the building. I cry. I cry hard. My body is shaking and I end up throwing up again. I stop when there is nothing left inside my stomach. The muscles in my stomach are already sore from throwing up. I wrap my arms around my frame and feel guilt eat me up on the inside. I should have said goodbye. I should have looked for my parents after I found Marie during the fire. I should have never transferred to Dauntless. I should have stayed in Erudite and become like my parents. They would have been safe that way. Why do I have to be Divergent! Why can’t it be someone else! Why does it have to be me? I don’t want to be it! I want to go home and have my parents wait for my arrival. I want to see Marie and tell here everything will be alright. I want to believe that everything will be alright. A sudden huge responsibility falls upon my shoulders. I have to protect my sister, but how can I do that when I am stuck here in Dauntless? I need to get back to Erudite. I need to see Marie. I need to see that she is alright, that she is alive.

Wait a minute. Marie told me that mom and dad weren’t inside our building that night of the fire. They had left and gone to head quarters after their fight with Jeanine. But Max told me the doctors think that they died from burned wounds. Mom and dad weren’t inside the building when the fire started and they would never have rushed inside a burning building. The conclusions of the doctor’s are wrong. They lied about my parents their death! Why would they do that? Unless they didn’t die from a natural cause. They must have been…killed. Jeanine has been angry at me and my parents lately, but she always liked them. She wouldn’t have… She couldn’t have…could she?

I pass out on the roof from exhaustion.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I wake up hours later. I could see the first raise of sunlight pass the horizon and it leaves me memorized. I have never witnessed it before, but it was a very beautiful sight to behold. They sky around the sun was yellow, orange, pink and red and it was slowly pushing the dark sky away from me. For some reason it felt symbolic. Even in times of great terror or fear or sadness, you can always count on the sun to push those bad feelings away. It helped for a minute or two, until I realized that the emptiness inside wouldn’t be filled by some beautiful image. It could never be filled by anything else. My parents are gone and someone is responsible for that. I will find out whom and I will make them pay. 

My body was sore from sleeping on the ground, but amazingly my knee injury isn’t hurting and I don’t have a headache anymore. My body doesn’t feel cold either. It must have been a warm night. I get up and sit down on the edge of the building, watching the sun cover the city in its light and let my thoughts wonder. There is no point in avoiding any thoughts about my parents and there is no point in bottling my feelings on the inside. I let tears stream down my face and I don’t bother to wipe them away. 

I wonder if Max told my friends about my parents. I wonder if he told Four and Eric. The thought about them knowing made me feel uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to be the one who had to tell the news. I don’t want people to get all sad and caring about it. I am not like that. I have never been like that. I deal with things on my own and I like it when the people around me act normal. I don’t think I can expect that happening when it comes to my friends. We have been each other’s rocks since we got here. They are going to want to support me and I am going to have to deal with that. 

I am not good at dealing with emotions in front of other people. I am not a public crier. Never have been and never will be. That always makes people think something is wrong with you. When my grandmother passed away, I didn’t cry at her funeral and I didn’t cry when my parents told me. I cried when I was alone in my room. People kept telling me I was in shock, but I really wasn’t. I just don’t feel comfortable to express my emotions in front of other people and I don’t know how to deal with people who do. I am the last person you should run to when you are sad and crying. I don’t know what to say and I don’t know how to act. I can handle Marie, but that is because she is my sister and right now I am the only family she has left and I am the only one who understands what she is going thru. 

I end up sitting on that roof, watching the sun for a couple of hours. I don’t want to go downstairs and have to deal with everyone’s sympathy. I just want to eat and start the second stage of my initiation, so that I can pass that and get one step closer to becoming a full member of this compound. That way I can visit my sister frequently and find out what happened to my parents. They were nice, honest, smart and good people and they did not deserve to die!

“Here you are,” I snap out of my thoughts and turn my head. Eric was standing at the door. He seemed to be out of breath. He probably ran up the flight of stairs that connects the pit to this roof. He places something in the opening of the door so that it won’t close behind him. Great, I really don’t feel like dealing with people and I especially do not feel like dealing with Eric right now. My thoughts go back to what happened two days ago, but I decide it is a stupid thing to worry about. Everything seems stupid right now. The only thing that matters is surviving training, becoming Dauntless, protect Marie and find out what happened to my parents. Even being Divergent seems unimportant at this moment.

I turn my head back and my eyes look up at the blue sky above me. I ignore Eric, maybe that will make him go away. He doesn’t unfortunately. He walks up to me and stands on the edge of the roof, searching the sky for whatever I am looking at. When he doesn’t find it, he sighs: “I guess I won the bet.”

“What bet?” I ask after a few seconds. The sunlight is starting to hurt my eyes, so I close them. Eric sits down next to me. I feel his leg brush past mine. It sends a shiver down my spine, but my brain dismisses it: “When we couldn’t find you yesterday, we made a bet.”

“Who is we?” I ask. Why would they make a bet about me? I had expected that my friends would come looking for me. I guess they know about what happened. I wonder what Max told them. Did he tell them the same lie he told me? Does he even know he told a lie? Maybe the doctors lied to him and he is just the messenger, but maybe he knows the truth. 

“The transfers, Four, Amber and I,” Eric explains and he lies down too. The clouds are drifting slowly over our heads, minding their own business. The sun hides behind them sometimes. It promises to be a cloudy day. Eric continues: “Everyone thought you left the compound. They figured you went to see your sister.”

“And what made you think I didn’t leave?” I ask, truly curios as to why he was the only one he gave me the benefit of the doubt. I will admit that I had wanted to visit Marie, but I didn’t have the energy to go: “I think you are smart enough to know that it could mean your immediate departure from Dauntless. You are still on probation. Even with the current circumstances you are not to leave the compound without a guard.”

“Maybe,” I sigh and realized that the man had a point. If I am going to visit my sister I have to get someone to come with me or I have to make sure I don’t get caught this time. I highly doubt though that I can pull that off. Maybe it is a good thing I didn’t leave the compound.

“Four went over to Erudite to look for you there,” Eric continues explaining. Four? Why would he go over there? He doesn’t know Erudite like Eric knows it. He should have been the one to look for me there. Eric seems to be reading my mind: “I figured you were still here on the compound, somewhere so I didn’t see the point in going to Erudite. I guess I should have known you would come up here. It seems to be the place you come to hide,” Eric explains and I feel uncomfortable that he seems to know me better than I expected. He must keep a closer eye on me then I even realized. I should watch out for that. 

We don’t talk after that for awhile. I feel strangely comfortable lying here with Eric, on the edge of a roof. I open one eye and scan Eric’s face. He seems to be calm. His eyes are closed and he is breathing calmly. He feels my eye on him and he also opens one. His grey eye holds my green one. I don’t feel the need to speak. I don’t know what to say anyway. I am glad that Eric hasn’t brought up the subject that is painfully hanging above our heads. I do not want to talk about it. My thoughts must have been transparent in my eyes. Eric turns his head back and closes his one eye again. I follow his lead and let my mind go blank underneath the sky filled with white clouds. I don’t flinch when I felt a big hand touch mine. The texture of the hand was hard, but it spoke of a hidden gentleness. Eric didn’t say anything and neither did I. His hand spoke words though. It gave me more comfort than I expected from him and it made me forget the pain in my heart for just a few seconds. His hand was strong and his grip was firm. I didn’t pull away. 

I don’t know how long we lay there, but the moment stopped when my stomach growls. Loudly. I can hold back my laughter until Eric says: “I think your stomach has something to say.”

“Yeah I think so to,” I say after a fit of giggles has left my body. I feel slightly embarrassed by the sudden sound coming from my stomach, but it is understandable. I haven’t eaten since diner last night and everything I did eat came back out the wrong way in Max his office. I probably missed breakfast, but maybe I can slip into the kitchen and look for some leftovers. I feel suddenly light because of the laughing, like it helped take some dark weight out of body. Maybe I can face everyone downstairs now. 

Eric stands up and his hand pulls me up next to him. The sudden action made me lose my balance when I tried to stand on my feet. Eric’s arm held my body up and he was standing close again. I seem to keep finding myself in close proximity to this man. I didn’t mind it though. It didn’t feel horrible this time. My heart was calm, my breathing even and my body didn’t frees. It felt relaxing feeling Eric’s arms around my waist. It felt nice. I decided not to think about it. I leaned in closer and the arm around my waist pulled me closer. My head placed itself against the man’s chest and his other arm laid itself around my shoulders. I could hear his heart beat into my ear. It was beating steady and calm. Eric’s head was resting on top of mine. My arms went slowly around his body and my hands felt the muscles on his back relax. I closed my eyes and let the hug heal whatever it could heal inside my heart. 

Minutes passed. I don’t know how many. But Eric pulled me back to reality. He lowered his head and I felt his breath touch my ear: “You should head down and eat. Training will be resumed in an hour.”

I was glad he didn’t say anything other than that. I didn’t want him to point out what had just happened. I wanted to let it be and just pretend like this never happened once I walk down those stairs. I lower my arms and feel Eric do the same thing. I keep my eyes lowered and want to walk away when Eric’s hand graphs my wrist and he makes me stop. I turn around, not knowing what to expect. Eric is pulling something out of his pocket. A little orange tube. It was filled with pills. Wait, are those my pills? 

“You are going to need them today and tomorrow,” Eric says and gives them to me. I take them and I am flabbergasted that Eric got them from Four. I am amazed he went out of his way to talk to Four about it or maybe he went to the medical center and got them there. He is a leader, they wouldn’t question him. Whatever, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I have them and I can take two pills a day now. That should reduce my headaches. 

I lift my eyes, but my words cling to my tongue. Eric knots his head towards the door, telling me to go eat. I do as he say and take my leave. I forget about the trashcan. 

I do as Eric told me and I head over to the kitchen. Maggie had made me a plate and it was waiting for me in the fridge. That woman is a saint. I didn’t run into a lot of people. The once I did run into nodded at me when my eyes met theirs. I guess news travels around quickly and this must be the way the Dauntless show their sympathy. I nod back in acknowledgment. 

While eating my breakfast my thoughts linger back to my parents and the sunset I saw this morning. It was really beautiful and peaceful. Maybe now it is time for me to get a tattoo, to remind me that after every dark cloud is a shining sun. My parents might be gone, but I still have a lot in my life and I will not let their death be the downfall of me. I will figure out what they were protecting and from who they were protecting it from. 

After my breakfast I had over to the tattoo shop. I don’t look around me and pry that my friends don’t see my right now. I have to do this and I have to do this alone. Tori is reading something on her computer. She nods at me and I nod back: “How can I help you?”

“I want to get a tattoo,” I say and I explain what kind of tattoo I want. I ignore my wildly beating heart. I have to do this. I am going to do this. Tori understands and she doesn’t question my request. I sit down in one of her tattoo chairs. I take my shirt of and she closes the curtains around us. Thirty minutes later I walk out of the tattoo shop, a white bandage covering the upper side of my left breast, covering my heart. Beneath it was my first tattoo. Tori had tattooed a rising sun above my heart, with an owl flying with its wings spread wide. Its eyes were staring towards what was to come. The sun reminds me of what I learned this morning and the owl symbols my family, my Erudite family. 

I was walking to the practice room, when someone graphed my arm and pulled me into a dark ally. I wanted to punch whoever had graphed me, slightly panicking. My fist is intercepted by Michael. He looks worried and his eyes are slightly red. He looks like he hasn’t slept at all last night. I completely forgot about our meeting with Sacha and Tabassum. What did they want to talk about?

“We need to talk now and we only have a few seconds. The others were following me,” Michael talked fast, while looking around us to make sure no one was watching or following us. He seemed to be panicking slightly. Please don’t tell me he is going to bring me more bad news. He had my full attention as he continued: “The second stage of initiation involves some kind of simulation. Sacha and Tabassum know some Divergents who were discovered during this stage. Apparently it is really risky for us, but we can pass it. What did you think during the aptitude test when you were faced with the dog and the man on the train?”

“I…eum…I don’t know what I…wait…it wasn’t real. I attacked the dog because it wasn’t real,” I remember and Michael nods. He must have thought the same thing: “Divergents are really good during this second stage because we are capable of thinking like that during the simulation, others can’t. We will outshine the others easily because we are Divergent. The point of the simulation is to survive situations that threaten our lives and can paralyze us with fear. Understood?”

I nod and Michael continues: “Tabassum advised us to think like Dauntless and not like a Divergent. We have to face whatever we see in the simulation. Damn, the others are here. Remember what I told you when you go into the simulation... Hey guy’s, look who I found.”

Our friends walk over to us and I can tell by the looks on their faces they want to share their condolences with me. I put on my brave face and push the information I just received into the back of my mind. I am very grateful that Michael told me this before the beginning of our second stage, else I would have acted the same why as during the aptitude test. That would have made Eric even more suspicious of me. Maybe it would have been all the conformation he needed, that is if he is working alongside the people who are a threat to Divergents, like me. 

I accept my friends their support and let them say words of encouragements. Marnie and Annie give me a hug and Lucas places an encouraging hand on my shoulder. I thank them and I give them whatever smile I am capable of giving them at the moment. My eyes feel dry during the whole process and I am thankful for that. I don’t want to cry here. I hate crying in front of others. 

Our moment is interrupted when Lauren walks over to us. She nods to me and I accept it. She tells us to follow her to the practice ground because we will receive information from Max concerning the second stage of initiation. We look at each other and follow the woman. 

Four, Eric and the Dauntless born initiates, who were allowed to stay, were waiting for us. All eyes turned to our group and I ignored the eyes that crossed with mine. I didn’t feel like answering them. Max was standing in front of the group. We joined the other initiates. They still eyed us dirty. We are with more now though, we didn’t let them intimidate us. In fact, we took it a step further. We didn’t place ourselves across them. We walked over to them and stood among them. To an outsider we looked like one group, but we could tell the Dauntless initiates didn’t know what to do. 

Max didn’t acknowledge it. He looked at us, one by one. His eyes lingered a second longer on me and I didn’t like it. I felt Michael stand behind me and he leaned his elbow on my shoulder. Sacha and Tabassum must have told him something involving Max. Maybe it involves my parents as well. 

“Let me first graduate you all for passing the first stage on our initiation. Before we head on to the second stage of initiation, we will show you your ranking. During the test and your training, your initiators kept a close eye on you. They gave you points for your achievements according to your progress and how good you are in comparison to your fellow initiates. All of you have been compared to each other and here are your results,” Max informed us and our names appeared on a scoreboard. 

I didn’t look for my name. I knew where it would be. A part of my punishment was that I would begin the second stage of initiation with a score of zero points. I was curious to how my friends had scored in comparison to the Dauntless initiates. 

1\. Michael  
2\. Skander  
3\. Tyra  
4\. Lucas  
5\. Kane  
6\. Victor  
7\. Marc  
8\. Sigrid  
9\. Kim  
10\. Marnie  
11\. Annie  
12\. Rob  
13\. Andrew  
14\. Luissa  
15\. Sarah  
16\. Andy

Sixteen initiates. We started with twenty-five. I hadn’t expected that there would be so many of us left after the first stage of initiation. Then again, there were ten transfer initiates who would automatically stay and only six of the Dauntless born initiates were allowed to stay. Maybe that isn’t so much. Nine people became factionless a few days ago. I feel very lucky that my group won capture the flag. 

I was surprised to see Annie score so high. She was even standing above Rob. She has grown a lot these last couple of weeks. I had expected to see Michael, Lucas and Victor in the top five, well six. They are the obvious strongest guy’s of our group. The Dauntless born initiates have scored high in the rankings. Four out of the six are in the top ten. I shouldn’t underestimate them just because we beat them during the test. They will not make the same mistake twice. I guess I have my work cut out for me during this second stage. I need to score points to get higher in the rankings, but I have to watch out that they don’t notice me being Divergent. 

“The next stage of initiation is different though. You will not be able to lean on one another. You will face a simulation on your own. Your job is to survive it. You will get points based on how well you do in the simulation. Fear is a very powerful thing. It can paralyze even the best trained soldier, but it can also make the weakest soldier stronger. You will learn to deal with your own fears during this stage of initiation,” Max explained what was waiting for us. 

Learn to deal with your own fears? What does that mean? What are my fears? I am afraid of needles, but I don’t know how they can make me deal with that in some kind of simulation. Besides that I don’t really know what I am afraid of. People finding out that I am Divergent? Something happen to Marie? Someone finding out my secrets? 

How will they use them in a simulation? What if someone finds out that I am Divergent? 

“Eric, Lauren and Four will oversee your training together. You will enter the simulation once a day for the next seven days. In that time you have to prove your own worth. You will begin today. You will go in according to your ranking,” Max continued and he wished us good luck during the second stage on initiation. 

We follow our trainers to some kind of waiting room. I sit down. I will have to wait a long time considering I am last. Michael follows Four, Skander follows Eric and Tyra follows Lauren. I look at the other initiates.  
They don’t sit next to each other. No one is talking. Everyone seems to be in deep concentration. They are probably thinking about what fears they might be encountered within the simulation. I wonder how Michael is doing. I hope he can find a way to not make Four suspicious of him. 

A boy sits down next to me suddenly. I must have been lost in my thoughts, that I hadn’t notice him get up and walk over to me. He has a creamy skin color, like Tyra. Maybe they are family. They both have raven black hair and dark brown eyes: “Hallo, I am Kane, Tyra’s older brother.”

“Older brother?” I question and Kane explains that he is born in January and that Tyra is born in November: “I am Andy.”

“I know, you are quite the talk of the town,” Kane says and I raise an eyebrow at his comment, not knowing if he meant it to insult me or to just be friendly. He smirks: “The brainy girl who made us Dauntless born initiates bite the dust. I didn’t dare to look my parents in the eye when I came back to the compound that night.”

“I can imagine that we might have made you look stupid. You were way too confident,” I say and grin myself. Sigrid joins our conversation: “We know. We won’t make that mistake again, I can promise you that.”  
“That sounds promising,” Victor answers and he introduces himself and his brother: “Maybe we can leave behind what happened at the test and start over. We will probably need each other to face this stage on initiation.”

“Why would we lean on you? Why would we even lean on each other?” the girl named Luissa said. Bold words spoken by the 14the ranked person. I would have thought she would be jumping to this opportunity. It can only help her get better. She is already at the bottom of the list, along with Sarah and me. Sarah was agreeing with my thoughts: “Because you could learn a thing or two from the people standing above you on the list.”

“And we don’t know what we are going to face in there. It will be different for every one of us. You might be glad at the end of the day when we are willing to give you some support,” I continue and Luissa doesn’t seem impressed. I can tell she is going to be a hard cookie to deal with. Her next sentence made that painfully obvious: “Why don’t you find some support with your so called friends. You are the one who needs it.”

It was like she slapped me in the face without using a hand. No one said anything and I was about to launch myself at the girl, because of the mocking smile hanging on her pink lips when Kane stretched his arm in front of me. He spoke to Luissa: “I would watch out Luissa. I heard she is the one who took Skander out during the test. You will be alone with her here when we have all gone into the simulation. Who knows what she might do to do.”

That is where I recognized the name from. He is that guy I shot during the test, while I was hiding with Eric in an abandoned building. The guy who was with him hadn’t made it to the second round on initiation. Maybe he left on his own because Eric scared him so much. He did look like he was about to soil himself that time. 

“Yeah,” Lucas says and he gets up. His brother follows his moves. They stand next to me and they have a very serious look in their eyes: “Who knows what her friends might do to you when you are alone…”

“… and your friends won’t always be around to watch your back,” Victor finished his brother’s sentence. The two brothers looked very intimidating at this moment. I would have taken them serious. Luissa doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t show them that she is intimidated by them. 

I felt my heart swell with pride, seeing these people stand up for me, threatening someone because she insulted me and threw a very painfully fact in my face. Annie, Marc, Kim and Marnie were also eyeing the girl with warning eyes. The other Dauntless born initiates gave her angry looks. I guess this girl is not very popular among her group. 

The heavy tension that was hanging in the room was broken when Skander walked out of the room he disappeared into with Eric. His face was very white, it was almost unnatural and he was slightly shaking. He seemed to be in shock. Kane and Sigrid walked over to him, but he didn’t acknowledge them. Skander was allowed to go to his room and rest. Eric was standing in the door opening. He noticed something was going on. He directed his eyes to me. My mind wondered for a split second back to this morning and the roof: “What did you do this time initiate?”

“Me? I didn’t do anything,” I answer and feel insulted that he automatically expects that I did something. He should at least have given me the benefit of the doubt. Then again, he has admitted that he likes to rile me up. Dickhead. I wanted to yell at the man’s stupid head, but Kane interrupted me: “She didn’t do anything, sir.”

I couldn’t let it go. I really could not ignore the fact that some guy just called Eric sir and was completely serious about it. It was too weird. I laughed, hard: “You did…not…just…call…him…”

I was laughing so hard I couldn’t end my sentence. I lay down on my side and I felt tears blur my eyes. It was too funny to handle. I could see some of my friends try to suppress their laughter. They were also having a hard time, but I wasn’t sure if they were laughing with me or with Eric. The man was looming over my figure and I could not avoid his hand. I stopped laughing when he flicked my forehead: “Auw!”  
I need to learn to predict when he is going to do that. I should have learned it by now.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

I was standing in a dark street. I didn’t know where I was or where I was meant to go to. The street was quite. Very quite. The moon didn’t offer me much light and I kept looking around me. Maybe I will be attacked by factionless people. My brain is going into overdrive, taking in every single piece of information that my senses are gathering. Unfortunately they don’t tell me much. I don’t hear anything, I barely see anything, I don’t smell anything… wait I do smell something. What is that…smoke? I look to the sky and there is a huge smoke cloud coming from behind some buildings. That wasn’t there a few seconds ago. It must be part of the simulation. 

Wait, is this Erudite? Am I reliving the fire from a week ago? I start running towards the smoke cloud. The streets seem to be long and unending. With every corner I take, there is a new street and it looks like I never get closer to the fire. Right, left, right again. It’s like I am running in circles. An iron staircase catches my attention. It leads to the roof of the building it was attached to. It should give me a clear view of my surroundings. Maybe that will help me. I run up the stairs and I am quickly standing on the edge of the building. The smoke cloud is still as far away as when I first saw it. The simulation is obviously keeping me away from the fire. How am I going to get closer to it without going back down there? I know this is all fake and that the fire is probably in my apartment building. This must be some kind of representation of my fear of losing Marie or her getting hurt. I know it is fake, but I still feel fear inside my stomach. What can I do? It isn’t real.

Think like a Dauntless, not like a Divergent.

As a Divergent I know this isn’t real, so frankly I wouldn’t do anything. Maybe I can manipulate the simulation? Maybe I should just jump from this building? But that isn’t what a Dauntless would do. Michael said that Dauntless people forget that this is a simulation. To them this is real. I need to get to that building and find Marie. But how am I going to do that? The streets aren’t bringing me any closer to the fire. 

I scan the roof. There is a long wooden plank. The buildings next to the one I am standing on are from the same height and the gap between the buildings isn’t extremely big. Maybe the wooden plank is long enough to help me cross the gap. I could get closer to the fire by using the roves. That way I can keep seeing the smoke cloud and maybe I will be able to get closer. 

I graph the plank and lay it on the edge of the roof. After trying a few times, I manage to place the plank on the edge of the other roof. It doesn’t seem extremely safe, but then again it is a simulation and a Dauntless person would cross it. I step on the plank and keep reminding myself that if I fall, I won’t be dead. I walk over it quickly and jump off the plank when I reach the other roof. 

Okay, so I just walked over a wooden plank, a few feet high in the air between two buildings, hoping I wasn’t going to fall to my death. This simulation thing is interesting. 

The smoke cloud hasn’t moved. I must be doing something right. Between the next two buildings there is a small metal connection. The gap is bigger, so the wooden plank won’t help me. I will have to walk over the metal connection. It seems to be hanging steady between the two buildings. I climb on it and start walking over it, very slowly this time. I don’t want to look down, but I have to see where I can place my feet on the metal. I tremble slightly at not being able to see the ground beneath my feet. It must be a really deep fall. I shake my head and focus on crossing the gap. 

Right before left, left before right, right before left…

A sudden wind makes me lose my balance and I feel my body fall to the left. I can’t get my balance back and I fall of the metal connection. What can I do? Andy, think! Quickly! I need to graph the metal connection. My hands graph it. My muscles try to hold my own weight, but the wind is making it hard for me to hold on. Focus Andy, you can do this. It isn’t real, but we have to find a way to climb back on the metal connection. This isn’t so hard. It is just like with the chasm. I hung there for five whole minutes, probably even longer considering it was Eric who made me hang there. I can do this. 

My arm muscles aren’t that strong, but my leg muscles are. I need to climb on this thing using my legs. I start swinging them and I am quickly able to hang them around the metal connection. Thank god it isn’t wide. 

I climb back on the ledge and I need a minute to catch my breath. I sit on the ledge and let my body get over the fact that I nearly fall to my, fake, death. Even if it isn’t real, I bet that fall would have hurt a lot. I wonder if I would wake up before or after I hit the concrete. I am guessing before, but let’s not try to find out. I sigh: “Well this is fun.”

Got to keep moving. I stand up and walk further over the ledge and I am very pleased when I feel the roof of the building beneath my feet. Safe, for now. I am getting close to the fire now though. I can’t use the roofs anymore, but I recognize the streets beneath me. There are only two I need to take and then I should be standing in front of my apartment building. Just keep reminding this isn’t realm. Whatever happens to Marie, it isn’t real. Keep focusing and don’t let your emotions get the upper hand. 

That will probably be easier said than done. 

There is a door that leads inside the building. There must be a stair I can use to get down there. Jumping of the roof doesn’t seem like a smart idea. I find the stair and run down it, not taking notice of whatever is inside the building. I suddenly smack into a wall. That wasn’t there before. What is happening? I turn around and want to walk around the wall, but another wall appears. I feel my heart beating faster and I start to panic slightly. After my third try, I realized that I was stuck inside a small space. The walls changed though. They became iron bars. 

I was stuck inside a cage. 

People were standing around it and looking at me. They were pointing and talking among one and other. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. I tried to break the bars, but it was pointless. How am I supposed to get out of here? I feel like an animal that is trapped and waiting to become one of Jeanine’s experiments. 

I have some sort of flashback to the night that I overheard Jeanine talk to my parents about some human experiment. Was I one of them now? Maybe Jeanine is hunting the Divergents down to experiment on them, because we are different. I suddenly start to panic harder. Those people know. They know I am Divergent. I could make out some of their faces. Annie, Rob, Lucas and the rest of my friends were standing among the crowd. They were looking at me with disgust. Annie looked scarred. Why? I am still me? What does it matter that I am Divergent? What is so damn bad about being Divergent?  
Wait, where is Michael? 

The cage and the crowd disappear. I am alone, standing in a white room. There is a bed standing in the centre of the room. A body is lying on it, covered with a white sheet. There are tubes connected to the body. Machines are registering the body’s brain activities. I should walk away and focus back on the fire, but my feet drag me closer to the bed. At the end of it there is a file laying. Behind the word name it says: ‘experiment 018’. I feel very cold and angry. How dare they turn someone into an experiment? I stare at the head that is covered with the sheet. Could this be…? Could this be Michael? 

My hand shakes as I graph the sheet and pull it back slowly. I gasp and take a step back when I see Michael’s face. His head is shaven bald and there are tubes connected to his head. He has stitches covering his face that can only be the result of people cutting his skin open. They must have done that to… 

I feel sick and want to throw up, when two faceless men graph my arms and pull me towards a bed, standing next to Michaels. They want to turn me into an experiment as well. I see a file lying on the bed. Behind the word name is says: ‘experiment 019’. I am next! I will not allow that to happen! I will never grant Jeanine the pleasure of seeing inside my brain! I try to pull myself lose, but the faceless man are strong. I kick, I pull, I bite, but these men don’t seem affected by it. It’s like they don’t feel pain. 

I can’t get lose. I panic as the bed comes closer and I see Jeanine’s face in front of me. She is smiling, not threatening, but sort of kind I guess. She appears to not even realize that what she is doing is bad. I wonder if this woman is even human. 

“Don’t worry, Andrina. It will all be over soon,” she says and I feel the man handcuff me to the bed. Damn! I can’t get lose anymore. I am stuck. I look at Michael and see his lifeless face. I refuse to become like him. I don’t care how scared I am or how strong these guys are, I refuse to give up! This is a simulation and I will not let it win! I feel my body get hot from anger and the adrenaline gives me the strength to pull my handcuffs lose. The men launch themselves at me. I roll of the bed and tackle one man to the floor. He falls and I kick him multiple times in the head, not taking notice of the blood. The other man charges at me. He wants to avenge his friend. I am not sure if I just killed him. I refuse to think about it. I look at Michael and throw myself at my other attacker. Michael is my friend and I will not let him be turn into a vegetable. 

I jump on the man's back and he runs backwards, smashing me into a wall. I yell and my body lets go of my attacker. He turns around and his hands find their way around my neck. He lifts me up and my feet can’t touch the ground anymore. I try to pull the man’s hand away from my neck, but the lack of oxygen is making my brain go fuzzy. I try to kick him, but he seems to be able to dodge my kicks. 

No, I cannot go down like this! I want to escape and take Michael with me! What about Marie and the fire? I start to panic. My vision is getting blurry and I lose the fight to the faceless man. I feel my body go limp and being placed on a bed. I hear voices, but I can’t understand what they are saying. Everything around me is fuzzy. The last thing I feel is a sharp object pierces the skin of my arm.

I wake up from the simulation after that. I am breathing heavily and my body is shaking. I want to get out of the chair, but my body doesn’t have the energy to move. I see Four sitting behind some computer. I can’t make out what he is thinking. My vision is blurry. I see his figure walk over to me and he offers me something to drink: “It will help you calm down.”

I refuse to take it. I don’t want to drink some substance that can paralyze me, the fear that I felt during the simulation was still rooted deep inside my body. I couldn’t shake it off. I know it was only a simulation, but it felt so real. I even forgot in the end that it was a simulation and that nothing would happen to me. It felt so life like.

“Andy, you need to calm down. The simulation is over. You should go and rest in your room with the others. The first time in the simulation is hard for everyone. It gets easier over time,” Four tries to calm me down. He unhooks me from the machines and I feel the extreme urge to run away from this place. I don’t want to be here anymore. I don’t feel safe. I stand up quickly and feel my body having a hard time adjusting to the sudden movement. Four says something, but I assure him that I am fine and that I am going to go sleep it off. I don’t know what he says after that, but he lets me go. 

After I close the door of the simulation room behind me, I sprint to the outside practice roof. I need air. I feel myself suffocating inside this compound. I need to be outside, knowing that I can run away at any giving moment. I don’t know if anyone saw me, but I sprint up the stairs to the roof and almost throw myself threw the door. I walk to the edge and graph the ledge. After a few minutes, my panic attack started to melt away, but the fear of getting caught by Jeanine didn’t leave my system. She knows that I am Divergent, she could graph me at any given moment and make me disappear. She has obviously already done that with my parents. What makes me think she won’t do the same to me?

Andy, stop it! You don’t have any proof that it really was Jeanine who is responsible for the death of your parents. Maybe something else is going on and I just don’t know that. For all I know Jeanine might have been trying to help my parents. I don’t know. I hate not knowing what is going on! It drives me crazy and I can’t get any answers anywhere! All of a sudden I am very aware of the fact that I am on my own and that I am in danger, but I don’t know who is targeting Divergents. 

The running and panicking have made my new tattoo itch painfully. The pain made me calm down though. I was in the Dauntless compound and I have my friends surrounding me. They would ask about me if something happened to me and Michael would come look for me. He knows that if anything happens to me, it will more than likely also happen to him. He will look out for me.

When my body isn’t trembling anymore and I can breathe normally again, I sit down on the edge of the roof. I pull the bandage covering my tattoo off and admire the skilful artwork of Tori. She really had done a good job. I was surprised at how well she had drawn the owl. He looked very real. Looking at the tattoo I remember what is important, what I told myself that morning: surviving initiation. I need to find a way to escape that room and the cage without letting my instructors realize that I am Divergent. How am I going to do that? 

“You should get some sleep. It helps,” Eric’s voice says from across the roof. I really need to stop getting lost in my thoughts. How many times has Eric now walked up on me and I hadn’t heard him? Anyone can attack me that way. I don’t move from my spot though: “I’m fine. It took me by surprise, that’s all.”

“Liar, no one is fine when they come out the first time,” Eric accuses me and stands behind me. I feel his knees touch my shoulder blades. I lean into them: “Even you?” It seemed illogical to me that Eric would have trouble dealing with the simulation. He is smart and I think he would be quick to form a plan. Maybe he is even smart enough to remember that it is just a simulation. 

Eric doesn’t answer me and that is all the conformation that I need. I wonder what fears he had to face during the simulation. I never thought he would have any fears. He and Four just don’t seem the types to be afraid of anything. I voice my opinion out loud: “Ha, I didn’t take you for the scary cat type.”

“Look who’s talking, miss I don’t want to jump of a bridge even though there is a train coming and it will kill,” Eric gets back at me and he has a point. What was I thinking back then? Well I know what I was thinking. I guess now I would jump quicker. I don’t think that Eric would kill me anymore, at least not without me provoking it. 

“That involved you, anyone would be scarred, sir,” I say and have a mocking smile hanging on my lips. I want to look up, but I feel Eric’s glare on my head so I keep my eyes focused on the horizon in front of me. Eric crouches behind me and I lose my balance for a second because I was leaning my full weight against his knees. Eric’s hands graph my waist and stop me from falling backwards: “You want to mock me again, initiate?”

“Every day if I could, sir,” I answer him and the man flicks the back of my ear. Damn him, that surprisingly hurt. I elbow him in his side, well I try, but he blocks me and flicks me again. He is grinning: “You had enough yet?”

“Stop enjoying this so obviously, it makes you look like a dirty old man,” I tell the man and that makes him laugh. Why is he laughing? I just called him a dirty old man. I turn my head slightly and feel Eric’s breath hit my ear while he whispers: “At least I don’t walk in you showering.”

“That prick told you!” I raise my voice and feel my cheeks turn into a very dark shade of red. I cannot believe Four told him! How dare he! As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough, he went and told Eric! Unbelievable. The man behind me laughs and his hands tickle my waist slightly, what made me realize that his hands were still there: “He had to tell me after I confronted him about it and he turned into a living tomato.”

“Don’t act so innocent. Four wouldn’t have told you unless you did something, admit it,” I accuse the man and he snickers: “I might have said something about telling people and changing some facts. He didn’t seem too pleased with that.” 

“What? And why punish me for something he did?” I ask the man and sit up straight. I turn around and want to push the man backwards, but he catches my hands before I even touch his shoulders. He lowers ours hands and let’s go of mine. He leans his hands on the railing behind me, trapping me between his arms. I didn’t mind it. 

“You are so protectable some times. Speaking of punishing you for something you didn’t do, what was going on earlier in the waiting room,” Eric asks and I try to suppress the blush that is treating to break free on my face because Eric’s face is so close to mine. His closeness still didn’t bug me, what cannot be a good sign. 

“Why did you automatically assume it was my fault that something happened, which, again, was not my fault,” I ask Eric and lower my hands, but I don’t pull them out of the man’s grasp. He smirks: “Because it usually is your fault. Who else was I going to blame? Everyone was staring at you for some reason.”

“Well it wasn’t my fault, in fact I didn’t do anything,” I say, not really wanting to discuss what Luissa had said. It was mean and I wanted to punch the living daylight out of her, but Kane prevented me from doing so. Eric seemed to understand and he didn’t push the subject to much: “Well good for you that you behaved for once.”

“Please, just admit you were hoping that everyone would say that I did something so that you could scowled me again,” I raise an eyebrow at the man and smirks: “Why admit it if you already know it.”

“Dickhead.”

Before I can react, Eric flicks me again in my forehead. I glare at him and rub the sore spot: “If you keep doing that, you are going to create a dent in my forehead and I will not be grateful for it.” Eric simply grins at my comment and he stands up straight: “Come on, you have the privilege of taking care of the most important job in this entire compound.”

“And that would be what exactly?” I ask while Eric’s hand graphs mine and pulls me along behind him towards the door of the roof. I still don’t mind the closeness. I don’t even find the will to pull my hand back. I don’t want to create a certain space between us. I secretly like that Eric just…ignores it and pulls me close to him. This cannot be a good sign. 

“Making my dinner of course. You have a job that starts in fifteen minutes.”

“Right, I forgot about that. I’ll make sure to spit extra hard in your dinner today,” I joke and I pull the door to the roof closed behind us, forgetting about my puke trashcan once again. Eric is standing two steps below me and that makes my eyes meet his on the same height. He is really tall and big. He gives me a warning look: “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Why do you think you like my cooking so much?” I ask him and wait for him to move. He doesn’t. His eyes just analyze me. Is he seriously wondering if I would spit in his food? This time I get to flick the man against his forehead. He seemed generally surprised by my action: “Don’t think such stupid thoughts.” 

“Are you calling me stupid, initiate?” Eric asks me, trying to sound like the Eric the first time I met him. His hands pull my body against his and the sudden movement makes me wrap one arm around the man’s neck for support. His hands let go of mine and one of his hands pushes me forward against his chest. I could feel Eric’s breath touch my color bone and I wondered how long I would be able to hold my breath without passing out. I felt my cheeks heat up at the sudden closeness. 

“If you are going to keep blushing like that, I might wonder of you are sick,” Eric mocked me, but I understood the message he was hinting underneath it. That made me blush even harder and Eric grinned at me. I lowered my head to avoid meeting his mocking eyes, but his forehead touched mine and I forgot to breathe completely. I couldn’t avoid his gray eyes anymore. They caught mine and I couldn’t bring myself to look away. My stomach was doing summersaults and I wondered if I was going to throw up again. I felt one of Eric’s hands caress my cheek. His hand was warm and his touch made my skin tingle. I wonder why. I wanted to say something, but I didn’t know what. My voice was stuck inside my throat and my brain was dysfunctional at the moment. Eric caught on to that: “Although…it suits you.” 

Before I could react Eric pushed himself up and his lips touched my forehead. They lingered there longer then they should have, but to short according to my beating heart. Eric backed up after that and I busted myself on wanting to pull him back against me, to calm my heart. I wondered if I was brave enough. Or was it stupid to act on what my heart wants? Eric seemed to be a fishy character, but still my heart wouldn’t calm down as we walked away. 

In the end I wasn’t brave enough to pull Eric back. 

I needed a few minutes before I was calm enough to face everyone downstairs. I ran into Annie on my way to the kitchen. She noticed something was wrong and her eyes were expressing her worry: “Andy, are you okay? Your face looks flushed. You are not getting sick are you?”

“No, I am fine Annie. The simulation just caught me off guard,” I lie and Annie takes my lie. She smiles and walks with me to the kitchen: “You had a hard time as well huh. That simulation caught me completely off guard. I was so afraid.”

“I know what you mean. It was pretty intense. How many fears did you face?” I asked Annie and she had to think it over. That can only mean she faced many fears. Great, so my number of fears is not exactly normal: “I faced nine I think. They just kept coming, even things I never thought about actually.”

“I know what you mean. My third fear caught me completely off guard. I started to panic and I woke up during that one,” I say and start my work in the kitchen. Annie decides to help me out. It is really nice of her. People were walking around us and didn’t mention Annie being there. They are probably pleased with the extra set of hands in the kitchen.

“Wait, you mean you only faced tree fears? That’s…that’s amazing! All the others have faced at least five fears. Skander is the only one who faced four and he was the quickest initiate to wake up from the simulation,” Annie informs me and I feel myself slightly panicking. Skander only had four fears to face? That is still one fear less than me. I don’t want the others to know. What will Four think? Will he tell someone? This has to be linked to me being Divergent, but why did Michael have to face more fears? I ask Annie how the others did and tried to not raise her suspicion. I wanted to know how Michael did. 

“Sarah and I were in for like forty-five minutes. Rob scored really well. He was in the simulation for forty minutes and he faced five fears. That is pretty good, right. The twins and Marc faced six fears and they were like half an hour inside the simulation. Marnie was in the simulation the longest and she was really freaked out when I saw her. She was still shaking in her sleep. Kim scored also really well: six fears in twenty-five minutes,” Annie explains and I am impressed that Rob, Annie and Kim did so well. They might outshine the others during this stage, but maybe they just need time to adjust.

“And what bout Michael? How did he do?” I ask, trying to sound nonchalant. I am not interested in how the Dauntless born initiates scored. I secretly hope that Luissa did badly during the simulation. It is a very selfish thought of mine: “Oh right, I forgot about him. He didn’t do well either. He didn’t mention how many fears he faced, but he came out even worse than Marnie. He looked like he saw a ghost. He was in for forty minutes as well. How long were you in?”

“I was too freaked out to ask Four. I kind of ran out of the simulation room when I woke up,” I explain and feel stupid for reacting the way I did. It was kind of embarrassing. I hope Four won’t mention it tomorrow. Thank god I was with Four and not with Eric. I didn’t understand why I thought that, but I was still glad about it. I find it hard to believe that Michael had such a hard time during the simulation though. He is Divergent, he should have known it was all fake. Then again I panicked too in the end. I wonder what he saw. 

“Really?” Annie asked me, genially surprised. Why is it weird that I could freak out about something? My question was visible on my face: “You just seem so levelheaded during stressful situations. I mean look at how you handled the test. I was really impressed by it and I would probably not be here if it wasn’t for your quick thinking, so thank you. I guess I think of you as someone who is very strong and doesn’t let fear get to her easily.”

“Everyone has a fear that get’s to them, Annie. I am only human,” I reassure Annie and feel slightly uncomfortable knowing that Annie thinks of me in such a way: “I only kept our team together. You did all the work during the test on your own and from what I have heard you were awesome. Not a little Annie anymore.”

“Ugh, I hate it when people call me that,” Annie laughs and elbows me. She really isn’t the same girl as the one I saw on my first day. I wonder if I have changed much during my stay in this compound. I voice my opinion a lot more than before. I tend to get on peoples nerves easier. I have grown stronger during the psychical training and I am learning to use my brain during stressful situations. I seem to be good at that. I can keep my cool during situations like that. 

“Andy, did you get hurt?” Annie interrupts my train of thought. I looked confused at her. What is she talking about? When would I have gotten hurt? Annie drops the knife she is holding and pulls the opening of my shirt lower. I stop her before she exposes my left breast to the entire kitchen staff. She seemed surprised by her own sudden action and apologized: “Sorry, but what happened?”

“It’s not what you think,” I say and pull the girl with me towards the back alley where all the garbage cans stand. I show her my tattoo. Her eyes grow big when she sees the artwork covering my heart: “I got it earlier today. The owl symbolizes…”

“Your parents, right?” Annie interrupts me and I smile: “It is very beautiful Andy. I am sorry about your parents. I know you don’t like the consoling and the sad faces we give you, but you need to know that we are all standing behind you. So if you ever need to fall, you can count on us to catch you.” 

I don’t know what to say and Annie takes the lead. She hugs me and I feel tears daring to leak out my eyes, but I stop them none the less. I have found an amazing group of people in this place and I am so grateful for them. They give me strength and space at a time when people always feel the need to come close. I am so glad that I chose Dauntless over all the other factions.


	24. Chapter 25

Chapter 24

I woke up from the simulation with a start, but this time I was panicking less. I was breathing heavy, but I could compose myself quickly in front of Lauren. She was staring at the computer screen in front of her. She had the same look as Four had yesterday. They must know something is going on. But I kept telling myself to think like a Dauntless. What did I do wrong? 

I faced the same tree fears as yesterday, but they appeared in different order. I woke up in the simulation in a cage, surrounded by people looking at me like I was some kind of freak. As a Divergent I was thinking I could just walk thru the iron bars, but a Dauntless person would look for a key or something to jam the lock with. I found a nail I could use. It opened the lock with it. After that I walked into the room Michael was in. I didn’t walk over to his bed and looked for a weapon instead to use against my attackers. A piece of wood was lying in the corner. I smacked my two assailants with it over their heads. They fell unconscious immediately. A door appeared on my right and it leads me to the roof of the building. It was the same roof I stood on last time, before I entered this building. It’s the roof that is only twee streets away from my old apartment building. Instead of going back inside I found a rope and used it to climb down the building. It seemed like a Dauntless thing to do. When I touched the ground, I ran to the building on fire. There was no one there. The flames were eating the building, but there didn’t seem to be anyone around to help. What am I suppose to do now?   
I got an answer when I heard a familiar scream from inside the building. I woke up after that. 

“You seem to be really good at these simulations,” Lauren points out and I am not sure what she is trying to say with it. Is she giving me a compliment or trying to figure out why I am good with these simulations? I pull my shoulders up and give the woman a smile: “I guess my Erudite brain comes in handy during these simulations. People have pointed out to me before that I am good at keeping my act together when I am under pressure.”

“Well you will have no problem with gaining points. You seem to be better at this then the rest. Even Skander was in longer then you were,” Lauren informs me and I could tell by her tone that she was disappointed in the boy. I didn’t address it and let it slip by: “How long was I in the simulation then?”

“Fifteen minutes.”

“What? That is impossible. I couldn’t have done all those things in fifteen minutes,” I protest. It is just not possible. It took me five minutes at least to get out of the cage and it must have taken me ten minutes to climb down the building. I felt like I was thirty minutes in there, at least.

“Like I said, you seem to be really good at these simulations,” Lauren says and I take my leave. Damn, I think I was able to think like a Dauntless person, but I need to stay in longer to fool these people. Fifteen minutes? Skander needed twenty-five minutes today and he wasn’t as calm as I am walking out the simulation room. Lucas, Marc, Marnie, Michael, Sigrid and Luissa were waiting in the waiting room. They decide to switch the order we were suppose to go into the simulation. I was tenth today. Everyone was looking at me. Maybe I shouldn’t appear so calm. I smile weakly at the others and Marnie goes in after me. She pats me on my back for comfort. I walk with small and uneven steps to appear not as okay as I am feeling on the inside. When I passed Michael I winked at him and he understood that I was faking my discomfort. He grinned back at me. 

I went to the training room and to practice some fighting moves. My knee is almost healed and with me taking two pills a day my headaches aren’t a problem anymore. I seem to be almost fully healed. That means I can go back to training and using my free time in this compound more productive. It also allows me to blow off steam. 

My friends have all found their own way of telling me that they were there for me. The girls gave me hugs at random moments, Lucas sometimes lays his arm around my shoulders and squeezes them, his brother and Marc tell jokes to lighten my mood. I suspect they don’t know how to offer their support so they reside to the things they know: making the people around them laugh. Kane and his sister, Tyra, have also given me their condolences. They fitted in with our group easily. Tyra made jokes along with Marc and Victor and Kane seemed to get along well with Marnie. Sigrid, Skander, Andrew and Luissa keep to themselves, but they join us sometimes. Last night Andrew and Sigrid joined us at dinner. Luissa didn’t and Skander decided to eat with her so that she wouldn’t be alone. 

That girl was something else. She did not like me and I have no clue what I did wrong. The only explanation I can come up with is that some of her friends became factionless because of my plan. I cannot feel guilty about that. It was either them or us and they shouldn’t have underestimated us like that. She barely talks to us and whenever she looks at me, she is throwing daggers at my face. When I went back to work after my dinner and my friends had all left, she brought me her dirty plate in the kitchen. We were alone. I wanted to take her plate but she dropped it on purpose on the floor. Surprisingly it didn’t break. I hunched down to pick it up, while biting my tongue very hard. When my hand was an inch away from the plate, Luissa’s foot stamped on it. The plate broke and there were small shards scattered over the floor and I ended up cutting myself a few times while cleaning them up. I remember that she was the girl who had laughed when one of her friends had called me trash a few days ago. I think it was Andrew who called me that. I had let it go because we had to deal with these people, there is no changing that fact. So why hold on too old grudges? 

Everyone seemed to agree with me on it, except Luissa.

I pulled out a punching bag and started practicing my moves. I have to stay in shape, no matter if I passed first stage of initiation. If I want t good job among these people, I have to show them I am a dedicated Dauntless person and that I take my training serious. I haven’t really thought about the Dauntless jobs before. What do I want to do? Become a leader? Hmm, maybe in a few years. I don’t think I would be very good leader at the age of sixteen. Guarding the fence sounds very boring and not challenging at all, so I’ll pass for that. 

“Move your feet apart initiate,” Eric’s voice breaks my concentration. I stop and look at my feet. I hadn’t noticed that they weren’t positioned correctly. How could I have missed something like that? Four drilled into our heads how important it was to place your feet correct. They either give you balance or make you any easy target to punch to the ground.

“Didn’t Four teach you anything?” Eric mocks his fellow Dauntless member. It’s so weird that they don’t get along and have to work together to train us. Why would they agree to it? It doesn’t sound like a job a Dauntless leader should do anyway. It kind of sounds beneath him. 

“Why did you take on the job to instruct us? You and Four obviously don’t get along, so why would you agree to work with him?” I ask and get back to punching the bag in front of me. I have been thinking about it for a while and I cannot come up with a good explanation, except that Max has forced them to work together to maybe get them to get along. For some reason, that doesn’t sound like something Max would do though.  
“Why do you ask?” Eric asks and he watches me practice. He must have come here to practice himself. I keep throwing punches into the bag and feel my muscles get warm from practicing: “It doesn’t sound like a job for a Dauntless leader and I cannot imagine why you would want to work with Four if you don’t like him.”

Eric doesn’t answer my question and I have a suspicion that he didn’t agree on his own accord with the job. Eric is a proud man, but I don’t think he takes pride in teaching initiates. He is also too hotheaded for the job. 

“Bend your elbow more. It will give your punch more force,” Eric says and his hand graphs mine, while his other holds onto me by lying around my waist. His hand is so big, it easily covers my fist. He pulls our arms back and brings it forth with speed. The punching bag swings backwards: “See, more power.”

He pulls his hands back and I turn quickly, repeating the punch and keeping his advice in mind. I punch him in the shoulder. It had effect, but not much. I guess against someone like Eric I don’t really stand a change. I’m practically a bug compared to his size. Eric barely flinched when my fist made contact with his shoulder: “Something like that?”

“Yes, but I don’t advise you to punch someone with my size so openly,” Eric says and before I can register what he is doing, he graphs my wrist and makes me turn around and he pulls me against his body. His other arm blocks me from breaking free: “It won’t do you any good initiate.”

I try to break free, but Eric’s grip is to strong. There is no way I can break free just by moving in his arms. This isn’t Lucas or Michael I am dealing with. I need another tactic to break free. I lift my feet and bring it down hard on Eric’s, while at the same time punching my elbow into his stomach. Eric doesn’t seem to be effected by it greatly, but his arms lessen for a second and I graph that one second. I duck and slip from his grasp, but he graphs my elbow. I turn back to face him and lift my fist. I bring it down to his jaw, but he blocks my punch just in time. He pulls me closer, but he also places one foot behind mine, to make me fall down. I can’t do anything, as I am hovering in midair, being held up by Eric’s hands. I wait for him to drop me, but he doesn’t: “Had enough yet?”

“Not really,” I saw and replace one of my feet, so that I can launch myself up towards Eric. He didn’t see it coming and he takes a few steps backwards, while I latch my legs around his waist and this time my punch hits its mark. His head turns to the left and he seemed perplex for a moment, but he quickly composes himself. I want to bring in another punch, now that I have the upper hand, but Eric blocks me and graphs both my wrists, keeping them together with one hand, while the other punches me in my side. I could tell he was holding back with his punch. It hurt, but I don’t believe that he can’t hit harder than that. It did have effect though. My legs let go of their grip on Eric’s hips and the man quickly placed his arm behind my knees and he threw me over his shoulder. 

“Now?” Eric asks me mockingly as I hang over his shoulder, but I wasn’t planning on giving up that quickly. I pushed my upper body up and fired my fist at the back of his head. That should give him a nice a headache. One of his hands graphs the back of my shirt and he pulls my body back. How strong is this man? This isn’t normal anymore. Am I really this week? 

I throw in another punch against the man’s jaw, but he barely flinches from it. Sudden he moves so quickly, I can’t follow his moves, but I find myself sudden with my back against the floor and Eric’s impressive body hovering over mine: “Now?”

He has one eyebrow raised, but his mocking smirk isn’t visible, what I think is weird. I decided to give up. I don’t expect to win from this man anyway, as painful as it is to admit that. I need a few more years of training before and losing from him before I will probably be capable to defeat him. 

I want to sit up and I use my arms to support on them, but Eric quickly graphs my wrists and pushes them to the ground, next to my head: “I was done, you oversized gorilla. Let me go!”

“Could have fooled me. Maybe if you ask nicely I’ll let you go,” Eric says and his trusty grin is hanging on his lips. Damn this man! I wriggle and try to get lose, but it is no use. Eric’s holding me in some kind of death grip. I can’t even move my legs, because his hips are pinning them down. I suddenly realize our position and I can’t stop my face from becoming flaming red. Eric chuckles at the sight: “You look most amusing. It must be killing you to say please.”

I just curse his name under my breath and try to get lose again, but to no avail. I cannot believe I am stuck beneath Eric in such a…eum…position. I can feel my cheeks get even redder, if that is possible. Eric just enjoys my humiliation for all its worth: “If you are going to keep blushing so easy, I am going to be forced to feel flattered.”

“Let me go, you oversized gorilla,” I curse at the man, but he just laughs. He leans in closer and I get an idea to head bump him. I go in for the hit, but Eric pulls back quickly: “Only head bump as a last resort, because it will hurt just as much for you as for your opponent. Now say please.”

“Never,” I nearly spit out the words. Eric does have a point, when concerning the head bump. I would probably have hurt myself even more than him. Eric leans in closer again and his mocking voice is pissing me of and he is not helping my blushing face by leaning in so close: “We could be here all night.”

“Well then, prepare to get comfortable,” I spit back and for a split second I wonder if Eric would kiss me. I became anxious because of that thought. I don’t want to be in this position, with this man or any man at the moment. He needs to back off. Just because I don’t mind his closeness from time to time, doesn’t mean he can be hovering above of me in such a manner. 

Eric was about to say something when the door of the training room opened and Luissa showed her face. She glared at us and I was extremely angry at Eric that he hadn’t pulled back when he heard the door open. So angry, that I decided to ignore his advice and I lifted my head. It smacked right into Eric’s head and we both cried out in pain. 

“What did I tell you? Never head bump someone, you idiot!” Eric yells at me while I graph my head and I can feel a splitting headache coming up. Okay, maybe this wasn’t one of my smartest ideas. Wow, this hurts! I had to bite back tears from the pain. It did, however, have the desired effect. Eric had rolled off of me and I was free to move. I sat up and rubbed my head, ignoring the man next to me. I turned to Luissa. She didn’t seem impressed, just angry and smug for some reason: “Eric, Uncle Max wants to see you, now!”

Wow, that girl can talk with an attitude. Even I wouldn’t talk like that to Eric, unless it was to provoke him. But I don’t think that Luissa wants to do that. I turn to Eric and I could tell he wasn’t a fan of this girl either. I heard him mumble something under his breath, but I couldn’t understand it. He got up and left the training room, still rubbing his head. Great, now I am alone with Luissa. This should be interesting.

The girl doesn’t say anything, she just looked at me. She had this air around her, like she thought she was better than me, like I was a bug in her way. Wait, did she just call Max uncle? She is his niece? That could explain why she’s looking at me like I am beneath her.

“Interesting dual. Do you always fight with men like that?” I didn’t like what she was insinuating, but I couldn’t deny the fact that Eric was very close in a very unprofessional way. 

“No wonder he stood up for you when you left the compound unsupervised and you were so high ranked. Tell me, what do you do for him to get so highly ranked?” Luissa had a very unpleasant smile on her face. I didn’t know what to say to her. I know it isn’t true what she is saying, but it’s not like she would believe me. She would probably just laugh. 

“If you have something to say, then say it in the ring,” I challenged her. I wouldn’t be able to shut her up verbally, but maybe I can intimidate her physically. I was ranked highly in our group, before I lost all my points as punishment for leaving the compound unsupervised. Luissa didn’t bite: “No thanks, I know what I saw. You won’t last until the end of initiation. I assure you that.”

After that she left. Great, now what am I suppose to do? What is this girl’s problem with me anyway? The other Dauntless born have accepted the fact that we defeated them, so why can’t this girl? They let go of their anger towards us for making some of their friends factionless. 

I need to keep Eric away from me. This whole close thing that has been going on between us needs to end. I don’t want him close anyway, he is weird and I don’t trust him. He is a Dauntless leader and some of them are traitors, he’s probably one of them. 

But my heart secretly hopes he is not one of them. 

I get up and get back to my training, punching out my frustration about Eric and Luissa.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

Staying away from Eric wasn’t as easy I had imagined it would be. Eric still checked up on me while I was working in the kitchen. I tried to keep the conversation to a minimal, but he always knew to say the right thing to either make me angry and yell at him or to make me want to reply with a smug answer. I just couldn’t find it in myself to shut up. It’s so frustrating, because it’s like Luissa feels when we are in close proximity towards each other and every time she would walk in on us. I wasn’t the only one noticing. Eric had commented on it that it was funny how the girl always seemed to be around. He even asked me once if she was stalking me.

“Possibly, but who can prove that,” I answered and I went to take out the garbage cans to distance myself from Eric. The Luissa stalking was getting ridiculous, but I tried to ignore it as much as possible. I couldn’t do anything about it anyway. She is Max his niece and I don’t have any proof and I’d rather not have her voicing her opinions out loud to anyone.

I’ll just beat her up once I have officially become Dauntless. That is if she makes the cut. She is currently last one in ranking and she is not improving. Maybe that’s why she hates me. I started this stage of initiation with a score of zero points and I am currently 12th. I am moving forward and she isn’t. Maybe she is jealous of me?

Whatever, I don’t have proof and I like to stay in Max his good books as long as possible. I have had enough changes. I don’t think I will be given another one if I screw up now.

“Today there will be no simulation training,” Max tells us, once everyone has gathered in the pitt. What a relieve! I really wasn’t feeling like taking on my fears with all this Luissa stuff going on. My friends cheered at the good news, however it was short lasted: “You have been living on our expanse so far, so it is about time you did something back for us. Today, every one of you will be working for Dauntless. According to your ranking you will be given a job and you will try to be an assist to our compound. This will give you a taste for what lies in store for you, if you pass initiation.”

This sounds interesting. I guess I won’t get a good job, considering I am ranked 12th. Please don’t let me be stuck with Luissa though. I wouldn’t mind working with Rob, Annie, Andrew and Sarah. Maybe I’ll be lucky.

“The first five ranked initiates will join me and Eric, the next five will go with Lauren and the rest will go with Four. They will explain to you what your day will look like and what will be expected from you,” Max explains and I am curious what we will do today. I guess maybe something like guarding the fence or helping transporting goods between factions. Please, don’t let it be something like garbage collecting or cleaning toilets or something. That is not why I chose Dauntless and trained my butt of all those hours.

“Today you will learn what it is like to work for us. If you don’t like your job, I suggest you work extra hard to climb up on the ranking list. The higher you are ranked, the better the jobs are,” Max finished his speech and I walked over to Four. The others disappeared quickly and Four waited until they were gone before he started explaining what our job would be today.

“You are in luck. Normally you would end up doing not very appealing jobs with your current ranks. I suggest you try harder in climbing up the rank. But like I said, you are in luck. They need extra hands at the Amity compound. We are going to help them bring food to the other compounds,” Four informs us. That doesn’t sound too bad. It will be hard work, but I rather do this then working in the kitchen (again) or having to collect garbage.

“There are six of you, so you will go in pairs to each faction. Annie and Sarah will go to Abnegation, Andrew and Rob will go to Erudite and Luissa and Andy will go to Candor. I will come and check up on all of you and the people supervising you will tell me if there are problems. I hope for your sakes that I don’t get any complains.” Four sounded angry. I don’t think he likes this part of his job. Maybe he thinks its humiliating having to take the bottom six to their ‘ _not-so-impressive-jobs_ ’.

We go to the Amity compound with a truck. We sit in the back quietly. Only Rob and Annie are excited to go to Amity. I cannot believe I am going to be stuck with Luissa the whole day. Maybe I can befriend her some way. Maybe she will let go of whatever it is she is holding against me. How Amity of me to think like that. I thought I didn’t have any aptitude for that faction?

I am glad though to leave the compound for a day. The fresh air will do me some good. We arrive at the Amity compound quicker than expected and we start loading the trucks that will bring food to the other compounds. Luissa and I stay away from each other while loading our truck. Our supervisor notices, but he doesn’t mention it. He is just pleased that we seem to be hard workers.

After an hour of lifting heavy bags and boxes, we get into the truck and we head of towards the Candor compound. I have been there before, but I was always supervised by my mother or father. Remembering them made me feel sad. It still seemed unreal that they were gone, just like that. As if my parents would get themselves killed in that fire in Erudite. They wouldn’t have gone back inside the building. They would let Dauntless soldiers handle it because they would know that they would achieve more. They would just be in the way. My parents knew that and they were perfectly capable of stopping themselves from doing something, even if they really wanted to do it. They were disciplined that way. Unlike me.  

“So how is your initiation going girls? Still glad you chose Dauntless?” Our supervisor, Mattheus, asks us while we drive away from the Amity compound. He is driving our truck and there are two following us that are also heading towards the Candor compound. He seems like a friendly man. He is somewhere in his 40 and has three children apparently. They haven’t taken the aptitude test yet.

“It’s going good. It’s difficult but we are managing. Hopefully we will rank higher at the end of initiation,” I answer and I can feel Luissa push her elbow in my side: “Sorry that was an accident.”

I smile and nod, not giving her the satisfaction of me accepting her apology. Urgh, this is going to be a long day. I ask Mattheus about Amity and his work, to avoid having to talk to Luissa and to not let an awkward silence fall over our truck. Luissa seems to be in a bad mood, because she just keeps sighing and she doesn’t say a word.

When we reach the Candor compound, we start unloading the trucks and help bring the bags and boxes to the storage rooms. It is a boring job and my muscles are aching after two hours. I am so grateful when we take a break. I cannot believe that when we are done here, we have to go load the trucks for the Dauntless compound. I need to get more points, because I do not want to do this for the rest of my life.

“Excuse me, but aren’t you one of the Caine daughters?” A Candor woman approaches me and eyes the empty chair next to me. I invite her to sit: “Yes, I am the oldest, Andrina, but I go by Andy now.”

“I am so sorry about your parents. I knew them from when I still lived in Erudite. I lived on the same floor as your parents. They were very nice people,” the woman told me. I have never met anyone from another faction who knew my parents from when they were young: “My name is Clara by the way.”

“Did you know them well?” I ask, curious to knowing what my parents were like as children. I couldn’t picture it. They just seemed like perfect Erudite people. I forget about my plate filled with food and turn my full attention to Clara, who starts telling me stories about the past: “Your parents were neighbors and I remember people telling us that when we were five, your father had said that he would marry your mother because there wasn’t anyone more beautiful. Haha, he was smitten with her from a very young age, but she didn’t want to hear it. She was a lot like her mother, your grandmother. She came from Dauntless originally, didn’t she? You could tell. She was like a free bird, never really caring about Erudites strict rules and their constant thrust for knowledge. I never understood why she chose Erudite. I never had the impression that she wanted to learn more about science and stuff. She was a perfect example of a Dauntless woman. Maybe also a bit Candor. You didn’t lie to that woman. If she found out about it, she would give you hell. Yes, your mother was a lot like her. When we had to choose our faction, I wasn’t sure if your mother would stay in Erudite. I had a feeling she might choose Dauntless.”

“You thought my mother would choose Dauntless? I never knew she was so much like my grandmother,” I mutter and am surprised to find out that the woman in my family seem to be cut out for Dauntless. I wonder why my grandmother transferred, if she really was a perfect Dauntless woman, why did she want to become an Erudite? Maybe she searched, like me, for a different kind of knowledge? Maybe she met my grandfather and wanted to be in the same faction as him? It’s a shame I can’t ask her these questions anymore.

“Oh yes, both were very stubborn and headstrong and they didn’t except rules easily. That made your mother clash a lot with Jeanine Matthews. I was surprised to hear that they worked so much together, they didn’t get along when we were younger. Jeanine was, still is, a complete Erudite and your mother liked to challenge her. Provoke her and ask why Jeanine thought Erudite was so great. They were very opposite of each other.”

My mother and Jeanine didn’t get along? But I never noticed any of that. I thought Jeanine was a friend of the family and a long time friend of my parents. Maybe things were different. Maybe Marie and I didn’t see it because we were children. Maybe our parents put up an act, to not raise suspicion or to protect us. But why? Did they not trust Jeanine? Marie had overheard them talking about me before the fire. Maybe they have known all along that Jeanine wasn’t to be trusted.

But why is Jeanine interested in my family? Could there be more Divergents in my family? Maybe my grandmother and mother were Divergents? What this woman is telling me about my mother, I have never seen her like that. Maybe my grandmother left Dauntless because she feared she would be discovered.

Andy, stop it! You have no proof for all of this.

“Your father, on the other hand, was calm and could keep the two women out of each other’s hair. He had to,” Clara informed me. What is that suppose to mean? The woman understands from my look that I don’t understand: “Well he loved your mother, so he wanted to protect her and Jeanine was his cousin so…”

“What? What did you just say?” I ask, shocked and unable to move. Jeanine Matthews is family? She is my father’s cousin? But how can that be possible? They never told us and they don’t look anything alike. Is that why Jeanine was interested in our family? Because it was also hers, distant related that is. She must know that there are more Divergents in our family, that we have an aptitude for more than one faction. That’s why she is so interested in me, she wants to know if I am Divergent. That means she is also going to be equally interested in Marie. I need to get her out of Erudite, away from Jeanine.

“Jeanine and your father are cousins. They used to get along great, but your mother sifted the dynamic in the family apparently. I don’t know the details, but around the age of fourteen, your father started hanging out less with Jeanine and started to take your mother’s side more and more. I thought he did it because he loved her and wanted her to love him back or at least get on her good side,” Carla explained. I had so much more question I wanted to ask, but Mattheus told us it was time to head back to the Amity compound.

“My sincerest condolences Andy, your parents were lovely people. Always remember that,” Carla told me and she turned her attention to the man sitting on her other side. I thanked Carla and followed Mattheus and Luissa, who was, again, eyeing me suspiciously: “Had a nice chat?”

“The best,” I answer short and climb in the truck. We drive back in silence to the Amity compound. I don’t know what to do with this new information. I cannot tell Rob or Annie, maybe I can tell Michael later. Is it wise to tell him this? I don’t know yet what this means. Why didn’t my parents tell me about my connection to Jeanine? They must have kept it hidden for a reason, but what was it? Maybe they left a clue in our apartment or in their notes. No, they would never do that, because anyone can read their notes. If they left something behind, it has to be in our apartment. But is our stuff still there? I haven’t heard from Marie or anyone about what happens to my sister knows. Where is she staying? Who is taking care of her? What has happened to our stuff?

When we get back at the Amity compound, I see Four helping Andrew and Rob loading a truck. They must have started gathering the goods for the Dauntless compound. Maybe he knows more about what happened to Marie. I approach the man: “Four, can I talk to you for a moment, in private?”

Four eyes me curiously. He can tell I am a little on edge. He nods and leads me away from the trucks. Andrew and Rob follow us with their eyes, but they just lift their shoulders and get back to work: “Is there a problem Andy?”

“No, I was just wondering something,” I ask and look around me to make sure no one is listing to our conversation. My fellow initiates don’t need to know that I am worried about my sister. They think I am fine and I plan on keeping it that way: “I was talking to this woman in Candor and she made me wonder about my sister’s wellbeing, seeing as she is alone and only fourteen. Do you know who is looking after her?”

“No,” Four sighs and he drops his shoulders a little bit. He seems to be relaxing. He must understand my worry. I feel disappointed though that he cannot tell me more about my sister. It was a long shot anyway. Maybe I should ask Eric. He knows Erudite, he used to be a part of them. Plus he is a leader. Maybe he heard something concerning my sister. But wouldn’t he have told me then? I know we aren’t the best of friends, but he was sincere that morning on the roof when I had heard about my parents passing.

“But I could try and find out what happened to her. I understand that you are worried. She is young and someone should be looking after her and I am sure that someone is,” Four comforts me. I am not interested in his comforting words, I just want to know about Marie and who is taking care of her. Please, do not let it be Jeanine. Keep that woman as far away as possible from my little sister.

“Okay, thank you,” I say and want to walk back to my truck and help load it, but Four graphs my elbow and stops me: “I have been meaning to talk to you. If you need help concerning the simulations and whatever else you might be dealing with, you can come to me. I can help you.”

What is he saying? Does he mean concerning being a Divergent? Does he know? How can he know? My fear simulations. He must have noticed my how well I handled them and he also saw my fears. He must have put two and two together.

Maybe he is one of the traitors? It would be too obvious if it was Eric. He looks the part, but Four doesn’t. He seems like someone you can trust. Maybe this is a trick to get me to come clean. What should I do? Who can I trust now?

“I am fine,” I answer shortly and pull myself lose. I need to get away from this man. They told us in the beginning that they wanted Four as a leader, but that he had refused the job. Why? Maybe they know that the leaders are considered traitors and they needed someone among the people, someone who doesn’t have a lot of power, someone who trains the initiates and can evaluate if they are Divergent or not.

I shake my head and try to focus on my task, but my mind keeps wondering to Four. What do I know about him? I know more about Eric then I do about Four. He keeps a lot to himself. Why? Why doesn’t he let others get close? I have noticed that he doesn’t seem to have deep relationships with others in the compound? Why does he distance himself so much?

My eyes wonder from time to time to the man and he catches me a few times. Damn it, what should I do? He knows?

“Okay, that is everything! We are heading towards the Dauntless compound,” Mattheus catches my attention and I climb on the truck. Luissa sits next to me. The other initiates and Four climb in on the back of the truck and sit between the food boxes. I can feel Four’s eyes on my back and it’s making me freak out. I have to stay calm, I cannot let Luissa or Mattheus or Four know that something is going on. Stay calm Andy, we are almost at the compound.

Suddenly a man appears in front of the truck. Mattheus is able to stop the car just in time. The man doesn’t flinch though. He is wearing a gray shirt, orange pants and black jacket. He is factionless. I can feel Mattheus and Luissa tense beside me.

This isn’t good. Wait, maybe they just want the food and they will let us leave.

More factionless people surround the trucks and they lift guns at us. I count fifteen of them. We are not only outnumbered, but we also don’t have any weapons to defend ourselves with. What should we do?

The man standing in front of our truck walks closer to us and he pulls a gun from behind his jacket: “Get out of the truck, slowly.”

I eye Mattheus and nod. We cannot refuse. Mattheus opens the door and I hear Luissa do the same thing. I follow them out of the truck. I see the others follow our lead. We can’t refuse. We have to do as they say. We cannot protect ourselves from guns. If we attack them, they will shoot us immediately and if we run, we won’t make it far.

“What do you want,” Four asks the factionless and he positions himself between us and the man addressing us. He doesn’t seem impressed by Four trying to shield us. I pull Mattheus behind me. It is my Dauntless duty to protect the citizens, even if they are a head taller than me.

“I think that is obvious, the food. Stay where you are. Anyone who moves, we will shoot on the spot,” the man threatens us, as his men start to load our food on their own truck. I hadn’t even notice it pull up next to ours. I can tell that Four is furious and so are the others. How dare they just steal the food? The Amity people worked hard for it and the Dauntless disserve it. It is ours! We cannot let them do this. We have to do something. But what? We don’t have any weapons or any leverage.

Suddenly an explosion goes off in a nearby street and it makes everyone run to take cover. We forget about the factionless men, holding their guns. They seemed to be equally surprised by the attack. Who is attacking us then? The commotion gave us an upper hand though. The factionless were confused and the others had graphed the opportunity. They attacked the factionless men.

I graphed Mattheus and pushed him away from the fight. A factionless man blocked our way and he wanted to aim his gun at me, but I was quickly in front of him and knocked him to the ground by punching him in the jaw. They might have guns, but I have been training psychically for a few weeks. If I am fast enough, I can get Mattheus away from the fight.

I graph the factionless men his gun and knock him unconscious with the back of the gun. I didn’t feel comfortable killing him. I am surprised at how calm Mattheus is staying under all the commotion. This isn’t the first time this has happened, is it? He must be used to factionless people trying to steal food when he delivers it to other factions.

Another man appears in front of me. I cannot get to him quickly enough to knock him down, so I aim my gun at him. I don’t think and pull the trigger. The gun doesn’t fire though. It just clicks. I look at it confused. Wait a minute. These guns aren’t loaded. That would explain why I haven’t heard any gunshots yet. I get pulled out of my thoughts, when the man’s fist collides with my jaw. I stumble backwards, but Mattheus catches me and pushes me back towards the man. I graph his arm and turn my back into his chest, pulling the man over my shoulder, like I had done with Lucas during our training. When the man is down, I sit on top of him and slam my fist against his head, making it slam against the concrete floor. He doesn’t move and I see blood cover the ground beneath his head. I ignore it.

“Mattheus, get to the other truck and get out of here,” I order the man and I am surprised at how easily he takes my order. He climbs in and he starts driving into the crowd. Half of our goods are still on the truck. I spot Annie and Andrew fighting of three men. I throw myself into the fight. Three against three. Why aren’t they using their guns? They are holding them, but not firing. I turn to others and yell: “Their guns aren’t loaded!”

“I thought it was weird they hadn’t fired at us yet,” Four shouts back and I dive into a close combat fight with a man, not that much older than me. He is wearing Candor pants and an Amity shirt. He seems scared and it doesn’t take me long to scare him of. He runs of. Another man appears. This one is bigger. I use the back of the gun I am still holding and smack it into his side, so that he falls down. I use my elbow to knock the man unconscious. I try to scan the others, but another man appears and I can’t figure out if the others are alright. I hear a truck drive past me and I think I see Annie and Rob standing on the loading part. They pull someone on the truck. I want to see who it is, but the man I am currently fighting tackles me and I fall down, smacking my head against the ground. I see black spots for a second, but I retaliate quickly because the man’s fist is coming down on me fast. I graph it with one hand and use my other to punch him. He falls back and I get up quickly. I hear another truck drive past me. Wait, didn’t Mattheus just pass me? Is there another…

A shot is heard and I feel an incredible pain spread threw my body. I see Annie run towards me and she is saying something, but my ears don’t catch it. The world grows quite and I feel my legs bucked out from underneath me. I crash into the ground and my mind goes blank. 


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

What is that sound? It’s driving me crazy! Can’t someone turn it off? Where am I? What happened? Oh right, we were ambushed by a group of factionless men. They wanted to steal our food. Then there was an explosion. Who was behind that? The factionless men seemed to be equally surprised as we were. Was it someone from Erudite? Or maybe Dauntless? But why would they want to attack us? A group of two grown men and six initiates and a bunch of factionless men. What is so special about us? Could there be another Divergent among us? Who could it be? I never got any vibe from Annie and Rob that they could belong in another faction, but I don’t know Sarah, Andrew and Luissa that well. Maybe one of them is a Divergent and the explosion was supposed to kill us or something. But then why was the explosion in another street? Maybe it was supposed to create a scene and make us attack the factionless men and maybe they hoped that we would get killed?

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

God, I am becoming completely paranoid! Maybe the explosion was just an accident or it had another meaning and we were just close by accident. Maybe they didn’t even know we were there?

Somehow I don’t believe that though. With all these weird attacks happening, I do not believe that explosion was random and it somehow doesn’t involve us.

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

Can’t someone turn of that god forsaken machine?!

I open my eyes, what is surprisingly very hard. I am in a dark room, lying on a bed. There are curtains around my bed, so I can’t make out where I am precisely, but I have a suspicion that this is the medical center of the Dauntless compound. The ceiling looks the same and the mattress feels the same. It is way more comfortable then my bed in the initiates’ room. If I can recognize this room this easily, it means that I have been spending too much time here. What is this, like the third or fourth time since I started my initiation? I am the only initiate who basically has her own bed in this room. What a joke I am!

Why am I here anyway? I remember fighting a man. Mattheus was in the truck. Then suddenly, something hit me and I saw Annie and that was it. Someone must have knocked me out. But I didn’t see anyone coming. They must have attacked me from behind. Great, Four told us during training to always have eyes on our back, because you are an easy target from that angle. How embarrassing they took me out like that. I am never going to be able to face my friends, let alone my instructors.

I try to sit up, but a screaming pain comes forward from my stomach region. What the hell? They couldn’t have knocked me out that hard. I try to sit up again, trying to move very slowly, but the pain is too much and I collapse back onto my mattress. I bite my lip to stop myself from crying out loud. Oh man, it even hurts to breath! How could I not have noticed that before? I try to push the covers back, but my arms start trembling because of the pain. What the hell happened to me?

“Fuck, that hurts!” I curse at myself and lay back down. I try not to move a single part of my body, but even not moving seems to hurt. The pain in my stomach keeps burning and I ball my fists to let out some of the pain, but it doesn’t help.

“They are giving you a higher dose of pain killers at the moment. It should start working in a few minutes. It’ll make you fall asleep as well,” Eric says and he walks from behind the curtains. For some reason I am happy to see it is Eric and not my friends standing in front of me. I don’t think I could handle their worry and cheerfulness at the moment.

“Lucky me,” I joke and hiss when I move my left leg. The pain from my stomach wound must be affecting my other limbs and organ functions. God, everything just hurts: “What happened?”

“You got shot, clean hit in your stomach. You needed stitches and will probably not walk around on your feet for a few days,” Eric informs me, as he pulls up a chair next to my bed. I am not sure, because of the darkness in the room, but I think he looks tired. From what? There is no way his job was more exhausting then the one I did all day, plus I even got attacked and shot apparently.

I got shot. What the hell? Someone actually aimed a gun at me and shot me. They could have killed me. That was probably their intention.

“There is good news though,” Eric informs me as he sits down and leans his elbows on my bed. He is being careful, making sure to not touch my legs. I guess he knows what it feels like to be shot. I can’t help but snort at this comment though: “I have been shot, what sounds surreal by the way and I am currently tied to my bed in a lot of pain. How is there any good side to this story?”

“You’re not dead,” Eric says flatly and for a second I am able to forget about the burning pain in my stomach. He is right. I could have actually died. Wait, I was shot in my stomach. My chances of surviving were actually very big. Eric catches my confusing look: “Blood lose.”

“Oh, we did have a long drive ahead of us until we reached this place,” I explain to myself. Blood lose would be enough to kill me. We still had a 15 minute drive ahead of us. Eric nods: “Exactly, you nearly bleed out on Annie’s lap.”

“Poor Annie, that must have freaked her out,” I can imagine her face: completely white and eyes pulled wide open from shock. I wonder how Rob reacted in the situation. I wonder how I would react if it had been Annie or Rob who had been shot. Those are the kinds of questions you only get an answer to if you ever find yourself in those situations. I think I would be able to stay level headed and come up with a plan to save my friend, but who knows. Maybe I would panic and forget everything that I learned about being in a fight.

“She seemed fine when she came in holding you. In fact, she was the one calling all the shots, along with Four,” Eric informed me. I look perplexed. Eric continues: “She seemed to know what to do to keep you alive. She informed the medics what had happened and what she had done to stop the bleeding. Four suggested she should check out the medical centre for work options. She seems to be good at it.”

“I guess everyone has his or her talents. I should probably stop underestimating her,” I joke and accidently move my left arm against my side. The burning pain intensifies and I can’t hold back the yelp escaping my lips. Eric ignores my pain: “Max granted her five extra points for her actions during and after the fight. I guess little Annie is more Dauntless material then that we first thought.”

“Yeah, you might wane start being nicer to her, because one day she is going to be the one who will save your life and she will get to decided what painkillers you get,” I joke again. I nearly died and I keep making jokes. Must be my coping mechanism: die and humor.

“Because of your actions…” Eric starts but I interrupt him: “Great! Now what? Every time a sentence starts with those words, it never ends well for me.”

“Are you going to be quite and let me finish?” Eric’s voice sounds a little treating and I can see him clenching his fist to release his anger. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut. I am in enough pain as it is already. I do not need Eric doubling it for me: “Because of your actions during the ambush, Max decided you should be rewarded for being the only initiate to do what is considered the most important task of a Dauntless. Can you figure out what that is?”

I can only come up with one thing that I did different from the others: “Protecting Mattheus?”

“Exactly. You were the only one who automatically protected the civilian and you paid the praise for it. Apparently you also did a good job during the fight, knocking several men down according to Mattheus,” Eric points out and I find myself knotting. I did do those things. My first priority was Mattheus and like Eric said: it’s the Dauntless their main task. It’s also why I chose Dauntless: to learn to protect myself and others, manly my sister.

“Max decided he will give you six points for your actions during the attack,” Eric informs me and I automatically do the math. I will be ranked sixth that way: “You are joking.”

“Nope, there has never been an initiate who proved herself more worthy of the name Dauntless than any other. We can’t prepare you for what actually happens out there. We can only teach you fight moves, how to work with weapons and how to control your fears. Facing someone down in an actual fight, outside this compound, is something entirely different,” Eric explains and I can’t help but notice that he isn’t completely comfortable telling me this. He doesn’t look me in the eye and he keeps clenching his fist. 

“You must be in so much pain,” I say and Eric’s eyebrow goes up. I grin: “Having to compliment me like that. Your ego must be dying right about now.” I can’t help but laugh after that. Eric rolls his eyes and flicks my head before I can stop him, not that my body would allow me to do that anyway: “I am wounded. You are not allowed to flick me right now. I am in extreme pain.”

“If you can make jokes like that, you can also handle being flicked,” Eric tells me and he repeats his action. I try to sit up to avoid his hand, but my stomach doesn’t allow me to put weight on my arms. I fall back down on my pillow: “This is extremely frustrating!”  

“If you say please, I might help you,” Eric mocks me and I sigh loudly: “Eric, will you please be so kind as to help me sit up, considering I am currently not able to smack you in the face for not helping me automatically.” Eric blinks at me and I grin: “I said please.”

“Yeah, you’re right,” Eric sighs and he helps me sit up. My stomach screams out in pain, but I bite it back. Eric sits down behind me: “Lean against me.” I do as he says. He lays one arm around my waist, allowing me to lean into it, while the other is resting next to my other hand. I don’t linger on our position, because I notice a red smear covering the lower half of my t-shirt. It was dried blood. I did lose a lot of blood. Eric notices me staring: “How bad is the wound?”

“Could have been worse,” Eric says and he lifts my shirt. I let him and surprisingly don’t feel a blush trying to cover my face. Must be because I am currently looking at a really big red spot covering my lower torso. A bandage is covering it, but it is soaked with blood. Eric points out where the bullet entered my stomach, on my left side: “It entered here, but it didn’t pierce threw your stomach. The stitches are about six centimeters long.”

“So it’s bad,” I ask and Eric nods.

“You lost a lot of blood on the way over here. For a moment they worried that you had lost too much, but you turned out to be alright,” Eric says and I feel him tense up behind me. I turn my head to him: “Did you ever get shot?”

“Seven times,” Eric answers and he points out where he has been shot: four in his torso, two in his leg and one in his shoulder. I cannot imagine ever having to go thru this pain again. It’s the sacrifice you make as a Dauntless I guess. I pout: “Damn, I hoped you were going to say no. That would make me more bad ass then you. There goes that plan.”

“I don’t think anyone ever got shot during their initiation though,” Eric points out. I sigh loudly and roll my eyes at the man: “Great, so I am the idiot who decided to get noticed by getting herself shot during cargo transport. It’s not even a cool story to tell anyone.”

“Yeah, you’re right. You are pathetic,” Eric agrees and I slap the hand that was lying next to mine. Even that small action made my stomach burn extra hard. I wince: “Great, just great. How am I suppose to get threw initiation now?”

“They are postponing training until you are able to join. You are lucky that you got injured during cargo transport actually. If it had happened under different circumstances, Max would have thrown you out. It doesn’t happen often that initiation is postponed because someone got injured. While you recover, the others will help around with various jobs. You will join them once you are allowed to leave your bed,” Eric informs me. Work? What could I do? I will be stuck in a wheelchair. Eric continues: “Because of your current state, you will probably join the top five initiates.”

“You mean I am going to be stuck with you all day? If you dare start calling me wheels, I will slap you and I do not care who sees it,” I threaten the man and he chuckles.  My eyes suddenly start feeling heavy. The pain medication must be kicking in. Eric did tell me it would make me go to sleep. I can’t suppress a yawn.

“I’d like to see you try wheels,” Eric mocks me and I can’t find the energy to lift my arm to slap him. Eric notices: “Go back to sleep, initiate. You can threaten me some more when you wake up.”

“Is that a promise?” I ask, but my words come out slurred and I have a hard time concentrating on anything other than my breathing and the feeling of Eric’s arms supporting my body. The warmth coming from his body is very comfortable and I curl my body towards it, suddenly not noticing the pain anymore in the lower region of my torso. I can hear Eric’s heartbeat and his chest rumbles when he talks: “Yeah, it’s a promise, although I doubt you will be able to remember this conversation later.”

“You are probably right.” The words come out even more slurred and I yawn again. I close my eyes and I feel Eric’s hand graph mine and I think he laces my fingers with his. Hmm, warmth. It’s so comfortable. This is nice: “Eric…”

“Hmm,” the man says and I feel him turn his head to look at me. I can imagine his grey eyes looking at the top of my head. He has nice grey eyes. His chest rumbles again while he speaks: “What is it?”

“I can’t remember what…” I say, but my tongue seems to be made out of a brick and I cannot find the energy to speak anymore. Eric notices and I feel his lips leave a kiss on the top of my head. His lips touch me ear afterward and I can’t suppress a shiver as it crawls down my body. It’s a nice shiver though. I don’t know why, but I wouldn’t mind feeling more like it: “Go to sleep, wheels.”

“Bastered,” is the last word I can push out of my mouth before I fall asleep. I sleep for hours apparently, because the next time I wake up, the nurse informs me that a day has passed. My friends and some of the Dauntless born initiates have visited me. Especially Annie, Rob, Lucas and Michael had come by more then once. I was secretly pleased that I was asleep when they were here. I wasn’t in the mood yet to face their worried glances and I didn’t want to hear what happened just yet. I should thank Annie though. I am pretty sure she is the reason that I am still alive.

Four also visited a few times. He asked how I was doing and my nurse informed me that he seemed genially concerned. He was really worried when they brought me in apparently. I am not sure how I feel about that. Is he really concerned about my wellbeing or does he need me to stay alive for some other reason? This is so confusing. Lauren and Eric hadn’t visited, but I didn’t expect that from Lauren and I am pretty sure that if Eric came, he came at night when no one was around.

He can’t annoy me if there is a nurse watching over me…or sit close to me.

Three days passed and the doctor told me that I could leave my bed for the first time tomorrow. They got me a wheelchair and my friends would pick me up in the morning, so that we could have breakfast together. I also can’t use my arms much, so I need someone to push me. This is so humiliating.

“Here, let’s try out the wheelchair, shall we,” Katelyn pulls me back into reality and I see her walk towards my bed, pushing a wheelchair in front of her. I really don’t like this. Can’t I just stay inside this room until I am completely healed and then face everyone? Katelyn notices my dislike for the wheelchair: “Stop mopping and get in the chair. We can do this the less painful way or the very painful way.”

“Well if you point it out like that,” I sigh and she helps me sit up. It hurts less then when Eric visited me, but these people have some real good machines and medicine. I guess they need it because if people get wounded around here, they need to be healed quickly. We are the protectors of the peace in the city. If we don’t have enough soldiers to protect everyone and to keep everyone in order, who will do it?

Katelyn helps me in to the wheelchair. My legs feel like jelly while I lean on them for a second and if Katelyn wasn’t holding me up, I would have fallen. I slowly sit down in the wheelchair and Katelyn gives me a blanket to cover my legs with. She had helped me into a fresh pair of cloths two days ago, when I was able to move my body without passing out because of the pain. But my shorts didn’t offer much warmth outside the comfort of my bed.

“There, that should get you around for a while,” Katelyn says and sits down on my bed in front of me. She is secretly enjoying this. She knows I hate the whole wheelchair idée. I repeat: I’d rather stay inside this room all day. Katelyn seems to notice my discomfort: “Look, the longer you stay inside this room, the longer your body will need to recover completely. You aren’t using it at all now and that will make your muscles stiff. You need to move around and the fresh air will do you some good.”

“Just because you have a very good argument, that doesn’t make me like the whole wheelchair thing more,” I answer grumpy, but I am pleased to be sitting down. Moving from the bed to the wheelchair was exhausting. Maybe I should start moving around more, so that my body doesn’t get tired so easy.

“Initiate!” Eric’s loud and demanding voice enters the medic center and he gets a nasty looks from the other nurse who is helping a Dauntless men. He broke his arm during a fight in the pitt. Eric walks over to us and he looks displeased: “I was hoping you were sleeping, so that I could wake you up.”

“I learned my lesson already when it comes to you and waking me up and I told you that your face isn’t something I want to see first thing in the morning,” I answer back and his grin only grows. Katelyn just raises her eyebrow: “Is there a reason you are here Eric?”

“Yes, there is. Max wants a word with her,” Eric informs her and I shiver at the idée of having to talk to Max right now. I should probably not mention that Eric already told me about my rank and points. I am not sure he was supposed to tell me anyway.

“She isn’t allowed to leave the medic center until tomorrow,” Katelyn tried to protest, but Eric ignores her and he pushes the wheelchair forward: “Don’t sweat it, unless you want to be the one to tell Max she can’t leave the medic center.”

“Just bring her back afterwards. She needs her rest,” Katelyn gives in, but she has a nasty look in her eyes. Her eyes are practically throwing daggers at Eric, but he doesn’t seem impressed by her. It’s kind of annoying that they are talking above my head and I mean that both literally and figurative: “She is right here and she can hear you.”

“Ssh initiate, we are talking about you,” Eric says and he pushes me towards the exit of the medic center. We enter an empty corridor and I feel immediately a difference in temperature. I shiver and pull the blanket tighter around my legs. We stop briefly and before I can turn around and see why we stopped, Eric drops his jacket over my shoulders: “Put it on, can’t have you catch a cold.”

I am perplexed at the fact that he actually gave me his jacket. This is Eric we are talking about. He doesn’t do things like that. I would expect him to mock me for being cold and that he would say something like ‘ _toughen up_ ’ or ‘ _don’t be such a pansycake_ ’. He catches my confused expression: “Don’t be such a pansycake initiate.”

There it is.

My conversation with Max was, as expected, about my actions during the fight. He congratulated me for thinking about Mattheus and for standing my ground. He informed me that he gave me and Annie extra points and that my position was sixth in the ranks now.

“Thank you sir, I only did what they thought me during initiation,” I answer and try to forget about the pain that is starting to burn in tenser with every passing second. I guess I need a new dose of medication. I don’t show my discomfort though. Max leans forward and places his elbows on his desk: “I also wanted to talk to you about your future in Dauntless.”

“My future sir? I haven’t even yet…” I start, but Max interrupts me. I don’t like where this conversation is going and I wish that Eric had stayed, but Max had insisted that he talk to me in private. I thought that was suspicious: “It is only a formality that you have to pass the next stage of initiation, but between you and me, you are already in. You are perfect Dauntless material. You are brave, are good in combat, you don’t let fear overpower you, you seem to be a natural leader. Honestly, if I could name you Dauntless, I would, but you know the rules.”

“Okay sir,” I say uncertain. I have no clue what Max wants or what he has planned for me. Michael and I think he is involved with the faction traitors, but we aren’t sure. Is he trying to lure me out? Max continues: “Like I mentioned before, you are a natural leader. You have known your fellow initiates only for a few weeks, but they all turn to you in times of need. I think you would be great in a leadership role. I encourage young people to join us, because you are the future. You might have new ideas or goals. Dauntless has to grow with the people that live here.”

“You want me to become a Dauntless leader?” I ask while being completely baffled by his proposition. Where did he get this idea? I am not saying that I don’t see myself in the future in such a role, but I am way too young. I don’t know anything about leading people or about the Dauntless for that matter. I haven’t been here that long and my main focus has been surviving initiation.

“Yes, I think you would be perfect for it. Of course you have to go through a training program for it. We all had to do it, but I really see a future for you among our group. You seem like someone with good ideas for our factions’ growth,” Max explains. What does he mean with that last part: “Growth?”

“The future is unsure and we have to secure our place as Dauntless,” Max says and I can’t help but think that what he is saying makes it sound that he wants Dauntless to become bigger or something. But all the factions are equal to one and other. The Abnegation rule the city, but they make sure that every other faction gets a say in it. Max makes it sound like he wants Dauntless to have more power. I don’t know what to tell him. I go with questions: “Eum, the future of Dauntless?”

“No society can grow if you follow the same patterns until the end of time. The Abnegation have done a good job with leading us, but people change. Our society isn’t the same anymore as a hundred years ago. If we want to make sure that our faction system will survive, we have to secure our own place in it,” Max explains and I can’t help but notice the way he pronounces Abnegation, with slight, but very well masked disgust.

“You mean that Dauntless should be more involved in government ruling?” I ask and Max nods slightly while smiling. This man is so confusing: “I know it sounds like I want to get rid of Abnegation, I assure you that that isn’t our goal…”

Our goal?

“…but we think that all the factions should have an equal say in governmental decisions,” Max explains. Maybe he has a point. He is talking about democracy and from what I learned in my history classes is that democracy always seems to be the best policy for governmental ruling. What he is saying doesn’t sound bad. My parents also thought it was weird that Abnegation made all big decisions. I understand why they chose them in the beginning: they are expected to do everything for the good of others. Erudite would be very selfish and they would rule the government in their best interest. I think Amity would chose for democracy and I can’t judge for Candor. I barely know how that faction works.

But Dauntless? How would they rule? We are the soldiers of the city. Our task is to protect the other factions, but does that mean they will make decisions based on the protection that the other factions need? If you think about it, Dauntless has that in common with Abnegation. The actions we take should always have as goal the protection of the citizens of this city. 

I wonder if Max is capable of doing that. Maybe he is trying to reach that goal. Although if he really was, he would let Abnegation rule the government because they take action for the good of others, just like we should do.

“Andy?” Max interrupts my thoughts and he looks at me confused. I guess he expected me to jump at the opportunity. I need some time to think this over: “Could I get back at you about this. I don’t really know a lot about Dauntless or about the job opportunities here. I would like to know all my options before I say yes. I heard that we were going to help around, so that would give me the opportunity to learn more about the compound.”

“Who told you that?” Max asks me and he leans back in his chair. He suddenly seems on his guard. I don’t think I said anything wrong, I just want some time to think it over. Is it really that strange: “Eric told me, just now on our way over here. Why?”

“I wasn’t aware that he was planning on telling you. You two don’t seem to get along a lot,” Max says and I hear an edge in his voice. He is on his guard, but the question is why: “Well I asked what everyone has been doing while I was confined to my lovely bed in the medic center. Shouldn’t he have told me? He is a leader, isn’t it his decision to what he tells me?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t planning on letting you joining the others, because of your wound. You need to take it easy, so that it will heal completely. I do not recommend getting an infection,” Max explains and he relaxes his hands. I hadn’t noticed before that they were balled in fists.

“Why not? It would be the perfect way to learn about your compound and to actually repay the people here for their help, kindness, advice and not to mention free cloths and drinks,” I answer honestly. Max isn’t making any sense. If he really wanted me to become a leader, he would let me explore my options like I want to and advise me to work a day with him, so that I would see what the leadership role actually meant.

“That might be true, but it wasn’t Eric’s place to say that,” Max answers me and I can’t stop my eyes from growing big and I bite my tongue before I say something I might regret later. Max notices my sudden change of behavior: “Forgive me sir if I am out of line, but I was under the impression that Eric is a leader. And that would mean he is basically equal to you. You make it sound like that is not the case, what makes me wonder what my role as a new leader would be in this group you mentioned. I understand that I won’t have a lot of power or whatever you want to call it, but I would expect to be heard and to be on an equal ground as all the other leaders, sir.”

“You are right initiate, you are out of line,” Max says and I see him clench his jaw. That wasn’t the answer he expected or the way he wanted this conversation to end. I want to answer with another probably out of line comment, but Eric walks in. He wants to say something, but he can tell the tension in the room isn’t friendly.

“I believe we are done. You should rest, Miss Caine,” Max says and nods to Eric. I don’t take my eyes off of Max and before Eric pushes my wheelchair out of the office, I speak up again: “If you really want me to take the offer you gave me, I suggest you think our conversation over, sir. I don’t just follow orders. I question them and I am very verbal when I don’t agree with something. Maybe you shouldn’t wonder if I am capable of the job, but if you are capable of working with me."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

“What was that about?” Eric asks me while we walk back to the medic center. I hadn’t acknowledged him while he pushed me out of Max his office and I hadn’t said anything to him so far. He wasn’t a stupid man. He could tell that something went wrong during our conversation and neither Max nor I were pleased at the end of it.

“Max had an opinion and I didn’t agree with it, nothing more,” I answer and ignore the people walking past us. The conversation with Max has put me in a very foul mood. It wouldn’t surprise me if I end up yelling at Eric or that he would get mad at me because of my behavior.

However Eric doesn’t say anything and I notice that he isn’t pushing me towards the medic center. We are walking towards the staircase that leads up to the practice roof. What is he doing? I turn my head and look at the man confused. He reads my expression: “You could use some fresh air.”

He stops in front of the door that leads to the staircase. How is he planning on getting me up there? I am not exactly great on my feet at the moment. Before I can verbalizes my question, Eric lifts me up and I find myself wrapping my arms around his neck for support. He is being surprisingly gentle. My wounds were not agreeing with the sudden movement of my body, but it didn’t hurt as much as I expected it would. Maybe it’s not hurting because it’s Eric holding me?

“And this is your great idea? Carrying me up the stairs? What if we fall?” I ask and try to keep my attention away from my wounds and from the realization how close Eric was holding me. It was practically the bridge scene all over again. Eric just grins: “Then don’t move around too much.”

I take advantage of the men’s inability to use his arms at the moment and I flick his head: “Don’t be so smug.”

Eric ignores my comment, but I can tell he is slightly annoyed by it. He carries me up the stairs in silence. I bust myself on being very happy when we reach the roof. It feels great to feel the wind on my face. Okay, maybe I did need some fresh hair. I can’t suppress a smile and Eric grins: “Told you initiate.”

I flick the man’s head again: “I told you, don’t be so smug.”

Eric cursed something under his breath, but I don’t catch it. He sits me down on the ledge surrounding the roof and he joins me. It has been a quiet and sunny day, but the sun has already started dropping in the sky. There is a slight wind, making me grateful for the jacket hanging around my frame. I pull it closer before I start shivering. I had forgotten it was Eric’s. It smelled like something, but I couldn’t name it. I guess I would describe it as Eric’s smell.

We sit there for a while in complete silence. I don’t know what to say and I let my mind wander. I try to stay clear of the Max subject, because that would rile me up again and the fresh air is helping me calm down. I also don’t want to take my anger out on Eric, he doesn’t deserve that. He must be growing on me.

My eyes feel heavy suddenly. The conversation with Max must have tired me out more then I had anticipated. I try to engage Eric in a conversation before I fall asleep on the roof: “How was your day?”

Eric eyes me with one raised eyebrow. I ignore it and focus my mind on keeping my body up. I think it has had enough moving around for one day and it’s trying to tell me that. I ignore it and lean my head against Eric’s shoulder to keep my body from falling backwards. Eric places his arm behind me, allowing me to lean into it. I am secretly grateful for it.

“Tedious and boring. Nothing interesting happened and being stuck with your buddies isn’t my idea of fun,” Eric answers me and I laugh at that last part. It sounded very Eric like to say something like that. I feel bad for my friends though. Being stuck with Eric a whole day cannot be pleasant: “Poor you, how ever did you manage to survive?”

“I thought about you and how you were in pain and that lifted my spirits surprisingly,” Eric says and I roll my eyes. I want to slap his chest, but I can’t find the energy to lift my arm. I sigh loudly: “How nice of you. I always knew you secretly got off on me being in pain.”

“Yeah, that seems to be your thing huh,” Eric says, his voice suddenly sullener and I don’t think I was supposed to hear what he said. He avoids my eyes. I lift my head: “Were you worried?”

“How could I not have been, you and Annie were practically covered in your blood when they brought you in,” Eric defends himself a bit more aggressively than I would have expected coming from him. He realizes it too and he turns his head away. I am genially shocked that Eric actually was worried about my wellbeing. My mind isn’t even capably of comprehending it. I suppress a suddenly urge to laugh at him, because he seems to be serious: “God, you are growing soft. You are disappointing me.”

“This isn’t a joking matter. You could have died and…” Eric raises his voice and I find myself sitting up, away from Eric’s shoulder. I don’t want to hear about anyone being worried about me, especially not when it is coming from Eric. If there is one person I was counting on to act normal and not make a big deal out of me being shot, it was this oversized gorilla. I bite my tongue really hard and I can tell from Eric’s clenched fists that he is not happy about me ignoring what he said. We both stay silent. Eric stands up after a few minutes and he walks around the roof of the building. It seems to help him reflect his anger. I hear him sigh behind me: “If you keep acting reckless, you are going to end up in your grave far sooner then you expected.”

“You have no idea,” I mutter, not realizing that Eric is standing closer by then I expected. He doesn’t comment on it though. With the way things are going, I don’t expect to grown old. It would be a miracle if I would still be alive to become officially a member of Dauntless. Being a Divergent is bringing me in more danger then I expected at first. Sure I knew people were targeting me, but now actual guns are involved and somehow I was never aware of Jeanine being related to me. So much is happening and it feels like I am starting to spin out of control. Eric is right, I shouldn’t have been shot during the attack. I should have been watching my back, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t even thinking about watching it.

We sit on opposite sides of the rooftop for awhile and I let my eyes follow the sun, as it is disappearing behind the horizon. A train was passing the Dauntless station, but no one hoped on or off. In the east I could see headquarters of Erudite. It was the only building in that aria that was blazing with lights. I wonder if Maria is in it. Or Jeanine. I cannot believe that Jeanine is related to us. It would explain so much, but I can’t just take Clara’s word for it. Maybe she was trying to trick me.

It is starting to look like everyone is trying to trick me.

“Do you miss it?” I ask and keep my eyes fixed on the horizon. I hear Eric walk over to me. I feel his knees press into my shoulders. I lean into them: “Are you having second thoughts about your choice?”

“I asked you first,” I mention and wonder what is happening there. Who knows about Jeanine’s plan? Who is involved? Were my parents part of their secret group? I don’t believe they were and even if they were, I would deny it. I believe they were innocent.

“Sometimes,” Eric says, but his answer seems forced. Now that I think about it, Eric is a smart man, or that’s my impression of him. Is he really so Dauntless, like he wants everyone to believe? He seems bored a lot. Maybe he is more Erudite: “I think you are lying.”

“And on what are you basing that assumption?”

“From what I learned about you is that you like to be in charge and having power, but you miss it,” I point out and wait for Eric to ask for me to explain myself or to yell at me. I am not sure, but I don’t really know how he will react to me accusing him of not being completely devoted to Dauntless: heart and mind. He does what I expected: “Miss what?”

“The intellectual challenge that Erudite offers,” I answer and turn my head up so that I can look at the man’s face. He doesn’t answer me, nor does he tear his eyes from the Erudite building. It means I am right. I had a feeling I would be.

“What about you?” Eric asks and he places his hands in the pockets of his pants. A shiver runs down my spine as the wind picks up for a few seconds. I pull Eric’s jacket closer around my body. My stomach doesn’t agree with the movement and I wince silently. Before Eric can ask if I am alright, I answer him: “I don’t miss it. I was never the studying type.”

“Then why are you thinking about it?” He doesn’t mention me being in pain and I am grateful for it. I don’t like it when people worry about me and keep asking me if I am alright. It’s annoying: “I was just wondering if I made the right choice choosing Dauntless.”

“What? You think you could have been even half as great in the other factions as you are here? You are a natural Dauntless. I can’t even imagine you as a Candor or some farming hippie, let alone a stiff,” Eric raises his voice slightly and I can tell he is insulted by the idea of choosing another faction. He must really think Dauntless is the best faction. And maybe Erudite.

“You shouldn’t talk like that about the other factions,” I point out and wait for Eric’s oncoming outburst that is bound to leak out. I don’t understand why people look down on the factions they are not part of. They don’t know a single thing about them and without them our city wouldn’t function like it does. Maybe that’s where the problem lies. Those people don’t like the why the city is functioning and they want to change that. Max obviously does, but what is Jeanine’s part in all of this. Is she simple curious about Divergents or does she really see us as a threat. But what is so scary about us? I am not any better than my friends and neither is Michael.

“Are you going soft on me, initiate?” Eric says and I stop my inner train of thoughts. Another wind gust makes me shiver. Eric notices this time and he crouches down behind me. He lays his arms around my shoulders and his huge frame shelters me from the wind. I lean my head back in the crook of his neck and sigh: “No, I just think that you should have more respect for the other factions.”

“And why is that?” he sounds agitate by my comment. I don’t understand why. It is obvious why we need the other factions and that they are equally as important as Dauntless. I don’t understand why Eric looks down on them, especially Abnegation.

“Dauntless stands for bravery, Amity for friendship, Candor for the truth, Erudite for knowledge and Abnegation stands for selflessness. Do you know what you get when you combine these five virtues?” I explain and wait for Eric’s answer. It follows shortly: “Do tell.”

“One very developed human being,” I answer and as soon as the words leave my mouth, I realize what I must sound like. I panic, but don’t show it. How could I have let my mouth get so careless? I guess I’ll see now if Eric is really involved with whatever is going on or not. I notice that my heart had started beating faster. I must be panicking more then I realize.

“You sound like a Divergent now,” Eric points out the obvious and I feel him lean back a bit. My head isn’t touching the crook of his shoulder anymore. This isn’t good. He is analyzing me. I need an explanation as to why I would think like this, even though I agree with it: “They teach you that in class. The city is composed out of five human virtues. Isn’t it obvious that every human should posses them? So that he can be a well developed human being.”

Eric doesn’t say anything to that, but he leans closer again after a few seconds and I feel my heart slow down. The grip his arms have on my shoulders returns to what it was before. I calm down as Eric leans his head on my shoulder: “You should watch out with opinions like that. It will make you immensely unpopular really quick, not to mention you will get on Max his bad side very quickly.”

“I’m afraid that I am already on Max his bad side,” I confess and let my head lean against Eric’s. The pain in my lower region is starting to intensify. My pain medication must be renewed. I can’t find the will in myself to point that out and I explain myself concerning Max: “I might have spoken out of line earlier about his intentions concerning the future of this faction.”

“Why would he talk to… He is recruiting you?” Eric says and I can tell by the way he says that last part, that he isn’t happy, not aware about Max his intentions. I didn’t expect him to be. It seems that Eric doesn’t have as much power as I first thought he had. I don’t know what to say, so I wait for Eric to continue: “What did you say?”

“No obviously, he doesn’t seem to want me for my ideas, brain or strength, so why would I want to work alongside him, although I doubt I would get to do that. I’m pretty sure I would be working for him and agreeing to whatever he wants,” I explain and notice that I sound a tad bitter. Why? Did I really want that leaderships position? Not really. Maybe I am just mad because Max thought he could turn me into some brainless dog that would do whatever he wants.

“Good,” Eric says and I feel him relax again. I’m not sure though why he answered with good. Was it good of me to say no because Max indeed only wanted a lapdog or because I would become a threat to him, as a new leader. I heard from Lauren that he became a leader the year after his initiation and that no one has become a leader since then. So Eric is the youngest among their group. I let it go. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t like the answer I got or that Eric would answer in some cryptic way.

“Besides, he would kill me after a week because he realized I am to annoying to work with,” I joke and Eric laughs. That seems to put him in a better mood: “Probably, I don’t think anyone would be able to work with you. Maybe you should come work for me, that would be interesting.”

“Why? Do you need someone who will tell you that you are an idiot on a regular basis? Sign me up for that job,” I joke and Eric flicks my ear before I anticipate his very predictable move. I should have seen that one coming: “I don’t think you are allowed to flick me though. It would be considered abuse of the working class and I could sue you, I think.”

“You wouldn’t last an hour working for me,” Eric says and I snicker at that comment: “I was thinking more along the lines of thirty minutes.”

“Probably,” Eric agrees and I wince again from the suddenly burning feeling in my stomach. I think I should be going back to the medic center. Eric seems to be thinking the same. He let’s go of me and before I can turn around and raise an eyebrow, I feel his arms under my knees and behind my back: “Come on you masochism, time for your drugs.”

“There isn’t one single word in that sentence that sounded appropriate, you blockhead,” I say and I let my head rest against the man’s shoulder. I close my eyes, trusting Eric would be careful on the staircase. I could feel Eric grin, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Eric…”

“Hmph?”

“Why did you chose Dauntless?” I ask and wonder what could have made him make the switch. He seems bored half the time in this compound, but maybe that is because he doesn’t get any jobs he likes or finds stimulating: “What makes you think I had a choice?”

“Urgh, you stupid cryptic bastered,” I sigh and feel my body prepare itself to go to sleep. Not yet, stay awake for a little longer: “You don’t tell much about yourself, do you?”

“I like to be able to surprise you one day,” Eric says and I hear a door open. It must be the one at the end of the staircase. I expect to be placed in the wheelchair, leaving the warmth that Eric’s arms are providing, but that doesn’t happen surprisingly. In fact, Eric just keeps walking. I open one eye and see that the hallway is empty and the he is walking towards the medic center. I don’t point out that he forgot my wheelchair. I am not sure I want him to go back.

“I’ll look forward to it,” I answer and hear my words come out slurred. I won’t stay awake much longer. A sudden noise makes me alert though. It’s coming from one of the pockets of Eric’s jacket. It’s a cell phone. I pull it out and hand it over to Eric. I wrap my arms around his neck, so that he can use one arm to answer his phone with. I don’t have the energy to listen to the conversation that Eric is having. I nuzzle my nose in his neck and close my eyes, not capable of realizing that anyone could walk around the corner and see us.

After a few seconds, Eric hangs up and his arm finds his way back behind my back: “Who was it?”

“I am needed in Max his office,” Eric answers and he starts walking again. I keep my arms around his neck and notice my conscious is starting to slip away: “Tell Max, he should stick a hammer up his arse.”

“Promise me you will behave while I am gone,” Eric sighs, but doesn’t comment on my lovely advise for Max, our great Dauntless leader: “I can’t do that sir, I like to be able to surprise you.”

Eric rolls his eyes and he starts walking again. I close my eyes and let my mind go blank. I hear Eric ask me something, but I can only answer with grunts. My energy is officially left the building. I nuzzle Eric’s neck again and then I let my body fall asleep.

 

  


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter 28**

“I can’t believe they postponed training because of your injury. I never thought they would do that,” Lucas says and his brother agrees with him. A day had passed and I had decided to visit my friends while they were training. All the initiates were in the training room and my friends had given up their practice to talk to me. Annie was the first by my side and she gave me a hug, what hurt slightly, but I faked a smile. I thanked her for saving my life and she blushed. It must have been a real close call if no one makes a joke about it. She and Rob informed me about what had happened precisely. Apparently Andrew was the first one to reach me and he laid me on the truck. Annie had used her jacket to stop the bleeding and Rob had informed the others. They quickly ran to the truck and jumped on. Mattheus then drove at top speed to the Dauntless compound.

“Annie thinks the factionless were surprised that one of them shot you and that’s why they let us go so easily in the end,” Rob mentioned and Annie nods. She does have a point: “I thought their guns weren’t loaded. I had overpowered one guy and his gun wasn’t loaded. I figured that they didn’t want to shoot, just overpower us and get the food. I guess I was wrong.”

“That’s the funny thing, we aren’t sure about that,” Annie mentions and she starts talking quieter. Rob eyes the other initiates, the Dauntless born. They had acknowledged me, but they held their distance. Annie continues: “You were shot from behind, but there wasn’t a factionless man standing there and because that was weird, I asked the person who retracted the bullet from you about the wound. She told me that the bullet seemed to have been fired from a higher distance, not from the height that we were standing on.”

“Annie told me about her suspicion and I asked Four about the attack. Don’t worry, I pretended that I was in shock and needed someone to talk to. During our conversation Four mentioned that he had wondered where the bullet had come from and that he’d gone back to investigate. He checked out the buildings that could have hide someone, but there was nothing there. And he also agreed with Annie’s suspicion,” Rob explained. Wow, my friends haven’t been sitting still. I was amazed by Annie and Rob’s observations and I found myself agreeing with them. I am pretty sure that those guns were not armed with bullets.

“We haven’t talked about it with the others, but we thought you should know,” Annie continued and I looked at her confused. Her tone was suddenly different. What is she trying to say? She leans her head closer to me and whispers in my ear: “We think someone else was there and that they aimed at you deliberately.”

Annie doesn’t realize the full meaning of what she is saying, but with everything that has happened, it wouldn’t be completely out of the blue. Tabassum had warned me that Divergents tend to die suspicious death. I nod to Annie, not knowing what I should say to comfort her or how I should even react to something like that, pretending I didn’t know that already.

“Don’t worry about it you guy’s. I’m sure we will figure out what really happened,” I ended up saying. After that Annie and Rob went back to training. They had been fighting each other. I observe them while listing to the twins tell me about their work with Eric in the control room. Annie and Rob were fighting harder than usual. They seem to be really taken their fight serious. They usually keep talking to each other during their fights, it’s kind of funny. Now they are completely focused on one and other. It’s like they are actually trying to hurt the other, well maybe not the other, but maybe the person they think the other resembles.

“Andy, are you even listening?” Victor makes me break my train of thoughts and I look at him guilty. He sighs and his brother reaps what he had said: “Who do you think will end up leaving Dauntless? Everyone has started training harder since we started working for Dauntless.”

“I guess no one wants to leave and the people ranked below ten will leave us. Everyone wants to climb up the ladder,” Victor adds and I think it over. I am ranked eleventh now. That means that Sarah, Luissa, Andrew and Rob are behind me. I’m not sure how Annie is ranked currently. I haven’t seen Sarah improve much during her stay here in Dauntless. She is smart and analytical, but she is not Dauntless material. She should have stayed in Erudite, she would have been great there. The same goes for Luissa and Andrew. They practice, but I don’t see any major improvements. Rob seems to be motivated to try harder, I really hope he makes it. I started this with him. It would be nice to end it together. Michael, Lucas and Victor are sure of their spot in Dauntless and so are Skander, Tyra and Kane. Kim, Marnie, Marc and Sigrid are in the middle. They should watch out.

And then there is me. I have been climbing up the ranking since the start of the simulations. I am aiming for top five, but that will be hard. Michael, Skander, Tyran Lucas and Kane are tough initiates. I will have to really impress the others if I want to end up among them.

“I think we can say goodbye to Luissa and Andrew, but I can’t judge the rest. Annie and Rob seem to really want to improve and they have gotten a lot better since we arrived here. I think it’s even fair to say that they improved the most. In my opinion they disserve a spot in Dauntless. You guy’s and Michael are ranked good, so I don’t think you should fear anything. But then there is Skander, Tyra and Kane. They are really impressive, so I don’t see them leaving. I can’t really judge,” I answer honestly. Marnie, Kim, Sarah and Marc should really improve quickly, because else they will leave us.

“It is most definitely not over yet,” Lucas agrees and he and his brother go back to training. They switch partners with Rob and Annie. They seem pleased to fight against someone else. Annie’s eyes cross mine. I smile at her and she smiles back, but her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. Maybe that attack made her realize what she really signed up for.    

This initiation is getting more and more interesting.  

“You really think that Annie and Rob have improved the most?” Four asks me and I notice he is standing behind me. When did he get here? His eyes are focused on Annie, who is currently fighting Victor.

“Yes, I really believe that. During my first days here I was sure they would end up leaving after stage one of initiation, but now I really believe they have improved the most. I would not pick a fight with Annie, that’s for sure,” I answer and Four pushes my wheelchair forward. He pushes me around the training center. What does he want? I wait until he makes the first move. I let my eyes wonder around the room. Kim and Marnie were practicing their punches and so were the brother and sister duo of our group, Tyra and Kane. My eyes meet Andrew and he nods to me. I nod back. He is running around the room with Sarah and Luissa. Skander joins them and runs alongside Sarah. She seems to be the only one of our group actually trying to be friends with the Dauntless born. Maybe we should try harder to become friends.

“How is the wound?” Four asks me after a few minutes. Here we go. Maybe he will tell me what Annie and Rob have already told me. I raise my shoulders: “It’s healing fine. Katelyn thinks it would help me to get out of the medic center. She is probably right, but I am not liking the wheelchair thing.”

“Yeah, I can imagine that. You were lucky,” Four mentioned and I don’t feel like hearing again how it was serious and that I should be more careful next time: “God, not this again. I have heard enough about how lucky I was from everyone else already.”

“Well you were…,” Four starts, but I cut him off quickly: “Look if you are going to give me the whole speech about being reckless and that is should watch my back better, don’t bother. Eric already took care of that.”

“Eric visited you?”Four sounded astonished at that piece of information. I wasn’t entirely sure that I was happy that I had told him that Eric had visited me during my stay in the medic center. Then again, it can’t hurt that he knows right: “Yeah, he was bored and needed someone to bug.”

Four doesn’t react to my answer and I figure he let the subject go. He pushes me out of the training center and I feel Rob’s eyes on my back. I ignore it. Four closes the door to the training center and we are alone in the dark corridor.

“I contacted Erudite to see how your sister is doing,” Four starts the conversation again and I immediately sit straight. He can tell that I am suddenly nervous and that I need to know how she is doing. I can feel my heart beat quicker and not in a good way Eric sometimes makes it speed up. I feel cold and uncomfortable.

“She is staying with Michael’s father. He took her in after his son asked him to look after her. She is doing fine, but she asked if she would be allowed to see you considering the current circumstances,” Four informed me. My heart stops for a second. Marie is fine and safe, away from Jeanine. She wants to see me. I am never going to get permission for that, not after how I talked back to Max and I still doubt that Eric would take me.

“I told her we would visit shortly once you are back on your feet,” Four says and I can’t stop my mouth from falling open en saying: “What? You are kidding me!”

“Would you rather not go. That is fine by me,” Four answers me and he stands up straighter. I find myself apologizing quickly and asking why he would do that: “I am not cruel. The Dauntless are brave, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be there for your family and you have a younger sister, who is on her own now.”

“Way to make me feel horrible for choosing Dauntless,” I can’t stop myself from saying bitterly. Four only raises and eyebrow at me and I bite my tongue before I say anything else that might anger Four: “Thank you. Really, I appreciate it.”

“If there is anything else you need, you know where to find me,” Four says and he has this look in his eyes that makes me feel uncomfortable. Like he is aiming at me being Divergent. My mouth is suddenly dry and I swallow hard. I nod and thank Four again for looking into my sister. I was so glad I was going to see her again, but at the same time I didn’t want Four to accompany me.

I join my friends for lunch and I end up staying with them the whole day. It was nice and relaxing and they helped me take my mind away from my wound. It shouldn’t take long anymore before I will be able to stand on my feet again, I hope.

“Don’t worry, I’ll try and bring her back to the medic center in one piece. And if that doesn’t work out, at least she will be in the right spot to get patched back together. That seems to be her thing,” Michael jokes and he pushes my wheelchair forward. I haven’t talked to him individual all day, so I expect him to have some kind of information or to talk about what Marie and Rob think, that is if he knows about that.

“They seem to be targeting you individually,” Michael says as we walk past the chasm. He stops and crunches in front of me so that we are on each other’s eye levels. He continues: “I heard from Tabassum two days ago. He heard about the attack and that one Dauntless initiate got shot. Apparently the factionless don’t get violent when it comes to initiates. They still see us as children. It’s an unspoken rule that they don’t open fire on us, unless we start shooting at them first.”

“But that wasn’t the case. In fact none of them were even aiming their guns at us once the fight broke lose,” I interrupt and Michael nods: “Tabassum asked around and he found the men that were planning on stealing your cargo. None of them fired at you because none of their guns were armed. They are apparently short on bullets currently.”

“I knew it,” I say, but Michael continues: “They think someone else orchestrated the attack somehow. There was apparently an explosion and they can’t figure out how it went off. It’s a mystery to them. They think someone is targeting you individually, because only one bullet was fired from one of the buildings surrounding the fight.”

“You think it is Jeanine?” I ask and Michael’s expression is all the confirmation that I need. Maybe I need to suck up to Jeanine instead of trying to push her away. I always try to keep her away from me and Marie, but apparently that isn’t working. Maybe I need to keep her close, to make it harder for her to attack me. We are family after all, maybe I can use that to my advantage. I don’t tell Michael about that piece of information though.

“Annie and Rob also think that someone was trying to take me out,” I tell Michael and he seems alarmed: “They are starting to notice things they shouldn’t. If they don’t watch out, they are going to get involved with our problems and that puts them in harm’s way. We have to put them on a different track.”

“Or take their minds of it. I can convince Annie to come work in the medic center. Four has also mentioned it to her, but she hasn’t stopped by yet. You should take to Rob. We need to pull them apart, so that they can get over what happened and forget about it,” I suggest and Michael agrees: “I’ll do that tomorrow. I’ll tell Annie that you want to speak to her, so that she will visit you tomorrow. You can talk to her then.”

“Good, so what do we do about Jeanine?” I ask and Michael shakes his head: “I don’t know. This is becoming more and more dangerous, if they are openly attacking you. Tabassum told me he would try to figure out who was behind the shooting, but he can’t guarantee anything.”

“That is understandable. I’m going to see Marie one of these days. Relax, Four is taking me,” I add when I see Michaels eyes widen at that piece of information. I won’t make that mistake again. Michael doesn’t understand though: “I asked Four to find out where my sister is staying and if she is alright. Thank you by the way, for asking your father to look after her.”

“No problem. With Jeanine lurking at you, it wouldn’t surprise me if she tried to get her hands on your sister. My dad will make sure she is fine,” Michael smiles and I smile back at him. Who would have thought that after all those years in Erudite that we would become friends who would actually watch each other’s back? It’s strange how things can change so radically over a short period of time.

Somehow that also includes Eric. We have been getting along better and I’m still not sure how I feel about that. I don’t mind it, but what are his intentions? Can I trust him or is he the traitor working for Erudite? Maybe it is Four? I secretly hope it is Four and that Eric is just a blockhead and nothing more.

I am not sure why I hope that.

“Andy, there you are. You have been gone the whole day. Are you alright?” Katelyn asks me when I get back at the medic center with Michael. I smile at her and assure her that I am fine, but that another dose of painkillers wouldn’t hurt: “I don’t understand how you are still able to stand on your feet. You haven’t had any painkillers since this morning.”

“Don’t underestimate her. She is a though one,” Michael says and he squeezes my shoulder. It sent a jolt to my lower section and I grid my teeth to not moan in pain. Katelyn and Michael can tell though: “See, though as nails. I’ll see you tomorrow pansycake.”

“Whatever prick!” I answer and watch Michael leave the center. Katelyn helps me back into bed and she doses me up with a new doses of painkillers: “There you go, that should send you off to dreamland quickly. How did it go today?”

“Fine, I barely noticed the pain and it pains me to say that you might have been right about me getting out of here. I think I am going to ask tomorrow for a job I could do, maybe control room or something,” I answer and pull the covers back. Katelyn sits down on my bed and nods: “That’s a great idea. We should ask Four about it…”

“Ask Four what?” Eric’s voice sounds from the entrance of the medic center. He looks extremely tired and also slightly frustrated. I wonder what happened. I sit up and answer before Katelyn can. Eric did sort of offer me a job: “I am bored, do you have job for me tomorrow?”

“I heard you were good at moving boxes?” Eric tells me as he walks over to me. Katelyn stands up from my bed. I can tell she isn’t comfortable with Eric being here. I wonder why that is. I pretend to laugh: “And I heard you were suppose to be a good leader or something.”

“Watch it initiate,” Eric warns me and his joking attitude is completely gone. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the smartest thing to say to Eric. I turn to Katelyn: “Could you bring me something drink? I am extremely thirsty from my day of not laying in bed all day.”

Katelyn eyes Eric, but leaves after I give her a pleading look. I turn to Eric and raise an eyebrow at him: “What did you do to her?”

“She was in initiation with me,” Eric says and stops next to my bed. I continue: “And you scared her for life?”

“Let it go initiate. You said something about a job?” Eric continues and I wonder what he did. Maybe I should ask Katelyn about it? I nod and sigh: “I am bored so put me to work.”

“I think we can hook you up in the control room,” Eric thinks out load and he doesn’t point out my bossy attitude. Now that I can see him closer and I can’t help but notice the bags under his eyes. He must have slept badly last night. Maybe he had to work? I wonder if that phone call from Max from last night has something to do with it? Eric seems to be thinking in himself and I flick his head to snap him out of it: “What is wrong?”

“Nothing and stop doing that initiate,” Eric sounded angry for some reason. Why? He does it all the time and he has never before gotten angry over me doing it to him. What happened last night? I feel myself get angry at Eric being rude, but I manage to bite my tongue. Eric notices and he sighs: “Don’t be so damn annoying.”

“Why, I only have you to annoy,” I joke in hopes that it will put Eric in better spirits. I see  his lips turn up slightly, but it disappears quickly again. Eric doesn’t say anything, so I point out the obvious: “You’re tired.”

“That’s a very keen observation,” Eric sighs and he leans his hands on my bed. He lets his head hang low. He really is tired. I bite my tongue from lashing out at the man. I lift my hand and debate if I should touch him. He looks like he could use some comfort. I lay my hand gently at the back of his head and see his shoulders tense for a second. I lower my voice: “No need to be a dick about it.”

Eric doesn’t respond, but he lifts his head making my hand slide threw his hair. I let my fingers go through his hair aimlessly and wait from some kind of reaction from the man. He does after a minute: “Watch your back in the compound.”

“I figured already,” I say and lower my voice like Eric did. I am amazed that he is warning me. I wonder what he knows, but I decided against asking him. He looks like he is on the verge of some kind of breakdown or anger attack or something that would help him express his emotions. I want to pull my hand back, but Eric graphs my wrist and my hand stops against his cheek. I lock my eyes with Eric’s and I let my hand cup the man’s cheek. He leans into it and closes his eyes. His hand doesn’t let go of my wrist. I lean closer to the man and lay my head against his. He doesn’t move away. His free hand finds its way into my hair at the back of my neck. I relax in its warmth.

“You should go to sleep,” I whisper and Eric’s smirks appears slightly again. He opens his eyes and replies: “Yes boss.”

“You should get used to calling me that. You know I am going to be your boss one day,” I joke and lean back again. Eric pulls his hand away from my hair and the other one pulls my hand away from his cheek, but after I feel a slight brush of his lips against the inside of my hand: “Don’t hope to much, it might just be the other way around.”

“That doesn’t sound to horrible as I might have thought at first,” I admit and Eric’s smirk turns into a slight smile. He lets go of my hand and stands up straight. He is about to say something when someone calls him from outside the medic center: “Eric are you coming? What are you doing here anyway?”

It is Lauren. I haven’t seen her in ages. What is she doing here? Is she going somewhere with Eric? She did say something about going to someplace. They do work together, I think. I suddenly remember the times I saw her before. She was always hanging on Eric’s arm. What is she to him?

“Oh, hallo Andy. How are you doing?” Lauren asks me and I smile at her politely. I might not know what is going on, but that doesn’t mean I should take it out on her: “Fine, thanks for asking.”

“Not to be totally rude, but we should get going Eric. We are already late. Sorry Andy, I’ll come visit you tomorrow,” Lauren says and she pulls Eric with her. I see Eric’s face harden and he hides his discomfort from a few seconds ago. I don’t say goodbye to Eric and neither does he. As they walk out of the medic center, Lauren graphs Eric’s arm and she pulls him along with her, but I notice the man’s muscles tense when she touches him.

“You should watch out for him,” Katelyn appears suddenly and I realize that she had taken her time with the glass. Did she stay away on purpose or did she see something? She hands me the glass with water and I drink it. She continues: “Eric is bad news, no matter what he makes you believe.”

“What do you mean,” I ask innocently, but Katelyn’s hardened face makes me drop my act. She continues: “You are a smart girl Andy, don’t get caught up in whatever Eric is involved. He is bad news.”

“You don’t seem to be a fan of him,” I point out and Katelyn takes the glass back: “There weren’t a lot of people who were happy that Eric was appointed a leader, that has it’s reason. Now, you should go to sleep.”

I don’t object and Katelyn walks away. She turns out the lights and I lay down. I know that Eric is bad news, but he doesn’t seem to be that bad, I think.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter 29**

“What are you guys doing?” I ask as I roll over the bridge crossing the Chasm. Lucas, Victor, Marc, Michael, Skander and Tyra were all hanging from the bridge. Are they suicidal or just really bored or out of ideas to train their bodies? Marc is the one to answer me. The others were concentrating too hard to hear me: “Bet.”

“You guys made a bet for let me guess, who could hang here the longest?” I clarify and roll my eyes at the same time. What does this prove? It will only make your arms very sore. I speak from experience. Marc shakes his head: “We dared each other to hang here.”

“Why?”

“To see who is toughest,” Marc explains and I roll my eyes again. These people have completely lost it. Initiation must have finally made their heads go crazy. This doesn’t prove anything and it’s stupid and basically suicidal. If one of them falls, it’s over for them. I wonder if people really have died because of the Chasm or that maybe no one ever went to find out if someone survived the trip. Maybe the people who jumped in where planning on escaping or something. Who knows?

“If you think they are idiots, you can join my team,” Kane speaks up and I notice him leaning against the wall. What? He is too much of a pansycake to hang here? He is probably just smart enough to know how stupid this is. I turn my eyes back to the people hanging below me: “If you don’t climb back on the bridge, I will stand on your hands and break your fingers.”

They didn’t seem impressed and just kept hanging. I pushed my body up and stood wobbly on my legs. I walked over to Victor and placed my foot above his hand. I didn’t press it down, but he also didn’t budge. I locked my eyes with him and started putting my full weight on my one foot slowly. After ten seconds Victor started biting his lip and I could tell he was starting to struggle. The others were eyeing us, not sure what to make out of my actions. Victor didn’t say anything. Fine, if he wants to play hardball, so can I. I lift my foot and pretend to bring it down hard on his hand. I aim my foot to land next to his hand, but he doesn’t know that and he screams: “Stop!”

“Get on now, before my foot takes another shot at all you idiots,” I threaten them again and they climb over the fence quickly. I feel slightly guilty for taking my bad mood out on my friends, but I don’t linger long on it because I can tell they want to start complaining about their sore arms, but I give them one warning look and they quickly close their mouths. Kane walks over to me: “You are one bossy woman.”

“What can I say, bossing idiots around isn’t that hard,” I spit at the others and they avoid my eyes, especially Michael, Victor, Lucas and Marc. I cannot believe they did something so stupid. Did they think I enjoyed hanging there, fearing I might fall? They were lucky that Four or anybody else didn’t see them. I feel really annoyed by my friends their actions, but I’ll admit that at the moment I am easily ticked off. Why? I don’t know. I turn my head to Kane: “It’s nice to see one of you isn’t a complete suicidal idiot.”

“I try. One of our family had to receive the brain,” Kane says and he eyes his sister. She sticks her tongue out and he smacks her head: “Next time you do something so stupid again, I’ll tell mom and dad and you can answer to them.” For some reason that threat scarred Tyra. Wow, their parents must have been interesting people.

“Not to sound like we don’t want you here, but what are you doing here?” Lucas asks me as I sit back down in the wheelchair. He grapes the handles and pushes me forward as we walk to the center of the pitt. There are small groups of people forming crowds and cheering people on. They are probably fighting. I wonder if I know any of them. Probably not.

“I was looking for Annie. Katelyn told me she hasn’t visited the medic center yet and she should,” I eye Michael when I tell them why I was at the Chasm and he avoids my eyes guilty. He forgot to tell her didn’t he.  Since when does he forget something? He must have gotten caught up in this battle of testosterone.

“Yeah, I heard Four had advised her to check it out. Strange she hasn’t done that yet,” Marc mentioned and we stop in front of a bench. The others sit down on it. I eye the crowds cheering on the fighters, but I can’t make out who is fighting.

“Maybe she isn’t interested. Who chooses Dauntless to end up becoming a nurse?” Victor points and he kind of has a point, but I don’t admit that. Being a nurse is very amiable and it’s not like she will be stuck in the medical center all the time. At least that is what I think. During my time in the medic center I have seen different people, but this time Katelyn is always around. Maybe she is only around because of me and they want one person to watch over me. That thought makes me feel guilty, because maybe Katelyn had planned on doing other things.

I should focus more on getting back on my feet. I was able to stand on my feet earlier, maybe I should try that again. I stand up slowly and use Michael as support. The wound aches, but it isn’t burning as hard anymore so that must be a good sign. I let go of Michael’s arm and he lets me walk around: “I will laugh if you fall down and hurt yourself. You are warned.”

“Don’t forget I sleep three beds down from yours, so I can easily kill you in your sleep,” I smirk back at the boy and he smiles too. I hear Skander tell Tyra that he is glad that he doesn’t sleep in the same room as me: “That doesn’t mean I won’t be able to find you and kill you in your sleep. I took you down once, I can do it again Skander.”

“Don’t remind me. Those bullets hurt, oh sorry,” Skander apologizes when he sees my murdering glare. Those bullets hurt? He doesn’t know pain: “Those bullets hurt? You are such a pansycake! How did you get ranked second?”

“I know, I should have been ranked first,” Skander jokes and I find my mind going back to that building Eric and I hide in. I remember how my heart had been beating and how I prayed that I would hit my target, because else Eric would never have let me live it down. I was so glad that I hit Skander on his back. Eric had taken the lead after that and I remember the shiver running down my back as he threatened that other kid. He left the compound after that night.

“That night seems like a lifetime ago. I am still amazed Eric and I didn’t end up killing each other. That train might have had something to do with it though,” I mention out loud and sit down next to Lucas. The others eye me curious and I suddenly realize that I was going to have to explain myself and I didn’t want to tell them about the jumping part, but I couldn’t come up with a believable story quick enough: “There was a train and we nearly died and I had to jump and I was kind of convinced he would let me fall, but surprise surprise he didn’t.”

“You mean he caught you?” Marc sounded smug for some reason and I didn’t like the look the others were giving me either. Victor sits down on my other side and he and his brother laid their arms around my shoulders: “Are you telling us that you and Eric had an intimate moment that night?”

“No wonder you too looked so flushed when I caught up to you,” Michael added and I bit my lip to stop myself from saying something that might make them suspect I have had more of those moments with Eric: “Technically I have also had intimate moments with Four and that was far more interesting…Why did I just say that? Andy, shut up!”

“Explain woman,” Kane says and the others came closer. I can’t escape their mocking eyes and smiles. I might as well get this over with. Why did I tell them? Stupid Andy: “Let’s just say that he doesn’t understand that when a shower is going, you should knock first.”

“He walked in on you?” Victor asks me and the others buckle over from laughing. I bite my lip and suppress a smile. Yes, the whole thing is funny now, but it wasn’t back then. Why did I tell them? Like the wheelchair isn’t embarrassing enough. To make things worse I see Four walking across the pitt. He stops and is eyeing the fighters in the crowd. The others calm down. Lucas lays his arm around me: “Well Andy, we didn’t know you were that easy.”

Before the others could burst out laughing again, I punch Lucas in side. The punch held more forced then I should have probably used, but his comment was rather insulting: “At least he is able of getting some action, unlike some other people among our group.”

“You all seem relatively calm,” Fours voice makes us all turn our attention to him and I pray that my friends don’t burst out laughing again. They seem smarter then I gave them credit for because they stay silent. Tyra is the first to ask for an explanation: “What do you mean? Should we be worrying about something at the moment?”

“You? No, but I did expect the rest of you to be worrying about your friend,” Four continues and it bugs me that he doesn’t just say what he means. I hate cryptic notes. I get that enough from Eric. Four understands our frowning faces: “I am pretty sure it’s your friend fighting over there.”

“What? Who?” I raise my voice and before anyone can stop me I walk, well limp would be a better description, to the crowd. I push my way threw them, what is very hard. They are all cheering and yelling and bumping into each other and it takes me a few seconds before I reach the center of the fight. A strong looking woman is holding  a smaller woman in a sort of death grip. The smaller woman manages to kick the woman though and she escapes her grip. They get up quickly and I make out Annie’s face.

What the hell?

The woman attacks Annie again, but she manages to keep her at a distance. Punches are thrown at Annie’s face and torso, but she blocks them all. Suddenly the woman lifts her leg and she prepares to kick Annie, but my friend is faster and she graphs the woman’s leg and pulls it towards her body, making the woman lose her balance. Annie jumps on her and launches her first into her face. Blood is covering her fist when she pulls it back. The woman concedes.

“You are good initiate,” the woman compliments Annie as the girl stands up. She holds out her hand and the woman takes it. I can see the fire still burning in Annie’s eyes, but she seems to be able to calm herself down. When did Annie get this strong and though?

“Annie, what the hell?” I ask my friend when the woman walks away, limping slightly. Annie looks surprised at me. She hadn’t notice me standing there. She doesn’t look like someone who just had a pretty intense fight with an older and more experience woman: “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, it was a good fight and I managed to take her down,” Annie tells me and smiles. Who is this girl? What is happening to all my friends? Fighting with Dauntless members and hanging above the Chasm. Everyone is taking initiation so serious right now and I feel like I am balancing at the end of the line, trying to catch up with them but my wound won’t allow me.

“Why were you fighting her?” I ask as we walk back towards where the others were sitting. They seemed genially shocked that it was Annie walking next to me. I guess they had figured it would be Kim or Marnie or maybe even Rob, but not Annie.

“I wanted to train and I can’t keep fighting you guy’s. It’s getting boring. I thought I would fight someone for real once, you know,” Annie explains and she wipes the blood away from beneath her nose. I eye her and she seems fine, but I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that she just had a fight with an actual Dauntless member. Why would she do something like that? I know she wants to get better, but it’s not like she is hopeless. Could this have something to do with her suspicions about the attack?  

“And I thought this girl was the weak link,” Kane says and he receives a mean punch from Annie in his side. I would really not advise picking a fight with this girl anymore. Tyra laughs at her brother: “That’s what you get for being a dumbass. Don’t underestimate her just because she is a girl.”

“I grew up with you, trust me when I say that is not something I do,” Kane spits out at his sister, while trying to hide the fact that his side is hurting more then he wants us to know. Michael stands up from the bench: “Come on, I think we should head back to the training center and resume our training before little Annie is going to beat all our asses.”

Annie wants to leave with the others, but I graph her arm: “Wait, could I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure, how is your wound by the way?” Annie asks me while she sits down. When I had run up to the crowd I hadn’t felt any pain and even now the pain is very tolerable. I must be almost back on my feet. Maybe I should resume my training as well: “It’s fine. Almost healed enough to get back to work. But that isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Annie eyes me curious, but allows me to continue: “I heard from Katelyn that Four suggested you should check out the medic center because of your actions and quick thinking during the attack, but you haven’t been around yet.”

“Yeah, eum, I haven’t had any time to visit yet,” Annie tells me and she moves her feet nervously. Why is she nervous? It’s just me she is talking to: “Annie, if you are going to lie, at least come up with a good one.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s obvious you are lying to me. If you don’t want to tell me the reason why you didn’t come to see Katelyn, then let me be someone to tell you that it might really be a great job for you. Apparently you are good at keeping people alive, well me anyway. And admit it, it sounds better then guarding the fence or being stuck in the control room all day,” I point out and she smiles at my last comment. I wonder what she is hiding.

“It’s not that I don’t want to visit, it’s just that the whole saving thing isn’t my thing,” Annie admits. She doesn’t look me in the eye and that makes me wonder why the whole saving thing isn’t her thing. I can feel there is more behind it: “You can tell me if you want. Maybe I can help you?”

“No you can’t. I don’t know why I was able to think fast during the attack. I am usually not good with blood and wounds and it frankly disgusts me…,” Annie tells me and I hear her voice raise a few bars. I let her continue: “It’s just when I saw you fall on the ground and you didn’t move, I had to do something.”

I notice her hands are shaking and her eyes are turning slightly red. Why is she acting like this? Did she go thru something like this before? It has to be. What else could explain her weird reaction to the idea of working in the medic center. I ask her about it and she looks up at me. Her eyes betray her. I graph her hand: “It’s one of your fears isn’t it?”

“When I was ten, I was helping my parents with distributing food to the Candor compound. We were also attacked on our way over there. Three men were killed. I saw the men fall down and I saw them bleeding out on the streets. I didn’t know what to do and I just looked at them die. I didn’t help them and…” Annie confesses and I stand up and kneel down before her and interrupt her: “Stop, you were ten. You probably wouldn’t have been able to help those men anyway and this time you did do something. You took action and tried to stop me from bleeding to death. You did great. I mean, don’t you see what you did? You actually were confronted with one of your fears and you didn’t let it overpower you. That is amazing!”

“But…,” Annie wants to interrupt me but I continue: “No buts Annie. You looked your fear in the eye and you conquered it. It doesn’t matter what you thought in that moment of how you felt. You did it! This proofs you can face your fears in the simulation,” I encourage her and I see the information sink in her head. She smiles slightly: “Now you go to the medic center and talk to Katelyn. Just check it out. Maybe it will be your thing and maybe it won’t. You will only find out by trying.”

“Urgh, maybe you are right,” Annie sighs loudly and lets her head fall back in her neck. I smirk at her even though she can’t see it: “Of course I am right, I still have some Erudite left in me.”

“Don’t remind me _know-it-all_ ,” Annie mocks me and she smiles. There we go, that’s the Annie I know. I stand up and grin: “Whatever you say _hippie_.”

“Hey are you two _pansy cakes_ coming?” Victor yells across the pitt, making everyone look at Annie and myself. Great, he just had to call us that out loud. Annie turns her heads to me: “Pansy cake? Us?”

“I know, however will me make him pay?” I say and we start walking towards our victim. He runs of quickly and I would have loved to run after him, but my wound doesn’t allow me to do that yet. I watch the others train and give them tips whenever I can. Annie and Rob graphed some guns and were practicing their aim. I wonder if they keep training together because of their suspicions involving the cargo attack or because of some ulterior motive? Michael was fighting Skander and Tyra was overseeing the fight. She is one though woman. Her eyes have a certain flame in them that I can only describe as the Dauntless flame. Her brother is fighting Lucas and Marc and Victor are doing pushups. They made a bet that they could do more pushups then the other.

Men!

Marnie and Kim showed up two hours later and informed the others that they were expected in the pitt. They were all heading out for their Dauntless jobs. I stayed behind the in training center. Everyone was gone, so it would be the perfect time to get back into shape. I just have to take it easy.

I place myself in front a punching bag and take my stand. I lift my arms and ball my fists. I feel a slight pull coming from stomach, but I bite it. I launch my fist and hit the bag. I wait a few seconds, but my wound doesn’t give me any signal that I shouldn’t do that again. I take my stand again and start throwing punch after punch against the bag. It felt good. My punches start coming in closer after each other and I can feel the stress and anger that has been hiding itself inside of me, leave my body. Laying in bed all day is nothing for me. I have been bored out of my mind and the only thing that kept me company was my mind.

I wonder what the deal is between Lauren and Eric and what did Katelyn mean with the fact that people weren’t happy that Eric got promoted. They had reasons she said, but what were they? I don’t think Lauren and Eric are seeing each other. He acted weird last night, like he didn’t want her to see his distress but he had shown it to me. Maybe he did that because I was part of his old faction. We think alike and handle problems in a same fashion.

“You shouldn’t overdo it Andy. Your wound will probably get infected or strained,” a voice pulls me out of my concentration and I stop punching the bag hanging in front of me. I turn around and see Lauren standing behind me. She is wearing skinny black pants and a black top. A red jacket is hanging over her shoulder. Her hair is in a messy ponytail. It annoyed me she looked great even though she looked like she came straight from her job. I guess Lauren would be considered a natural Dauntless beauty. The first time I saw her  thought she looked cool. She was also friendly and funny. Not many people from this compound have talked to us initiates, but I heard from Marc that Lauren gets along great with Marnie and Kim.

It annoyed le greatly that I was comparing myself for no particular reason with the woman standing in front of me. She is strong, though, smart, funny and pretty. She’s like the perfect woman. What am I? A skinny, fairly strong initiate, who is not to mention a Divergent and has a talent for getting herself into trouble and who doesn’t like to listen to orders and who picks fights with people who can throw her out of this compound. No wonder Eric hangs out with her.

Am I jealous?

 

“Trying to get back in shape huh. There are some who would tell you that is unwise. Your wound still needs healing,” Lauren says and she walks closer to me. She drops her jacket on the ground and places her hands on her hips: “Luckily for you, I am not one of those people.”

“You’re not?” I ask and she shakes her head. I am glad she isn’t one of those people. I would really like to get back into shape and I can’t concentrate with my friends hanging around me. Besides they would worry about my wound too much. Lauren bends her knees and raises her fists. Does she want me to fight her? She is kidding me right?

“Don’t sweat it initiate. Even I would advise against a proper fight with a shot wound and according to your bloody knuckles your fists need a break. So let’s practice your kicks,” Lauren says and I don’t move. I am baffled at her suggestion. She wants to practice with me. Why? Doesn’t she have anything better to do? Lauren ignores my confused stare: “Today initiate. You won’t hurt me, I will easily block your weak kicks.”

Before I know what I am doing, I lift my leg and the practice round starts. I throw my kicks at her with a decent speed and I don’t stand still on my feet. I keep moving, trying to find an opening in Laurens defense. Like I suspected, she is strong and she can easily block my kicks. I ignore the stinging pain growing in my side and pick up my pace. Lauren grins at me and she is about to say something taunting, so I pretend to use my fist to hit her. She takes the bait and I use my leg to kick her in the back of her knee. She bends down and I quickly stand behind her and graph both her arms. I pull them behind her back and I push my foot in her back, making her fall over. She is quick though. She manages to turn her body and I have to let go of her arms or I would be dragged down with her. She distances herself from me by rolling back, over her shoulder. She stands up and launches her attack against me.

What happened to not fighting, just practicing my kicks?

Well maybe that is my fault.

Lauren picks up the pace and before I know it, I am full on my back, with the woman sitting on top of me. She pins me down and I can’t move because a sudden sting in my side makes me aware of blood soaking my shirt. I ignore it and notice Lauren hasn’t noticed it yet: “You won’t win that easily from me initiate.”

“I didn’t expect I would,” I answer back and Lauren lets go of my hands. The fight is over. She won. I don’t start another attack because my body is telling me that it has had enough for today: “Do you mind getting up?”

“No, I am comfortable, sitting on my victory,” Lauren mocks me and I glare at her, but it doesn’t impress her. Damn this woman: “You know, when you give me that look, it reminds me of someone.”

“Who?” I ask and Lauren leans back, putting her weight on my legs and away from my hips and stomach zone. I secretly thank her. She still doesn’t notice the red spot covering my side. Lauren grins at me and I have a feeling that I won’t like her answer: “Eric, he gives me the same look most of the time.”

“That’s insulting you know,” I answer back and suppress a blush that wants to color my cheeks. I am not like Eric, I have nothing in common with him. Lauren seems to differ: “Yeah, you do. It’s funny, because you are kind of like him when we were in our initiation. Well he wasn’t much of a team player, but he was always training to become better and he was smart. That’s what makes him so strong, not his muscles, but his mind.”

“Well he was an Erudite. It seems to be our thing,” I say and Lauren seems surprised I knew that Eric was a former Erudite. I raise an eyebrow at her: “What? You really think I wouldn’t be able to figure that out?”

“You might have a point,” Lauren says and sighs. When is she going to get off of me? She is obviously enjoying mocking me in this fashion, but she can’t do that forever, I hope.

“I should probably get back to the control room. It’s so boring there. If you get to chose jobs, don’t pick that one. You will be bored out of your mind,” Lauren warns me and she stands up. I follow her lead quickly and turn my blood covered hip away from her. Lauren smiles at me: “This was fun. We should do this again some time. Maybe one day you will actually win.”

“You can count on it,” I answer the woman and watch her graph her jacket and leave the training room. When I am alone, I lift my shirt and see that the bandage around my torso is soaked with blood. Damn, I over did it! What am I going to do now? I can’t go to Katelyn, she will kill me for being so stupid. The initiates room is empty. Maybe I can wash up there and put on another shirt and then go look for a new bandage. That sounds like a plan.


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter 30**

“Didn’t I tell you to stay out of trouble initiate?”

I should have known I wouldn’t get far before someone would notice me limping slightly and desperately trying to cover my side. And of course it had to be Eric who would be the one to notice me. I turn around, looking slightly guilty. I don’t know why. It’s not like I was going to listen to his order and I have gone against him so many times, this really shouldn’t surprise him.

“What did you do?” Eric asks me while he walks over to me. Before I could stop him, he lifted my shirt and saw the blood soaking threw the bandage. I ignore the blush creeping up my face because of the way Eric is holding my shirt and I find my tongue again: “I was practicing and I didn’t notice it had started bleeding. It’s fine. It doesn’t hurt that much anyway.”

“Then why are you limping?” Eric asks me and his voice sounded threatening. I keep my mouth shut because I don’t think Eric would appreciate the smart ass comment trying to find its way out of my mouth. The man stands up straight and he tells me to follow him: “Where are we going?”

Eric ignores me and I find myself doing what he told me to do: I follow him. We walk towards the Chasm and I feel a shiver run down my back: “If you are planning on hanging me from that bridge again, you should come up with a good cover story because I won’t make it this time.”

“Don’t give me ideas, initiate,” Eric warns me and we walk over the Chasm and into a set of corridors that I have passed a few times but never checked out. Where is he taking me? We take a couple of turns and I notice a broken door hanging from its hinges. The windows in this corridor are covered in dust and it surprises me how dark the hallway is. We also walk past a broken fountain. It has a woman in a gown standing in the middle of it. What the hell is that doing here?  

Suddenly Eric stops and pulls a key from his pocket and opens a door. He walks inside and I follow. I walk into an apartment. It is a small place. Almost everything is in the same room, with the exception of the bathroom. A bed is standing in the corner and I also see a desk, covered with dozens of papers. Wait, is this Eric’s place? Why would he bring me here? I eye the man and I can’t stop my lips from moving this time: “I think it is only fair that if you are going to kill me, you should give me a head start to running seeing as I am injured and I have shorter legs.”

Eric rolls his eyes at me and flicks my head: “Sit down before you bleed all over my floor, initiate.” I do as I am told and sit down on the edge of Eric’s bed. I force my cheeks to stay a neutral color and I am pleased that Eric doesn’t notice my obvious attempt to stop myself from blushing. He walks thru a door, to what I suspect is his bathroom. What is he doing?

I take a look around Eric’s place and notice that it doesn’t have a lot of stuff in it. There is a bed, a desk, kitchen equipment but no table or chairs. Next to the bed is one small table and next to the door that Eric walked threw is a closet. Two pairs of shoes are lying next to it.

Somehow I expected that Eric would have a lot of stuff. This place is so empty.

“Here,” Eric walks over to me and I sit up. He is holding a box. It’s a medic kit. Eric crouches in front of me and opens the box. He graphs a bandage out of it and eyes me: “You’ll need a new one, after we look at the wound of yours.”

“Why?” I ask and I don’t stop Eric from lifting my shirt again to undo the soaked bandage. Why is he helping me? I would expect him to poke my wound and call me a pansy cake. Apparently Eric had an ulterior motive: “Because in two days training resumes itself and if you aren’t healed by then, you will become factionless.”

“What? When was that decided?” I raise my voice. Would this have something to do with my conversation with Max? Maybe this is my punishment for speaking out of line.

“Yesterday. We can’t keep postponing initiation because of one initiates, so do yourself a favor and wait with training until the simulations start again,” Eric warns me and I want to ask who’s idée it was to resume initiation, but I am not sure Eric would tell me: “Great, if I had know that sooner, I wouldn’t have started training.”

Eric doesn’t respond to that and I watch him remove the bandage. My wound was closing up nicely. It will leave a scare but I am a little bit proud of that. Blood was still dipping down my side. Eric uses a white substance and I hiss when I feel it sting my skin. I ball my fists and bite my lip to stop myself from vocalizing my discomfort. Eric wipes the blood away from my side and I keep my eyes away from the stitches. The thought of the needle piercing my skin sent shivers down my spine.

“Are you cold?” Eric asks me and he whips the last of the dried blood on my hip away. His eyes meet mine and I wonder what he hides behind them. He is kind of a secret man, but he makes it less obvious then Four. I am pretty sure that people think they know Eric, but in reality they don’t know a single thing about him. I shake my head: “No, just unpleasant thoughts.”

“Like what?” Eric asks me and he graphs the clean bandage. I sit up straight and let him wrap it around my torso. I look up, to keep my eyes away from Eric, while he bandages me up.

“Needles,” I sigh and Eric snorts at that. Of course he would laugh at my fear. I wonder what his fears are. How many would he have? I don’t think a lot. He doesn’t seem like a man who would get scared easily.

“What is the story behind you and needles,” Eric asks me and I try to keep my mind focused on anything but Eric’s hands touching my torso. I can practically predict when his fingers will touch my body and I can’t help but want it to happen. It felt nice. He had looked after my wound with gentle hands, something I didn’t expect from a man like him.

“I just never liked them,” I say and hold my breath for some reason. Eric’s hands stop and I can hear him graph something from the medic kit to tape the end of the bandage to the rest so that it won’t come lose. When he is done, he stands up and I find my eyes locking with his. They are intoxicating and I can’t bring myself to look away. He really has nice eyes.

“You are going to end up being the only Dauntless member to stay unlinked during your stay here,” Eric informs me and I notice that he started talking quieter. His voice was almost a whisper. It made me shiver, but it was a good shiver: “I already took care of that awhile ago.”

“You are telling me that you have a tattoo?” Eric seemed surprised by my comment and he eyes me curiously. He scans my face to discover if I was lying. I pull the hem of my shirt lower and Eric can make out the wings of the owl. He chuckles: “You know to pick the spot to get a tattoo. However did you get the idea to get a tattoo there?”

“You pervert! It’s across the heart, blockhead,” I raise my voice and I let my shirt go and lay my arms over my chest. I can’t stop the blush this time. Eric smirks at that and he stands up. He walks back to the bathroom. I have to admit he did a good job conserving my wound. He was gentle and cleaned it better than I would have been able to do. I wonder why he brought me here and not to Katelyn. Eric seemed to be reading my mind: “Katelyn has to report tonight to Max how your recovery is coming along. If she had seen this and told Max, he would probably say that you wouldn’t be healed in time and then it was game over for you.”

“Did Max come up with this idea on his own? To reassume initiation?” I ask and stand up. I walk to the window and see the gate surrounding our city in the distant. Eric’s place didn’t have much of a view. Just buildings and rooftops and a huge fence. I notice a small ledge leading from Eric’s window to the next window. Wouldn’t that be the window I saw in the corridor?

“What makes you think he didn’t?” Eric stands still next to me and he crosses his arms. What makes me think that? I don’t have proof, but Luissa did threat me and she made it painfully obvious that she would try and get me kicked out of Dauntless one way or another. Maybe she orchestrated the attack. Andy, that is ridiculous.

“Just wondering,” I answer and keep my thoughts about Luissa to myself. I’m not sure how Eric would react to knowing that Luissa wasn’t a fan of me. He might start liking her more. Anyway, she might have suggested it, but my earlier attitude towards Max probably had a bigger influence. She might be his niece, but he has proven that he likes me in this compound. He wouldn’t have offered me the job else and I just went and called him out like it was my place.

Idiot!

“He seems like a very easy influenced man.” The words leave my lips before I can swallow them down. Just because Eric tends to tolerate a lot from me recently, that doesn’t mean he would blindly tolerate such an accusation. Eric turns his head towards me and his eyebrow goes up. There isn’t a smile or grin hanging on his lips and I can’t read his eyes. I don’t know how he will react to my comment.

“You know, people tend to get hurt for such comments, initiate,” Eric warns me and I have a feeling that I should distance myself from this man. I turn my body towards his and take a step back. He follows me unfortunately, so I take another step back: “Maybe people shouldn’t be so ignorant to their leaders being idiots.”

“I am taking that very personal initiate. You want to repeat that?” Eric’s voice keeps the same, steady tone and I don’t know what that means. I take another step back and feel a wall touch my back. Eric follows me. Great, I trapped myself between Eric and a wall. Very smart Andy.

“I wasn’t saying names but if you take it personally, some of it must apply to you,” I respond and lay my arms across my chest. It’s a last barrier between our bodies, as Eric takes one last step forward. His body loams over mine and I can’t help but feel the urge to cower away from him. I don’t though and bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying something that might anger Eric more, although I am not sure he is angry. Usually his voices rises when he is and he would be very threatening with his body, but he isn’t doing that now what makes it impossible for me to figure out what he is thinking.

Damn this man is frustrating.

“You have a sharp tongue, initiate. Learn to keep it in check because it will cause you a lot of trouble. People don’t like it when someone, especially a new transfer, speaks negatively about their way of life. They chose Max as their leader. You would be wise to keep those thoughts to yourself,” Eric warns me again and he places his hands next to my head and leans closer.

“Someone has to be the one to point out the weakness of the compound. How else do you expect to grow?” I answer and I can’t pull my eyes away anymore from Eric’s. He chuckles: “Maybe, but I wouldn’t become that person just yet, initiate.”

“I thought you would be glad that I am vocalizing my thoughts about Max. He doesn’t seem to be a fan of you. I was only standing up for you,” I say and I can tell I hit a sore subject because Eric’s shoulders stiffen for a second. He quickly recovers though, but his eyes were sending me daggers. Then suddenly a smirk covers his face: “I knew you would warm up to me, initiate.”

“What?” I say and I try to suppress the blush that is trying to leak out. He doesn’t know what he is saying. He keeps smirking and one of his hands cups the back of my head. I don’t pull away and Eric leans his head against mine: “This must be so frustrating for you, having to admit that I am not one hundred percent a scumbag.”

“Oh you are, I just pointed out that even scumbags have some qualities,” I reply and Eric’s smirk grows. I try to break the eye contact with the frustrating man, but I seemed to have lost all control over my body. It refuses to listen, so my eyes keep staring into Eric’s. I want to ignore the way he looks at me. It is making my heart beat faster and the noise is almost deafening. How can he not hear it?

“You know I would love to believe you, but the blush covering your cheeks is making that very hard,” Eric mocks me and he has a small smile hanging on one side of his lips. Stupid gorilla. Stop making fun of me: “I’m not…”

“You sure? What do you call the red covering your cheeks then? Don’t worry initiate, it suits you. Makes you look less like a pain in my ass,” Eric informs me and his hands cup my cheeks. I can’t stop myself from blushes harder. I need to get out of here. I try to escape Eric’s grip, but the man doesn’t budge. In fact his hands graph my arms and pull my body against his. I didn’t think it was possible, but my face turns into another shade of red and I feel Eric’s lips against my ear: “If you are going to keep blushing out of the blue like that I will be forced to give you something to blush about.”

I try to give the man an evil glare, but it only makes him laugh. I feel my heart skip a beat as his arm losses around my waist. I want to get away, but Eric’s free hand tangles itself in my hair. I stop breathing when I realize how close we are standing against each other. When he breaths in, I can feel his chest touch mine for a second. A fluttering feeling rises in my stomach.  I try to act normal, but it isn’t easy. My voice sounds hoarse: “Dickhead.”

“You know I have beat people unconscious for calling me that,” Eric informs me and the corners of my lips turn slightly upward. My voice sounds steadier this time when I use it: “I’m wounded, you can’t beat me up.”

“How long are you going to keep using that card?” Eric asks me and his hands let go of my head. His arm finds it way around my neck and before I can stop him, he pulls my body back against his. I feel my cheeks burning and my heart racing. I am glad though that the eye contact between us is broken. I can freely hide my face in his chest and he won’t think anything of it, I hope: “For awhile, after that I’ll use the ‘ _I’m-your-initiate-and-you-can’t-hurt-me_ ’ card.”

“Yeah, you are my initiate alright,” Eric sighs and his hands rub my back. I don’t say anything about his comment because I don’t know how to comment on it. I stand still in his arms while he rubs my back and I enjoy the warmth radiating from his chest. This man is like a personal heating machine and that is not subtext for him being nice on the eyes, which he might be.

We stand there for a few minutes, before I realize that I should get back to the medic center before Katelyn get’s worried. She tends to express her worry threw aggressive words and actions, something I don’t look forward to right now. I try to push my body away from Eric’s, but he doesn’t budge: “Eric.”

“Say that again,” Eric whispers and I look up. Our eyes meet and for some reason my previous thoughts about Katelyn leave my head. My hands crawl up his sides and they graph the back of his shirt. I feel his breath touch my lips and the blush on my cheeks darkens: “Eric.” I tried to make clear in that one word what it is that I want even though I am not entirely sure what that is.

Eric seemed to know though, because a second later I feel a light pressure against my lips. My eyes close themselves as I realize that Eric had closed the distance between us and his lips were currently touching mine. The touch was surprisingly light and careful. He was waiting to see what my reaction would be. He is actually unsure how to handle this? I thought he would…he would… Actually I don’t know how to finish that sentence. I guess he just wants to make sure that we are on the same page. I slowly start moving my lips, not really sure what I should do. Eric’s arms lay themselves around my waist and they pull my body against his. My hands graph the front of the man’s shirt. It is almost painful how fast my heart is beating at the moment and I am surprised that Eric hadn’t noticed it yet.

The pace we are kissing at starts rising and I notice it’s harder to breath. Eric deepens the kiss and I realize how much I am enjoying this action. My mind goes completely blank. One of Eric’s hands slides up my back and finds its way into my hair. His grip is firm and I enjoy the possessiveness it speaks of. My hands tighten their grip on Eric’s shirt and the grip of his arm resting around my waist tightens. After a few minutes Eric pulls us apart so we can both catch our breath. His head is leaning against mine. He brings his hands up to cup my cheeks: “Andy…”

My brain starts functioning again and I realize what I had just done. What I was currently doing. What am I doing? Eric could be involved with Jeanine. He knows something and I can’t figure out if he is on my side: the side that doesn’t want to do me harm. My body tenses automatically and I step back so quickly that Eric’s hands can’t keep me in my place. I try to avoid his eyes, but I end up meeting his anyway. He looks confused at me. I can’t stay here. I need to leave. Now! I leave the apartment quickly and don’t look back at Eric. I ignore him calling out at me: “Andy!”

I close the door behind me and run down the corridor. I take a right, then a left, then another right and before I know it, I am at the Chasm. I don’t hear Eric following m. I try to relax my body. The noise coming from the Chasm below me drowns out almost all the thoughts in my head. There was actually only one question going through my head at the moment: what was I thinking?

“Andy?” I turn around quickly, fearful that it would be Eric, but Four is standing behind me. I try to relax again. He walks over to me and is about to ask if something is wrong with me. I have to talk about something else because I won’t be able to lie that I am fine and I might spill what had happened with Eric not even a few minutes ago. I distract Four with the only question in know that will allow me to be in some kind of panic state of mind. Four would think that I was thinking about that: “When can we visit my sister?”

“Eum, tonight if you want. Andy, are you alright?” He asks me and has this concerned look in his eyes. I don’t need Four worrying about me and for some reason I couldn’t stop feeling Eric’s arms around my waist. I rub my lips, trying to get rid of the feeling of his lips against them. It doesn’t help and frustrates me even more.  

“Yeah, I am fine. When do we leave tonight?” I ask and try to appear as calm as possible. I can tell I am not succeeding. My heartbeat won’t slow down and a burning feeling inside my stomach tells me I should go back to Eric. I shake my head and try to block everything out.

“Meet me here at twelve.” 


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31  
I cannot believe Eric kissed me. It is so surreal, but the funny feeling in my stomach and the constant itch I feel in my lips reminds me that it did happen. My mind simple refused to believe it. I am not the type of person who ends up kissing her instructor. The kiss shouldn’t have happened! I can’t believe he did that. Is he stupid? He is my instructor and I am his initiate. What we did is so not allowed when one is in a relationship like that! I can’t suppress the blush that leaks out when I think about being in a relationship with Eric, no matter what the context of said relationship might be. This cannot be happening. Like I don’t have enough problems on my mind already! Why did he have to go and do that? This complicates everything, I think.   
The entire evening I had hid in my room and every time I heard someone outside my door, I felt my heart stop for a second. What if it’s Eric? What would he say? What would he do? What can he do? He kissed me, I am a hundred percent sure of that. I might have allowed it at first, but that was because I was unprepared and what do I know of kissing? I just went along with it because I didn’t know what to do.  
Who am I kidding? That’s not why I returned the kiss. I noticed how fast my heart started beating, how my skin felt like it was on fire and how the oxygen was leaving my body and that had everything to do with Eric kissing me. I liked it, I liked the kiss and that’s why I didn’t push him away at first. That’s why I almost went back when I heard him call out my name when I ran off. Eric looked so…so…disappointed, I guess. But he can’t be that disappointed in me pulling away. He doesn’t like me and I don’t like him, in that way. And there are plenty of other women, probably more suited for a man like him. Why the hell would he be interested in a girl like me? I have literally nothing to offer. I am sixteen, not a faction member yet and I am being hunted on by a group of people because I am Divergent.   
Great, I sound like my little sister when the first guy she liked rejected her. She was twelve at the time! Andy, pull your head out of your ass and focus. I am going to see Marie in an hour. I am excited to see her and I have to thank Michael’s father for looking after her, but I am not sure I should leave the compound with Four. Eric told me to watch my back in the compound and Four has been acting strange lately. I don’t know if I can trust him. He says I can ask him for help, but why does he know I need help and what kind of help does he think I need?   
“Are you ready?” I get pulled out of my thoughts when I arrive at the Chasm and see Four leaning against the fence. I notice a gun hanging at his belt and he offers me one: “Hide it. We don’t know who we might run into on our way to Erudite.”  
“Okay,” I say uneasy and have an unwanted flashback to the robbery of our cargo a few days ago. The idea of getting shot again or in any way hurt scared me slightly because this time they wouldn’t stop initiation for me. They would kick me out of Dauntless and probably be happy about it. I need to watch my back and make sure I don’t get hurt. I slid the gun behind the waistband of my pants and cover it with my t-shirt.   
“You are sure you are ready for this? With your wound and all? We can wait two more days,” Four suggest, but I shake my head defiantly and he understands my message. We are going tonight to Erudite to see my sister. Four scans the corridors that lead to the Chasm and I follow his example. They are all empty and mostly quit, except for the one that leads to the pit. Charlotte and Scott’s bar is probably still open. Because of my injury I got some nights of but I expect that once initiation starts again, I will have to go back to work in the kitchen and the bar.   
“Follow me and be quit,” Four instructs me and he starts to descend quickly down the path next to the Chasm. The stones are wet and slippery, but Four runs over them like it’s nothing. How does he do that? I follow the man, but at a slower pace. With the luck I am having lately, it wouldn’t surprise me if I fall to my death because of these rocks. Why are we going down this path anyway? Max told me it lead to an old storage room that wasn’t used anymore. It only had one way in and out. But Tabassum and Sacha had met Michael down there. How did they get in the room? I hadn’t thought about it before. There must be a window big enough to fit a human threw.  
The storage room is dark and very dusty. The floor is filled with boxes and crates. But there aren’t any windows. I can make out Four’s silhouette in the dark. He is moving some boxes at the end of the room. With each box he moves, I notice a slight draft go through the room. There must be an opening behind those boxes. A small gape appears behind the boxes Four moved away. That must be how Tabassum and Sacha entered the compound. How does Four know about this? Does he know them?   
The gap was really small, it actually surprised me that Four could fit threw it. Apparently he could. He climbed threw it with ease in fact. I looked over my shoulder, making sure no one had followed us. After that I follow Four and I ended up standing in a very narrow corridor. You couldn’t walk with two next to each other, so I walked behind Four. The corridor was very drafty. It must be a short corridor, because I can feel the wind blowing on my face clearly. We take a turn to the left and Four stops after a few steps. Our pathway is blocked by something. Four pushes his shoulder against the wall in front of us and I notice it move slightly. The opening must be hidden by boxes or something. The boxes appeared heavy because Four was having a hard time pushing them aside. Without thinking about it, I laid my hands on the man’s lower back and started pushing. Four didn’t comment on my actions, but I could feel his body tense significantly. Huh, didn’t think he would be so…stiff.  
“That’s enough,” Four whispers and I see an even smaller opening then the gape in the storage room. Four squeezes threw it and I follow his lead. The boxes turned out to be a small container. We just moved that? It must be empty.  
“We have to push it back so that it is closed. You never know who could have followed us,” Four says and we push the container back in its place. I take a look around and notice we are at the back of the Dauntless compound. The street is filled with old boxes, containers and other junk no one probably uses anymore. Wait a minute, I recognize this street. I look up and notice the roof of the building has a recognizable ledge around it. Isn’t that the roof I usually go to? I think it is. This is where I saw Tabassum for the first time. He must have left the Dauntless compound threw this entrance. That’s how they must have gotten to Michael.   
“Common, I know how we can get to the train station without getting caught on the cameras,” Four tells me and we run between the buildings threw narrow passages I would have never noticed on my own. I guess it pays of working in the control room. It doesn’t take us long to get to the station and we are in luck because a train was just arriving. We run alongside it and climb on.   
“I hope you know a way into the building, because I have never been into the apartments of Erudite headquarters,” Four tells me and I let my mind go over all the options I have for entering the building. It would be too easy to just enter through the front door and there isn’t exactly a back door. We could use the iron staircase that leads to the roof of the building. I wonder if the fire destroyed it. If that doesn’t work we could enter the building threw the Erudite cellars. They are used for laundry and storage. To ventilate the cellars, there are always windows open, day and night. Mom and dad used to complain about it, because if people noticed it they could use it to break into the building. A wave of sadness hits me while I remember my parents, but I refuse to cry in front of Four.   
“I know a few options we can use. Would you prefer going up or down?” I ask and Four answers my question by going down. I would have expected a Dauntless person to choose going up. That is what Eric would choose. Although going up will probably make us easier targets to be seen. Maybe going down is the safest way: “We’ll use the Erudite cellars. Once we are in, we should be good. There aren’t any cameras inside the building. Only at the entrance. Michael lived on the third floor. We should use the stairs, because there is a night guard but he is horrible at his job. He usually just sits in his office the whole night and when he goes to check the hallways, he always uses the elevator.”   
“Will he be a problem if we run into him?” Four asks me and we both sit down on the floor of the train compartment. The night guard, Edward, was an easy to fool guy. Like I said, he is horrible at his job: “He won’t be a problem. My mom gave him homemade muffins sometimes to get through the nights. She felt sorry for him, that he had to do such a boring and unstimulating job.”  
“Unstimulating,” Four asks me and I remember my dad once telling me about all the jobs there were in Erudite and which once he considered to be good. The more you had to use your brain, the better the job was his motto: “If you don’t use your brain, then what good is the job. It’s an Erudite thing.”  
Four doesn’t say anything after that for a while and neither do I. I realize that the man isn’t a very talkative person. I have noticed it before. When he is at the bar or when I see him in the pit with his friends, I usually don’t see him talking, just smiling along. He is very stiff in his way of communicating with… Oh… I see. I can’t suppress the smirk that is covering my face. It’s my Erudite side that is pleased that I figured it out. Four is an Abnegation transfer. I didn’t know that they made the transfer to Dauntless.   
“What are you smirking about?” Four asks me and I try to suppress the grin covering my face, but I am unsuccessful. Before I can answer, he beats me to it: “You look creepy a lot like Eric when you do that.”  
And there goes the grin.  
That’s two people who have told me that. I am nothing like Eric and it’s not a compliment to say that I look like him. What is wrong with this man? Four just looks at me, no smirk covering his face. He is always so freaking serious: “Oh shut it you stiff.”  
That got the man to sit up straight and his eyes were practically throwing me daggers. He wasn’t happy about me calling him out about being a stiff, but his body language didn’t tell me I was lying: “Don’t try to deny it. You are more Abnegation- like then Eric is Erudite- like. You need to learn to loosen up if you don’t want people to find out about it.”  
“How do you know that Eric is from Erudite?” I am surprised that of all the things I expected Four to say, he picked that one. I lift my shoulders casually: “The same way I know you are a transfer from Abnegation, threw observation.”  
“How very Erudite of you,” Four tells me and I can hear an edge in his voice. Like he wants to rile me up for some reason. Nice try Four, but I am not that easy. Besides I have no problem with people knowing where I come from, but I am guessing that Four isn’t all too pleased about me knowing about his threw heritance. I wonder why: “Sixteen years of Erudite isn’t that easy to erase from a person’s system. And seeing how you and Eric still show signs of your original factions, I think it’s safe to say I got enough time to learn to adjust to Dauntless life.”  
Four doesn’t respond to that and I decide not to push the subject. Funny, the transfer initiates are trained by transfer faction members. You would think they would give us an instructor who would really introduce us to the Dauntless life. These guys are still adjusting themselves. The lights of the Erudite compound make me look up. Normally all lights go out after ten pm, to make sure we don’t waist energy. Why are the lights still on in Erudite headquarters? I take a closer look and realize that it’s mostly the top floors that are still occupied. Those are Jeanine’s offices and labs. I have been there a few times with my parents. My dad helped Jeanine out a lot up there. What is she doing there this late?  
“Weird huh?” Four says and he gets ready to jump of the train. I follow his lead and wonder what he meant with his comment. Does he know more? We jump and I surprisingly land on my feet. I have to use my arms to not fall over, so it wasn’t a graceful landing, but I’m improving.  
“Lead the way,” Four tells me and I try to visualize the streets around the apartment building. We should use the streets on the east side, they are smaller and there are no street lights. The windows we have to get to are on the north side, facing Erudite headquarters. We will have to be quick. We run through the streets and I am pleased that we don’t run into any factionless people who sometimes roam the streets at night or any Dauntless patrols. I stop at the end of the building on the east side and point to the windows we have to get to: “There, as I suspected they are open. We should fit threw them easily. I’ll go first and when I am in, you follow.”  
Four nods and I run towards the windows. I pull the window as far as possible and crawl through the gap. My feet land on a table. I scan the room. It is dark, but I can hear the washing machines working. I crawl off the table and wait for Four to arrive. As expected he climbs threw the window quickly after me. I want to turn on the light in the room, but Four stops me: “Don’t! You never know who might be watching.”  
“Okay, this way then,” I say and feel the wall for the doorknob. I find it after a few seconds and slowly pull it open. The hallway is dark and quit. I walk into it and hear Four close the door behind us. It’s best to leave no evidence behind that someone was down here. We walk down the hall and I quickly locate the door that leads to the staircase. I slowly open it and as expected the staircase was dark. We start our climb and try not to make any noise. Unfortunately the stairs tend to creak.   
“Wait!” Four suddenly whispers and I hear it too. A door above us opens and a flashlight lights the walls surrounding the staircase. Four quickly graphs me by my waist and pulls me against the wall. My heart starts beating widely and I try to make no noises. That must be Edward. I can see the man leaning over the edge of the staircase, casting the light of his flashlight into the darkness. I pry to some higher form that he doesn’t see us. If we are lucky, his flashlight won’t reveal us.   
The flashlight comes our way and we both stand on our toes to make sure the light doesn’t hit us. It doesn’t and Edward mumbles something. He walks back into the corridor that he came from, the second floor. He must be on his checkup route throughout the building: “We should wait fifteen minutes. He should be back in his office by that time.”  
“Good idea,” Four agrees and we sit down on the staircase. The fire from a few weeks ago hadn’t hit this side of the building. I wonder what the hallway must look like on my floor. That is where the fire was burning, that’s where is probably originated. I wonder what my apartment looks like. Is it empty? Are our stuff still there? What is left of our stuff?   
“Don’t think about it. It’s not your home anymore,” Four pulls me out of my own memory palace as I remember an evening with my parents and Marie, sitting around the table, eating, talking and laughing. Those days seem like a lifetime ago. I don’t comment on what Four said and stood up: “Those fifteen minutes have probably passed. We should start moving again.”  
We start climbing up the stairs again. This time we don’t get interrupted by Edward and his flashlight. Before I open the door that leads to the third floor, I bras myself. I lived on this floor. I haven’t been here since I left for the choosing ceremony. It must be really damaged because of the fire. I open the door and I am hit by a stench that has to be from the fire. The light in the hallway are out, but I can tell the walls have been damaged by the fire, but the damage wasn’t structural. The plant that used to be standing in the corner, next to the door we just walked through was gone. It probably didn’t survive the fire. The hallway bend like an L. My apartment was at the end of the hallway. Michael’s was in the beginning: “You go on ahead, I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”  
“Andy, you shouldn’t…” Four tries to take me out of going to see my old place. It won’t look pretty, but I can’t stop myself from going anyway. Four doesn’t follow me. I turn around the corridor and notice that the walls are much more damaged. The wallpaper is almost completely gone and replaced by a dark smear. The door to my apartment is broken down. It lay’s broken on the ground. I look inside. The windows are broken and replaced by a plastic sheet. The wind is blowing gently against it. The couches standing in our living room are burned to pieces, as are the table and chairs from the kitchen. My found memory of my family sitting around the table comes to mind again. I ignore the tear slipping down my cheek.   
I walk further into the room and notice glass laying on the floor, against the wall. There used to hang a picture of our family. I guess it didn’t survive the fire either. More tears leak out and I find it difficult to breath. No! I will not have another panic attack like on the roof. I refuse! I shake my head and walk towards the bedroom I shared with Marie, ignoring how much has been turned into ash. The door to our bedroom is still hanging in its hinches, but barely. The bed I used to sleep in is broken in two and one part was badly damaged by the fire. Memories from my mother and father comforting me at night and fights I had with Marie in this room came to surface. More tears leak out and I wipe them away with the sleeve of my sweater.   
I notice suddenly that only my bed remained in the room. Marie’s bed is completely gone. That made my blood boil. My sister was asleep when the fire started. She could have died, she could have burned to death! She was alone! She could have died an extremely painful death with no one around her, trying to save her!   
“There isn’t much left of it is there,” a voice says from behind me. I turn around and see my little sister standing in the opening of our bedroom. She is wearing a sweater over jet pajamas and shoes that used to belong to me when I was her age. She looked much younger then I remembered her to look. She looked fragile. It was a sight I had never witnessed before. My little sister was always ahead of her own age. Sometimes I forgot that she was younger than me, still a kid. She knew more than me, done more things than me, had more friends than me… She had a good world around her and I am sure she would stay in Erudite for the rest of her life, following in mom and dad their footprints.   
This girl standing in front of me was stranger.  
I walked over to her none the less and she started crying when I pulled her in for a hug. I felt her tears threw my sweater and her body started to shake. I tried to hold back my own tears and succeeded fairly in doing so. I needed to be strong for my sister. She needs to lean on someone now.  
“It’s okay Marie, I am here,” I whisper in her ear and let her sob against me. She probably didn’t get to cry like this before. It’s not like she knew Michael’s dad really before she moved in with him. I really should thank that boy more properly. If it wasn’t for him, Jeanine might have taken Marie in and she wouldn’t have any reason to decline the offer. Thank god someone looked after my sister when I couldn’t.   
After a while Marie starts hiccupping and her body calms down. I lower my head and look her in the eye: “We are going to be fine. I am going to find out what happened to them because you and I both know they didn’t die because of that fire. We are going to get to the bottom of this.”  
Marie nods and I lay my arm around her shoulders and pull her out of the apartment. She stops in the hallway suddenly and turns to me: “I heard you were shot a few days ago.”  
“Oh you heard huh, it’s kind of a pathetic story. I got shot during cargo transport because I wasn’t paying attention,” I lie and try to not make it a big deal. Marie has enough going on her head at the moment, she doesn’t need to worry about me. I’ll tell her some other time what really happened.   
“Are you sure you are okay?” she asks me and I wipe away the remaining tears from her face. I give her a genuine smile and am amazed by my own ability to lie. I guess I am not as much of a Condor as the test believes I am: “I am fine, it barely hurts and I will join initiation in two days. Katelyn has been taking good care of me during my stay in the medic center.”  
“Okay,” Maria hiccups and I ask about Jeanine. Four doesn’t need to hear this: “Have you heard from Jeanine?”  
“Not more than usual. She has backed off since the whole ordeal. I think she is still shaken up from the fire. She looked horrible for days, it was so un- Jeanine- like,” Marie tells me and it doesn’t surprise me. She did just lose her brother. Even if she is responsible for it probably, that must leave a mark: “I found something out about Jeanine and our parents.”  
“What?” Marie asks me and she seems hopeful. I am afraid that my news isn’t going to help us in finding out who killed our parents: “When I was at Amity, I spoke to a woman who grew up with our parents and Jeanine. Our father and Jeanine are cousins. That’s why Jeanine was always over. We are her nieces.”  
“Urgh, I do not want to be related to that woman,” Marie informs me and I recognize the old Marie in that comment. My heart swells: “I know, but family…you can’t chose them unfortunately.”   
“Why wouldn’t mom and dad tell us about Jeanine being family? Why didn’t Jeanine tell us herself?” Marie wondered out loud. I have asked myself the same questions, but only they can tell us the truth. Maybe one day I’ll ask Jeanine about it, confront her about our connection to each other.   
“Maybe we’ll find out about that one day. Come on, tell me what have you been up to? Please tell me you haven’t used your ‘connections’ anymore,” I ask and remember how my sister was good at handling man. She had a few boyfriends, knew what it was like. Maybe I should ask her advice concerning Eric.  
Maybe not.   
We walk towards Michael apartment. His dad is giving Four a glass of water. He looks at me with sad eyes. Great, sympathy. Be nice, this man took in your sister when Jeanine could have taken her in herself: “Andrina…”  
“Its Andy now,” I correct the man with a smile and sit down on the couch, next to Four. Marie joins us and she lays her arm around mine and her head against my shoulder. Michael’s father continues: “You will always be little Andrina, who came knocking on my door to bring me flowers, with you little sister in tow. I am so sorry about what happened to your parents.”  
“Thank you and also for taking Marie in. I appreciate it,” I answer and the man nods back at me. I decide to inform him about how his son is doing in Dauntless: “Michael is doing well in dauntless. I expect him to pass initiation top of the group, well behind me of course.”  
“We shall see about that missy,” the man jokes, but I can tell from his smile that he is happy to hear how well his son is doing in a faction he isn’t part of. That must be hard, having your child leave you so suddenly and then not being allowed to see them or hear anything from them, with the exception of visiting day. Especially when your child goes off to join Dauntless. You never know how bruised covered your child will be the next time you see them.  
Marie told me about her classes. She is doing well in them despite our situation. Studying must be a coping mechanism of hers. At least she doesn’t throw up in trashcan on some roof she eventually falls asleep on. I am really pathetic compared to my sister. She also tells me how our neighbors are all looking out for her. They try to help in their own way. Some bring food, others clothes because most of Marie’s wardrobe had disappeared in the fire. Some had helped her recover what was left of her stuff out of the apartment. There wasn’t much, but she had managed to gather some personal stuff like pictures, mom’s jewelry and dad’s pin. It was a family heirloom, passed down by his father and grandfather. He always wore it on his jacket. Mom didn’t have a lot of jewelry, but there was a necklace, bracelet and a ring she wore almost every day. The necklace and ring were in her small jewelry box, but not the bracelet. Marie was wearing the necklace and ring now. They looked god on her. She wanted me to have them, but I refused: “I can’t wear them in Dauntless. They’ll get ruined or lost. You should keep them.”  
In the end Marie gave me one of the pictures she had found in our parents room. The fire and smoke hadn’t touched it. It was an old picture, because Marie was only five years old and I was seven. I had lost one of my front tooth recently, so I had a gap in my smile. The picture was taken during Marie her birthday party. It wasn’t much of a party, but mom and dad tried to make the day special with food, a preset and company. I don’t know who took the picture, maybe it was Jeanine. I can’t really imagine anyone else visiting us on such a day. We were sitting on the couch. Marie was sitting on mom her lap and I was sitting between my parents. Dad had his arm around my shoulders. It was a happy memory. I suppressed my tears and took the picture with me.   
Marie talks about her friends and I tell her about mine. I tell her about how well I am getting along with Michael and that Annie, Rob and Lucas are usually the people I turn to. She seems relieved from hearing that. I guess she must be worried about me too, alone in a new faction. But I have a new family I can count on. I tell her about how we took down the Dauntless born initiates during our first test. I leave out the parts where Eric had to save me and Marie seemed genially impressed. I have to admit, I am turning out to be more Dauntless material then I first thought myself.   
While Marie and I catch up and I give Marie as much comfort as I can, Four talks to Michael’s dad in the kitchen. We stayed for an hour. Four didn’t want to test our luck, so we left the same way we arrived. We didn’t run into Edward this time. He was probably asleep in his office. Four helps me climb through the window in the cellar and we disappear in the dark streets of Erudite.  
It didn’t take us long to reach the Dauntless compound and we broke into it the same way we left. I thanked Four for taking me to Erudite. He noted and we went our separate ways. I didn’t go to my room immediately. I went to the practice roof to gather my thoughts. The picture Marie had given me was tucked in my pocket. I would hid it under my mattress. I don’t expect my friends to steal it or anything, but I don’t want to have to explain to anyone how I had got the picture.   
When I sat on the edge of the roof, I couldn’t suppress my emotions anymore and I let the tears leak out. Seeing Marie, knowing she was safe had been such a relieve, but seeing what was left of my home had hurt a lot more then I was willing to admit in front of Marie. She needed me at that moment, she needed my support. People in Erudite don’t deal with emotions like they do here in Dauntless. My friends offer their support, even though I don’t always want it. I am thankful for it none the less. I doubt if Marie has people like that in Erudite.   
Maybe I should wake up Michael and tell him about my visit to Erudite. He wouldn’t ask unnecessary questions. He would probably want to hear how his father is doing and that he is proud of well Michael is doing in Dauntless. But for some reason my mind keeps bringing up Eric. Maybe I should go see him. He did kiss me, so I am guessing he might offer some comfort. Unless he didn’t take my rejection very well. He does seem like a very proud man.   
My feet bring me back to the door I ran away threw a few hours ago. I was surprised that I knew the way, because I didn’t really pay a lot of attention when Eric brought me here. I remember the windows were very dusty and there was an old fountain. I stood in front of Eric’s door and waited for some reason. What if he’s asleep? What if he will be angry that I woke him up? I don’t feel like arguing or fighting right now. I just want… Actually I don’t know how to finish that sentence. I don’t know what I want from Eric. Maybe he will know what to do.  
I had my hand raised and wanted to knock on the door, but for some reason my hand wouldn’t move mid air. It just hovered. Why am I waiting?   
The door opened suddenly. I lowered my arm and couldn’t bring my eyes to meet the once of the man standing in front of me.   
“You left the compound,” Eric stated and I could tell by his tone that he was angry and that he was very much awake. I guess he hadn’t gone to sleep yet. What could he be doing up so late? I was surprised he knew I had left the compound. Did he see me and Four on one of the cameras? I thought Four had that covered: “How do you know?”  
“When I couldn’t find you I figured you left. Do I need to remind you how stupid that was?” I was pleased with Eric’s explanation. It meant he didn’t know that Four was with me. I didn’t want to get him into trouble because I was stupid enough to visit Eric. The tone in his voice told me he wasn’t very interested in communicating with me at the moment.   
“I had someone with me. I had permission,” I defend myself, but noticed my voice wasn’t as steady as it normally was. Must be because of lack of sleep and all the emotions driving my body crazy at the moment. I feel like I might explode at any moment. Eric crossed his arms over each other: “Who?”  
“You don’t need to know everything,” I say. I am not going to betray Four by rating him out when he took me to see my sister. Eric didn’t push it, but his interrogating tone wasn’t done yet: “Are you going to tell me where you went?”  
“Erudite,” I am pretty sure he can make out himself why I went there and who I went to see in Erudite. It’s not a big mystery.   
“Why are you here?”  
I didn’t have an answer to that question. Why was I here? I could have gone to my room and woke one of my friends. But if I am honest, I didn’t want to talk to them. I didn’t want to be alone and I just wanted a hug and for some reason their hugs weren’t the once I wanted right now. I couldn’t find my tongue to vocalize that thought. I was pretty sure though that I wouldn’t have the backbone to admit that either.   
“Go to bed initiate, before some catches you out here,” Eric sighs and I feel like a wind is trying to blow me away. I want to protest, but I find myself immobile and I let Eric close the door in my face. I felt stupid, very stupid. And humiliated, but it was my own fault. Why had I come here? What the hell was I thinking? How could I even ask this jackass to help me? Why would he? I rejected him, so why would he invite me in to his apartment. Why would he want to help me? I am sixteen and his initiate, that’s all. Not to mention I am the initiate who always gets herself into trouble.   
I walk to my room and crawl into bed. I cry myself to sleep that night.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32  
I graph the arm of the man standing in front of me and threw him to the ground, over my shoulder. When he was on his back, I used my knee to push him down, while punching him in his face. His arms fall down and his body stays motionless on the floor. I turn around quickly and see two other guys run up to me. I throw myself at the one on the right. I use my elbow to knock the man down, but the other one graphs my arms and pulls them behind my back. The first man runs towards me. I stop struggling for a second and kick my feet in the air when he is close enough. They hit him in the chest and the man falls down again. I stomp my feet on the man’s feet behind me. His grip on my arms loosens and I bend over, pulling myself lose. I duck and turn around, using one outstretch leg to knock the man to the ground. He falls down and I kick him unconscious. The first man runs towards me again. I wait until he is close enough. When he reaches out to graph me, I duck and use my body to make the man topple over. He hits his head against the ground. He doesn’t move and I see blood leaking out of his head. I don’t let it affect me and run to the door that leads to the roof. I run up the stairs and ignore the noise coming from a few floors below me.   
The roof is deserted as I expected. I look around for a tool to get of this roof. There is a rope. Every time I’m on this roof I get another tool to use. I didn’t have time to think it over because the noise was coming closer. It was the damn faceless mob. I tie the rope around a pole and pull it a few times. It seems safe. I run to the edge of the roof and climb over it. I climb down the roof using the rope. Considering I can manipulate this simulation, the rope should be long enough to get me to the ground floor. It doesn’t take me long before my feet touch the ground. I don’t waste time and run down the street towards the fire. I don’t hear the faceless mob coming after me, so I am guessing that that part is over.   
That means I will be faced with a new fear considering I haven’t woken up yet. I stop at the corner of the street. The square in front the apartment building is deserted, but the building is still on fire. What should I do? I am guessing I need to enter the building, but I doubt it will be safe to simple run across the square. Far too easy! Maybe I should use the cellars like I did with Four? Or the iron stair that leads to the roof of the building? I’ll check out the cellars first. I run back down the street and take a left. It’s a narrow street but it will lead me to other narrow streets that are mostly used by the factionless.   
Something catches my eyes up ahead. Something shiny. I slow down and see a gun lying on the ground. Weird, I hadn’t thought about that. This must have something to do with my fear. But what? I don’t think I am that scared for getting shot again. It sucked and hurt like hell, but my Divergent mind knows I won’t die in here. Maybe I will have to kill someone. A shiver went down my back when I thought about it. During the attack from the factionless men I had aimed my gun at a man and I hadn’t thought about it and pulled the trigger. If I am capable of doing that, then I should be able to kill a man. That thought made stop. I am capable of murder? I hadn’t thought about it before, but I am perfectly capable of killing a human been. I raised a gun at a man and didn’t think about it.   
I was repulsed by myself. And horrified. How could I not have noticed that before?   
I graph the gun and hid it inside a dumpster. At least that way no one else can use it. I shake my head and start running again. The streets are empty, as I hoped. I arrive quickly at the same corner I was a few days ago with Four. The windows are however broken and the glass lays shattered over the ground. For the rest the area seems safe. I guess I’ll use the cellar again to break into the building. Talk about déjà vu.   
I run towards the shattered window and climb threw it as quickly as possible. Once I am inside I notice a sudden rise in the temperature. That must be because of the fire. The building is going to be filled with smoke, I need to use something to make sure I don’t die of smoke inhalation. The washing machines aren’t operational, but they are filled with clothes. I graph a t-shirt and hold it against my mouth. That should work.   
I walk to the door and open it slowly. Considering I am inside this building I expect my fear having something to do with my family. I suspect I have to get to my apartment. If that is true, I am going to have to save them or maybe the point of this is that I don’t save them. Maybe I am supposed to save someone else and sacrifice my own family? This simulation has to do with being confronted with my fears. My fear has to do something with losing my family, but if I am being logical about this, then I don’t understand it. My parents are already dead. It pained me to think like this, but I have to figure out what I am going to be confronted with. Mom and dad are gone, so they can’t be in this simulation. It wouldn’t have anything to do with fear, just emotional pain. So it has to do with Marie. She must be stuck in our apartment! I can’t stop the image of our burned down room and I stop breathing when I remember how Marie’s bed was completely gone. It was burned to the ground. That must be it. I have to save her. I have to think like a Dauntless when dealing with this, I cannot let my emotions cloud my judgment, because that will make me fail.   
Andy, focus and do not get distracted.   
I use the same way to get to the staircase that will bring me to the third floor. It will be too dangerous to use the elevator. Smoke makes it difficult to see perfectly. I slow down and walk up the stairs. I might run into someone. I have to watch out. As I walk up the stairs the temperature rises significantly and I start sweating. I see the door that I need to get threw and quickly graph the doorknob. A stinging pain hits the palm of my hand and I pull back from surprise and pain: “Damn it! I should have seen that coming!”  
I can’t do anything about my hand in my current situation and bite my lip to keep from screaming out in pain. Someone might hear me. Focus Andy! How are we going to get this door open? I don’t have anything. I couldn’t have shot the door open, because that would have made a lot of noise and could attract attention. Maybe I can use the t-shirt I had pushed against my mouth. It will catch fire quickly, but maybe I can be fast enough and turn the knob to open the door.   
I’ll have to be quick.   
I lower the t-shirt and get ready to turn the knob. Don’t think Andy. Just graph, turn, push and let go. I take a breath and wrap the t-shirt around my hand. I quickly graph the knob and feel the fabric heat up immediately. I turn the knob and push. The fabric catches fire and I quickly drop it to the floor. I stomp the fire out with my shoe. An itch tells me that the fire had touched my skin, but it wasn’t a second degree burn, like on my other hand.   
I push the door open with my foot and scan the hallway. It’s on fire, but there is a possibility I can get through it, but I am going to have to be fast. Maybe I can get into Michael’s apartment and graph something to protect myself with from the fire. I quickly run towards the door and notice that it’s open. The living room is on fire and I use the t-shirt I am wearing to stop myself from inhaling smoke.   
Think Andy, what can I use to protect myself with to get to Marie? There is no way I can put out the fire on my way towards Marie. The fire has spread too much. I can’t use anything that could catch fire. I let my eyes fall on the kitchen. Wait a minute…tin foil. That doesn’t burn. It will get very hot and uncomfortable, but it shouldn’t catch fire. I look through the kitchen cabins and find a roll of tin foil. Michael’s dad must use it to keep his food fresh. I wrap the tin foil around my arms and legs that aren’t covered by my t-shirt and shorts. That should help protect my skin.   
A crowbar catches my eye when I walk out of the apartment. What is that doing here? Maybe I will need it to free Marie. A panic starts surfacing when I think about how close I am to Marie and about how she must be trapped in our apartment, but I suppress it with logic. This isn’t real, just a simulation. Marie isn’t real in this simulation, but I have to save her none the less. Don’t let your emotions get to you Andy!  
I touch the crowbar with my shoe to check if it’s hot like the doorknob. For some reason it feels cold. I take it into my hand and run down the hallway to my apartment. Because I am fast, my clothes don’t catch fire. The tin foal is starting to get hot, but I can manage the uncomfortable feeling. There it is. The door of my apartment is closed. That’s why I must need the crowbar. I bang on the door and yell: “Marie?”  
“Andy! Get me out of here!” my sister yells from the other side of the door. I stamp on the ground to keep my emotions in check. I can’t lose my focus! I have to hurry though, I am not sure I can keep my clothes from catching on fire for long: “Get away from the door! I’m going to bring it down!”  
“Okay! But hurry!” Marie yells and I lift the crowbar. I bring it down on the door. A dent appears. I repeat my actions a few times and the door breaks in two. I drop the crowbar and try to kick the door open with my foot. It works and I want to climb over the pieces of what is left of the door, but someone graphs me from behind and a bag is pulled over my head.  
I can’t suppress my emotions this time and feel myself panic. I swing my arms and try to graph whoever is holding me, but for some reason I couldn’t graph the person. I was pushed forward and I can hear a gunshot going off in the hallway. I hear Marie scream and I can’t stop myself from screaming out: Marie!”  
“To late!” a voice says and I am pushed forward. The wind sizzling past my ears tells me I was pushed out the window that is at the end of the hallway. I panic, scream and wait for smack with the concrete below me. Before that happens, I sit up straight and realize that I am back in the simulation room. I am breathing heavy and the panic is still in my system, but I manage to conceal it. Four walks over to me and offers me a drink. I take it and swallow it down.   
“That was smart thinking, using the t-shirt and tin foil. You would have died from smoke inhalation before you got to your apartment or given in to the pain of your skin being burned,” Four compliments me and I nod. I try to calm myself down and lay back down in the chair.   
I wasn’t watching my back. That’s why that person was able to graph and overpower me. I was focusing so hard on the door and Marie that I forget to check every now and then if no one had followed me. I got caught because of my own stupidity! Why do I keep forgetting to watch my back? I always lose because of that.   
“How’s your wound?” Four asks me and I lift my shirt. There wasn’t any blood on the bandage and I didn’t feel any pain, not even an itch: “Its fine.”  
“You sure you are alright?” Four asks me when I get up slowly. My legs feel like jelly, but I am able to walk it off. It’s probably because I have been sitting in that chair for so long. Wait, how long have I been in the simulation? It felt like I was in there for hours this time. Four reads the question of my face: “You were in the simulation for thirty minutes. You’re good.”  
I eye Four but he doesn’t comment further on it. What does he mean? Thirty minutes? That’s the same time as the others. How did I do that? The run to the Erudite building did take long. And my fight with the faceless men took longer than usual. Maybe that’s because I have been stuck to a bed and wheelchair for the last couple of days. I should go to the training room after this.   
“Four fears so far, that’s impressive,” Four tells me and I look at him. I wonder how many fears he has. How many would Eric have? I shake of the feeling that entered my stomach when I thought about Eric and how he had turned me down two nights ago. I had gone back to my room and had cried myself to sleep. I slept horrible and eventually got up at six am and went to the training room. I blew of steam on the punching bag for an hour. I was joined by Lucas around seven and we trained together until ten. I didn’t tell anyone about my visit to Erudite with Four. The next two days I trained with Lucas and Michael and hung out with Annie, Rob, Tyra and Kane. I was back on bar duty each night and kitchen duty in the morning.   
I had not missed getting up at five am at all.  
“There will probably be more. I just need to get passed saving Marie,” I tell Four and want to leave the room but Four stops me: “You are good in the simulation. You think very Dauntless like. It probably helps that you come from Erudite.”  
“What do you mean?” I ask and turn away from the door. Four sits down behind his computer and pushes some bottoms. He sighs: “Eric was also good at staying level headed during the simulations. He was capable of staying focused. Michael is the same way. I guess it must have something to do with coming from Erudite.”  
“What about Sarah?” I ask and find myself agreeing with Four’s logic. It could be possible that coming from Erudite gives us a certain advantage because we are raised using our brain more than the children from other factions. Thinking logical is practically drilled into us from the day we are born.  
“Sarah let’s her emotions get to her,” Four tells me and I can tell from his tone that Sarah is failing this part of initiation. I guess it also depends in the simulation with how you deal with your emotions. I can split my emotions from my brain when I am confronted with a dangerous situation.   
“Being logical helps,” I say and leave the room. Skander, Sigrid, Rob, Kim and Marnie were waiting for their turn. I tell Kim she can enter the simulation room. I walk away quietly after that and go straight to the training room. Lucas is waiting for me. He is faced with his back to me when I enter the room, working on his kicks. I sneak up on him and get ready to attack him, but he beats me to it. He turns around, graphs my arm and throws me over his shoulder. I smack hard against the ground: “Damn you, make up your own move. That one is mine.”  
“But I am so good at it,” Lucas jokes and offers me his hand. I take it and he pulls me up. I smack him in head and he laughs: “How did your simulation go?”  
“Good up until the end. I didn’t watch my back and got thrown through a window. How about you?” I tell the boy and he takes his sweater off. We walk towards the center of the room and take our stances in front of each other. Lucas rolls his shoulders: “I managed, until I was confronted with Victor dying.”  
Lucas had told me that one of his fears was losing his brother and not being able to safe him. I can understand that feeling: “Four told me that he thinks that I am good at handling the Erudite fire and saving Marie because I grew up in Erudite. We are thought to think logical from a very young age and not let emotions guide our actions.”  
“That sounds like a very Erudite explanation and might be true, but I think you are guided far more by your emotions then your head,” Lucas tells me and we start moving around the circle, throwing punches at each other. On what does Lucas make that assumption? I am very certain that since I made the switch to Dauntless I have started to use my head a lot more than I did in Erudite.   
“Come on Andy. Your plan during our first test was completely based on your emotions. You didn’t want to be separated from us and Michael told me that you weren’t really watching out when you guys were at the fire at Erudite,” Lucas tells me. I graph his arm, push my body against his, placed my foot behind his and push him back. He fell back, but brakes his fall and get’s up quickly. He charges at me and I can’t bloke his fist. I stagger backwards and Lucas uses that to his advantage. He graphs my arms, turns me around and pushes his knee into the back of my knee. I fall down, but am able to roll on my back. I want to sit up and throw my fist at Lucas, but he graphs it with one hand and uses his other arm to push me back down by pushing his arm against my throat. I had to follow or I would start suffocating.   
“Give up yet?” Lucas grins at me and I send him a death glare and try to wriggle my way out from underneath him, but his legs kept mine pinned down. I am stuck. Maybe I should wait this one out for a few seconds, give Lucas a false sense of security: “Do I look like the type that gives up that easily?”  
“No, I have a feeling you are going to end up finishing as first initiate,” Lucas says and I feel him lean back on his knees. It hadn’t occurred to me yet I what kind of position we were in. A flashback shot threw me from when I had a fight with Eric in this circle. It ended with Luissa walking in on us and I head-butted Eric. I decided that it wouldn’t be wise to use that technique again.   
“You are right about that,” I say and feel Lucas arm lift slightly above my neck. It’s working, Lucas is letting go slightly. He is thinking I won’t attack anymore. We hear a door open and Lucas turns his head to see who walked in the training room. I push myself up and use my elbow to knock Lucas of me. The boy falls back and I climb on him and mimic his previous action and place my elbow against his throat: “Like I said, I am going to finish first initiate this year. Give up yet?”  
“Why don’t you get your own moves, you ripe-off,” Lucas jokes and I stand up smiling. I offer my hand and help the boy up: “Next time better luck pansy cake.”  
“You can count on it blockhead,” Lucas tells me and I notice a group had walked in the training room. Four woman and six guys. They weren’t paying attention to us and had started their own training. Amber was one of the women. She was wrapping her hands in a supporting bandage and talking to the other three women. They were all dressed in black cloths. One woman had red spiky hair and a tattoo in her neck, the second one was a blond with a tattoo covering her entire left arm and the last woman had long black hair pulled in a ponytail. She had the Dauntless symbol on her ankle.   
“Don’t you just feel like an outsider when you look at them?” Lucas asks me as we eye the group. Two guys had started a fight and the others were watching, cheering them on: “Yeah, but once we are Dauntless, I am going to redefine the Dauntless style.”  
“You are going to redefine a style?” Lucas mocks me and we walk towards a punching bag. Lucas stands behind it and graphs the thing. I position myself and start throwing in punch after punch. Lucas tries to get under my skin: “I am trying to imagine you doing that, but for some reason I see everyone wearing the same t-shirt and short all the time. I can’t even remember you wearing your Erudite cloths on our first day here.”  
“Well I am sorry if I am not obsessed with what I wear or how I look. Vanity was never my thing,” I say and throw in a punch close to Lucas face to get back at him for his unflattering comment. He moves his head to make sure I don’t hit him. We grin at each other: “I bet you never even wore a skirt, admit it.”  
“Wouldn’t you want to know,” I say and remember very clearly why I avoid wearing a skirt. It involved Michael and a very innocent fire that had started in the chemistry lab during class and had caught on to my skirt. It was a nightmare.  
We stayed in the training room until six. We were joined by the others and the Dauntless born initiates during the day. I fought Skander, Tyra, Kim and Rob a few times. I won’t improve if I keep fighting Lucas. His moves are becoming too predictable.  
“You guy’s wane go to the bar tonight?” Skander asks while we walk to the dining hall. Michael and I have to start our kitchen duty in a few minutes, but we should be able to catch a quick bite with our friends: “I have to work, so please come and entertain me. Washing the dishes is not as interesting as you would expect it to be.”  
“And here I thought it was a glamorous job you had,” Victor jokes as we graph a plate to eat. Tonight there was chicken on the menu, my favorite. I sit down, with Lucas and Michael on both my sides: “Oh it is, but even queens like me like to have a break from time to time.”  
“Queen huh, maybe you should start dressing the part sweetheart,” Kane joked and I sent him a glare. He laughed it off and his sister hit him in the head. I thanked her. Unfortunately the subject of me and clothes wasn’t dropped just yet. Rob continued: “Yeah Andy, are you ever going to wear something else besides those shorts?”  
“What’s with you people and discussing the way I look, I didn’t know I was such an interesting subject,” I say and pry that they drop the subject. I really don’t want to be reminded about a certain day that is printed into my brain thanks to Michael. I can’t help myself and my eyes glare at the boy sitting next to me and he chokes on his drink. He knows what I am thinking and he knows he is dead if he tells anyone.   
“I am sensing a story. Michael would you be so kind as to elaborate?” Lucas asks him and I glare at him. Michael tries to stop his laughter: “No, I want to be able to sleep safely at night. Sorry, but she permanently traumatized me when she threatened me after an incident that involved ourselves and a certain skirt.”  
I punch Michael in the arm and hear Maggie yelling at us from the kitchen. That was our cue to get to work. We got up and I made sure that Michael didn’t get a change to quickly tell the others. I did sort of threaten Michael after the incident and he had backed off for awhile. It’s funny how things had turned out between the two of us. We hated each other before initiation and now we hang out constantly.   
We helped Maggie with preparing breakfast for tomorrow. We had to make the dough for the Dauntless cake. Michael and I ended up eating half of it because it tasted so good. We started talking about the past because of the skirt incident. Michael was smart enough to not mention that though.   
“Remember that teacher that was afraid of you? She gave us biology when we were fourteen,” Michael asks me while we are cleaning up the kitchen. I remember that woman clearly: “She was afraid of me because Jeanine was good friends with my parents and she watched over me. She always gave me A’s, but she never read my assignments.”  
“How do you know that?” Michael asks me and I tell him about one paper I gave her in which I wrote how stupid I thought the assignment was. I was a bit rude in the paper about her. It was obvious she hadn’t read it: “She does the same with Marie, always gives her straight A’s, well maybe Marie does disserve them.”  
“Want to hear a funny story about that woman?” Michael asks me and I sit down on a chair, abandoning my task. Michael leans on the broom he is holding: “One time she told me to stay behind in class. I had made fun of you for the hundredth time and she wanted to talk to me about it. She told me she knew why I always picked you. She said that I had a crush on you and that bullying you was my way to get your attention. I started picturing it in my head and I felt so grossed out about it, that it led to the skirt incident.”  
“You are telling me that you set my skirt on fire because of that woman?” I ask. At first, it was amusing that the woman accused Michael of having a crush on me but knowing that she was the reason my skirt went up in flames, made my blood boil. I walked up to Michael, graph the broom he was holding and started chasing him with it: “You idiot! I could have gotten third degree burn wounds because of you!”  
“I know!” Michael yells at me, trying to avoid getting hit by my broom: “Afterwards I realized that and I felt sorry for it. I even wanted to apologize for it, but you were very scary when you threatened me that night.”  
“Well you had it coming, you jerk!” I say and feel someone lay their arms around my waist and lift me up. My feet were dangling in the air. The broom is pulled out of my hands: “What are you two doing?”  
“What does it look like? I am obviously trying to kill that jackass over there.” The answer leaves my mouth without me checking to see who is holding me. I didn’t need to though. I recognized the arm holding me very clearly and I couldn’t stop the anger rising inside of me: “So can you put me down so I can finish the job?”  
“You wane drop the attitude initiate?” Eric threatens me and pulls the broom out of my hands. He wasn’t gentle about it. He didn’t let me go, but eyed Michael that he had to leave. He looked confused, but listened to Eric’s non-verbal command. When the boy was gone, Eric drops me and I was lucky that I was prepared because else I would have fallen to the ground.   
“Where is Maggie?” Eric asks and I let my anger at Michael go. I graph the plat that Maggie had made for Eric and gave it to him. I didn’t bother microwaving it. He can do it himself if the temperature of his meal doesn’t please him: “Making orders for tomorrow.”  
We fall silent after that and I finish the task Michael was doing before he told me his funny story. I ignored Eric, but could feel his eyes on my back every now and then. I finish my job in the kitchen and wait for Eric to say something. He used to tell me I could leave once he was done with eating. He deliberately ignored my glare and kept eating at a crucially slow pace.   
Jackass.  
“Do you need anything else?” I ask when I can’t take it anymore. I don’t want to be in the same room with this man anymore since that night, two days ago. It was embarrassing and I am amazed at myself that I can suppress the blush threatening to leak out. Eric raises his eyes and they meet mine. I have avoided them since that night. I didn’t want him to see something that I might be hidden behind them. There was so much there.   
“Max is calling you of kitchen duty,” Eric says after a few minutes. From all the things that he could say, I did not expect that. Why is Max pulling me of kitchen duty. That makes no sense. Eric shoves his plate away from him. I noticed how he didn’t eat everything, something he always does. He always has an appetite. Is he not eating it because it is cold? Why doesn’t he just point it out and tell me to microwave it for him. He usually doesn’t have a problem with doing that. Eric continues: “He thinks you learned your lesson. I guess he doesn’t know about you leaving the compound two nights ago.”  
“I had permission,” I say threw gritted teeth and ball my fists. Is he really going to bring up that night again? I was glad I had seen Marie, very glad in fact. But I also went to my home or what was left of it. I comforted Marie, but I didn’t have anyone to comfort me. I didn’t want to wake my friends and have to explain everything to them and I thought that I could find help with Eric. I guess I was wrong.  
“That doesn’t mean you should have left,” Eric says and I notice he is also speaking threw gritted teeth. What is he angry about? He wasn’t the one who was brutally rejected. I might have freaked out with that kiss, but I am sixteen and he’s twenty-five, so I am allowed to freak out. I needed him that night and he told me to go away.  
Since when do I need Eric?  
“It’s none of your business,” I say and notice how white my knuckles had turned. They were shaking slightly. Eric stood up and I could tell from his posture that he was feeling the same emotion I was: anger. Only I didn’t understand why he was angry.   
“It’s my business, because something could have happened to you,” Eric raises his voice and he catches himself on it. He lowers his eyes and sighs to relieve his anger: “You are going to get yourself killed with the way you make reckless decisions.”  
“I had a right to go and see my sister,” I answer back angrily and take a step forward, slightly raising my fists. This man was bringing me to my boiling point and he had no right to do so. I had every right to see Marie. Eric isn’t intimidated by me, not that I would have expected him to be: “When did I say you didn’t? It was stupid to go at night! You should have asked permission and went during the day, that way we could have kept an eye on you because you clearly don’t do so yourself.”  
I bite my tongue from screaming out in frustration and anger and just storm of. What does it matter that I went during the night? Four thought it was a good idea. And we didn’t run into any problems and I had a gun to protect myself if it had come to that. I was perfectly safe and it’s not like Max would have allowed me to visit Marie. I am supposed to untangle myself from my family, no matter what the circumstances. Eric should just stay out of my business from now on.   
I catch up with my friends in the bar and let Lucas order me a drink. The girls are talking about some guy they think is cute, Victor and Kane are cracking up jokes, Annie and Rob are talking to each other and the others were having a discussion about Dauntless life. The Dauntless born were defending their lifestyle, while the others commented on how they experienced it. It was a friendly discussion.   
“Here, it’ll help you relax,” Lucas says and I take a sip from the drink he offered me. It was obviously alcohol, but the girls were drinking it to so I kept the drink. It tasted like cherries. It wasn’t bad. I thanked Lucas and Michael walked up to me: “Are you okay?”  
“I’m fine,” I say angrier then I want to. Michael doesn’t ask about what happened with Eric, but he lay’s his arm around my shoulder and squeezes it slightly. He offers me a smile and I feel my anger drop a bit. I don’t push his arm away and try to listen to the discussion, but my thoughts keep drifting back to Eric. Why does he have to be such a blockhead? It’s none of his business that I went to Erudite that night considering he clearly wasn’t interested in talking to me afterwards. And it was two nights ago and nothing happened, so he should let it go. Four and I were fine and maybe it would have been smarter to visit Marie during the day, but I didn’t want to ask Max or run into Jeanine in Erudite.   
A new song started playing in the bar and Marnie, Kim, Tyra and Kane started dancing. A lot of people were dancing. I observed my friends and saw them having a good time. They seemed so carefree. They didn’t have a single problem resting on their shoulders. They weren’t Divergents, they didn’t have people hunting them, their parents weren’t murdered and they didn’t have a sibling they needed to look after. I was suddenly incredibly jealous of Lucas because he had his brother with him here. They were together. I had left Marie behind in Erudite.  
“Stop thinking Andy. It will get you nowhere,” Michael whispers in my ear. He must have caught on that my mind was not leaving me alone. Sometimes it is a curse when you are raised in a place that thinks you should think everything threw. I take another swing from the bottle I am holding. I should go look for Charlotte or Scott and tell them I am ready for work.   
“Thanks,” I tell Michael and gave him a hug. He lays his arms around my waist and squeezes. I feel his lips brush against my ears. It’s not as pleasant as when Eric did it: “I know our life’s suck, but…”  
“That’s the understatement of the year,” I interrupt the boy and I can practically feel him roll his eyes. He lifts one arm and lays it around my neck: “Don’t let it get you down, blockhead.”  
I nod and leave my friends behind to go in search for Charlotte and Scott, unaware of a pair of grey eyes following me.


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33  
“Andy, can you help Scott behind the bar?” Charlotte yells from the bar to me. I have been doing the dishes for the last hour. The other hours I had to help behind the bar. I had to pore out drinks and deal with paying Dauntless customers. I never want to work in a bar again. Most of the men were really annoying and sometimes even perverted, especially when they were drunk. Charlotte told me to ignore it, but that wasn’t easy. I wanted to punch one guy because of something he said, but Scott had stopped me in time and told me to go do the dishes. Dish duty was boring as usually, but it was a very welcome change. I wanted to say no to Charlotte, but I didn’t have a good enough reason to object.  
I join Scott behind the bar and start taking orders. The music is loud and I have to lean over the bar to hear what the Dauntless men and women order. Most people had left the bar and the people who were still here, were very drunk. A lot of these people I hadn’t seen before. You would think I would recognize most Dauntless members, but I didn’t know any of these people. Well except Amber, Four, Tori, Lauren and Eric. Four and Tori were talking to some people I might have seen Four talk to before, but I wasn’t sure. Amber was having fun with the women I had seen her within the training room and Eric was talking to a man, sipping a beer. I couldn’t help but notice that he was sitting at the bar and that he had a good view of the door that lead to the kitchen. I shake my head and try to focus on what the man in front of me was saying.   
“Three beers and four cranberry vodka shots,” the man practically yells in my ear. Scott had written down for me how to make the mixed drinks. I visualized the list and most of the drinks I had made earlier so I remembered how to make the cranberry vodka shot. Charlotte had insisted I tried them, they were her favorite. I had to agree the drink tasted good, very fruity.   
I graphed the three beers from the cooler and made the vodka shots. I placed them on the bar and yelled the price at the man. He ignored me and wanted to graph the drinks and walk off. It had happened before. Scott told me to not let the men walk over me. They would try this because I was an initiate. He also told me not to be too friendly. I should make it clear that I wouldn’t tolerate their behavior. So I graphed the man’s wrist and pulled him rough against the bar: “That’ll be 15,20. Thanks.”  
The man eyed me and I tightened my grip on his wrist. His was angry, but I didn’t let his look intimidate me. Frankly it wasn’t worth much. The man pulls out his wallet with his free hand and I let go of his wrist. He pulls out the money and takes off. I place the money in the cashier and go to the next customer.   
Michael comes around twelve to the bar to inform me they are heading back to their rooms. Kim and Marnie were slightly drunk and Kane and Skander were helping them get out of the bar: “What? You are not even going to be a gentleman and wait for me?”  
“Nah, life’s more interesting when you get yourself into trouble and besides I am convinced that you are perfectly capable of taking care of yourself,” Michael yells into my ear and nudges my head lightly with his fist. I sent him an angry glare, but end up smiling when he walks away. I turn to my next customer and see its Amber. Her eyes were following Michael out of the bar: “What’s the story between the two of you?”  
“Excuse me?” I ask and scrunch my face because the question was so obviously referring to what our relationship was. Why does she want to know that? Amber just looks at me and raises one eyebrow. I lift my shoulders: “We’re friends, we lived close to each other but we never got along.”  
“And now you do?” Amber asks but her tone is inclining that there must be something else, but I can’t figure out on what she would base that assumption. Amber understands my confusion and she wants to explain, but she is interrupted by Eric. I can’t make out what he says to her. She waves him of: “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.” She turns her attention back to me: “Don’t act so innocent, I have seen you two sneak around a few times. So spill the beans girl, are you two hooking up?”  
I was nearly blown away by her question and I couldn’t keep the surprise of my face. It wasn’t because of what she was implying, it was what she saw. She saw me and Michael sneak around. Could she be the person who saw us when we snuck out of Dauntless to meet Tabassum and Sacha? Someone was following us according to Michael, it could have been her.   
I can’t deny what Amber is implying because then she would want an explanation for why we were down there. Am I really going to tell Amber that I am seeing Michael? The idea repulsed me and I couldn’t suppress the shiver that went through my body. I am going to have to play along because I don’t want her thinking something else was going on, especially with Eric standing so close.  
“It was once, please don’t tell anyone,” I plead and feel really stupid lying about this, but it has to happen. I can’t forget to inform Michael about this little secret. We can’t have him telling another story. It might screw us over one day. Amber didn’t think anything more of the information and she leaned back and talked way to load to my liking: “I knew it! Marnie and Kim also had a feeling. How cute, the Erudite dream team is hooking up!”  
“Erudite dream team?” I raise my eyebrow and had a feeling that Eric wasn’t paying as much as attention to the woman around as he was pretending to be. Amber laughed at my question: “You’re both from Erudite, you’re both smart people and you two seem to be the leaders of your group. It wouldn’t surprise me if you two figured some way out to keep your whole group together. You guys are interesting to observe to be honest.”  
“Good to know,” I say and feel uncomfortable knowing that Amber observed us, maybe not in the way I feared but she might notice things. Michael and I need to be more careful. I guess maybe Eric might be right about me not watching my back enough. It annoyed me that he was right about me. I am way to blind sometimes if even Amber notices me and Michael sneaking around. Who else might have noticed?   
I notice that Eric’s shoulders are tense and he seems completely uncomfortably between Amber’s friends. It was kind of funny to see. I leaned closer to Amber, wondering what the story was between her and him. I have seen them together a few times and I thought back then that they were dating, but with the way Eric has been acting around me lately, I can’t be sure. Maybe it’s normal in Dauntless to mess with people’s heads like that. He is twenty-five, so why would he be interested in me. A smirk appears on Amber’s face: “You’re not the only one who hooks up around here, initiate. I am pretty sure my night will end a lot more interesting than yours, if you catch my drift.”  
“Amber, come on!” Eric says and graphs her arm. It felt very wrong when Amber called me initiate, but I couldn’t linger about it because my eyes crossed with Eric’s and I couldn’t hide the feelings of disgust and anger towards the man. I don’t know why I felt that way, it’s not like we are anything. It’s his right to go around and hook up with people and I really need to stop obsessing over this. Eric is a no body and he doesn’t matter in my life. The kiss we had was nothing, just a fluke or something. In a few weeks my initiation will be over and I won’t have to deal with him so much anymore. I watch the couple leave the bar and I tried to ignore the way Amber wrapped one arm around Eric’s waist. It angered me, but my anger was completely unjustified. Urgh, why does this man frustrate me so much?   
I shake my head and start refilling the coolers beneath the bar. The crowd is slowly starting to lessen and Scott and Charlotte can deal with the customers. I walk to the backroom of the bar and carry a few beer crates to the bar. I fill the coolers and fill the empty crates with empty beer bottles. I carry the crates one by one to the street behind the bar. There is a door in the bar’s storage room that is used to bring in the new supplies. The kitchen has one too. It makes to easier to refill the coolers and shelves. Amity picks up the empty crates and bottles and recycles them. I was carrying the last box to the empty street, when I heard too voices. They belonged to two Dauntless men and they were both smoking a cigarette. I find it very un- Dauntless to smoke because it’s bad for your health. I find smoking in general bad, but that’s my opinion. The men are talking in low voices and that’s what makes me stop and listen to their conversation.   
“I don’t know what that woman is up to. She’s been acting rather calm lately. It seems unnatural,” one man says. I can’t look around the corner to see who they are, because they will see me, but they’re way of talking tells me they belong to Dauntless.   
“I know, at the start of initiation she was all up in our business. I can’t even tell you how many times she came over here to inform after the initiates. I don’t know how Eric puts up with her,” the second man says. What woman? Are they talking about Jeanine? What is Eric’s connection to her? I hold my breath to make sure I hear every word the men say.  
“That freaking Jeanine is a pain in the ass. One minute she wants us to find out of that Cain girl is a Divergent and now she dropped it,” the first man complains and I feel my heart stop beating. My entire body freezes and my mind goes completely blank. She knows or at least she expects me to be a Divergent. Why did she stop looking for me? What changed her mind and how close is she to realizing that I am a Divergent?   
“Is she one?” the second man asks and I hold my breath out of fear for the answer that could follow. How much attention did Eric spend on me trying to figure out what I am?   
“Eric doesn’t think so. He said she’s more Erudite material then Dauntless,” the first man answers and I feel an immense urge to drop the crate I am holding and to scream out. I am more Erudite material according to Eric? I never belonged there and he isn’t one to judge. He is more Erudite then I am. Wait a minute, Eric has been observing me and has been reporting his findings to Jeanine. Why would he do that? Is he one of the Dauntless traitors? Maybe he made the switch to Dauntless because of Jeanine? Okay, that’s too farfetched and I have no proof to back that theory up. But it would explain why all of a sudden we have been getting along. I suddenly realize that the reason he had been so close to me these last couple of days was because of Jeanine. It pained me to admit that and I hated myself for whishing there could have been something else.  
“Andy, you can go. We are locking up in 30 minutes and the bar is almost empty,” Charlotte yells from inside and I nearly drop the crate I am holding. I place it down quietly and walk back in to the compound. I try to hide the fact that I had just overheard something that I shouldn’t have. I can’t believe Eric is one of them. I had thought, no I had hoped he wasn’t. He has been hanging around me so much lately to observe me. I felt really stupid thinking there could be more going on. Well there was, it was just not what I was hoping for.   
“Thanks, I’ll see you guy’s tomorrow,” I say goodbye to Scott and Charlotte and pull up a poker face. They are nice people. True, Scott loves to play hard ball but he is a fair man. The first time I came here he wasn’t a fan of me and he believed in my punishment. Now he’s a lot friendlier. Charlotte has sided with me from day one. Whenever Scott was rude or hard on me (even though it was justified), she would help me out. I guess I could have ended up with a much worst punishment. The hours suck, but Maggie, Scott and Charlotte were pretty great people. Where did Max get the idea that working for them was an actual punishment? That question made me think. Where did he get that idea? I haven’t really thought of my jobs as a punishment for a while. Did Max give us these jobs to really punishment us or to just…to pretend he punished us? But that is ridiculous. Why would he do that? The only reason I can come up with is that he didn’t really want to punish us, but everyone expected it, so he had to give us some sort of job that would seem to be a punishment. I should talk to Michael about this.   
“Excuse me,” I say when I want to go out the front door, but a group of five men are blocking my way. They look at me and for some reason they all have a creepy smiling covering their faces. Wait a minute, isn’t one of them the guy I had nearly punched? And the other one was the man who tried to get free drinks and whose wrist I had graphed. I felt uncomfortable for some reason. These men weren’t planning on letting me pass.   
“You weren’t very friendly earlier when you gave me my drink,” the one I had wanted to punch approached me and I took a step back, wanting to keep a safe distance between myself and the drunk. The man followed my lead and the others surrounded me. This isn’t good. I can’t take on five men, even when they are drunk. I lift my hands in defense: “Look, I don’t want any trouble, so can you please let me pass?”  
“No, I think you need to make up for your rudeness. Who do you think you are anyway? A transfer initiate, pathetic,” the man whose wrist I had graphed says and he takes a step closer to me. I can’t back away because two guys are blocking me. Damn, what am I going to do now? I guess I am going to have to prove myself and fight these guys. This is actually perfect timed because it will allow me to blow of some of my anger for ever thinking that Eric could be trusted.   
The drunks are surprisingly fast and still able to use their heads. The two guys’ behind me graph my arms and their leader lifts his fists. I can’t pull my arms lose. This is going to hurt. I brace myself for the pain that is following the man’s fist and I nearly lose conscious when his fist collides with my face. If the two men behind me weren’t holding me up, I would have fallen down and I am not sure I would have been able to get up at the moment. My legs feel like jelly from the hit.  
Think Andy! You can’t have these guys beat you down without putting up a fight!   
I lift my feet and stamp on my guards feet. They loosen their hold and I pull lose. I use my elbow to punch the man standing in front of me. It surprises me that I am capable of doing that considering my vision isn’t a hundredth percent working. The man falls down, probably because of his drunken state and his buddies graph me again. I turn my body towards one and lift my knee. It hits the man’s groin and he collapses. The other man holding me hits me in the side and kicks me down by placing his foot in the back of my knee. I follow his buddy but break my fall by ducking and rolling away from my attacker. I get up and throw myself back at them. I was not going run away from this fight. This is Dauntless and I am though enough to be part of this faction.   
I clap my hands together and use it to hit fourth guy in the face. The movement makes me turn my body when my fist colloids with the man’s face and I lift my foot and kicked the man in his stomach from behind. He falls down. One more man to go. I meet his eyes and want to charge at him, but I am stopped when Four graphs my elbow: “That’s enough Andy.”  
“They started it,” I defend myself, but stand down. The men on the ground crawl back up to their feet. It wasn’t a difficult fight, but they were intoxicated so it wasn’t a surprising outcome. Four is backed up by Scott and Charlotte: “Are you okay Andy?”  
“Yeah, I am fine,” I assure Charlotte and Scott and Four kick the drunk men out of the bar. Four turns to me and he eyes my head. I guess that first punch must have given me a black eye. Great, that will look pretty tomorrow. Charlotte runs behind the bar and comes back with a pack of ice. I lay it against my eye and notice that a headache was developing in my head: “Thanks Charlotte.”  
“Come on, I’ll walk you back to your room,” Four suggests, but I turn down his offer: “Don’t worry about it. I can find my way back to my room. I want to say thanks for stopping the fight, but I was winning so you kind of took my victory away.”  
“You took down four men, that was impressive enough. You don’t want to start making enemies just yet Andy,” Four advises me. It annoys me how much he sounded like Eric. I smile and don’t let Four notice my annoyance: “Have we met? Making friends is my specialty.”  
“That’s why I fear for you,” Four informs me and I take off. I’ll bring the ice pack back tomorrow and thank Charlotte again for it. This is not how I wanted my night to end. Why do I keep ending up in situations like this? I told the group I didn’t want any trouble, but they just attacked me. I had to fight back. What kind of a pansy cake would I have been if I hadn’t? Those guy’s got in some good punches though, my back is killing me and my headache is getting worse. If I don’t end up having brain damage from this initiation, I declare that my brain is incapable of ever being damaged. I guess I must have an extremely thick skull or something. That could be an explanation.   
I walked over the Chasm, but I am stopped when someone graphs my elbow. I turn around quickly and I lift my fist. I don’t think and throw in the punch. My punch is intercepted and I see it’s the man from earlier, the one who tried to get the drinks for free. What does he want? He must have sobered up somehow, because he twists my fist making me fall on my back and uses my fall to turn me over and twist my arm on my back: “You are not getting away that easy this time.”  
“Watch me!” I bite back and throw my head against his. Head butting was not a smart move, but it made the man loosen his grip on my arm. My headache worsens. I turn over and use both my feet to kick the man away from me. He stumbles backwards and I get up quickly. I launch forward and use my elbow to knock him down. He blocked it and placed his foot behind mine and pushed me back. I fell and scrapped my elbows open on the concrete floor. I roll backwards over my shoulder to get away from the man. I stand up and graph the man’s arm. I try to use my move, but he is too fast and he punches me multiple times in my back. I can’t get away because his other arm has latched itself around my waist. His alcohol breath hits me in the face: “You transfers are so pathetic. You should stay in your own faction.”  
“Wane say that again?” Eric’s voice reaches my ears. Where did he come from? I thought he left with Amber and her friends. Why is he here? I feel my body go cold knowing that he had been observing me and reporting back to Jeanine. This man is not to be trusted.   
The man holding me loosens his grip slightly. I use that to my advantage. I stamp his feet and use my elbow to break the man’s nose. He lets go of me and falls down. Eric graphs the man and lifts him from the ground and holds him above the Chasm. The man stops struggling and panics: “No! Don’t!”  
I find myself torn between standing up for the man, because he didn’t disserve to die over something so stupid. Sure the man attacked me for a stupid reason as well, but hey, this is Dauntless. But on the other hand, Eric seemed enraged and I didn’t know if it was wise to stop him. Who knows what he is capable of? Like I said before, he obviously can’t be trusted. The pleas of my attacker however call on my Abnegation side and I can’t stop myself from standing up for him: “Eric! Put him back down!”   
“I suggest you back of and leave her alone if you don’t want to find yourself falling in the Chasm,” Eric threatens the man and ignores me. I am amazed that he can hold the man over the Chasm with just his two hands and make it look easy. His threat sounded very serious. I don’t want to stand close to the man, but I don’t see any other way of getting his attention. I walk up to him and lay my hand on his arm: “Eric!”  
He doesn’t say anything. I would have pissed myself if I was the one receiving Eric’s death glare, but my attackers surprisingly managed to hold it together. I tightened my grip on his arm: “Please.”  
Eric throws the man on the ground violently and my attacker runs away quickly. I can feel the anger radiating of Eric. Now what am I going to do? I can’t stay here, alone with Eric. Why is he even here? I want to distance myself from the man, but he turns around suddenly and scans me over. It unnerved me: “Are you hurt?”  
“I’m fine…eum…goodnight” I lie and try to get away from Eric as quickly as possible. Eric snorts however and his hand graphs my arm. He stops me from leaving and I feel myself shiver. It isn’t from pleasure, but from fear. I am convinced it must have been evident on my face, but Eric doesn’t say anything about it. He graphs the back of my head: “When did this happen? It can’t be from now and when I left the bar, you didn’t have black eye.”  
“I fought him and his buddies earlier in the bar. I took down four of them before Four interfered,” I explain and see Eric’s shoulder tense at the information. I continue before he can asks more questions and because my curiosity got the better of me: “Why are you here? I thought you had left with Amber.”  
“I changed my mind,” Eric says and I don’t question it. It doesn’t matter that a spark of hope had appeared inside my body, because nothing can happen between us. Everything he does, goes right back to Jeanine. Besides it’s not like he would explain himself to me. Damn cryptic bastered. I move out of Eric’s grip and distance myself from him. For some reason anger was radiating of his body and I didn’t want to end up at the end of his fist should he decide to let his anger out. His hand balls into a fist, but he lowers it: “Why did you fight him earlier?”   
Eric looked very uncomfortable. His stance was very tense, both his hands were balled in fists and his shoulders were lifted slightly. I probably looked the same way. I didn’t understand why he was angry though. I tried to keep my voice from giving away that I was experiencing a new feeling towards Eric, fear: “Apparently I was rude, although I was only doing what Scott told me to. The guy tried to get away with free drinks. When I tried to leave, he and his buddies blocked my way.”  
“Why didn’t Four help you immediately?” Eric asks me and I lift my shoulders: “I don’t know, I was handling it pretty well if I do say so myself. Besides, it doesn’t sound very Dauntless if he would do that.”  
I try to sound nonchalant, like it is no big deal. It actually wasn’t a big deal. I mean this is Dauntless and I have a knack for getting myself into trouble. Why did Eric interfere just now? I was handling it, well I would have if he had let me continue. He could have just watched instead of interfering. I noticed I felt rather annoyed and angry that he had done that. I could handle it myself and if I lose, then so be it. This is Dauntless. If I couldn’t handle it, I wouldn’t have chosen for this faction.   
“What?” Eric must have noticed a sudden change in my stance because he leaned back slightly. I crossed my arms over each other, but I secretly yelled at myself on the inside for being so stupid to anger Eric even more. I should just get out of here: “I could have handled it. You didn’t need to help me.”  
“Excuse me?” Eric’s anger was reaching new heights. His knuckles turned white and he lifted them, but I don’t think he meant to do that or that he was aware that he did it. Great, as if Eric didn’t seem threatening enough. It doesn’t stop my mouth from moving on its own: “This is Dauntless, I am bound to end up in more fights. I can…”  
“Handle it? You think you are capable of handling an adult Dauntless man who has been training for more than ten years? Don’t insult us,” Eric spits out and he takes a step forward and I find myself taking a step backwards. The fence protecting me from falling in the Chasm makes contact with my back: “He was drunk, so yes I could have taken him down.”  
Eric’s hands reach out and before I can stop him, he graphs the front of my shirt and he lifts me up. My feet don’t touch the ground anymore and I struggle to get lose. I feel myself grow cold from fear. Eric doesn’t budge and his eyes are practically shooting bullets at me: “Well, let’s see what you got!”  
Is he serious? He really wants me to attack him? I stop struggling and lock my eyes with his. He seems serious. I am never going to win, but I wasn’t about to just say no. I could have taken down that man, he should have let me handle it! I lift my fist and throw it at Eric’s face. At the same time I left my legs and place my feet against the man’s chest. I plan on pushing myself away, but Eric is so fast, that all of a sudden I am slammed into the ground and I feel Eric’s knee keeping me in place. I try to push myself up, but Eric is to strong: “Damn you!”  
A hand pulls me up by the back of my shirt and I am slammed into a wall. My head protests with the harsh activities, but I bite my lip from screaming in pain. I am pretty sure that Eric can tell though. I spit out my words: “It’s none of your concern who I fight!”  
“And yet I make it my concern. So get that threw your thick skull and stop getting yourself in trouble,” Eric spits out as well. I want to throw my fist at the man’s face, but I stop myself. My whole body hurts. Eric’s harsh and brute movements are not helping the wounds I have already received during the night. It frustrated me extremely that he dared to interfere in my life in such a fashion. This is Dauntless and if I want to get beaten up, then that is my choice and he should butt out! Four let me handle those guy’s on my own and that’s what I did: I handled it! I can take care of myself: “Why do you keep interfering?”  
Before I can stop him, Eric graphs the front of my shirt and he pulls me towards himself. My body crashes against his and one of his arms places itself against my back, so that I can’t get away. Not that I was capable of pushing myself away from the man, because his lips had assaulted mine and I was too surprised to do anything. What is he doing? My heart started beating faster and my knees started to wobble. My mind brings me back to the first time he kissed me and I couldn’t ignore the fact that I liked it. Even now I was having trouble deciding if I should push Eric away or lay my arms around him. The arm around my waist and the hold of the man’s hand on my shirt was sending shivers down my spine, but not in a good way. What am I doing? This shouldn’t be happening! Eric can’t be trusted! I hated myself for liking his kiss, but I couldn’t help but notice that he was acting weird. This isn’t like him. Even when I pissed him off and he hung me above the Chasm, he was cool and collected. Sure he almost knocked me unconscious, but he didn’t in the end. Now he seemed to be all over the place: “Eric, stop…”  
He doesn’t listen and silences me by kissing me again. I place my hands against his chest and try to push him away, but he doesn’t move. In fact, my strength doesn’t seem to have any effect on him. How strong is this man? I feel my resolve to push Eric away quiver when the hand holding my shirt lays itself on my hip and I had to concentrate really hard to not show the excitement building in my body. It wasn’t easy, because the longer he kissed me, the more I wanted it to continue, but his arms around my waist were starting to hurt. I turn my head away quickly and break the contact again: “Stop, Eric, I don’t…”  
Eric graphs the back of my head and I feel his grip tighten in my hair. It doesn’t help my headache, but at least the pain was going away from my back. The hand on my hip slides to the back of my hip and it slides beneath my shirt. I can’t suppress my gasp and Eric takes advantage of it and deepens the kiss. My resolve to push him away is almost gone, when the pain in my head was starting to make me slip from consciousness. I needed air and I needed Eric to let go: “Eric, please!”   
He stops suddenly and pulls back. He doesn’t let go of me though, so I graph the hand that is holding my hair and I take it in mine. The tension that had been building in my head starts to flow away. Eric sees the fear in my eyes and he starts to pull away, but for some reason I don’t let him go. It’s not logical and my brain seemed to have left the compound, but I stood on my toes, laid one hand against his cheek and kissed him. It was soft and short and I laid my head against his chest when I pulled away. He rests his chin on the top of my head. I feel his shoulders slump and the grip that his arms have on my body is a lot gentler then before. He is starting to calm down. I lay my arms around the man’s waist and enjoy the feeling of his warm hand at the small of my back. He hadn’t pulled his hand away from my back and I was secretly glad for that. I forget about what I had discovered and let my emotions guide me instead of my brain: “Stop worrying so much. This is Dauntless, getting hurt is part of the process.”  
“That doesn’t stop me from worrying,” Eric sighs and I breath in the scent that is him. It has a calming effect on me and I feel my heartbeat slow down. The fear leaves my body and I let my hands draw small circles on the man’s back. This is better, much more comfortable. I hated myself for feeling safe in his arms. Eric lifts his chin and I feel his lips touch my ear. It sends a much more pleasant shiver down my spine: “I’m sorry.”  
“It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” I say and lift my head. I lock my eyes with Eric’s. He leans his head against mine and I feel my body let go of all the tension it had been holding when Eric kissed me: “You sure about that? You didn’t sound fine.”  
“I am now,” I say and I feel Eric’s lips touch my ear and leave a kiss behind. It is small and gentle and I curse myself for being weak and enjoying his touch. I should push him away and yet I pull him closer. I should tell him to never touch me again and yet I feel myself go weak when his hands are on my body. Eric’s lips travel down my neck and before I can stop him, he lifts me up and pulls my legs around his waist. I look down at him and I let my eyes catch his. I feel at ease. Eric walks to the wall and I feel it touch my back. His lips continue their path down my neck and I can’t stop myself from slightly moaning out in pleasure. I could feel his hot breath touch my collarbone and I shiver because of it.   
“Eric,” I sigh when his lips find a sensitive spot below me ear. The man stops and I almost voice my discomfort, but I realize something is wrong. Eric’s grip on my legs had tightened and he leans his head against my chest. I rest my chin on his head and whisper: “Eric?”  
“You shouldn’t…this can’t…damn it!” Eric tries to explain something, but he can’t get out of his words. I can feel him becoming angry again, so I lay my arms around his neck and place a kiss on the top of his head: “its fine…”  
“No it’s not! You don’t know anything. You shouldn’t trust me!” Eric growls angry and I freeze. Is he trying to tell me something about his involvement with Jeanine? Why would he tell me about that? I lean back and place my hands on the man’s shoulders. I keep my voice even when I speak: “When did I ever say that I trust you?”  
Eric looks up and his look is all the conformation I need that he is talking about Jeanine. We look at each other and I want to tell him to put me down and I want to pull away and I can tell he is thinking the same thing, but we both don’t move. After what felt like hours I find my voice and I am amazed by my own boldness: “But it’s your own damn fault this happened, so you better deal with it.”  
I lay my arms back around Eric’s neck and close the distance between us. Eric follows my movement and I quickly open my lips for his tongue. I know I don’t trust him and I know that I should stay away from him, but I can’t stop myself anymore. I feel one of Eric’s hands crawl beneath my shirt and I gasp when I feel his warm hand touch my back. It is a most welcoming feeling. We kiss for awhile and I almost forget about what I have found out today, but Eric doesn’t let me: “You are damn right you shouldn’t trust me.”


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34  
I knew it was wrong. I knew I should stop. But I couldn’t. I was in too deep and even though I knew Eric was my enemy, that didn’t stop me from seeking him out during the day. Two days have passed since the night at the bar. I told my friends about what had happened with the men who attacked me, but I left out the second attack. No one knew about it and I wanted to keep it that way. I’m pretty sure that Eric felt the same way. We didn’t really talk about it. We both knew what we were doing was wrong and not just because of Eric’s involvement with Jeanine. It wasn’t allowed for an initiate to be seeing one of his or hers instructors. If this comes out, I could become factionless and Eric would lose his position as leader.   
I want to say that I haven’t been seeking Eric out during these past two days, but the truth is that I have been doing just that. I would wait outside the dining hall for him or he would eye me and then walk to the practice roof. I tried to stop myself from following him, but I was pathetically weak against him. I always ended up following him. The attraction between us was starting to freak me out, because I felt that I and he wanted more. That’s how I found myself in the middle of the night getting up and walking to Eric’s apartment. I memorized the way to his apartment in my head when I followed him one evening after dinner.   
We were lying on his bed, he on top of me. I never thought I would enjoy Eric’s full weight pressing down on my much smaller frame. He tried to keep his full weight of my body, but he had surrendered when I had pushed the elbow he had been leaning on, out from beneath me, making his frame fall on mine. I felt my stomach flutter at the sudden intimate contact. At least that was what it was for me. I have never been this close with anyone before and until now Eric and I only kissed. He was surprisingly gently and slow with me. I still felt very uncertain of what to do once I felt his body loam over mine. I had laid one arm around Eric’s neck, making sure he wasn’t going anywhere and my other hand had found its way into his hair. As Eric deepened the kiss, I busted myself on moaning. I felt stupid for doing that, why I wasn’t sure. Eric didn’t mention it. God, he is a good kisser. Not that I have any other kisser to compare him to, but I am sure that he would considered a good kisser by other women.   
The thought of Eric kissing other women made me feel even more insecure. What was I doing? Eric is a man and I am just…a girl. Not to mention he is working for Jeanine! I should get out of here, but I can’t. What should I do? What does Eric expect from me? What does he expect from this entire situation? How much does he think will happen?  
Eric felt my body tense up beneath him and he broke our kiss. His gray eyes were searching mine, but I couldn’t bring myself to meet his gaze. I kept my eyes closed and I felt Eric’s lip kiss my face: my forehead, my cheeks, my nose and my eyes. His lips touched my ear slightly and I shivered: “Andy…look at me.”  
I don’t want to. I don’t want to face this situation. I don’t want to talk about it because I don’t know what I would say. I just want to…to… I don’t know what I want. I know what I liked and that is feeling Eric’s body on top of mine, feeling his chest breath against mine, feeling his legs entangled with mine and feeling his bare stomach touch mine where our shirts had crawled up because of our movements. I like the way my heart is beating faster because of his touch.  
“Andy, open your eyes,” Eric’s voice sounded very reassuring and I felt his forehead lean against mine. I like it when he does that. It makes me feel…equal to him. He isn’t a leader and I am not his initiate. We are just Eric and Andy and no one is superior to anyone and the outside world doesn’t exist for awhile. I meet Eric’s eyes: “Talk.”  
“I don’t…eum…I haven’t…ever…”  
“Stop thinking initiate,” Eric whispers to me. I try to shut my brain out, but all I keep thinking about is what I am supposed to do right now. Eric seems to understand: “I told you not to trust me, but do you trust me right now?”  
It was a very loaded question, one I wasn’t sure what the answer was. I don’t trust Eric. He is part of the enemy and I hated that. But I couldn’t get around the fact that I didn’t feel unsafe when I was around him. It felt good to be in his arms, something I am positive I shouldn’t feel. I cannot even picture my future without him anymore: as my leader, boss, friend…something else maybe.   
“I don’t know, can I trust you right now?” I answer honestly and Eric tells me to close my eyes. I look at him bewildered and confused. He reassures me and I do as he tells me to: “I am well aware of the fact that you don’t have a lot of experience with this, so I will try to be gentle, but I do need you to tell me when to stop or what you don’t like. Okay?”   
“Okay,” I whisper back and I feel Eric’s lips brush my forehead again. His lips leave a small kiss behind and his voice asks me a question: “Do you like that?” I feel my stomach flutter and my skin burn a little by the man’s touch. It was so gentle and so careful, it seemed so out of character for Eric. He is a man’s man, who takes what he wants and it’s gentle about it at all. My stomach flutters again at that thought. “Yes,” I say and I feel Eric’s lips kiss my nose and he asks me the same question: “Do you like that?” I repeat my answer. I feel my body relax slowly as Eric’s hands take mine and lay them next to my head. His lips kiss my cheeks: “Do you like that?” I say yes again and I feel a need growing inside my stomach. A need that tells me to kiss Eric, but I refuse to move. Eric’s lips travel to my collarbone and I wondered how much longer I would be able resist not pulling lose and crashing my lips against his. “Do you like that?” I could hear Eric breath in deeper after ever kiss and his voice sounded different, like he had to force himself to be this gentle. It made my body relax completely and my heart skips a few beats. Eric’s lips traveled down and I gasped as the man’s lips kissed my neck. My heart skipped another beat. “Do you like that?” Eric sounded very restraint and something else. I guess he sounded like what other people would describe as husky or something like that. “Yes,” I barely get the words over my lips. Eric’s lips linger on my neck. His hands squeeze mine as my chest rises with his in union.   
“Eric…” my breath hitches in my throat and I feel Eric lift his head from my neck, his breath still tickling my skin there. I open my eyes and lock mine with Eric. He is really holding back, I can tell by his stiff shoulders and the look in his eyes. For a second he seemed desperate: “Yes…?”  
I want to feel his lips touch mine, gentle and then rough, like the man I think he is. I want to learn but I want him the way he is: strong, taking, rough. Eric brings his lips closer to mine and for a moment he reminds me of a predator, attacking it’s pray. My stomach did a summersault at the thought of Eric jumping on me in such a manner. Eric’s breath touched my face, but he kept his lips far enough away from mine so that I couldn’t reach up for them. Damn him!  
“Say it,” Eric says and I feel his hands let go of mine. Before I can I register what was happening or before I could assault the man’s lips, he had turned us around and he sat up. My knees were straddling his hips and his hands were on my hips. I wondered what it would feel like if his hands were to travel up my back, beneath my shirt. My cheeks couldn’t stop a blush from creeping out. Eric noticed: “I told you if you keep blushing like that out of the bleu, I will give you something to blush about.”  
His voice sounded very husky and I could tell he was holding back something. A sudden boldness took over my mouth and Eric and I were both surprised by my statement: “I might just let you do that.” Eric groaned and he leaned his head against my chest. My breath got caught in my throat when I realized where his head was resting exactly: “You are going to be the death of me, initiate. You are such a tease.”  
“Am not,” I protested and I felt Eric’s lips place light kisses against my collarbone. It felt good and I had to bite my tongue not to moan out to let Eric know what he was doing to me. I wanted him and I wanted him in so many ways, but I wasn’t sure what that meant and what that would mean to him. Eric could tell what he was doing to me. I could feel him smile against my neck. His hands were at the same time running up and down my back, lifting my shirt in the prospect. I felt myself gasp when one of Eric’s hands placed itself on my naked back. Eric stopped in his movements. He was about to retract his hand when I spoke: “Eric…”  
“Yes?” Eric’s voice made me want to tear his shirt from his body and lay against it forever, while assaulting his lips. My hand found Eric’s chin and I made him look at me. We both had the same desperate look in our eyes. I lowered my lips to his and before they touched I spoke: “Don’t stop.”  
My lips touched Eric’s and the man moaned at the pleasure of our lips making contact again. Eric’s hands crawled up my back and I felt an intense pleasure while he did that. His hands suddenly found their way to my hips and he pulled my body against his, making me gasp. Eric took advantage of that and he deepened our kiss. His tongue entered my mouth and I felt my stomach do another summersault when I tasted the man.   
My hands were itching for Eric’s skin. I wanted them to crawl underneath his shirt and search for ever muscles he has. But my boldness had boundaries and I could only clench my hands together to stop the itching. Eric noticed my hands kept their place on his broad shoulders. His hands crawled down my back and his fingers slid past my stomach for a second. A certain warmth settling itself in my lower regions. I wanted Eric’s fingers back on my stomach, but they had a different plan. His big hands took my small once in theirs and they led them to the hem of his shirt. He broke our kiss for a second: “Don’t be shy, it doesn’t suit you. Touch me.”  
Eric’s hands laid my hands on his skin before they found their way back up my shirt. My fingers felt encouraged by his words and feeling his hands touch my skin. His lips assaulted mine again and I instantly opened my mouth for him. I liked the way Eric tasted and I was starting to like the way his body felt beneath my finger tips. I could feel Eric’s muscles get tense as my fingers touched them. It didn’t take me long before my needy fingers wanted more of this gorgeous man. A man shouldn’t be allowed to be this good-looking. I didn’t think about it and I let my fingers come to Eric’s sides before they crawled up is chest and I could feel his very well developed chest. What else had I expected from a man that looked like Eric?   
Encouraged by my hands, I felt Eric move his hands to my hips and he broke our kiss again. His eyes held mine and the sound of his voice made the warmth in my lower regions spread. He sounded very husky and I couldn’t help but notice he smelled like sweat and musk. It seemed right that Eric would smell like that for some reason: “Do you want me continue?”   
Every time he asked me something like that I felt my body heat rise by five degrees. It made me blush and want to walk away from the man, but at the same time it made me want more. I pulled my hands away from Eric’s chest and leaned back. Eric looked disappointed. It was frustrating to feel insecure about this between us, but at the same time I knew that I wanted this. So I pulled my t-shirt over my head. I caught Eric’s eyes widen a bit and a small smirk escaped his lips, one he tried to suppressed. I threw my shirt to the ground and waited for Eric to do something because I hadn’t thought that far ahead. Eric wanted to follow my lead when his eyes landed on my tattoo. His eyes widened more this time: “When did you get that?”  
“A while ago,” I stammer and try to ignore the fact that my tattoo is located right above my left breast. My breath got stuck in my throat when Eric’s fingers traced the lines of the owl. My skin tingled at his touch: “That is Tori’s art without a doubt.”   
“Like I was going to let that guy tattoo me,” I reply and Eric catches my drift. His trusty smirk is covering his lips: “You might not like tattoos, but you know how to pick the spots to get them.”  
“If that shirt of yours isn’t on the ground in three seconds, I’m going to rip it to pieces,” I say and my hands try to pull Eric’s shirt over his head, but he stops me. The man grins and I feel like smacking it of his face. He pulls me closer so that my chest is pressed up against his. I shiver as his breath trails down my naked torso: “Don’t be so hasty.”  
“I thought you told me not to be shy. Make up your mind, sir,” I mock the man and tried to keep my hands still, what was nearly impossible. Eric’s eyes light up at the sir part and something tells me I shouldn’t call him that too often: “I like that word a lot coming from your lips, initiate. Especially when you are so scarcely dressed.”  
I can’t stop my face from turning into a human tomato and Eric laughs at that: “You look to innocent when you blush. It seems rather out of character for you,” Before I can get back at Eric for making me feel stupid, he pulls his shirt over his head and I am glad that I had been blushing before because else Eric would never let me hear the end of it. As I expected from Eric, his muscles were very well developed and they made me feel extremely small.   
Eric’s hands cupped my face as he whispered: “But I will admit that I like seeing you blush, initiate.” And with that he pushed his lips back against mine and he let his back fall against his bed. Hands searching and touching and exploring new territories while our lips didn’t parted for what seemed like hours. I don’t know how long we were at it, but I ended up sleeping in Eric’s bed that night. I was woken up by small kisses traveling up my naked back. I stirred in my sleep and pulled the pillow beneath my head closer. A hand traveled along with those kisses and I felt the covers that I had been sleeping under being pulled back. Eric’s voice whispering in my ear: “Wake up Andy.”  
I didn’t feel like answering, so I turned on my stomach and pulled the covers back up and tried to catch a few more seconds of sleep. I have not slept so peaceful since… actually I have never slept this peaceful before. I blame his damn arms and his gentle fingers and his soft lips. I could feel a blush cover my cheeks again at remembering Eric’s touch.   
I was pulled out of my mind palace when Eric turned me over and his lips found mine. I could get used to waking up like this. Especially if it means I can let my fingers wonder over Eric’s torso. The man pulled me up into a sitting position and he deepened our kiss. A moan escaped my lips, one I desperately tried to hold in. Eric chuckled, but didn’t mention it.   
Eric was the one to stop the kiss. His hands were in my neck, keeping my face close to his, our foreheads touching. I was very grateful that I had pulled the covers up with me. I might have been comfortable earlier with being…underdressed in front of Eric, but that moment was over and now I felt very exposed and I didn’t like that. It didn’t help that Eric’s naked torso was slapping me in face. God, he is so good looking.   
“It’s morning, we should get you out of here before someone comes up here looking for me,” Eric says and I agree. I wouldn’t want anyone to find out what happened between us, let alone walk in on us when we are so scarcely dressed. The blush on my cheeks darkened at the thought of that. Eric noticed it: “But if you rather stay here all day, I am sure I know a good way to keep ourselves busy.”  
He is such a tease and he knows how to make me blush. I try to hide my blush but Eric doesn’t let me escape his arms. He chuckles at me. I try to keep my voice even when I speak: “Don’t tempt me sir.”  
“You tease,” Eric says and stands up from the bed. It’s not fair that he is walking around with his torso naked. He knows I like it and that I would indeed rather do something else then joining my friends. But I have to. Tomorrow is the last day of stage two. We will go into the simulation and find out in the evening what our ranks would be. Tomorrow we will find out who will get to stay in Dauntless and who will leave. I am sure about my place in the ranking, but some of my friends aren’t. I can’t believe I have wasted these last couple of days with Eric. I should have been trying to help them. I don’t know how I can help them, but I could try. I hate myself for choosing Eric over them. That’s what I did. I chose to be with Eric and I abandoned them. Michael had commented on it. He doesn’t know what I have been doing, but he had pointed out to me that I haven’t been hanging out with them a lot lately. I lied and told him I was dealing with the loss of my family. I hated myself for using the death of my parents as an excuse. I am a horrible daughter. Michael understood and told me he was there for me. I thanked him and smiled. I was disgusted with myself.   
What am I doing here? I need to stop this. It’s never going to end well and I am only getting myself into more trouble. Why does this feel so good? It’s like a drug I can’t say no too. I quickly graph my shirt and bra and get dressed, ignoring whatever Eric is doing. I can feel his eyes on my back and I bite the inside of my cheek to keep myself from walking over to him and kiss him. It’s all I wanted to do. I need to stop this. When I pull my sweater on, I feel Eric’s chest touch my back. His hands slide into mine and I stop in my movement. I feel his breath hit my neck and his head touched the back of mine. He sighed: “You need to get out of here.”  
The air in the apartment has shifted. We were both thinking about our roles in Jeanine’s plot. Eric tried to pull away, but I was so selfish and stupid that I didn’t let him.   
“You need to stay away,” I say and I keep my eyes fixed on the wall in front of me. A bookshelf hung against it and it was loaded with books. I couldn’t read the titles or make out what they were about. It seemed weird for a Dauntless man to have so many books. I couldn’t stop myself from pointing that out and I cursed myself for it. Why am I helping him? Eric didn’t comment on it: “Go.”  
I do as he says and he doesn’t follow me. I walk to the door and Eric stays with his back towards me. I look back at him and I almost stop myself from leaving the apartment, but my eyes catch something on the table next to the door. It was a set of keys and I could read one of the labels: simulation rooms. I didn’t think and I just acted. I graphed the keys and coughed. That should cover the noise the keys made when I picked them up. I pulled open the door and left the apartment.   
On my way to the training room I wondered why I stole the keys. Eric will notice and he will know I did it. He doesn’t seem the type to bring a lot of people back to his apartment, so I am pretty sure that I was the only one currently coming and going. What good are these keys to me? I can get into the simulation room whenever I want to, but why would I do that? I don’t know how those machines work and I am good at handling the simulations.   
But the others aren’t as good at them as I am. Well actually Sarah, Kim and Marnie aren’t really good at them. They always leave the simulation room completely besides themselves and they always need time to recover from the simulations. Lucas, Michael and Victor are handling the simulations pretty good and Marc, Annie and Rob are surviving, but they could use some extra training maybe.   
An idea sparked inside my head. I ran towards the training room and found my friends training, along with the Dauntless born initiates. They are nice and all, but these people are my family and I will be damned if they get send away from this place.   
“Andy, where have you been?” Annie asks me when I enter the training room. I walk over to her and Rob, ignoring Michael’s curios eyes following me. The others don’t really pay attention to my arrival. I lower my voice when I speak to my friends: “After the simulation training of today, meet me in our room. Spread the message to others, but not the Dauntless born initiates. Just us.”  
“What’s going on?” Rob asks me, but I ignore him and walk to Michael. He is doing pushups and doesn’t stop when I crouch next to him. I pretend to warm up my muscles, but speak in a low voice to the boy. I don’t want Andrew and Kim hearing us: “I need your help. I have an idea how we can help each other in the simulation, but I don’t know how the machines work. When you go in today, ask questions about them, but be subtitle. I’ll do the same thing.”  
“If you are thinking what I think you are thinking, then how are you planning on getting in to the simulation room?” Michael asks me and he continues doing pushups. I can practically see his mind working on trying to catch up with my plan. I lower my voice to a whisper: “By using the keys I stole.”  
“Okay, considering you already did that and I agree with keeping our group together, I will not yell at you, but I want an honest answer on who you stole them from,” Michael says and he stops midway in one of his pushups. He turns his head and looks at me. His eyes tell me he knows something, but we can’t discuss that here. I sigh and answer truthfully: “Eric.”  
“If he finds out, you are dead. You realize that right?” I was glad that he answered with that, because it meant he didn’t know anything about me and Eric. For a moment I was scared he might have followed me one time. Michael continues doing his pushups: “Sacha wants to talk to you. Go to the storage roof at eleven. Make sure you aren’t followed.”  
I don’t ask why she wants to see me alone, because we have been talking suspiciously long enough. I join Michael in doing pushups and end up fighting him and Marc. Our simulation test is today after lunch. Four, Lauren and Eric have a meeting apparently. Must be about stage three of initiation. I shake all thoughts of Eric or that could lead to Eric out of my head and train. I need to advert my attention or I’ll end up not going to see Sacha and end up in Eric’s apartment again. What is this man doing to me?   
“Oh, remember when we left that night to go to Erudite? Amber was the one who followed us. She thinks we hooked up that night,” I inform Michael and he stops the punch he was throwing at me in mid air. He looks astonished at me. It wasn’t something I was used from Michael. He is usually very collected, even when he is confronted with surprises. I continue: “So if anyone ever asks, that’s something that happened that night.”  
“Okay,” Michael says unsure and his voice sounds very shaky. I guess I caught Michael of guard with that piece of information. He shakes his head and his eyes tell me he needs more information, because he isn’t following why I know that Amber thinks that. I tell him about our conversation in the bar, two days ago: “I couldn’t lie about the way we acted and apparently she has seen us walking around a lot, just the two of us. I think we need to watch out for that. People might get an idea about you and me. They are already watching me, but I’m not completely sure they are watching you.”  
“I get it. We can’t seem to be to close because they might suspect something,” Michael nods and we continue our fight because Marc walked back from graphing a water bottle: “What did I miss?”  
“Andy thinks she can win, but she is scared I will hurt her pretty little face,” Michael mockers me and I am reminded of the old Michael, the one from Erudite. It’s funny that he can switch between them so easily. Michael from Erudite is overconfident, rude and loves to mock others. Michael from Dauntless is smart, calculating, honest and rather loyal. Just like I, he wants to keep this group together.   
“Haha, Andy? Complaining about her face? That doesn’t seem right. Are you sick girl?” Marc mocks me and instead of attacking Michael, I throw a punch at Marc. Marc rolls away from me over his shoulder and get’s up quickly. I am suddenly faced with not just Michael, but also Marc. This could be interesting.   
I didn’t win the fight, obviously, but I managed to stand my ground and I caught both boys’ of guard a few times. We stopped our fight when Four walked in the training room and mentioned how stupid it was to fight two against one: “It’s hardly fair.”  
“We weren’t the once who started it, sir,” Marc informs Four and he smirks at me. I want to throw my fist at him, to wipe the smirk of his face, but I was currently flat on my stomach, with Michael pushing me down and holding my arms in a death grip. I was done for.  
“You should be smart enough not to engage in it,” Four tells Marc and the smirk disappears. I concede and Michael let’s go of me. I stand up and Michaels eyes the clock behind me. It’s almost eleven o’clock. I need an excuse to get away from Michael and Marc without looking suspicious. I eye Michael to fight Marc, so that he can’t join me: “I’m going for a run. I need to stretch my legs. I’ll catch up with you guy’s at lunch.”  
Marc wants to say something, but Michael challenges him for a fight and Marc isn’t the type to turn a challenge down. I walk to the door and I think I am out of the fire, but Four followed me: “Andy, I need to talk to you.”  
“Can’t that wait until later? I really want to run a few miles before lunch,” I try to get out of whatever conversation Four wants to have with me. He doesn’t let me leave and he graphs my wrist: “No, it cannot wait.”  
He eyes me to follow him. Why does everyone want to talk to me in private today? First Sacha, now Four. Who’s next? Max? I wonder what he wants to talk to me about. I remember every time he has offered me help and that I thought he could be an enemy. Knowing now that Eric is the enemy, makes me wonder if I judged Four wrong. Maybe he really wants to help me, but I wonder what he understands under help and how he knows I need help.  
We walk into a small corridor that is deserted. I am on my guard. You never know what Four might want to talk about and so I keep my distance. He stops walking once he is sure no one can see us: “It’s been announced who will watch over which initiate tomorrow during the last test of stage two.”  
“So?” I ask and I can’t figure out what that means for me. I already know I have to think Dauntless and use Dauntless methods to get passed my fears. What does it matter who watches me going through my fears? Four seems to disagree: “Eric will be the one to watch over you.”  
“I repeat: so?” I know what this means, but I don’t know if Four is thinking the same thing. Eric is going to report his findings to Jeanine and he isn’t a stupid man. He will notice it. He will see that I am Divergent. I am pretty sure he already has his suspicious. I suddenly notice that until now Eric hasn’t watched over my simulations one time. Four seems to notice my thoughts: “I have been making sure that he isn’t the one to watch over your simulations, because you won’t make it then.”  
“What do you mean,” I ask, already knowing what the answer will be. Four has been watching over me? He knows, he must know. But if he knows and he wants to help me, does that mean he is one too? Does that mean that Four is Divergent? I need to know. I need to know if I can trust him. I need an extra ally now that I know Eric isn’t on my team. I take the risk and ask: “You know?”  
“Yes,” he answers and I feel a huge load lift of my shoulders. I can trust Four. That’s one Dauntless member I can be sure of that is on my team. I wonder how he knows. Four continues: “If Eric finds out about you, you won’t make it. I have seen it before. During the test tomorrow, you have to think like a Dauntless and not like an Erudite. Because of all people, he will know.”  
“I know, how did you know what I was?” I ask Four curiously. Could he tell from my simulations? If he could, then I am majorly screwed tomorrow, because Eric is ten times smarter than Four: “The Abnegation woman who took your aptitude test knows a few Divergents. She made contact with Tabassum. That’s why he contacted you. He also told me about you and Michael. I have been making sure that your results are in the same line as the others.”  
“What do you mean?” I ask and I am amazed at how much he has been doing for Michael and me. I wonder who else is Divergent in this compound. Four continues: “I have changed some of your results, so that it looked like you were in longer then you actually were. You are still the best of the group, but your results shouldn’t raise suspicion. But if tomorrow you appear to be a lot better than the today and yesterday and so on, then they will ask questions. So do us both a favor and don’t get caught.”  
“That’s so damn easy for you to say. I have been trying not to get caught since I found out, but apparently they are obviously out to get me…shit I was suppose to meet Sacha. I have to go,” I say and turn around. I am late. I hope she is smart enough to wait for me. Before I leave, I turn back to Four: “Thank you, for your help. We appreciate it a lot. It’s nice to know we have some allies in this compound.”  
Four nods and I take off. I run down the corridors and run into a few people, but no one of importance to me. I feel so relieved knowing that Four is on my side and that we can ask him for help. I had noticed before that Eric hadn’t watched over my simulations yet, but I hadn’t really thought about why that could be. At last something is going my way. After the Erudite fire, my parents being murdered, getting shot and everything, it’s great to finally have some luck on my side.  
I run around the corner, towards the Chasm, but I stop when I see a crowd standing on the bridge and next to the Chasm. They were looking towards the storage room.   
Oh no…   
I felt my body grow cold. They were all pointing and looking down the path. Sacha was supposed to meet me there. I walked up to the crowd slowly, seeing Marnie and Kim standing among the people. I tried to appear casually when I approached them, but my voice was shaking. I hope they didn’t think anything of it: “Hey, what’s going on?”  
“A factionless woman was found in the storage room. We heard gunshots on our way to the pit, so we came to check it out,” Marnie informs me and I feel my body grow cold. Gunshots? Sacha? Kim pulled me out of my thoughts and pointed to the men leaving the storage room: “Looks like they killed her.”  
“She must have put up a fight or something,” Marnie thinks out load, but I don’t listen to their conversation when I see the men leaving the storage room. Max was one of them and he was followed by a man, who was carrying Sacha’s body. She was dead. She had been shot in her chest. The front of her shirt was completely soaked in her blood.   
“What happened here?” I hear Four ask behind me and I repeat the information that Marnie and Kim had given me. We both kept neutral expressions plastered on our faces, but mine fell when I saw Eric walk out of the storage room. He was holding a gun and he had blood spatters on his clothes.   
He was the one who killed Sacha?


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35  
“That was so messed up,” Marnie says while we walk to the simulation room. Our training starts in a few minutes. I follow the two girls with a blank expression on my face. The only thing I can think about was the fact that Sacha was the third person to die because of me. Or because she was involved with me. Four had whispered in my ear that it wasn’t my fault, but that doesn’t take the guilt away. She was down there to meet me. I should have been on time, maybe I could have saved her or helped her or done something. No, I was late and she paid the prize for it.   
“I bet Eric was the one who killed her. Did you see the blood on his shirt?” Kim continued the conversation and I really wanted to punch both of them. I didn’t need to hear this right now. I know Eric was the one who killed her. I am not stupid. The blood on his close was because he probably stood close to her when he shot her. I also noticed his knuckles. They were bruised and one hand was also covered in blood. He must have fought her. I hadn’t seen Sacha’s face, I couldn’t face that.   
When we arrived at the simulation room, I sat down next to Michael. He could tell something was wrong. I guess he hasn’t heard yet. Marnie and Kim tell everyone about what had happened and I had to bite the inside of my lip to stop myself from screaming out. I don’t want to hear this. Michael kept his face expressionless and he was very convincing, but he did graph my hand and squeezed it. I let him even though it hurt. It was his way of letting out his emotions.   
I try not to listen to the others their theories on why Sacha was in the storage room and what had happened. But Luissa’s annoying voice kept interfering with my thoughts: “She had it coming if you ask me. Factionless people don’t belong here. She got what she disserved.”  
“How can you say that? They should have arrested her and brought her back to the factionless. There was no point in killing her,” Michael spoke up and I was amazed that he could keep his voice even. There was no emotion in it. My friends agreed with Michael and I was pleased to hear that. I agreed with Michael, but Kim is the one who continues: “There were four men in that storage room, of who are two leaders of this compound and they couldn’t take down one factionless woman. Killing that woman was cold blood murder.”  
“Yeah, I don’t even think she was armed with anything,” Marnie vocalizes her opinion and I doubt that. I am pretty sure she was armed, but still. Four men and they couldn’t overpower her. I doubt they even fought her. Marc joined the discussion: “There was also no point in killing her. What is one factionless woman? She probably broke in to steal food or something.”  
“It’s not about that, it’s about the message that the killing sends out to the other factionless people. You do not break into Dauntless and get away with it. If they didn’t kill her, people would try again, because they wouldn’t get hurt,” Kane explained to us, but we all disagreed with what he said. Lucas continues: “That’s complete bullshit! They could have beaten her up and thrown her out on the street if they wanted to send a message back. That would have also scarred the factionless people.”  
“Yeah, killing a woman like that is just wrong. It was like Kim said: cold blooded murder. Frankly I don’t want to be part of a faction who does that,” Victor agrees with his brother and we all nod. Skander stands up: “Look, it’s not like I agree with their actions, but frankly yes, that’s how things are done around here sometimes. You might want to get used to it, because I doubt this compound will change their way of life because of your opinions and that is the truth. That woman wasn’t the first to die in such a fashion and she won’t be the last.”  
“Then maybe this compound needs to be reminded of their own manifesto: we believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves. That’s not what they did for that woman,” Rob joins the discussion. The atmosphere between the two groups is changing rapidly. The Dauntless born are standing up for their faction and we are pointing out what is wrong with their way of life or how they aren’t living according to their manifesto. If Four and Lauren hadn’t showed up, I am convinced that this discussion would have ended violently.   
“What’s going on here?” Lauren asks us, but no one answers. I hadn’t noticed before but Rob, Marc, Lucas and Kim had stood up during the discussion and they sat down now next to us. On one side you had the Dauntless born initiates and on one side the transfer initiates. Our group was separated again. I cannot believe they could agree to live their lives like this. How can they think that Max and Eric’s actions can be justified?   
“We had a different opinion about something,” I explain and Lauren and Four look at each other. They probably know what we were talking about. I can tell they both have different opinions as well, but they don’t vocalize them to us. Lauren speaks to us in a firm voice: “This is Dauntless, if you don’t like the way things are done around here, I suggest you leave. It is also not our place to disagree with our leaders. They did what was necessary. Now, Tyra and Annie, you are up first.”  
“Where’s Eric?” Luissa asks and I found it weird that she would ask such a question. Why would she want Eric to be here? I looked at her and she grinned: “Or is he in a meeting because of that woman he killed?”  
I have to admit, she has balls, but evidently no brains. All the transfers eyed her angry and her Dauntless friends weren’t pleased with her question. It was plain down disrespectful and it was obvious that she said it to provoke us transfers. Lauren and Four ignored her and the simulation training started. We all sat in silence in the waiting room and the tension stayed high during the whole training. No one spoke a word.   
When I was done with my simulation, I joined my friends in our room. I was glad we were ride of the Dauntless born initiates for a few minutes. I really can’t believe they would allow such actions in their home. I was the last one to join my friends and they were all discussing what had happened hotly. Especially Victor, Lucas and Rob were astonished about the way the Dauntless born initiates opinions about what had happened.   
I didn’t join their discussion and lay down on my bed. I cannot believe Eric killed Sacha. She was trying to help me and she was killed by the man I am hooking up with. He must have known who she was or why she was down there. I refuse to believe that he didn’t know. I pulled the picture of my family out from beneath my bed. It was slightly wrinkled. I stared at the picture and wondered what my parents would do if they were in my situation. For starters they would never go anywhere near Eric again. But we can’t do anything for Sacha. We can’t vocalize our opinion because we are just initiates and we are transfers. It’s not our place to disagree with the Dauntless leaders. It pained me to admit that.  
“Andy, why did you want us all to be here after training?” Kim asks me suddenly and I am pulled out of my thoughts about my parents and my current situation. I look at the others and place the picture of my family beneath my pillow. My friends are all looking at me curiously. I stand up and place myself between my friends: “How is everyone holding up with the simulations?”  
“What?” Rob says and they all look dumb folded at me. I sigh and explain: “Not to be full of myself, but I am doing well in the simulations. But I know that not everyone here is. And I am extremely selfish because I don’t want any of you to leave this place when stage two is over. I want us all to be able to sleep here tomorrow night. But to realize that, we are going to have to work together.”  
“How do you propose to do that? We all have to face our own fears, alone,” Marc asks and I can tell from the look in his eyes that he needs help and that he is interested in my idea. I look at my friends and I can see in their eyes that they also don’t want to be separated from each other: “We have to work as a team. We faced the Dauntless born initiates together and we won. If we work together we might be able to help each other.”  
“It’s not that we don’t want to help each other, it’s just that there is no way we can help one and other. The simulations are so different,” Kim says and Marnie nods. Michael stands up from his bed: “We have the keys to the simulation room. We could break in and guide each other through the fear landscapes. I should point out though that if we are caught, we are all in big trouble.”  
“How did you get the keys?” Marc asks Michael and he looks at me. I wave it aside: “That is not important right now. We don’t have a lot of time and if you guys are on board, we need to start planning because we only have tonight.”  
The others don’t speak and I can feel a very tense vibe hang in the room. It is a risky plan to break into the simulation room and I don’t know if they others are so open to show us their fears. It is a very private thing. Rob is the first to speak: “I could use some help and I want to end this initiation with all of you. I am in.”  
“He’s right. It won’t be the same anymore if some of us left. Count me in as well,” Marnie agrees and Sarah continues and I was amazed that she admitted that she was failing the simulations. It was the first time I ever heard her admit to failing something: “As you all know, I am bungling at the end of the list and I am not going to make it without help. I’ll do whatever it takes.”  
Only Lucas was skeptic: “Are you sure that whatever you have planned is worth the risk we are taking?”  
“We have two options. We either help each other and have a fifty percent change of passing this stage of initiation, together. Or we don’t help each other and I am pretty sure that we will have to say goodbye to some of the people in this room. I don’t want to do that, so I think it is worth the risk,” Michael explains.  
“He is right. I don’t want to become Dauntless if you guys aren’t around anymore. I want to work with the people in this room, not with those other dickheads,” I try to convince Lucas and he agrees: “Fine, what is your plan.”  
“When I went in the simulation room today I asked Lauren some questions about the machines and the programs. I told her I was interested in how they worked and she told me that working with the simulations might be a good job for me. I think I can figure out how to use the program myself,” Michael explains. I point out that I did the same thing today with Four. I blamed my Erudite mind for it. He didn’t ask questions about it.   
“And then what? We will still be alone in those horrid simulations,” Sarah pointed out, but Annie countered her: “The first time I went in, I started hyperventilating because of my fear. Lauren talked to my and helped me calm down. We should be able to guide each other threw and once we faced the fears one time successfully, we might be able to do it again tomorrow.”  
“That would work. When you start freaking out of lose control because of your fear or emotions, we can help you calm down and help you look for a way out,” I continue and the others agree. It is going to be a huge risk, but we might be able to succeed. I hope.   
“We are going to need people on look out when the others are in the simulation room,” Victor thinks out loud. Kim joins him: “We should go in shifts tonight. Three people go into the simulation room, two are on watch and the rest hangs out in the pit and make sure no one goes to the corridors leading to the simulation room. We can switch during the night.”  
“Maybe Michael and Andy can teach me how the program works, so that they don’t have to be in there the whole night,” Sarah says and I agree: “It is best to make sure more people understand the simulation program. You never know what might happen to us that would mean we couldn't join you guys." I remember when Max almost busted me when I was on my way to meet Sacha and Tabassum. A pang of guilt rises in my chest and I ball my fists to hide it from my friends.   
“We should figure out what the easiest way is to get to the simulation room uncaught. If we all go the same way, people are bound to notice,” Lucas points out and I remember there are three hallways that lead to the simulation room. That should help us: “We should also go at different moments. I leave first, ten minutes later someone joins me and so on.”  
We start planning our whole evening and night. We need to know who will go first in the simulation and who will follow. Michael, Sarah and I will go first. We will try and get the program to work and Sarah will go in first. Marnie will join us two hours later. That should give us enough time to figure out the program. She will be followed by Rob, Annie and Kim. Marc will be the last one. The twins don’t need any help in the simulation, so they will be on guard the whole night. Michael, Sarah and I will switch during the night, so that there aren’t too many people in the simulation room at the same time. If we would get caught, at least it won’t be everyone. We have to increase our chances of success.   
“We will need someone who will keep an eye on Four, Lauren and Eric. They tend to keep an eye on us,” Sarah pointed out and I felt my heart clench when I hear Eric’s name. Michael agrees: “You are right. As long as they are at the bar or something, we can keep an eye on them from afar.”   
I suddenly realized something: “Shit, I can’t join you guy’s from the beginning! I have to work in the bar. Charlotte and Scott are never going to give me a night off without a good reason.”  
“That might actually work to our advantage. You can keep an eye on our instructors and signal us when they are leaving,” Victor suggests and his brother agrees with him: “Yeah, you could even get them drunk so that they won’t really care about us at all and leave us alone.”  
“I cannot believe you want me to get our instructors drunk, but I am all up for it,” I say a bit to enthusiast. Its one small way of getting back at Eric and making sure he won’t distract me tonight. Seeing him walk out of that storage room repulsed and shocked me at the same time. He could do the same thing to me, whenever he wanted to.   
When our plan is worked out, we leave our room and head out to the training room. We train until dinner and I go to our room to get a quick shower when Michael runs after me. He is out of breath when he catches up to me. He doesn’t speak, but shows me the communication device Tabassum had given us. There was a message telling us to meet him on the rooftop where we had to jump off on our first day here. We were allowed to go there, it was part of the compound and we could just say we needed some fresh air.   
We try to walk casually towards the meeting spot. We make jokes and mock one and other, to not seem suspicious. We run into Amber on our way out. She asks us where we are going and she has a look in her eyes that can’t mean anything good. We tell her we are going to get some air and she chuckles: “Right, air. Good one.”  
Michael and I understand her message and we both turn red. Amber laughs and leaves us. If someone would see us, we can always say we wanted some alone time. The thought made me laugh and Michael eyed me: “What? It’s ridiculous and you know it.”   
“I am horrified by the images running threw my head because of Amber’s comment,” Michael joked and I slap him playfully. I can’t even picture it. All I see is Eric and all I feel are his hands. I force myself to think about Sacha and to feel repulsed by Eric’s touches and words. It doesn’t really work. I am stuck thinking about Eric and my very conflicting emotions until we reach the roof. Tabassum is waiting for us. He has a rope leader hanging from the roof.   
“I cannot stay long,” the dark skinned man said with his deep voice. He looked tired and I am pretty sure his eyes are red from crying. Sacha must have been a good friend of his. I couldn’t shake of the guilt developing inside myself. She had been in that storage room because of me or for me. Why did Eric have to kill her? Why couldn’t he have shot her in her leg or something?   
“We know who shot you during the factionless attack,” Tabassum said and I felt my body go cold. What is it turned out to be Eric as well? I hated myself because the first thought that came to my head, involved Eric, again. Tabassum continued: “Some of the camera footage from that area has disappeared, so we went out to find some witnesses. We found a group of factionless women who were in the area and they saw a Dauntless man enter the building from where the bullet that hit you was shot from.”  
“Who was it?” Michael asks because I can’t find my voice. If the footage disappeared, then more people were involved. It doesn’t surprise me but it does mean that my suspicions were true. The proof that was beginning to arise was starting to scare me. Tabassum answered Michael’s question: “Max his brother, Matthew, was the shooter. We are almost certain of it.”  
“Max his brother? Luissa’s father,” I find my voice and for some reason I am not surprised that I got shot. Could Luissa have known that I was going to get shot by her father? She did threaten me. Maybe she did that because she knew I wasn’t going to make it.   
“Yes, the factionless women saw him enter the building and when he left, he was carrying a gun,” Tabassum explained. I wasn’t sure what it meant to me, knowing that Luissa’s father was the one who shot me. I didn’t have any hard evidence to get back at him and the man has never spoken to me before. Max must have ordered him to shoot me. I wonder what Jeanine her involvement was in the shooting. For some reason I don’t think she would want me dead. What good am I dead to her?   
“What happened to Sacha?” Tabassum asked us and we explained it to him. We tried to be as gentle as possible, but we could tell the news was still hard for him to swallow. Sacha must have been a really good friend to Tabassum, maybe they were even lovers: “I am sorry Tabassum.”  
“It’s not your fault. These are dangerous times and unfortunately this isn’t the first time we lose one of ours in such an act,” Tabassum told us and he let his head hang low. His eyes were aimed at the ground. I walked over to the man and gave him a hug. He accepted it and returned the hug. Michael laid his hand on the man’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly.   
Tabassum left after that. He didn’t want to risk getting caught. He already risked a lot coming here, so quickly after Sacha’s death. We were thankful he did and that he informed us about Luissa’s father. We now know to keep an extra eye out for the man.   
We go to dinner together and talk about our lives in Erudite and how much easier that was. Where did things go so wrong? I guess coming here started it all. Maybe I should have stayed in Erudite or gone to another faction. I think I could have found a place between Amity, but I wouldn’t have fitted in as good as I fit in here in Dauntless. If I had stayed in Erudite, then Jeanine would have kept a close eye on me. I guess it wouldn’t have mattered where I went, because Jeanine would have followed me anyway. It was probably just easier for her that I came here.   
We were joined by our friends after a few minutes and Marc and Victor started telling jokes to lighten all our moods. Kim, Marnie and Sarah were discussing some guy’s they thought were good looking. They tried to get me to join the conversation, but all I could think about was how much better Eric looked, especially when his shirt is off and how good his muscles felt beneath my fingertips and…  
“What do you think they are talking about?” Michael pulls me out of my thoughts and I follow his eyes. He was looking at Max, Eric and some other Dauntless men. They seemed to be in a discussion and Max and Eric seemed to not agree over something. Matthew was sitting across from his brother and my eyes crossed with his. I kept his gaze and he understood the message my eyes were sending him: I knew. His expression didn’t falter and he turned his eyes back to his brother. I focused mine back on Michael: “It doesn’t matter. We should just focus on tonight.”  
“You’re right. We are not going to be separated,” Michael says and Lucas heard him. He lays his arm around me and leans in closer. Michael copies his actions and I am stuck between the two grinning idiots. Lucas speaks: “We have a saying at our home. We are family and family means no one stays behind or get’s forgotten.”  
“That’s a nice saying,” I say and enjoy the boy’s their hug. This is my family now and I will make sure we stick together and that we are all safe. Lucas is right: no one get’s left behind or forgotten. We return to our dinner and laugh at Marc and Victor their jokes. The girls join us eventually and I feel perfectly at ease and safe in this new family I have found. I feel very lucky having these people by my side with everything that has been going on.   
When I start my shift at the bar, the Dauntless born initiates are there. They are talking, but are less animated as they usually are. I notice that Luissa is talking to Andrew, but he doesn’t seem to be interested in what she is saying. In fact he seems angry at her. I wonder what is going on among them. I observe them during my early hours in the bar and it isn’t until I have to start taking orders that I forget about them. It’s another busy night in the bar and now that I know how to make drinks, Scott let’s me help him behind the bar more often. People don’t try to get away with free drinks anymore. They have heard about my fight with the five Dauntless men a few nights ago.  
I wonder how tonight will go. I hope all goes well. I pray that everything goes according to plan. And if it doesn’t, then please let my friends get out of this without trouble. I’ll take all the blame! I hope there is such a thing as a higher power.   
“Andy, can we talk?” Skander is standing in front of me. He is leaning over the bar and I lean back when I realize how close his face is to mine. What does he want? I wasn’t in the mood to talk to him or any of his friends. I want to point to the people waiting for their drinks, but sadly for me there wasn’t anyone at the bar currently wanting a drink. Just my luck: “What?”  
“Look we know that we weren’t exactly on the same page earlier, but we don’t want this to get between all of us. We like hanging out with you guys,” Skander said and he looked sincere. That didn’t mean I believed him though. I didn’t forget the why Luissa spoke about Sacha. Like it was her own fault, like she disserved to die. I felt myself get riled up just by thinking about Luissa’s smug face. I clenched my hands around the edge of the bar. I needed something to squeeze my anger out on so that I didn’t end up in another fight in this place.   
“You know, we left our factions because we didn’t fit in their way of life. They did things we didn’t agree with. We were against it. We never vocalized those thoughts because we were children and naïve. I believed my parents would take on those things, but they didn’t. Everything always stayed the same way and I hated it. If you don’t agree with something, you should speak up, because else you are just a coward. Being brave means that sometimes you don’t follow the crowd. I thought you were like that, but apparently you rather conform to this compound even though you are against certain actions,” I speak my mind and I am amazed at my own ability to stay calm. Skander wants to protest, but I cut him off: “My parents weren’t killed in the Erudite fire and I wasn’t shot by a factionless man. Your faction isn’t a saint and if you don’t stand up against it, things will never change. And maybe it isn’t our place to point out these things, but at least we have the balls to do it.”  
“Maybe you are right, but you don’t know what things are like around here. Things weren’t always like this. I don’t know what changed, but we can’t stop it,” Skander protests and I believe him: “You are right, alone you can’t do anything. But blindly accepting that killing a woman is okay, makes you a monster and my friends and I don’t want anything to do with people like that. We do think it’s a big deal and no, we are not letting it slide. Now if you’ll excuse, I have work to do.”  
I walk away from the bar and into the storage room. Skander follows me however and closes the door behind him: “We are not like that. We don’t agree with what they did, but speaking out of order in here gets you into trouble. I agree there was something fishy about you getting shot and frankly it wouldn’t surprise me if it was someone from Dauntless. I hear my parents talk about their colleges and our leaders. They aren’t perfect. I am not entirely sure that Max handles in the best interest for this compound and Eric should have never been made a leader because that guy doesn’t add up.”  
I was shocked that Skander knew so much about what was going on. He is a lot smarter than I expected him to be. But what does he know precisely? What has he heard from his parents? I ask my question and Skander takes a step back. He straightens his back and clenches his jaw. He is on his guard suddenly. Why would he be on his guard? Unless he knows something really important, but what?   
“I hear things. Some people suspect that our leaders might have a secret agenda,” the boy explains, but he stays extremely vague. Like I didn’t already know that Max and Eric have a secret agenda. Skander is a smart guy. He is never going to tell me what I want to hear without me making him talk. I am going to need to be more aggressive, but Skander is strong and he can take me on easily. I let my eyes slide over the shelves in the storage room. They are filled with bottles, snacks and some tools Scott uses when something needs to be repaired. A hammer catches my eye.   
Skander notices I am looking at something and he turns his head to figure out what it is. I take my change and throw myself against Skander. He stumbles backwards and I place one knee between his legs and one arm against his throat. The other graphs the hammer: “Talk!”  
I am surprised to find out that Skander doesn’t panic; in fact he stays completely calm. That’s not a good sign. I push my knee up and slam it against his crotch. I cover his mouth so that he can’t scream out. I keep his body pushed up against the door and repeat my order. The boy is still very composed, but he is starting to panic slightly: “My parents… they work as ambassadors for Dauntless. They visit the other factions frequently. Since a few months they have been accompanied by Eric a lot when they go to Erudite.”  
“Tell me something that doesn’t surprise me if you don’t want me to smash this hammer against your knee. I’m pretty sure that would be the end of your Dauntless carrier,” I threaten the boy, but he isn’t intimidated by it. In fact he is back to his composed self. I feel his body relax significantly: “My mother overheard him talk to Jeanine about you.”  
I feel my body go cold and my heartbeat starts beating in my throat. What has he heard? What did Eric tell about me? Skander notices my eyes go wide and that my breathing isn’t as even as it was before. He continues: “Jeanine was most interested in your performances in the simulations. Eric must have told her how you are handling them?”  
“What’s that suppose to mean?” I snap and feel my fists shake at the new information. It shouldn’t surprise me but somehow I thought that maybe Eric wouldn’t talk about it. Why am I such an idiot? My thoughts divert my attention from Skander and he notices it. Before I can react, he graphs my shoulders and throws his head against mine. For a second my vision turns black and I stumble backwards. Skander’s graphs my hand holding the hammer and twists my wrist, making me let go of the hammer. He places his foot behind mine and pins me down: “Now you start explaining something to me. Why is Jeanine interested in you? What are you?”  
What did he just ask? What am I? Why would he ask that? It’s so…implying the answer. He can only expect a certain answer. But there is no way he could be thinking the same thing as I am. Skander isn’t a…  
“I’m the one holding the hammer now Andy. Sucks when the tables are turned on you, isn’t it,” Skander tries to mock me, but it doesn’t have much effect because Skander isn’t the type to mock others. He is the best initiates of the Dauntless born, but he doesn’t behave like the other Dauntless born initiates do. They mock each other a lot, in good humor, but still. Skander doesn’t do that. In fact, it doesn’t really surprise me that he is the one to approach me about what has happened. He wants to make peace. He wants us all to get along with each other. It’s kind of Amity like.   
He can’t be…  
“What are you?” Skander nearly yells in my face and it seems so out of character for him. I lock my eyes with his and pull out my Erudite expression: blankness. I search the boy’s eyes to figure out what he is truly trying to find out. His resolve is starting to crumble and his body starts to shake noticeably. He notices too and sighs. He breaks the eye contact: “I know why that factionless woman was in that storage room. She was waiting for you, wasn’t she?”  
“How do you know that?” I ask and decide not to lie about my involvement with Sacha. Skander lets go of my wrists and gets of me. We both stand up, but I keep my distance and stay on my guard. Skander sighs again: “Your reaction in the waiting room told me that you knew her. But how does a girl from Erudite know a factionless woman.”  
I don’t answer his question. I balled my fists and try to keep my breathing even. Skander continues: “Well she probably knows her the same way I know factionless people.”  
I straighten my back and lower my fists. I eye the boy skeptically: “You are divergent.”  
“So are you,” Skander shoots back at me and we both stare at each other for a couple of minutes. Skander is divergent? How could I not have seen the signs? He clearly saw them. He must have gotten Dauntless and Amity on his aptitude test. Does he know about Michael? I want to ask if he knows about more people being Divergent, but a knock on the door makes us both look up surprised: “Andy? Are you okay?”  
Charlotte!  
I run to the door and stop her from opening it: “Yes, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.”  
“You sure you are alright? You sound…weird,” Charlotte asked and I noticed that I sound out of breath. Must be from the intensity of the situation, but Charlotte will probably think it’s something else. I look at Skander and signal him to stay quite. I bite my lip and slam my fist against the door. She just had to notice that I wasn’t behind the bar.   
“Andy?” Charlotte asks me and I pretend to snap at her: “A minute Charlotte!”  
I hear the woman humph and turn on her heels. She walks away. Great, now I am going to have to deal with her in a minute. I turn to Skander and he decides to pick up what we were talking about before our aptitude results came up: “I am sorry for Luissa’s behavior earlier, but we aren’t like that. We thought it was immensely rude the way she asked that question and we are dealing with her. But she isn’t an easy person and it doesn’t help that she is Max his niece.”   
“We know that you aren’t responsible for her,” I tell the boy and see him relax significantly. I can imagine Luissa would abuse her power as family of the leader of the Dauntless. Skander smiles a little: “Good, because I could really use an ally.”  
“I’ll be honest with you: you don’t want me as an ally,” I tell the boy and his smile disappears from his face. I explain myself: “It’s not that I don’t want to be your ally, but three people have already died because they were involved with me and because of me being a Divergent. Jeanine is on to me and I am trying to deceit her. I think she is currently very focused on me, what is good for you. Maybe she doesn’t know about you, so don’t come to close. I don’t want another death on my conscience.”  
I look Skander in the eye as I tell him that and he nodes at the end of it. He understands. How can he not? I am talking about his safety, his survival. Michael and I try to keep our distance, but it’s hard.   
“Look Skander, do you really mean what you said earlier?” I eye him. I think he is being sincere and I didn’t get a negative vibe from his and his friends. Maybe we should allow them into our family. If he really is divergent, he might come in handy later. Besides he is like me and Michael and he knows that stuff is going on. I can imagine how he must feel, so I am not pushing him aside.   
Skander nods and I sigh. I graph the front of his shirt suddenly and push him hard against the wall behind him. I place my other arm against his throat and wait for his reaction. He only yelps and looks surprised: “Know that if you sell us out or threaten my family in any kind of way, I will personally arrange your dead. Am I clear?”  
“Cristal,” Skander nods and I let him go. He pulls his shirt straight and eyes me curiously: “What are you guy’s up to?”  
“We are sticking together as a family. If you and your friends want in on that, we might be able to help you, but no Luissa. She will tell Max and then we are all screwed,” I explain and keep my voice very threatening. Skander raises one eyebrow: “I am listening.”


	36. Chapter 36

Chapter 36  
Discovering Skander is divergent was a nice distraction, but when it came time to start our plan, I found myself become very nervous. At first it was just an annoying feeling inside my stomach, but it got worse with every hour that passed. I felt like I was going to throw up, my hands were constantly shaking and I kept mixing drinks tighter and making mistakes. Scott and Charlotte had commented on it, but I had just said I was having a bad day. Scott didn’t pay much attention to me, but Charlotte kept a closer eye on me. It didn’t help my nerves.   
I hated not being able to keep an eye on my friends, not knowing what was happening with them. Marc, Sigrid and Victor were currently sitting outside the bar, acting casually. Judging by their amount of laughter I am guessing they are telling jokes. How can they laugh at a moment like this? I am practically dying from stress. It is a miracle that Scott and Charlotte haven’t asked more questions.  
I told Skander to get Michael and bring him to the bar. I had informed my partner in crime about what Skander had told me earlier, but left out the Divergent part. Skander would ask questions as to why I would tell Michael about it. I will tell him tomorrow. It didn’t feel right to exclude the Dauntless born initiates like we were planning on doing. They disserve a fair chance. Michael wasn’t buying Skander’s explanation in the beginning and it took some of my convincing to finally get Michael to take Skander with him. They would find a way to get Sigrid, Andrew and Tyra in the simulation as well. Kane and Skander didn’t need the help.   
We all agreed on not letting Luissa join us. Skander pointed out that she would spill the beans to her uncle in a heartbeat. While one member of the group was in the simulation room, the other Dauntless born initiates would keep an eye on the girl. We had to be subtitle, but she went to see her uncle and she hadn’t returned from that yet. Sigrid was keeping an eye on the corridor that leads to Max his office.   
“Andy tell me what is going on? You look distracted and are hardly functioning,” Charlotte points out to me after two hours and I curse myself for not hiding my anxiety better. I felt nearly sick from worry. My stomach was turning over every ten minutes and I was hot and cold at the same time. I hated not knowing and I took only a little comfort in seeing Sarah join Marc, Sigrid and Victor. She looked shaken up, but she also smiled. I wanted to walk over to her and find out how it went, but I couldn’t leave the bar. I hope she comes here out of her own.   
“Yeah, I am fine Charlotte. Just ate something bad I think,” I assure the woman and smile at her. Scott was taking to some Dauntless men. They were regulars, almost here every night. Charlotte didn’t seem convinced and laid her hand against my forehead: “You look like you might have a fever. You are very pale. Maybe you need some fresh air.”  
“That might help. Do you mind if I…” I ask and eye the storage room. Fresh air might do me some good. Charlotte assures me its okay and she pushes me towards the storage room. I thank her and walked out the door in the back. It leads to a deserted street. I sit down and lean my back against the cool wall. The cold helps me calm down. I have only been this worried in my life when Marie was inside our apartment building when it was on fire. I never knew I could worry this much. I was literally getting sick from it. I felt like throwing up, but nothing came. Just breathe Andy, just breath. Everything will work out and what’s the worst that could happen? We all become factionless. At least we will be together. But I am not so sure they would throw us all out, because that would mean they would only have one initiate to pass this year, Luissa. Everyone else is involved in our scam tonight. They would punish us, hard, but I don’t think they want to throw everyone out. And if they did, what is so bad about that? I mean, we can go to Tabassum and he would help us. Michael, Skander and I would be a lot safer. And we would be together.   
But to be honest, I didn’t want to become factionless. I want to become Dauntless. I want to succeed in this initiation. I want to be a member of this faction even though I don’t agree with how things are run around here at the moment. But change doesn’t happen overnight. What was that saying again…Rome wasn’t built in one day. I think that would apply in this situation. Rome was a city in the ancient world I believe, somewhere in Europe. I wonder what’s left of Europe. I wonder what it looked like. They never showed us any pictures outside of America, because it didn’t matter what had happened in the past. The world outside of this city is dead, there is nothing left. I find that hard to believe actually. There used to live billions of people on this planet and only we are left? And if that is true, why do we need the fence around the city? What is it protecting us from? Or is it suppose to keep us inside the city? But why would they do that?   
Maybe I am more Erudite then I like to admit, asking these kinds of questions. Maybe I am not interested in science and stuff, but there are other things I find fascinating, like history and biology. Not that we ever saw much of those subjects in class. History only focused on the history of this city, but it’s only a hundred years old. What could happen in that period of time that is interesting to learn about? I’d rather hear about what happened outside of these fences. I wonder what happened in Europe and Asia. And what about people who lived on islands, like New Zealand? They are all gone too?   
But why would they lie about something like that?   
I need to stop thinking like this. It’s not like I am going to get an answer about the outside world. I wonder if the others think about stuff like that. I am sure that Michael does and maybe Sarah too, but what about the others? Marnie and Kim only talk about clothes, boys, training and stuff like that. I don’t think I have ever heard Marc and Victor discuss serious matters like politics and their dreams. Lucas is more of a thinker then his brother. He might not do badly in Erudite. Annie and Rob are starting to see things aren’t as they appeared to be, so I think they are thinking more about this city and its faction system. I never understood the idea’s that brought life to the faction system. It’s so against human nature and limited. No wonder they hunt Divergents. We would suffocate in this system and rebel against it if we got the change.  
I wonder how Marnie is doing in the simulation system. I hope Michael can help her. I think he would be a good teacher. God, I just hope nobody gets caught! Please, let us all make it through this night without any trouble. Please let us all stay together tomorrow! I notice my breathing is starting to sound shallow and I am having difficulties to catch my breath. I tell myself to take slow and long breaths, but my lunges refuse to listen. What if they punish my friends like they did with Sacha? What if they just shoot them and pretend it is justified? Breathing started to hurt and I can’t calm down. What if I catch up to my friends after my job here and there is a group of Dauntless men standing there? My breath starts getting stuck in my throat and I can’t breathe anymore.   
Am I having a panic attack?  
I need help; I cannot get out of this on my own. But who am I going to ask for help? If I call for Charlotte or Scott they will ask questions and I can’t answer them right now. I don’t really have a backup story that could explain my panic attack. But if I don’t get any help, I am going to end up suffocating and Charlotte is bound to find out because she will wonder what is taking me so long.   
Focus Andy, you can beat this. Just breathe and forget about your friends for a moment. They aren’t stupid and they can handle themselves. Thinking about my friends only made matters worse and I started freaking out completely.  
I place my hands against my ears and tried to block out any sounds, but the problem was that the noises I was hearing where coming from inside my own head. My brain wouldn’t stop coming up with worst case scenarios. I closed my eyes and tried to block everything out, but it wasn’t working. A faint noise came from my right. I think it was the door. I didn’t look up and stayed focused on the mantra going through my head: just breath, your friends are fine.  
“Andy, breath threw your nose,” I hear a voice say, but my freaked out mind wasn’t capable of figuring out who it was. I had to put all my energy into the action. My body was growing tired and I wasn’t sure I was going to stay much longer conscious. It was working, but at a very slow pace. I felt two hands cup the back of my head and a forehead leaned against mine: “Breath with me, slowly and keep breathing threw your nose.”  
Cool air started entering my nose at a quicker pace and I could feel my body calming down. I was capable of breathing, but the panic stayed just below the surface. It could come back if I let my mind wonder to my friends. I felt the two hands at the back of my head take my hands away from my ears and I felt suddenly very cold because of the silence. I felt almost naked because of the silence around me. It was unnatural to me even though it was a deserted street, that wasn’t used anymore expect by Scott, Charlotte and maybe four people from Amity.   
The hands pulled me closer to the body in front of me and I laid my head against the man’s chest. The scent I inhaled confirmed to me my suspicion of who was standing in front of me: Eric. He was crouched in front of me and he had taken his jacket off and laid it around my shoulders. When did he do that? I didn’t mind it, it helped keep the cold away and the scent coming from it was having a calming effect on me.   
“That’s it, just breath. You’re safe,” Eric whispered and I felt my panic be replaced by anger. I was safe? He thinks I am safe? I pushed myself away from the man and looked at him. My eyes sending him daggers. He killed Sacha and I am safe? I was supposed to be down there with her. Would he have killed me so easily as well? My voice wasn’t even when I spoke, but my anger was clearly audible in it: “I am safe you say. There is nowhere safe for me and you know that. I was supposed to be in that storage room. I was on my way down there when you intercepted her. I should have been there.”  
“But you weren’t, so stop thinking about it,” Eric tells me and it unnerves me that he can stay calm at a moment like this. I feel like bursting out of my skin and attack the man in front of me and he is just calm. Where is his anger for me yelling at him? I just admitted being involved with Sacha and he doesn’t say anything about it: “I should stop thinking about? That’s the third person to do die because of being involved with me.”  
“Third?” Eric asks and I feel like smacking him for thinking I am that naïve and stupid: “You think I am that stupid that I would believe Max when he told me my parents died in the Erudite fire? They weren’t even in the building!”  
“How do you know that?” Eric asks me and this time I can’t stop myself from raising my hand. He doesn’t stop it and my hand makes contact with his cheek. He turns his head from surprise and because of the force I had put into the slap. His question only made one thought go through my mind: “You know more about it!”  
I launch my body forwards and push Eric back. He falls and I crawl on top of him quickly. I place one foot on one of his hands to keep it in place, while I push one arm down on his throat. In the back of my mind I know that Eric can overpower me easily, but I can’t think straight anymore. He knows more about the murder of my parents and he didn’t say anything about it. How dare he: “What do you know”  
Eric lays his free arm around my waist and pulls me backwards. I have to let go of his other hand and he uses that to pull my arm away from his throat. I throw my fist at his jaw, but he catches it and he graphs both my arms. I can’t pull them lose. He sits up and keeps my arms in place between us. I try to get up, but the grip he has on my arms is making that impossible: “Let me go!”  
“I heard something that involved your parents, but I heard it a week after your parents death,” Eric explained and I stop trying to get lose. He didn’t know about it beforehand? Eric saw the question in my eyes: “No, I didn’t know they were planning that. The Erudite fire was a cover-up, but apparently it wasn’t a good one. How do you know it wasn’t an accident.”  
“Max said my parents were found in our home, but Marie was alone there when the fire broke out. They went to Jeanine late that night,” I said and felt myself calm down. Is he being honest? Did he really not know that they were planning on getting rid of my parents? But he must have known about the Erudite fire. Apparently not: “I found out about the cover-up a day later. I would never put that many people in danger to cover something up.”  
“Why not? You killed Sacha while you could have shot her in her leg or something. You didn’t have to kill her,” I tell the man and raise my voice again. The only reason I am not latching out again is because Eric is still holding my arms in a death grip. For some reason he seemed conflicted. He wanted to say something, but he couldn’t. He looked down and I wonder why he killed Sacha. I lower my voice when I speak: “Eric, why did you kill her?”  
“Because of you,” he whispers back a few seconds later and I am confused. Why would he kill her because of me? What did I have to do with it? I wasn’t down there, so no one could have known Sacha was there to meet with me. The tension I was keeping my arms faltered and I lowered them. Eric’s grip lessened on them while he spoke: “They were asking questions about my involvement with you and my loyalty to the faction.”  
“What do you mean?” I ask. He killed her to fool everyone. Max isn’t sure that Eric is doing his job, but why does Max think that? Eric continued: “You know I am observing you and yet I have never watched over you in the simulations. What? You really think Four is that subtitle or smart. I knew what he was doing and I let him. It didn’t go by unnoticed.”  
It was the first time the words were spoken out loud between us. He knew that I knew that he was observing me and that he is involved with Jeanine, but we never admitted that in words. We just knew and that was what made this whole situation so damn messy. Or maybe bearably. Eric continued: “I know what you are and I know that the results Four entered in the system are false, but I never reported that.”  
“Why didn’t you?” I ask and Eric looks up. My eyes meet his. He lets go of my arms and lays them at the back of my head. Despite being outside in the cold air, his hands are warm. They feel comfortable against my cold skin. He leans his forehead against mine and spoke: “Because I am selfish and I don’t want to give you up.”  
I understood the meaning behind those words and I felt myself blush. Eric chuckles at the red covering my cheeks and he closes the distance between us. I let him and lay my arms around his neck. I push my chest against his and he lets his hands slide down my back. He lays his arms around my waist. I didn’t care that we were sitting outside in the cold, on a deserted street and Charlotte and Scott could walk in on us any second. I just wanted to feel him and know that I was safe for a moment. I let him deepen our kiss and one of my hands found its way into his hair. We kissed slowly and gentle, but it had meaning. Eric was on my side, he was looking out for me. A thought occurred to me suddenly. I broke the kiss and leaned back slightly to look at Eric. He looked confused at me: “What happens tomorrow?”  
Eric knew what I was talking about. His shoulders slump and it wasn’t something I liked seeing him do. It meant that he didn’t know and when Eric didn’t know something, things were bad: “I don’t know, we’ll figure it out then.”   
“Are we?” I ask. I want to be sure. I want a confirmation that I am not facing him tomorrow, but just my fears. I want him to be honest and guarantee me that he will help me. I don’t want him to be lying to me. He told me himself I couldn’t trust him. Eric pulls me closer and I lay my head against his chest. I feel his lips leave a kiss at the top of my head: “We are.”   
“Then I need you to do something for me,” I say and Eric pulls back and eyes me curiously: “What are you up to?”  
“Me? Nothing, but you are going to have drinks with Lauren and Four and make sure they have a good time,” I say and Eric still looks confused at me: “I can’t tell you more, because you can’t know. Just get them drunk or something.”  
“You want me to get another woman drunk?” Eric asks me and it hadn’t occurred to me yet how my request must have sounded. Yeah, that basically what I am asking you to do: “I’ll live, as long as it’s not Amber.”  
“You know about Amber? Is that jealousy I am detecting in your voice?” Eric asks me and he leans his head closer and I shiver when I feel his breath touch my ears: “I didn’t think you were the jealous type.”  
“What can I say, I don’t like sharing,” I answer honestly because there was no way that Eric would let this go if I lied. The man chuckles and he kisses my neck. I close my eyes and enjoy the path his lips are following down my neck. I moan out slightly when I feel Eric’s warm hands crawl beneath my shirt and slide up my back. It was a very comforting feeling, but we had to stop. It was a miracle that Charlotte and Scott hadn’t walked in on us yet: “Eric…we need…to…stop.”  
“Then pull away, I’m not stopping you,” Eric teases me and I moan out again when he finds the sensitive spot beneath my ear. I had to pull away, but I couldn’t bring my body to listen. One of my hands finds its way back into Eric’s hair and I let my nails slide gently over his skull. Eric moans and I feel empowered by that to let my free hand slide under his shirt. I loved feeling his solid and firm muscles beneath my hand. I let my hand slide up and down his chest and I can tell by the way he is starting to breathe louder, that he is enjoying it. He pulls his lips away from my neck and finds mine again. He pulls his hands away from my back and I can’t suppress myself from letting out a disappointed sound. Eric chuckles and his lips find my ear: “Don’t worry, initiate. I’m not done with you yet.”  
I felt my stomach do a summersault at the thought and I forgot all thoughts of my friends for a few minutes. Eric stood up and he picked me up with him in the process. I loved when he did that. I loved it when he was being dominating. I loved that he could just pick me up and practically do with me whatever he wants too. My stomach did another summersault at that thought. My feet make contact with the ground and Eric pushes his jacket of my shoulders. It falls to the ground and is forgotten for awhile. The man’s hands find their way back beneath my shirt and this time they slide to my chest. I moan in pleasure when he touches me so intimately. He breaks our kiss: “I thought you had to go? Are you enjoying yourself to much?”  
“Damn you,” I curse at him and let my nails slide down his head a bit harder this time. He groans at me and his lips find mine again. He deepens the kiss and I let my nails slide down Eric chest and he shivers significantly. I repeat my action and let my nails slide down to his stomach. He breaks the kiss and he sounds very husky when he speaks: “If you don’t want us to stay here for another couple of hours, I suggest you do not do that again.”   
I don’t stop the blush from covering my cheeks and I am very pleased with Eric’s reaction. I pull my hand out his hair and kiss him one last time before I pull away. I let my nails run down Eric’s stomach one more time and he groans in the nook of my neck. He bits my neck playfully and I chuckle. It’s nice being the one in control for once. It is usually Eric who drives me crazy.   
I pull myself lose and feel very pleased when I hear Eric curse my name under his breath. I pick up his jacket and give it back to him. People would ask questions if they saw me wearing it. I want to walk back inside, feeling very pleased with myself, when Eric stops me and presses his chest against my back. One arm is laid around my chest and it prevents me from walking away. Eric’s whispers in my ear when he speaks: “Two can play at that game.” I shiver and feel my breath get stuck in my throat when I feel Eric’s other hand slide up my thigh and being pulled away just when it is getting to close to its destination. A rough kiss is left behind in my neck and Eric walks inside. I follow him after a minute of cursing him in my head and use the cool air to calm myself down.   
Damn him.  
When I join Charlotte behind the bar she eyes me with a smirk covering her face. She saw us. She doesn’t say anything, but doesn’t stop smirking and I end up smacking her from behind with a towel to get her to stop. When she wants to say something about it, I cut her off: “Don’t even dare.”  
“I wouldn’t. I have to admit if it had been me and Scott in that ally, you would have ended up doing the bar all by yourself for the entire evening,” Charlotte tells me with a low voice to make sure that Scott didn’t hear her. Damn her and Eric. The blush covering my cheeks made the woman laugh: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. This secret is too good to share!”  
“I hate you,” I tell Charlotte and she gets back me with her towel. We laugh and go back to work. Scott is refilling the taps, while Charlotte and I serve customers. I can see Lucas, Victor, Andrew and Sarah sit outside the bar, still acting like nothing was going on. Eric was standing around a table, talking to Lauren. She was holding a drink that I might have spiked with a bit more alcohol than usual. Four was standing next to Eric, talking to Tori. They were laughing. The whole evening I keep serving customers and keeping an eye on my friends and Eric. Every time someone new joined my friends, I feel a bit better.   
Around two the bar was practically empty, say for a handful of people. Lauren and Tori were drunk. They needed support to get back to their apartments. Four laid Tori’s arm around his shoulder and I was surprised he could handle the contact. Maybe it is because of the alcohol. Eric walks back to the bar and talks to Scott. I ignore them, but feel Eric eyes on my body while I talk to two Dauntless men. They were drunk and telling me funny stories. Apparently listening to drunken customers comes with the territory of working in a bar. Charlotte joins us and after a few seconds she whispers in my ear: “If you want, you can go. You might be able to pick up where you left earlier.”   
I was glad that the lighting in the bar covered my flaming cheeks, because I would never live this one down. Charlotte laughs and I punch her on her arm and stop myself from thinking back to Eric’s hands on my body. I send the woman a threatening glare: “Watch it Charlotte, I know where you live and I can…”  
“Yeah that might be true, but I am currently wondering where it is you sleep at night,” Charlotte mocks me further and I bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from doing something stupid. There was a little bit of truth in what she was saying. With the way things were going, I might start to wonder where I would sleep at night.   
“Get out of here,” Charlotte tells me and pushes me from behind the bar. I ignore Charlotte and Eric’s eyes following me and leave the bar. I need to join my friends and forget about Eric for tonight. I walk over to Lucas and he grins at me: “Everything is going according to plan. Sarah, Marnie, Kim, Rob and Sigrid have gone in the simulation and Michael was able to help them.”  
“Good, I am going to join them. Maybe Michael needs some air or something,” I say and leave my friends behind. Michael knew I was going to join him when I was done with my shift in the bar, so he should be expecting me right about now. I try to walk casually towards the simulation room. I take the long route to make sure that no one is following me. Still I get there quickly and I knock one time on the door. It would signal Michael that it was me at the door. The door is opened quickly and I am pulled in the room.   
Annie is lying in the simulation chair and she seems to be relatively calm. I turn to Michael and he looks tired. He should go to sleep before he does something wrong because of his fatigue: “How is she doing?”  
“Good, she needed some help with her fear of heights, but once she knew that I was watching over her, she started to focus and was able to get passed her fears,” Michael explains and he sits down in the chair behind the computer. He informs me how the others did during their tries. Because we let the Dauntless born initiates join us, they had made some changes in our lineup. They couldn’t have the Dauntless born initiates leave one by one, because Luissa would notice. Sarah was the one who needed the most help. She froze every time when she was confronted with her fears. Michael isn’t sure if she will be able to handle it tomorrow. The others usually need Michael’s voice to remind them that it was only a simulation and that they should focus. Rob turned out to be really good at getting passed his fears once he let go of his emotions.   
Michael showed me how to work the simulation program. I shivered when I saw that I had to inject my friends with a needle. There were buttons I had to stay away from because they would record the simulation and that would get us caught. The program was fairly simple.   
Annie woke up quickly after that. She was surprised to see me standing there, but glad as well. I gave her a hug and told her she did well in the simulation. Almost everyone was in the simulation between twenty and thirty-five minutes. Andrew joined us ten minutes after Annie had left. Michael showed me how to put Andrew in the simulation and we guided him threw it. We could manage on his down with his first five fears, but he couldn’t get passed killing someone. He walked into a room and he was ordered to kill a man. He was sitting on his knees, waiting for it to be over. He wasn’t fighting or anything, just waiting calmly. Andrews fear made me realize that I didn’t have this kind of fear. In fact I had pulled the trigger on a man once. True it was during an ambush, but still. I was capably of murder. It was something I hated about myself.   
When I still lived in Erudite I never really thought about what I liked about myself and what I hated. Since I arrived here, I have been reflecting a lot on myself and what kind of person I want to become and what kind of person I am turning into. There is a big difference between those two.  
Andrew ended up facing three new fears, but he was able to face them. I had a feeling that the Dauntless born initiates were better at dealing with their fears. They seemed to be able to get over their emotions quicker than us transfers. Maybe that is because they are raised to be brave from a young age.   
Michael left with Andrew and I got company from Tyra and Marc. They were the last once to go into the simulation. Skander and the twins were on the lookout and we would all leave together when we were done. Marc helped me guide Tyra threw her fears. I was surprised to find out she wasn’t as collected as her fellow Dauntless born initiates. She let her emotions get to her easily and we had to guide her threw all her fears. I discovered I wasn’t as patient as I thought I was and Marc ended up doing most of the work. Tyra seemed to listen to him. Her last fear involved confinement and she got a panic attack. The scene looked familiar to mine and I felt my own fear surface: “Tyra, you need to stop thinking and just focus on breathing threw your nose. Just focus on that, that’s it. Through your nose. It will help you calm down. I know what this fear is like, but you have to look around to find away to get out of the confinement.”  
When Tyra was capable of breathing properly again, she searched the floor for something to jam the lock with. She found a rock. The lock broke and she walked out of the locked space. She woke up from the simulation. She was relatively calm. She thanked us for our help. I nodded: “Don’t mention it. Just think about our voices when you go in tomorrow and you will do fine.”  
Tyra helped me get Marc ready and he went in the simulation smoothly. Tyra sat down on the ground next to the computer and I sat down in the chair behind the computer. Marc was doing a good job dealing with his fears. I sigh: “Almost done and then we can get out of here.”  
“Yeah, it’s been a stressful night,” Tyra agrees with me and I look at her. She had bangs under her eyes and she was having difficulty at keeping them open. She looked overall exhausted. I probably looked the same: “You can say that again. I had a panic attack in the bar because I was so worried about you guys.”  
“Really?”   
“Yeah, these people are my family and you guys aren’t too bad to hang out with. I want us all to walk away from this without getting caught. I don’t exactly have a great track record at getting away with things I am not supposed to do,” I explain and Tyra laughs: “You are right and that does not calm me down.”  
“I know, I just want us all to get threw stage two of initiation, together,” I look at Tyra and she nods. We were on the same page and maybe these people could become part of our family one day. They could help us find our place here in Dauntless and learn to live according to their standers.   
“Have you thought about what kind of job you want to do if you get passed initiation?” Tyra asks me after a few minutes. Marc is still able to face his fears alone, but we sometimes give him some encouragement to make sure he knows we are with him: “No not really, I don’t even know what kind of jobs there are here.”  
“Leader, guarding the fence, be a representative for Dauntless, working in the compound… You might be good in the kitchen,” Tyra jokes and I grin evilly at her: “I know, I can poison everyone in this compound and make it look like an accident.”  
“Maybe you’re right, I might just join you. We can rebuild Dauntless in whatever fashion we want,” Tyra thinks out load and join in her fantasy: “I am in charge of fashion and I decide that everyone wears the same black shorts.”  
“What’s with you and shorts? I have never seen you wear anything else,” Tyra asks me and I wonder why everyone thinks it’s so weird that I always wear the same cloths. I don’t have anything else and I don’t want to snoop of from the Dauntless more than I am already doing: “I don’t know. They are comfortable and practical for training.”  
“Yeah, but don’t you want to stand out a bit more? You are pretty plain this way,” Tyra points out and I think about it. Dauntless is famous for its interesting clothing styles and haircuts. Maybe I don’t look as Dauntless I think I do: “Maybe one day I’ll wear a top instead of a t-shirt.”  
“If we get passed this stage of initiation, Kane, Skander and I are getting a new tattoo. You guys should join us. Maybe we can get something that represents tonight and our teamwork,” Tyra suggests and I agree with her. It would be nice to do that together. But the thought of a needle piercing my skin freaked me out. Tyra noticed and I explained: “I hate needles. I really hate them with a passion you cannot believe I posses. I’ll watch you guys get tattoos, but I’ll stay on the sideline.”  
“We shall see about that,” Tyra says and I don’t like the way she says it. I wouldn’t put it passed her and her brother to force me to get one and knowing my friends, they would support it. I shiver at the idea and make a mental note to stay away from Tori’s place for a few days.   
We end up only having to help Marc with his last fear. Tyra talked him threw it and it surprised me how calm her voice was when she spoke. She was usually the spitfire of the Dauntless born initiates and here she was talking like a mother to a child who was afraid. It’s funny how you get to see these sides of people. They are sides I never thought I would see or that I even knew existed. Tyra saw my surprise: “I have four younger siblings, who I had to babysit a lot.”  
We shut down the program and double check to make sure that we don’t leave any evidence behind. We slowly open the door and Marc spies into the corridor. It is deserted and he doesn’t hear any noises coming from the pit. Everyone must have gone to bed. It is four o’clock already. Great, I usually get up in three hours and Michael has to get up in one for kitchen duty. I feel bad from him. It’s going to be a long day for him. I lock the door behind me and hide the keys in my pocket.   
We walk quietly but quickly away from the simulation room. We split from Tyra in the pit and Marc and I end up running to our room to release our build up stress. We open the door and everyone is still awake, even Michael although he looks terrible. Marc closes the door behind us and I burst out laughing. All my fears for getting caught and something happening to my friends just poured out of me. I was laughing so hard, I had tears running down my cheeks. The others looked at me and after a few seconds burst out as well.   
“I cannot believe we did that!” Marnie laughs and rolls from her bed. That makes everyone laugh even harder. I found it most unusual to see Sarah laugh so openly. She didn’t do that a lot. It was a refreshing sight to withhold.  
“I feel like my fears are almost nothing compared to actually breaking into the simulation room and using it,” Marc whips the tears from his eyes and Kim agrees: “Yeah, screw those fears, they weren’t even real. When I was walking to the simulation room, I felt like the whole compound was watching me.”  
“Oh don’t you all dare to complain. I had a panic attack because I was so worried about you losers and no one thought it might be a good idea to let me know how things were coming along. I hate you all,” I say when I can control my laughter and everyone looks at me: “I am serious; I had an actual panic attack because of you people.”  
“Oh poor you,” Annie says and she gives me a hug. I fold my arms over each other and try to look angry, but the laughter from the others is too contagious to ignore. I lay my head on Annie’s shoulder and we all laugh together.  
What a perfect moment. I hope we can all still be here tomorrow night.


	37. Chapter 37

Chapter 37  
“Cain, you’re up,” we all look up from our spots and see Eric calling us. His eyes were focused on me. I guess calling me initiate wouldn’t be specific enough considering we are all initiates in this corridor. I was sitting between Rob and Annie. The twins, Skander and Michael were the first once to go in the simulation room. I got up and walked to the man. My friends wished me luck and I eyed them. Rob clarified: “You and him in one small room? That is bound to go wrong.”  
“Yeah, we already made bets on who is going die,” Marc joked and I smirk. It was reassuring to hear that my friends still thought Eric and I didn’t get along. I wonder how long I am going to be able to keep them believing that. They are bound to find out that I go missing sometimes and they must find it weird that I don’t always have a good explanation as to where I was.   
“I’ll try not to get caught and…” I am cut off by a hand smacking the top of my head. Eric’s hand grabs the back of my shirt and he pulls me into the simulation room. I remember a saying my father once told me when he had to do something with my mother that he really didn’t want to do: “They who are going to die, salute you.”  
Just like my father, I ended up receiving a smack to my head. My friends just laugh and Eric closes the door behind us. I snigger from my own comment and remember my father’s smile when he had said that to me and Marie: “You know, I don’t think you are allowed to smack me anymore.”  
“I am when you are being an idiot,” Eric tells me and I sit down on the edge of the simulation chair. I observe Eric while he gets the computer ready. He is being stiff in his movements, what seems to be out of character for Eric. He is to tense, other people could notice it: “Eric, come here.”  
“What?” Eric asks me and looks up from the computer screen. He looks confused and I wave him over. He walks over to me and I grab his hand and pull him closer. I lay my head against his chest and inhale his scent: “Stop worrying, it’ll be fine.”  
Eric doesn’t say anything and leans his forehead against mine. I cup his face and he leans his hands against the simulation chair. He closes the distance between us and we kiss slowly. It was meant to comfort each other. I have to admit I was a bit on edge today as well. What if Eric can’t change any of my results and Jeanine sees them? What if she finds out?  
What if Eric lied to me?   
A stinging and most uncomfortable pain enters my neck. It’s the simulation needle. I hate those things. Eric kept kissing me while he injected the serum. It was a most welcome distraction, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from noticing it. After a few seconds Eric breaks the kiss: “You’ll be fine.”  
“Of course I will be, I always get away with stuff somehow,” I joke and feel my conscious falter. The serum is pulling me in, but I don’t want to let go of Eric just yet. I pull him in for one more kiss and before I know it I am inside the dark and abandoned room I always end up waking up in.   
Having faced these fears a few times now, I know how to handle them. I fight of the men who attack me and I ignore Michael’s corps in the bed. I knock the men unconscious and break the needles they were holding. The serum in them spills out over the floor. I continue. When I run into another room, I am trapped. I see a brick laying in one of the corners. I remember Tyra using the rock last night and I break the lock by hitting it a couple of times. When I run up the stairs, I hear the faceless mob coming after me. On the roof I use a wooden plank to get to the other side of the roof and on the other roof, I tie a rope to climb down the building. While doing so, I take my time. I am pretty sure that I got out of that building quickly and I only have to face the Erudite fire now, unless I have more fears after that one. I never got that far. When I run into the gun in the abandoned street, I take it with me this time. It might come in handy later and it is not because I have a gun, that I actually have to use it.   
Right?  
I get into the burning Erudite building easy and look threw the washing machines for some cloths that could offer me some more protection from the fire upstairs. I find a leather jacket. What is that doing here? Who even wears that? I pull it on and grab two shirts: one for the smoke and one for the doorknob that is coming. I use the same tactic I did last time and open the door. I remember the crowbar in Michael’s apartment and get it. I quickly walk through the burning corridor. While I walk to my home, one of my shoes catches fire. I know it’s not real, but I kick it out none the less. Someone who thinks this is real, would believe they are on fire. I walked further down the corridor and keep checking my back every ten seconds. The last time I was overpowered because I didn’t watch my back and I am pretty sure that Eric would scold me for being so stupid as to forget the basic of our training.   
“Marie?” I yell and my sister responses. I tell her get away from the door and I start banging on the door with the crowbar. After three hits I see movement out of the corner of my eyes. It’s my attacker. I turn and throw the crowbar at the person. It hits the person in their stomach and they fall down. I don’t think and throw myself at the person. It wasn’t a Dauntless person but he still put up a good fight. It unnerved me that the person didn’t have a face. I threw my fist at his stomach and he doubled over, but he pulled my legs out from underneath me. I land hard on my back and I feel the gun press into my back. My attacker grabs the crowbar and throws it at me. I pull the gun out from my waistband and aim at it. I pull the trigger and hit my target. The crowbar changes its course and lands behind me. My attacker stops as I aim the gun at him.   
“Well, what are you going to do now?” the faceless person spoke, but it wasn’t a man’s voice like I first expected it to be. It was a woman standing in front of me. The woman walks towards me and I feel my mind bring me back to the factionless attack. I had aimed a gun at an innocent man and pulled the trigger back then. I could do it now, but I was hesitating because I didn’t want to be able to kill people so easily. I keep the gun aimed at the woman and stand up. The smoke clears between us and I see the woman’s face: it’s Jeanine’s. I find it harder to keep myself from pulling the trigger.   
This must be my fifth fear: turning into a monster that can kill people without remorse. To turn into Jeanine. The conversation she had with my parents all those years ago about human experiments spooked threw my mind and I felt my fear get the better of me. My hands were shaking and that made Jeanine smile: “You can’t do it can you? Maybe you aren’t cut out of the right material to be Dauntless after all.”  
She is trying to provoke me. She wants me to shoot at her, well the simulation wants me to do that. I need to overpower Jeanine some other way. But how? With the fire surrounding us, I can’t fight her. The fire will catch on to my clothes and I will either have to admit that I know this is all fake or I give in to the fear of being burned alive. I never knew I was afraid of that. How did I develop that fear? I remember seeing Marie’s bed, or lack of bed in our bedroom. It was completely destroyed because of the fire. Marie must have woken up in it. I wonder if the bed was already on fire or if she got away in time?   
Think Andy! What can you do to overpower Jeanine?  
“You should have stayed in Erudite. You would have been great under my teachings,” Jeanine says and she takes a step forward. It suddenly downed on me that I hadn’t heard Marie call out to me in a few minutes. She must have heard me fight someone. Why isn’t she calling out to me? What happened to her?   
Jeanine launches herself at me and it is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. Jeanine, cool and collected Jeanine engaging in a brutal hand to hand combat. It was so weird it took me a second longer to move. Jeanine grabs my wrist holding the gun. Her grip is firm. I pull the woman towards me and turn my body. I pull her over my shoulder and throw her against the ground. She lets go of my wrist and I knock her unconscious by smacking the gun against her face. She stops moving, but I could see her chest moving. She was still alive.   
Good.  
I run to my apartment door and shoot the lock. I doubt anyone else will come after me after Jeanine. After two shots the door opens and I enter my apartment, but instead of walking into my living room, I sit up in the simulation chair. I catch my breath and blink a few times. I am out of the simulation? I did it? I turn to Eric, but his face is emotionless: “Eric?”  
The door of the simulation room opens and three Dauntless men burst through. They are followed by Jeanine. She is wearing her glasses and smiling. The three men grab me and I can’t pull myself lose. Jeanine walks closer to me and I see her carrying a needle. I panic and try to get lose but it’s no use: “No! Eric!”  
“Thank you for your help Eric, you can go now,” Jeanine dismisses the man and he walks to the door. He turns to me before he leaves and I feel like getting shot all over again: “I told you not to trust me.”  
He sold me out!  
I couldn’t think about it longer because Jeanine was walking over to me. My arms were locked behind my back by two men, while the third one had his arm around my throat. What can I do? I am stuck. Andy think! What can you use? My feet! When Jeanine is close enough, I kick myself from the ground and place both my feet against the woman’s chest. She falls backwards, against the computer. It falls to the ground. I bite the man who’s arm is around my throat and spit in the face of the one on my left. He closes his eyes and his grip loosens. So does the grip of the man behind me. I stamp on his feet and pull my left arm free. I knock the second man down. The man falls against the simulation chair. I pull the last man towards me and throw him over my shoulder. He slams into the man that fell against the simulation chair. I look at the door and notice that Eric isn’t standing there. I run to the door to get out of the compound, but as soon as I run through the door I sit up in the simulation chair again.   
What?  
I stand up quickly, but my legs aren’t fully functioning because of the serum that is still inside my body. I almost fall down, but Eric catches me. He says something, but my mind is fuzzy and all I feel is the fear from being caught by Jeanine. I throw my fist at the man’s face, but he blocks it. He grabs both my hands and pushes me up against a wall. I am trapped and I feel myself start to panic again.  
“Andy, stop!” Eric tries to calm me down, but I refuse to listen and keep trashing around. Eric pins my hands above my head and he pushes his body against mine. I can’t move anymore and I feel my panic rise to new heights. I want to scream for help, but Eric kisses me to silence me. I freeze in my movements and he breaks the kiss: “Use your head Andy, it wasn’t real.”  
Use my head? Why wasn’t it real? I woke up in the simulation and Eric was there and Jeanine walked in and that could basically happen right now as well and… I couldn’t think anymore was I was launched into a panic attack. My lunges refused to give me oxygen. I hear Eric talk to me, but his words don’t reach my ears and my vision is starting to get blurry. I feel a hand being pushed against my mouth and I start to panic more. Eric presses his lips against my ear: “Breath threw your nose Andy.”  
I try to do as he says and slowly little bits of oxygen enter my body. My brain lets me focus again and go over the last simulation. Why wasn’t that real? Everyone looked real. I think I even recognized the three men holding me down. What was different from now? I couldn’t wrap my head around it and I realized that I needed to know what was different to relax, but I couldn’t figure it out. I locked my eyes with Eric and he understood: “What were you wearing?”  
What kind of question is that? My clothes obliviously. My t-shirt and my shorts. Wait a minute, I was also wearing a jacket, a leather jacket. The one I had found in the Erudite cellar. I was still wearing that when I woke up inside the simulation. I checked my arms to make sure I wasn’t wearing it now. Eric noticed: “You are out of the simulation. You’re awake.”  
I let my body relax and breathing starts to become easier. Eric lets go of my hands and they fall like lifeless limbs beside me. It was a good thing Eric was holding me up, because my legs were suddenly made of jelly. Eric picks me up and carries to me back to the simulation chair. He sits me down and wanted to pull away, but I refuse to let him go. I keep my arms around his neck and hide my face in his neck. He doesn’t speak and rubs his hand, in a soothing way, over my back. It helps. I feel my eyes get wet, but I blink the tears away.   
It had looked so real. It had felt so real. I really thought Eric had sold me out. I really thought I had to run away and that everyone knew. It really hurt when Eric told me not to trust him: “I thought you sold me out.”  
“I told you I am selfish. I’m not planning on sharing you with anyone,” Eric reassures me and I feel a chuckle leave my mouth. I pull my arms away from his neck and lean back. Eric eyes me: “Are you okay?”  
“I’ll be fine,” I lie and he gives me the substance that Four and Lauren always give me after my simulation. Eric lays his hands at the back of my neck and leans his head against mine: “You did well. Your time matches that of the others and you didn’t act suspicious. You handled it like a Dauntless would.”  
“So I don’t have to worry about that robotic blond woman from Erudite?” I ask and Eric chuckles. He kisses my forehead and whispers to me: “No, you’re good. You think you are going to be able to walk out of here with any dignity?”   
I glare at the man and flick his head before he can stop me. He grins at me and kisses me quickly before pulling me out of the simulation chair. He walks me to the door, but he stops from pulling open the door and he turns to me: “Come to my place after your shift in the bar.”  
“I can’t guarantee that. My friends probably want to celebrate tonight and I am convinced they won’t tolerate me leaving,” I disappoint Eric, but he comes up with another idea: “Then come by after the results are announced. You owe me one for last night by the way.”  
“I’ll do my best,” I say and kiss Eric before opening the door. I walk past my friends and wish them good luck. I join the others in the pit. They are talking about how their simulations went. Everyone seemed to be able to handle their fears. I felt pathetic for not being able to handle my last fear. I should have noticed that I was still wearing the Erudite jacket.   
“Andy, are you in there?” Michael asks me and he nudges my shoulder. I stop thinking about my simulation and see my friends are making their way over to Tori’s tattoo shop. Great, like I haven’t faced enough fears in one day. I ignore Michael and follow the group. They had been talking about getting a tattoo that would represent last night. I liked the idea, but I wasn’t sure that the tattoo would be small when I saw Tyra, Skander and Kane’s collection of tattoos. They each had nine tattoos and some were pretty big. Both Tyra’s upper arms were covered and Kane had a very big tattoo of a dragon on his back. Apparently getting tattoos was a family thing.   
I looked through the pages of Tori’s art collection and marveled at her talent. It’s sad that she can’t do more with it. She is really talented. I turned over a page covered with dragon tattoos when my eyes caught a bunch of words: Justice, honor, duty, mercy and hope. The words were written in a cursive writing. It was small and simple. I liked the combination of words. I chose Dauntless because it resembled hope to me. I thought I could hide away in this faction and hide my Divergent. I want to become Dauntless and make it my duty to stand up for others and to protect them. I believe in justice. I did not agree with Sacha’s death and frankly Eric should have found another way to prove his loyalty. I want to make sure that in the future I always act in a justified and merciful way. And I have hope. I am not safe in this compound, but I have a family here and I know that Eric and Four are watching out for me. I wasn’t on my own against the people who want to harm me.   
I decide to get the words tattooed on my right side. Tori remembered that I wasn’t a fan of her needles and she tried to reassure me during the process. I refused to let my friends in the room with me. I would rather die than have them see my face every time Tori’s needles pierces my skin. It felt like hours to me, but in reality I only sat in the chair for like twenty minutes. Tori was quick with her torture devices: “Here, take a look.”  
I stood up and walked over to the mirror in front of the chair. The words were tattooed so that I could read them myself when I looked down. I liked that. If I was ever in trouble or if I didn’t know how to handle a situation, I could look down and remember what the way is I want to live by.   
“How is your other tattoo? I am guessing you didn’t get any infections?” Tori asks me and I pulled my collar down to view my first tattoo. A small smile covers my lips when I look at the owl. I hadn’t asked Tori to do it, but the owl had the same color eyes as my father: green. I had inherited them. Marie had mom’s eyes: “No, I didn’t have any problems with it.”  
“Hey Andy, we found a tattoo we all want. Come check it out,” Lucas calls to me from behind the door. Tori follows me and I see my friends gather around Skander, who is holding one of Tori’s artworks. The page was covered with symbols I have never seen before. I was very glad that it would be a small tattoo: “Which one do you guys want?”  
“This one, it means family,” Michael explains and I eye the tattoo he is pointing at. It was black, with three swirls. I wonder where the symbol comes from. Tori seemed to read my thoughts: “It’s an ancient Celtic symbol. I collect symbols likes these because I like the message they represent.”  
“Well I like it. Tori take me back to your room of hell,” I say and Tori grins like a mad woman. She grabs my wrist and drags me back to the chair. It only takes Tori ten minutes to place the tattoo on my ankle, but I almost scream out in pain and fear this time. I had apparently chosen one of the more painful places to get a tattoo. How nice of Tori not to mention that before she started torturing me.   
Bitch.  
Marnie walked in the tattoo shop when Tori was done with me. She had bandaged both tattoos so that the ink could dry properly and so that my clothes wouldn’t irritate the skin. I showed Marnie the tattoo I got and she eyed me curiously. I didn’t like the way here eyes scanned my body. I wanted to take a step back when Marnie spoke: “Okay, so I know you will hate it, but we have decided for you that it is time to burn the cloths you are wearing. Don’t freak out, we found some cloths that you would find exactable, but honey it is time for a change.”  
Marnie was very threatening and I almost felt an urge to run away from her. I am assuming that ‘we’ means she and Kim. They have been looking for cloths for me. I found the idée ridiculous, but I know how much Marnie and Kim were into stuff like that, so I decided to swallow my pride and just nod: “Let’s make a deal. If our plan succeeds, then I will try out these cloths you have for me.”  
“Deal,” Marnie said and she smiles brightly. I smile back but wonder what was wrong with me. Aren’t normal girls supposed to be into this kind of stuff? Frankly I never thought about it. I just wore the cloths my mom got me. I just pray it’s something decent they got me, because I refuse to wear the shorts she and Kim sometimes wear when they come to the bar.   
“Wait, did I just hear that correctly. Are you actually willing to wear something other than those shorts and the t-shirt you always wear? Who are you and what have you done to our Andy,” Victor mocks me and the others join in. I can only bite my lip and pry to a higher power that Marnie and Kim got me decent cloths. Tonight is going to be a drag. I do not look forward to it anymore.   
“I cannot wait to see this,” Kane said and he wiggled his eyebrows at me. His sister hit him in the head and sighed: “Great, now I am going to be the tomboy of the group. Thanks a lot Andy.”  
“You always were the tomboy. Andy was just always mean and tonight we are going to realize that she is actually a totally knock out,” Kane continued and he received another punch from his sister and surprisingly some dirty looks from Victor, Lucas and Michael. I wanted to question it, but Victor cuts me off: “Don’t even think about it, she belongs to our family, so we get first choice.”  
“She is not a piece of meat and that would be incest Victor,” I told the boy and he just grinned and we left the tattoo shop. We went to the pit and waited there for all our friends. We didn’t tell Luissa about our tattoos. She looked incredibly smug when she joined our group. I am guessing her simulation went smooth. She tried to talk to her fellow Dauntless initiates, but they always answered her shortly and they kept talking to my friends. I got a secret satisfaction from seeing her get annoyed, but she didn’t voice it or walk away.   
We had to wait until after dinner to receive our test results. Around four the nerves started kicking in when Sarah mentioned her concern that maybe her simulation hadn’t gone as well as she had thought. She was starting to doubt herself and it quickly started affecting the others and me. I knew my results were good enough to get me to pass, but what if my friends didn’t make it. What if some of them would still get kicked out. We tried to improve everyone’s simulations last night, but what if they will still make half of us leave. Even if our scores are almost equal.   
I lasted for thirty minutes with the group, but then I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed some alone time to clear my head and to relax. What was done was done and we couldn’t change our results anymore. I grab a gun in the training room and went to the practice roof. I start the program and aim the gun at the targets. They appear quickly and I pull the trigger. The factionless man I almost shot during the attack appears before my eyes for a split second and I lower my gun. I still can’t believe that it was so easy for me to shoot the man during the attack. Now that I think about it, he didn’t look threatening. On the contrary, he looked scared and like he rather was somewhere else.   
And I simple aimed his gun at him and pulled the trigger. How could I have been so selfish and cruel? I blame Eric for killing Sacha the way he did, but at least he had a reason. Well, in his eyes he had a reason. What reason did I have to kill that man? He was attacking me and my friends, but I could have easily shot him in his leg or something. Why hadn’t I thought about that? The man would be unable to fight further and his friends might have backed off. But no, I had to aim at his chest and pull the trigger. How much am I really different from Jeanine? She is apparently cable of murder without thinking about it and that is exactly what I did. I didn’t think and I pulled the trigger. The only reason he isn’t dead is because he hadn’t loaded his gun. He wasn’t alive because of something I had done.   
I shook my head and aim the gun again. I continue firing at the targets and every time the factionless man’s face appears in my head. I refuse to shake his face from my mind, it would remind me of how easy it was for me to cross the line of becoming a murderer. If I ever am faced with a situation like that again, I will think of him and I will not be a brainless Dauntless initiate then. I will use my brain and I will find a way to get out safely without killing my opponent.   
I stay on the practice roof until it was time to gather in the training room. Training on the roof helped me focus on something else, but it also made my shot wound itch significantly. It didn’t hurt, but it was an annoying feeling. Katelyn had removed the wires a few days ago and it had amazed me that it had tickled. The wound was still bandaged up, but it allowed me to train properly and it didn’t get in my way anymore, though it still hurt whenever someone touched it with force. Lucas had one time, during a practice fight, hit the wound with his fist. I had fallen back in pain and I had to quite practice for that day. Lucas felt really guilty because of it. I tried to reassure him that it was okay, but I am pretty sure he didn’t see it that way.   
I walked on my own to the training room and I was the last to arrive apparently, aside from Max and Eric. My friends were joking around but I could tell it was to lessen the tense atmosphere in our group. Luissa stood next to Sigrid and Kim. I could tell by Kim’s face that she was about to punch Luissa. Sigrid had noticed it and she kept Luissa’s attention focused on herself. She seems to be the only one to tolerate Luissa’s annoying voice.  
Four and Lauren are talking quietly and watching us curiously. Something is up with them. Why would they be talking so quietly, they could just wait and discuss whatever it is later when we are not around. Why would they…unless it is about us and our test results. That must be what they are talking about. I wonder if they found out about last night. What if they did? Would they throw us all out? Who would they blame? Me obviously. But who would stand with me? Its one thing to say you will stick together, but it’s another to actually do it.   
The door opens and Max and Eric walk in the training room. The room goes quite and the uncomfortable tension is back. My friends eye them, but I lower my eyes to my shoes. I don’t want to read in Eric’s face that we didn’t succeed. I feel my heart pounding in my throat, but I try to appear calm and collected. I realize that I am not succeeding when Annie, who is sitting next to me on the ground, discreetly grabs my hand and squeezes.   
It’s all or nothing now. Here we go.


	38. Chapter 38

Chapter 38  
“Welcome everyone. As you all expected you are here for the test results of stage two of your initiation,” Max starts his speech and I can tell by his strained voice that something is wrong. They found out! It’s the only possible explanation. Annie feels me tense and she squeezes my hand harder. I try to relax and appear neutral, but my heart was beating insanely laud and I had a hard time hearing what Max was saying. Max continued: “Normally for half of you the initiation would stop today, because your results wouldn’t be worthy enough for becoming a Dauntless member. But somehow you all managed to score very equally, in fact some of you scored the exact same points. Five people are sharing the first spot currently and we have never had that before. Even the lowest score is far above what we are used to.”  
“What does that mean?” Michael asks innocently and Rob looks equally innocent next to him. If the whole situation wasn’t as serious as it was right now, I would have burst out laughing. Why are humor and laughing my coping mechanisms? I must have gotten it from my grandmother because my parents weren’t really the humorist type. Now that I think about it, my grandmother was always up for a laugh. Victor and Marc would have gotten along well with her.   
“It means that we are at a lost as how to handle this situation,” Max confesses and I am flabbergasted that he would admit something like that. I let my eyes slide to Eric and it is obvious by his expression that he knows what he would do. I can’t read from his face what he is thinking. I let my eyes wonder to Four and Lauren. Lauren nods with Max and Four eyes every one of us suspiciously. I look back at Max when his eyes meet mine.   
“And how will you handle the situation?” Kane asks slowly and he and his sister look at each other fearfully. I caught Lucas and Victor doing it too. They must be afraid of being separated from their sibling. I could understand the feeling. If Marie was here, I would worry more over her then about myself.  
“What do you think we should do?” Max asks Kane and I bite the inside of my cheek from yelling out what. Is he serious? How can they not know how to handle this situation? How can they ask us what they should do? I am surprised when Annie is the one to answer Max his question: “No offence, but it is kind of simple what you should do.”  
Everyone turned to the girl and we all looked surprised at her. Did she just really speak up to Max, the Dauntless leader? I was amazed and shocked at the same time. I love Dauntless Annie. She is so badass. Annie continues: “What? Andy rubs off on me. It’s not my fault.”  
And the love is gone.  
“Guilty,” I say and my friends snicker, but stop quickly because of the seriousness of the situation.   
“She’s right, sir,” Sarah joins Annie and I am wondering what they are thinking. My brain is refusing to think proper at the moment for some reason. Sarah and Annie exchange glances and Sarah continues. Considering she is the most polite of both of them currently, it’s probably best that she explained: “What is usually the point that initiates have when they get cut? If you do not know how to judge us, use that as a starting point. Everyone above that point stays, everyone below leaves.”  
It was a surprisingly easy and good reasoning. Why did I not think of that? Or Michael for that matter? Maybe he stayed quite on purpose. We are usually the spokes people of our group. Maybe they would ask questions if we would have the answer for this problem.   
“She has a point sir. If we all scored better then the initiates that have been here before us, then that says something about our potential,” Tyra speaks up and her brother nods next to her. I notice how close they are sitting, their shoulders are touching. It must be their way of comforting each other, like Annie is holding my hand.  
“Yeah, we shouldn’t be punished for being good,” Marc and Victor speak up and Lucas eyes his brother, warning him to watch out. A small smile appears on Max his face, but it disappears quickly.   
“What about you, miss opinion. You have been rather quite for a change,” Max turns to me and suddenly all eyes are on me. I didn’t really have an opinion at the moment. I agreed with Annie and Sarah’s idea. I was more wondering why Max would ask us our opinion. He and his leaders couldn’t figure out how to handle a group of teenagers? That kind of tells you something about their leadership if you ask me, but I don’t think it would be a smart idea to vocalize those thoughts. Or couldn’t they decide among their group? Maybe some people wanted half of our group to leave and maybe others wanted us all to stay. But why would Max listen to our opinion? We are practically no bodies in this compound. Why listen to us? It’s not like we would tell him to send certain people away.   
Maybe that’s what he is hoping for. That we point out how good we are and that we all disserve to stay in Dauntless, because we are worth it. Could Max really want such a thing? I can’t figure the man out. When he offered me the job as a leader in training I was convinced that he was one of the Dauntless traitors. But now it’s like he wants us to stay.  
“Your silence is telling me that you have a lot to say miss opinion,” Max says and he walks over to me. I hadn’t realized that I had been taking my time with thinking over why Max would ask for our opinion. What should I tell him? Judging by the expressions on my friends faces, I should just shut up. But Max his expression wants something else. But what?   
“I agree with Sarah and Annie,” I state and break the eye contact with Max. He can tell that I have other things I want to say. I am sure that everyone can tell that. When have I ever simply stated my opinion like that? Annie squeezes my hand and I hear her let go of the breath she was holding in. I notice the others are doing the same thing. I am slightly insulted by it. Don’t they have any faith in me vocalizing my opinion?   
“Well, then it is settled,” Max says and all eyes turn to him. I feel my heart beat quicker and I wonder if Annie could hear it. Max eyes us all one by one before he continues speaking. It is really mean of him to pros pone the following sentence so long: “You all pass stage two of Dauntless initiation.”   
Our names and points appear on the scoreboard behind him.   
1\. Andy, Michael, Skander, Kane, Lucas   
2\. Tyra, Victor,   
3\. Marnie, Annie, Marc   
4\. Sigrid, Rob   
5\. Kim  
6\. Andrew, Sarah  
7\. Luissa  
We passed? We all passed! I feel like screaming in joy, but I restrain myself. I squeeze Annie’s hand to show my enthusiasm and laugh at Marc and Victor being their stupid and idiotic self. They stop when Max clears his throat and everyone goes quite again: “We will begin with the third stage of initiation in two days. You will not be ranked against each other anymore, but we will keep scoring you. You need the points to choose your job if you pass Dauntless initiation.”  
So from now on we can all pass initiation? I feel a weight being lifted off my shoulders, of which I wasn’t even aware that it was there. Annie lets go of my hand and wraps her arms around my shoulders. Her voice is low so that no one hears it: “Thank you!”  
I don’t reply, but return the hug. We did this as a team, as a family. We succeeded with our plan because we all worked together and tonight we are going to celebrate that.  
“Good job. Celebrate tonight. Now get out of the training hall,” Max ordered us and we all got up. Eric, Lauren and Four leave the before us and I want to follow them, when Max calls me back: “Andy, could I have a word with you for a minute.”  
My friends eye me cautiously and I feel my heartbeat speed up again. What would Max want to talk to me about? I nod to my friends to leave. Lucas lays his arm around my shoulders and whispers: “We’ll wait for you in the pit.”  
I smile my thanks to him and they leave. I am sure that Max could tell that my friends were weary for him. He must wonder why. When the door closes behind Kim, I turn to the Dauntless leader and cover my face behind a mask of indifference: “What would you like to talk about?”  
Does he know about last night? Does he know about me and Eric? Does he know that I am Divergent? Does he know I left the Dauntless compound? There were a lot of possibilities running threw my head, but Max his posture and face expression didn’t tell me anything. I felt very uneasy for some reason.   
“Walk with me,” Max says and he turns around. Where is he going? Max walks to the back of the training room and I notice a door I hadn’t noticed before. To where does it lead? Max pulls out a keychain and opens the lock. He pushes the door open and walks outside. The door leads to the outside. I have to shield my eyes from the sunlight assaulting my eyes. When my eyes have adjusted themselves, I see that we are standing on a small platform. There is a staircase that leads down to the street. Why are we here? Max is standing calmly on the platform, with his hands behind his back, looking at the buildings in front of us. In the distance I could see Erudite headquarters.  
I copy Max his hands and wait for him to speak. I doubt it would do me any good if I lost my patience like I did with Eric a few days ago. Max is probably not so forgiving. A few minutes pass before Max speaks up: “I don’t know what you did, but I am convinced that you found a way to help your friends during the stimulation.”  
“Are you accusing me of helping others?” I ask trying to sound confused, but I find my voice sounding way to nervous. I take a deep breath and try to get my uneasy feelings out. Max doesn’t know how I did it, so that means he doesn’t have any proof. That means he can’t do anything about.   
“Yes, I am. You are a smart woman Andy. It had crossed my mind that you might find a way to help your friends. You seem to have grown into a tight group. Don’t think I didn’t see your friend’s expressions when I asked you to stay. They were all on edge. I wonder why,” Max says and I keep my mouth shut. What am I suppose to say to that?   
“But I am not here to scold you for that. The opposite actually. Like I said you are a smart woman and frankly I think you are a born leader,” Max says and I find all my nervous feelings leave my body because I am dumbstruck by the fact that Max is congratulating me on sneaking around and stuff. What does he want?  
“I’d like you to reconsider my offer from a few weeks ago. I stay by my opinion that you would make a great leader for Dauntless one day,” Max says and I can’t stop myself from raising my voice: “I’m sorry, what!?”  
Max doesn’t seem surprised by my little outburst and for a second I think I saw a smile on his face. He keeps staring out over the buildings as I turn my body to face his and continue: “You still want me to become a leader, even after I pointed out to you that I am not the type to simple keep my thoughts to myself and I think you know I won’t be an easy person to work with. Why on earth would you want me to become a leader of this faction?”  
“You seem to have a natural talent for making people follow you. Let’s just say that not ever Dauntless leader has that talent,” Max says and I am to slow to bit on my tongue: “I don’t think a leader should talk bad about his colleges to an outsider and don’t pretend you are not talking about Eric. You made him a leader. I highly doubt that he was much different from what he is now.”  
“Everyone has his qualities,” Max says, but I get the feeling that he is holding something back. He made Eric a leader, is he regretting it now? But why would he make Eric a leader? A 17 year old transfer from Erudite? I doubt that he had a nicer personality back then. Maybe the other Dauntless leaders wanted Eric to join their group. But why? Sure Eric has many qualities, but he is… well Eric.   
“You should hide better when you are trying to hide certain things, sir,” I point out. Max doesn’t flinch and I suspect that he wanted me to pick up on the fact that he was hiding something. But why? What is Max his game? What is he trying to get from me?   
I decide to talk about something else to try and get a reaction out of Max. I don’t like that he is being so cool in this conversation, while I am practically all over the place, on the inside: “I was wondering if you found anything out about the man who shot me during the factionless attack.”  
That did the trick. Max pulls his eyes away from the skyline and looks at me. I keep my face black. Max seems surprised and his shoulders tense significantly: “Why would you ask about that?”  
“Isn’t it obvious? To return the favor. Someone shot me from behind. It was a cowardly shot, because from the angle the bullet entered my body I can guarantee you that none of the factionless man on the street shot me. It was someone else. The bullet was also shot from a higher ground, what implicates that the person must have been hiding in one of the buildings surrounding the scene,” I explain and read in Max his posture that he is becoming more and more nervous, but I don’t point it out.   
“And if that is true, then it must have been someone from outside both our parties,” I state and Max finds his voice and I am surprised at how even his voice sounds: “What makes you say that.”  
“There was only one shot, so that tells me that the person was aiming for me and no one else. But why would anyone want to get rid of me? A 16 year old girl? I am nothing. An initiate trying to make it past initiation. I think the whole situation is rather fishy, don’t you agree?” I ask Max innocently and he wants to reply, but Four and Eric show up: “Max I need a…”  
“In a minute,” Max says and I notice how he straightens his back and pulls his shoulders back. He is pulling up a façade. I don’t follow him and keep on acting innocently. Eric and Four eye us both, but decide to wait inside.  
“Is there anything more you wanted to talk to me about sir?” I ask Max and smile slightly at the man. I can’t suppress smirking and I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from smiling to brightly.   
“No, think about my offer and get back to me on it,” Max tells me and we walk back inside. An idea pops into my head. I turn to Max: “I will, it might actually help in finding the bastered who shot me. Like you said, I am smart. I will find him. Becoming a leader will surely help me with that.”  
Max his eyes betray himself, but he surprises me with his next comment: “I am sure you will. You can count on my help if you need it. If your thoughts are correct, that means that person failed and he might come back.”  
“Thank you sir,” I say and eye him cautiously. Damn him! I had him right where I wanted him to be. He knows that I know more about the attack, but why would he offer his help in trying to catch his brother?   
Max turns to Four and Eric. Both man glance at each other and Eric let’s Four go first. I guess they want to talk about different things. Max looks at Eric: “I’ll catch up with you in my office in an hour.”   
Eric nods and we walk out the training room. I close the door behind me and turn to Eric. He eyes me curiously: “What did he want?”  
“Leadership position again. I might take him up on it this time,” I say honestly. Becoming a leader would offer a bunch of possibilities. I would have access to everything in Dauntless and could provide the factionless with information about their plans. Maybe I would pick something up about Jeanine’s involvement with Dauntless.  
“That would be a stupid decision,” Eric tells me and I eye him surprised. Why would that be a stupid? We walk down an empty corridor and I wait for Eric’s explanation. He stops when we are out of sight and turns to me: “You would come into contact with the leaders of the other factions. Jeanine would be able to observe you herself and you don’t want that. Stay away from positions that could place you in such a situation.”  
“You mean I should take up a boring job. Like anyone would believe me doing such a thing,” I say and think about all the job possibilities in Dauntless. The only once that appeal to me involve coming in contact with other factions. Eric knows that. I have that in common with him. There is no way that I would go patrol the streets or be on fence watch. Wait a minute that first one might come in handy. I would be able to get around the city easy without razing suspicion. I would be able to say that it is part of my job.   
“You could become a Dauntless representative,” Eric points out and I raise an eyebrow at him. He explains: “I am already the representative for Erudite, so there is no need for you to go there, but we could use another representative for the other four factions.”  
“It’s a possibility,” I sigh and take a step closer to Eric. I lay my arms around his waist and my head against his chest and sigh: “When did living become so difficult?”  
“It always was, you just never realized it,” he said and laid his arms around my shoulders. I relaxed in his arms and realized that I hadn’t properly celebrated the fact that I passed stage two of initiation. It hadn’t even sunk in properly. I wonder what stage three will be like. I decided to not think about it right now and let my mind go blank. I listen to Eric’s heart beating steady and relaxed when his hand started stroking my back. Eric’s chin was resting on the top of my head. It was a nice moment.   
Sadly nice moments don’t tend to last long.  
We heard footsteps coming our way. The clacking of a heel made us pull apart. It was a woman walking our way. Eric walked down the corridor and I walked towards the woman approaching us. It’s better not to get caught together in a narrow disserted corridor. I shake my head and pull up a neutral expression to cover my face with. I walked around the corner and saw it was one of Ambers’ friends. We noted to each other and went our own ways.   
I walk to the pit and found my friends quickly. Victor, Marc, Kane, Tyra and Rob had taken some kind of drug because they were all over the place. My friends were expressing their happiness with a lot of noise and movement.  
“Who would have thought we would actually get away with it,” Michael tells me in a low voice so that Luissa doesn’t hear him. He gives me a hug when I reach their group and I squeeze his shoulders lightly as answer. I feel tired suddenly, very tired. Must be from the stress and worry. I am still amazed that I had a panic attack last night. I have never had one before and I always thought that with handling a situation with ones brain and not their emotions, you wouldn’t get a panic attack. Then again, last night my emotions were all over the place.   
“Andy!” Marnie’s voice calls me and I pull my arms back from Michael. I look at the girl and she has a huge grin covering her face. Kim is standing next to her, with one arm leaning on Marnie’s shoulder. This cannot be good: “We had a deal, remember.”  
Oh you’re joking…  
“And we believe that we won, so you know what that means,” Kim continues and I feel Michael’s arm around my shoulder tighten. I can’t push him away. The others are looking at me with smirks and grins plastered on their faces. I am never going to get out of this, am I? Accepting this horrible fact, I sigh and lift my arms and hold them in front of me: “I am at your mercy, please be gentle!”  
“No promises,” Marnie says and graphs my wrists. She, Kim, Sarah and Annie drag me away from the group. Kim laughs on our way and yells out: “Tonight, we shall burn the rags of hoboville!”  
“I do not look like a hobo!” I yell at the girl and the others just laugh at me. Sarah nudges me and I find it slightly strange to know that I will be talking about cloths and make up with her. It’s something I always laughed at and secretly even mocked. I cannot believe I am actually going to participate in something I have never done before and have dreaded since I was born: girl’s night.   
“We didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but we are almost Dauntless now, so we think you can handle it: yes, you do look like a hobo,” Annie informs me and I pretend to be insulted. I speak with a dramatic flair: “And here I thought I lived in fashionville.”  
“Don’t worry honey, we will introduce you to that place,” Kim informed me and I fear for the worst.


	39. Chapter 39

Chapter 39  
The girls and I went to our room and we all showered after each other. I took a long shower. I needed the water to sooth the muscles in my back. My new tattoos were covered in water resistant bandages. Maybe I should start wearing other shirts. What’s the point of my tattoos if I cannot show them? I let my mind go blank after that and listened to the water splattering on the ground.  
When I get out of the shower, I dried myself of. I put on underwear and wrapped my towel around my body so I could face my friends. Annie was combing Kim’s hair and Marnie had laid all of the clothes she has gathered during our time here, on her bed. I couldn’t see her mattress anymore. Why does a person need so many clothes?   
“I don’t know what I am going to wear tonight. What do you girls think: pants or skirt,” the girl asks us and Kim tells her to wear her black pants. They are skinny apparently and allow Marnie to show her long legs. I never noticed before that she had long legs. Marnie followed the instructions and got dressed. I sat down on Michaels bed and watched as Marnie paraded through our room. I didn’t understand any of it, but the girls cheered Marnie on and she started walking like she was wearing high heels, making her butt swing a lot.   
This is so weird.  
In the end Marnie wore the skinny black pants, with a tight fitting black top, that showed her belly. I wasn’t aware that she had gotten her bellybutton pierced. The top allowed her to show off her shoulder tattoo and the bird on her left arm. Kim wore a skirt that was in my opinion too short, but the others seemed to like it, so I smiled at her. She wore a similar top as Marnie. Sarah and Annie wore black dresses. Annie’s was very fitting. It had an Amity swing to it if you asked me, even if the color was black. Sarah’s was tighter and stricter. Now that I think about it, it was kind of Erudite- like. How funny that Annie and Sarah would wear dresses that is in the color of their new faction, but in the style of their old one. I wonder if anyone else will notice it.   
“Now Andy, we know this isn’t your thing, so don’t freak out. We got you something that would be in your taste of hoboness, but with a little touch of fashionville,” the girls turned to me and I gulped loudly. I felt a need to pull the towel around me tighter as Kim walked to her bed and graphed some cloths: “Here, put these on.”  
I sighed and simply conceded. It’s not like I was going to die from trying, right? I drop my towel and see to my delight that she gave me shorts. I didn’t want to explain to them why I refused to wear skirts. The shorts were surprisingly black. They were short, but I found myself exactable to their length. They didn’t stop right beneath my butt, but came a bit lower. I would be able to sit with crossed legs and there wouldn’t be a problem. Marnie handed me a sliver belt and I looked at it with mixed emotions. I didn’t really like it and didn’t see why I would wear them. The shorts fitted perfectly. Marnie explained: “They are accessory. We figured you wouldn’t wear any jewelry, so we went with this.”  
“Okay,” I say and pull the belt threw the loops of my shorts. Sarah was the next to offer me a black top. I pulled it on and discovered that it allowed me to show off my chest tattoo. Not completely because the tattoo came to low on my breast and I would never wear something that revealing, but the owl was clearly visible: “Okay, I can accept these cloths. They are in my taste of hoboville.”  
“You say that like you didn’t have any faith in us,” Marnie tells me and I eyed her cloths. She rolled her eyes. She might like this sort of thing, but I will never be like that: “At least in these cloths people will notice that you actually have a body.”  
“I am not so sure I want people to notice that,” I tell Kim and Annie offers me the last part of the outfit. It was a necklace: “I saw this earlier and it reminded me of you, so yes, you are wearing it.”  
It was a long necklace with a silver owl hanging at the end of it. It almost reached my bellybutton. I liked it. I pulled it over my head and pulled my sneakers on. They were low, so I would be able to show off my new ankle tattoo. When I was done I stood up and paraded like Marnie did earlier: “And what do you think?”  
“Almost finished, with a little bit of makeup and…” Kim got up and graphed some stuff and I eyed her horrified. Is she for real? I have never worn makeup. My father wasn’t a fan of it. He always told me and my sister that we were beautiful enough and didn’t need those chemical things to draw on our faces. Mom always rolled her eyes at that. I remember seeing an Erudite girl in class once wear some and the color of her face didn’t match that of her neck. It was hilarious.   
“Don’t look so horrified, you’ll survive,” Sarah told me and I sat down on Kim’s bed: “Fine, but not too much. Makeup isn’t for me.”  
“Will you relax, we know what we are doing,” the girl scolded me and told me to close my eyes. After ten minutes she was done and I looked in the mirror. She hadn’t used much makeup. Only a little bit of beige eye color and eyeliner. I had to admit that my eyes came out very nice with the combination. The girls looked at me, waiting for me to admit I didn’t hate what they had done to me: “Okay, fine I admit it. This looks nice, but don’t get used to it.”  
“Hallelujah, there is a girl in there somewhere,” Marnie joked and I hit her with Kim’s pillow. We laughed and the others did each other’s makeup. I would help, but I had no clue how to apply it. Kim and Marnie’s eye makeup was very dark, very Dauntless like. Annie and Sarah kept it simpler.   
Around nine we heard a knock on our door. The guy’s were bored and wanted to get showered before we went to the bar. Maggie had given Michael the night of from the kitchen. I wonder if Charlotte and Scott will do the same thing. I would really like to hang out with my friends for the night. Maybe I should just ask them. Who knows, maybe Scott might be in a good mood.  
“Andy, is that you?” I knew they were going to say that and I simply replied by flipping them off. They laughed and the twins got in the shower. We left our room around nine thirty. The guy’s didn’t need a lot of time to get ready. Lucky buttheads! We met the others in the pit and noticed that almost everyone was in the pit. It’s going to be a busy night in the bar. I doubt I am going to get out of working.   
“Damn girl, I didn’t know you had legs that nice,” Kane whistled at me and I had to bite the inside of my cheek to stop myself from throwing my fist at him. I did not like receiving comments like that, especially not in public. Tyra had my back though. She was in her usual attire, what made her still look more Dauntless then the whole lot of us transfers together: “Shut up you moron!”  
“Yeah Kane, we told you, she’s ours,” Victor jokes and lays his arm around my shoulder. His twin brother follows his lead and laid his arm around my waist. I was jammed between two idiots: “She is still not a piece of meat.”  
“Keep on believing that sweetheart,” Victor joked and we walked inside the bar. The music was loud and it was very hot in the bar. We grab a table in the back and Skander, Kane and Michael get us drinks. I felt very uncomfortable and like all eyes were on me. Why did I ever agree to let the girls dress me? True the clothes weren’t bad, but it’s still weird to have people look at me like my friends are currently doing. I hate them!  
I decide to get away from their comments and looks and walk to the bar. Scott is serving customers and doesn’t notice me, but Charlotte does and she stops in her movement and looks astonished at me: “Andy? Is that you?”  
“Has anyone ever told you that you are a bitch?” I ask and sit down on one of the empty barstools. The woman grins at me and I lay my head on the bar. I hate this. Can’t everyone just act normal? Charlotte finishes the drink she was making and comes back to me: “So what made you decide to actually wear clothes that could show other people that you are a girl?”  
“I lost a bet and I hate myself for ever making the bet in the first place,” I tell Charlotte and she laughs. I roll my eyes and lean my head on my hand. I felt someone’s eyes on my back and it made me very uncomfortable. I turned my head and gave the man my best impression of the look Eric gave that man who had attacked me a few nights earlier. It didn’t work, but my attention was caught by Marnie and Kim countering my sides: “What do you think Charlotte? Who ever thought this hobo could clean up this nicely.”  
“I love how everyone keeps refereeing to me as a hobo,” I say, but the others don’t pay attention to me and mock me some more. I am never going to get through this night alive or without killing someone. Maybe I should try the concept of alcohol. From observations I have learned that it might help me in my current situation: “Charlotte, can I have one of those vodka drinks you made me taste a while ago?”  
“Sure, what do you girls want?” Charlotte asked Marnie and Kim and she made the drinks. Marnie and Kim turned around and eyed the men in the bar. It took them three seconds until they opened the conversation I was dreading the whole evening. Kim was the one who started it: “So Andy, see any guy you like?”  
“Yeah, I bet you can find someone easily tonight. What kind of men do you fancy?” Marnie asks me and I take the drink that Charlotte offers me quickly and drown it down my throat: “Another please.”   
“Oh common, just tell us. Or do you fancy someone from our group? I think you and Michael look good together. Not in the beginning, but after a while you two looked like a good combination,” Marnie informs me and I remember telling Amber that Michael and I have hooked up once. I might as well use that lie now to please my friends: “We have hooked up once, but it wasn’t for us so we dropped it.”  
“Really! You two actually hooked up? I don’t believe you!” Kim tells me astonished and Marnie’s eyes have grown twice their size. Jesus, is this really such amazing news: “Ask Michael then, but please don’t tell the rest. We don’t want everyone to get weird about it.”  
“We get that, but I just never thought that Michael would actually go for it,” Kim says and I find myself confused for a moment. Why would she say that? I remember my conversation with Michael about the skirt incident and what had made him to set my skirt on fire. Kim laughs at me and nearly chokes on her drink. Marnie explains: “You have to have noticed, that boy has the biggest crush on you. Why do you think he is constantly following you around and always teams up with you?”  
It surprised me that they had noticed those things, but they had it all wrong as to why we always teamed up. I didn’t tell them that and just smiled: “Whatever you girls say. What about you two? Who do you girls fancy?”  
I noticed the two girls gave each other a quick look and then both looked the other way. Great, that wasn’t the smartest question to ask apparently. Marnie was the first one to answer and tried to relieve the uneasy tension that was developing between the three of us: “No one at the moment. I am just looking around.”  
“So I am guessing you have fancied someone before?” I ask and mentally slap myself for asking the question. Marnie obviously doesn’t want to talk about it and my Erudite brain digs in deeper. I hate my brain sometimes. I notice the uneasy looks that Kim is sending Marnie and the way the later is avoiding those looks. Wait, they fancied the same guy? I decide to use Marnie advice from earlier: “You might as well get it over with because it’s not going away and it’s clearly not resolved between the two of you.”  
Kim wanted to say something but the look Marnie send her made her stop. She grabs her drink and walks back to our group. I stayed rooted in my spot and so did Marnie. I turned to Charlotte who walked past us behind the bar and ordered two more drinks: “Keeping them coming here Charlotte. We are going to need them.”  
Marnie wants to walk away, but I pull her back by her elbow: “Not so fast Marnie. You got to enjoy yourself with dressing me, now I get to enjoy myself in helping you out. You clearly need some advice.”  
“No offence, but I don’t think you would have any advice for me Andy,” Marnie tells me and sits down on the bar stool next to me. We turn around and face Charlotte. She offers us our drinks and I take a sip. I start to feel the alcohol infecting my system and it gave me a felling of reassurance. It was a feeling I haven’t felt in a while.   
“So spill. What happened?” I ask Marnie and Charlotte stays and listen. Apparently Marnie and Kim fancied the same guy. She wouldn’t tell me who, but she really liked him and wanted to tell him, but Kim had beat her to it. Marnie told Kim about her feelings and wanted some advice from her best friend, but Kim had confessed that she had the same feeling for the guy and had confessed them a week earlier. They had been hooking up ever since.   
“That sucks,” I say and we both take another sip from our drink. Marnie laughs slightly at my comment and continues: “Yeah, it does, because now I can look at them being happy and in love, while I sit on the side line and have no one.”  
“What’s so bad about having no one? Being with someone isn’t all cracked up what you think it would be,” I answer honestly and my eyes cross with Charlottes. She suppresses a grin because Marnie is sitting next to me: “No offence Andy, but I don’t think you realize how great a relationship can be.”  
“Have you ever been in a real relationship?” Charlotte asks Marnie and the girl blushes and shakes her head. Charlotte continues: “Then take some advice from someone who has had her fair shares of relationships. Andy’s right, they aren’t always as great as you think they are. A lot of times they suck or you get rejected or someone fancies you, but you don’t fancy them back. There are so many things that can happen.”  
“Yeah and loving someone isn’t something that you chose. It just happens and a lot of times you can’t deny it,” I tell Marnie and she eyes me curiously. I decide to continue: “What if you had been the first one to tell the guy. Then Kim would have been the one who was left behind as you call it. She would have been the one sitting here and not you. Did you want that to happen?”  
“No,” Marnie confesses after a few seconds and takes another sip from her drink. Charlotte takes over from me: “It sucks that you both fancy the same guy, but if he is dating Kim, then sorry to tell you but he wasn’t that much into you. You can’t let some guy get between you and Kim. Men are disposable, but real friends aren’t.”  
“Besides someone better will come along. And he will probably be hotter than this guy,” I joke and Marnie and Charlotte both laugh at my comment. Marnie nearly spits her drink out because of it. Okay, my comment wasn’t that funny. My friend sees my confusion: “It’s just weird to hear you say that someone is hot.”  
“Who is hot?” I hear someone ask from behind me and feel a chest being pressed up against my left arm. I guess who it is and feel myself tense a little. I don’t want Eric being pressed up against me when one of my friends is so close by. Frankly I don’t want Eric to do that when anyone can see it. I feel one of his hands lay itself on my leg. It doesn’t help my uneasiness.   
“Marnies future boyfriend. Can you recommend anyone Eric?” Charlotte asks the man and I can tell by the glint in her eyes that she knows why he standing so close to me. Marnie doesn’t notice it, I think. Eric turns his eyes to Marnie and I can tell she isn’t sure about how to act around him. I try to act normal and ignore the hand lying on my leg. I bit my lip to distract myself.   
“Making this one look presentable isn’t going to help you,” Eric jokes and he catches my eyes. Charlotte and Marnie snicker, but I can tell that Eric is slightly annoyed by something. What could be wrong? I didn’t do anything, I think. I eye him confused. He pulls his hand back and I relax a little. Eric takes a step forward and lays one arm around my shoulders. He pulls me against him, but not in a nice and loving fancy. No more like in a mocking fashion. I try to free myself, but his grip is to strong: “Let me go you oversized gorilla!”  
“Be quite initiate, I am talking,” Eric orders me in his typical rude tone. Marnie and Charlotte simply laugh. Eric continues: “If you want some guy in this place, then walk up to him and say it. And don’t make your friends look better then you do. Although no one thought you could actually proof to the compound that this one is actually a girl.”  
“At least that mystery is solved and we can focus more on the question why you are such a pussy,” I shoot back at Eric and the two women standing with us laugh very loudly. Eric’s grip on my frame tightens and he pulls me from the chair. I try to stand up straight but he holds me down and his hand rubs my skull hard. For some reason the sentence ‘not the hair’ runs through my head. I nearly burst out laughing.  
“And here I thought that ladies had manners and didn’t make such rude remarks,” Eric thinks out loud. I elbow him in his stomach and he releases me. I stand up straight and my hand goes through my hair: “Someone has to wear the pants when it comes to dealing with you.”  
Eric glares at me and I simply smirk. Two can play at this game. I lean my elbows on the bar behind me and wait for Eric’s reply. Marnie and Charlotte are eyeing us and enjoying the battle of wits between Eric and myself.   
“Careful initiate, you almost make it sound like you are up for that job. You don’t want to say anything you can’t live up to, do you?” Eric asks and he places his hands on the bar besides me. I was glad he didn’t trap me between his frame and the bar. I could tell he wanted to, but he stopped himself on time. His gaze catches mine and I keep on smirking. I want to give him a witty reply, but Marnie beats me to it: “When did you two stop fighting and started flirting with each other?”  
Both Eric and I turn our gaze to the girl and I have a horrified expression plastered on my face. Eric’s expression is blank. How does he do that? I don’t know what to say and wait for the girl to continue. Charlotte stays wisely silent, but I can tell she is dying to tell Marnie the truth. Eric is the one to answer Marnie: “Probably when I hung her above the Chasm or maybe when I told her to jump from a bridge and silently debated wheatear I would catch her or not or maybe the time I beat her in a fight. So many moments to pick from.”  
I wondered if there was any truth in his words. When did things change between us? I remember thinking that Eric looked nice when he hung me above the Chasm and I remember how my heart had fluttered when I had jumped in his arms during the first test of initiation. I guess somewhere along that time things started changing.   
“Technically I won that fight, because you let go when I head butted you,” I remembered Eric and Marnie rolled her eyes. I decided the attention had been long enough on me and Eric and changed the subject: “But anyway, we were talking about you and Kim. Talk to her. Like Charlotte said: men are disposable, but real friends aren’t.”  
I feel Eric’s gaze on my frame, but ignore him. Marnie smiles at me and sighs: “Maybe you are right. I’ll talk to her, so we can go back to normal.” The girl finishes her drink and walks back to our group. I sigh and relax knowing that she isn’t around anymore to see Eric standing so close to me. Charlotte decides it’s time to get back to work and leaves us. I turn my head to the man standing next to me and wait for his comment. It comes after a few seconds: “I am insulted.”  
“I know, the truth hurts sir,” I joke and the man stands up straight. He looks around him and then takes a step closer to me. The bar is packed enough and I pray that no one notices it. I expect a rude comment to come from his mouth, but he manages to catch me off guard: “I don’t like it when you look so good.”  
“What?” I ask and Eric’s lips find my ear. I shiver when I feel his chest touch mine slightly. A blush covers my cheeks when one of his hands slides down my back and past my bottom: “I told you that I am not sharing you. Others don’t need to see you your nice legs or the curves of your hips.”  
“Are you jealous?” I ask the man and he doesn’t try to hide the fact that he is. His lips leave a quick and dominating kiss on the top of my head: “You would be too if you saw so many women looking at me.”  
I secretly liked jealous Eric. What am I saying, I love jealous Eric. It marveled me that he could be jealous when it came to me. How can he even think that I would find anyone better than him? I don’t have to hide so much from him because he already knows. A sudden thought crossed my mind: what if we would end this thing between us. What would happen then? What would he do? Would he tell the truth to Jeanine? Would he use it as a leverage to be able to keep me close? It is a possibility.   
Eric feels my body tense significantly and he pulls his head back. I notice then that his hands had trapped me between the bar and himself. I lower my eyes to avoid his and cross my arms over each other. Eric speaks first: “What has crossed your mind initiate?”  
“What happens when this goes wrong between us?” I ask bluntly and keep my eyes focused on Eric’s chest. What does happen then? What if Eric grows tired of me? What if he finds someone better? What then? Eric sighs and leans his head against mine: “We’ll cross that bridge once we get there.”  
“That’s not good enough for me because it is my life we’re talking about,” I state and Eric pulls back. Suddenly I don’t want to be standing this close to Eric anymore. I don’t want to feel his hands touch my sides. I don’t want to be in the same room as him. It hadn’t occurred to me before but Eric can tell Jeanine everything if he decides that he is tired of me. Or use it as blackmail to make me do whatever he wants.  
I need to get away from here. I don’t want Eric so close to me. I don’t want anyone around me right now. I need air! I feel my breathing starting to get heavier. I push Eric away and want to leave the bar when the whole room goes silent when gunshots start flying from across the Pit.   
Multiple gunshots.


	40. Chapter 40

Chapter 40  
The sound of gunshots made everyone in the bar go quite and put their drinks down. I was not prepared for the sudden stampede that ran through the door of Dauntless men and women. I managed to step aside quickly enough to not get overrun. I see my friends heads in the stampede. They run towards the fight. I want to follow them, but an arm pulls me back. I raise my elbow, but it gets caught. I turn my head and see Eric holding me: “Take the first corridor on the left and head to my apartment, get out of here!”  
“You know I won’t,” I answer the man and lift my fist to prove my point. Eric’s jaw twitches and he looks angry at me: “I am not going out there, knowing I have to watch your back as well. Get out of here now, that’s an order!”  
“And who is going to watch your back?” I reply just has angry as Eric had answered me. We look at each other for a second and Eric understands that I am not going to back down. My friends have joined the fight and so will I. I will be damned if I run away like some scared little girl.   
“Stay with me,” Eric orders me. He sounded very final and I couldn’t bring myself to disagree with him. I nod and follow him out into the Pit. Dauntless men and women are engaging in fights with…the factionless? Why are the factionless attacking Dauntless? They were all wearing dark clothes, but for some reason they didn’t look the same as the once me and my friends were wearing.   
The Pit was filled with people wearing the colors of the five factions. Why have they infiltrated our compound? Why are they aiming their guns at my fellow future Dauntless members?  
“There are too many to simply engage in fighting them. We need to take out our gunmen,” Eric yells to me over the noise of the Pit. The gunmen? I notice then that not all the factionless were holding guns. In fact there seemed to be a very small and selected group wielding the weapons. They weren’t firing from the ground floor. I follow Eric’s eyes and see nine factionless people standing on one of the higher levels of the Pit.   
What is their plan? What are they trying to achieve with this?  
“Michael!” I see my friend overpowering a factionless man. There were nine factionless members firing bullets at the Dauntless. Two against nine isn’t smart, especially considering that those nine men and women are holding guns. I point to the nine factionless members and Michael nods. He follows us. Eric eyes me, but I cut him off: “Nine against two isn’t a smart move, especially considering that they have guns and we don’t.”  
We run to the staircase that leads to the upper levels in de Pit. We keep our heads low. A factionless man notices us and wants to block our way, but Eric easily overpowers him. The man even blinks confused when he is suddenly flat on his back and Eric throws down his fist. The man quickly loses conscious. We run up the stairs leading to the higher levels of the Pit.   
There are seven factionless men and two factionless women waiting for us when we reach the end of the stair. They hadn’t noticed us though. Maybe we should have brought more backup. Nine against three means we each have to take on three armed factionless members. I am not worried about Eric. He can probably handle them. But I am not entirely sure that Michael and I are ready for this.   
“Get their guns!” Eric orders us and he grabs one of the factionless men by his color. The man was too surprised to do much, but his struggling warned his companions. Michael and I threw ourselves in the fight. I jumped at one of the women and the impact of catching me made her fall backwards. We were lucky she wasn’t sitting on the edge of the Pit, because else we would have fallen over the edge. I pin the woman down with one hand quickly and throw my fist against her jaw. Blood quickly covers her teeth and lips. I want to repeat the action, but one of the factionless men grabs me from behind and pulls me off the woman.   
When I was on my feet I lift my foot backwards and hit the man right in his tender zone. He let go of me, but I couldn’t do much about him because the woman was charging at me. I grab her arm when she is close enough and throw her over my shoulder. She falls on top of the man who tried to help her. I wanted to grab their guns, but a second man knocked me down. My head smacked against the ground and for a second everything goes black before my eyes. The man pins me down and his hands go around my neck. He starts to choke me. I try to pull his hands lose, but he is to strong. Damn it! My body starts shaking in desperate need for air that won’t come.   
A body throws itself against the man sitting on top of me. Both go flying to the ground next to me. I gasp for air and see it is Lucas who came to my rescue. He stands up quickly and the man next to him followed his example. The factionless man threw a punch at Lucas his head, but the boy caught it. I took that change to jump on the man’s back and wrap my arms around his neck. He focuses his attention on me and Lucas took that opportunity to kick the man against his knees. The man screams out and falls backwards. I let go quickly and land on my feet. When the man is on his back I knock him unconscious with my fist.   
I look at Lucas and see he is okay. I nod my thanks to him and he nods back. We want to throw ourselves at the next factionless member that comes our way when a bullet is fired that was aimed at Lucas. The boy get’s shot in his leg and he falls down screaming. The man holding the gun wants to aim at me, but he gets knocked down from behind by Victor. He doesn’t pay attention to the factionless man and runs to his brother’s side. I don’t have time to wonder about Lucas or to be shocked that one of my friends just got shot, because the factionless man crawls to his feet quickly and grabs his gun. I run towards him and bring my foot down on his hand with such force that I am sure I heard certain bones say crack. I grab the gun and hesitate for a second. I remember the face of the factionless man I had shot during the previous attack I was involved in. He looked so helpless and scared. This man didn’t. He looked at me with hatred and repulsion. I don’t understand why. He doesn’t know who I am. He has never met me, so why would he hate me?   
I push the memory back and aim the gun at the man’s leg. I pull the trigger. I felt cold on the inside as I hear the man scream in pain and see him grab his leg. I shake my head and turn my attention to the twins. Victor had pulled his brother to his feet and was dragging him away from the fight, but he couldn’t hold him on his own.  
I turn to Michael. He is fighting a factionless man. The man throws his fist at Michael and I intercept them: “Take Lucas and get him out of here! I can’t carry him!” I twist the man’s wrist and he falls down, but he is quick enough to kick me off my feet. I lock eyes with Michael: “Go! I’ll be fine!”  
Michael nods and grabs Lucas’ free arm and throws it over his shoulder. They disappear into one of the corridors. Lucas needs to get away from here. He can’t do anything for us wounded and Victor won’t be able to concentrate knowing that his brother is wounded.   
I focus my attention back to the man standing in front of me. He had dropped his gun and wasn’t planning on picking it up. It seemed he wanted a fair fight. I could respect that. I throw the first punch, which he intercepts. He pulls my body against his and he throws his head against mine. Blackness threatens to overtake me, but I shake the darkness way. Wow, that hurt! That will defiantly turn blue quickly.   
The man kicks me down and wants to pin me down, but I am quicker this time and lift my feet. They kick the man in his stomach when he is close enough and he stumbles backwards. I roll over my shoulder and get up before he starts charging at me. I run towards him and throw my weight against his. He smacks into the wall behind him and I hear him curs loudly: “Damn you bitch!”  
I bite my tongue and brace myself for the oncoming impact of his next attack. The man runs towards me. I throw my fist, but he catches it and pushes me backwards. I lose my balance and fall. I want to turn and break my own fall, but I suddenly realize that I was standing to close to the edge. I was going to fall to my death. I tried to find something to grab, but found nothing.   
Before my mind can start to panic, an arm grabs my waist and pulls me against a hard frame. I don’t need to look to see who that arm belongs to. I don’t have time to thank him because the man Eric had been fighting was planning on attacking him from behind. I push Eric’s arm away and throw myself between Eric’s back and the factionless man. I was about to catch his punch when his body jerks suddenly and falls backwards. Blood came from his head and covered the ground beneath him. He had been shot. I freeze in my movements and look horrified at the man’s head. Blood was coloring the floor quickly. The man’s eyes were open and I could see the life leave them.   
I turn around and see Max running up the stairs, followed by his brother. I couldn’t help but wonder who fired the bullet and at whom it was aimed. My eyes met the once of Max his brother, whose name I still don’t know. I couldn’t read them. I couldn’t make out what he was thinking or what his next move would be. That made me be on my guard and my grip tightened on the gun I was holding.   
Eric had overpowered his opponent and was holding him down in a death grip. I looked around and saw that two factionless men were dead and one factionless woman was unconscious. The others had grabbed their opportunity and disappeared from the scene. Even the man I had shot was gone. A blood train disappeared into a corridor. I wonder where they went. I couldn’t think long about it, because Max his stern and serious voice called my attention. It surprised me to hear Max talk with such fire and anger. It almost mirrored Eric’s outburst from the night I got attacked: “Why have you infiltrated our compound?”  
I didn’t know what to do and stood awkwardly behind Eric, who was crunching on the ground holding the factionless man in his place. I let my eyes wander to the center of the Pit and noticed that the factionless were disappearing into the corridors. I wonder how they infiltrated the compound without anyone noticing until they opened fire on us. Why did they open fire on us? What was their goal?   
I focus my attention on the three factionless bodies lying at my feet. Their clothes were black, but the fabric wasn’t cut in the style of the Dauntless. The clothes the woman is wearing is cut in typical Amity style and the men’s clothes are a mix of Candor and Erudite. The factionless had dyed their clothes black to help them with their infiltration: “Smart.”  
“What is?” I didn’t realize that I had said my thought out loud and turned to Max. He and his brother were looking at me. Eric had his attention focused on the factionless man he was holding down. My eyes crossed with factionless once. He glared at me and I glared back. I didn’t feel sorry for him. Because he and his friends one of my friends got hurt. I pointed to the man: “They are all wearing Dauntless clothes. It was smart because it explained how they were able to infiltrate the compound without getting caught until they opened fire.”  
“We are not all brainless idiots, unlike the people in this compound,” the man spites out and Eric has to tighten his hold on the man. Max throws the back of his gun against the man’s head and I hear a sickening crack. I can’t stop myself from flinching. I am grateful that no one notices. The factionless man wants to scream out in pain, but Eric’s hold on him doesn’t allow for much sound to come over his lips.   
I want to ask what he hopped to achieve by breaking into Dauntless and open fire on us, but I bit my tongue. It isn’t my place to ask such questions, not with Max and Eric here. I don’t listen to what Max says and go over the possibilities that could explain this attack. Could the Dauntless have anything that the factionless would want? Weapons, but there are easier ways to get those without putting their own men and women in danger. It can’t simply be about revenge because the Dauntless killed Sacha. It has to be something else. But what? They attacked with so many in such a short time. I turn around and look at the Dauntless members who have stayed behind. The others ran after the factionless to drive them from our compound. The once that stayed behind were the once who got hurt during the attack. It surprised me how many got hurt. It wasn’t entirely surprising. Most of the Dauntless were in the bar drinking. I don’t think there were many Dauntless fighting tonight who didn’t have a certain amount of alcohol in their blood.   
I notice small group standing around bodies that were lying on the ground. People must have died on our sides as well. By the look of it we had suffered more than the factionless had.   
Please don’t let anyone I know be dead!  
I didn’t hear what Max said to the factionless men behind me, but the man claimed that he would never speak about why they attacked. I didn’t doubt him. He didn’t seem like the type to reveal his secrets to his enemies. I pay attention when I hear Eric speak. His tone is cold and calculating. I don’t stop the shiver that runs down my back: “You infiltrated our compound without anyone noticing, open fire on us and disappear just as quickly as you came. I doubt there will be many casualties among your, but a lot of our men and women got hurt during the attack. You wanted to proof how strong you guys are.”  
“The attack was to prove to Dauntless how strong the factionless are and that they can hurt us whenever they want,” Max says and I see his expression darken. It was weird to see the man so angry. I thought he was kind of a softy, compared to Eric anyway. I guess there is a reason they made him a leader of Dauntless. His tone was very final when he spoke: “We will make sure that an attack like this will never happen again…”  
“It will! The murders among your compound will be found and they will be brought to justice!” the factionless man yells at Max and I wonder who he was refereeing to. Murders? Who had the Dauntless killed among the factionless? It is there to guard the piece and I am not as naïve as I was in the beginning to not realize that killing is involved in that task. Could he be referring to the Dauntless traitors? Could he be talking about Divergents?   
The man wanted to continue his rant, but Max had heard enough apparently. He called Eric and nodded to him. Eric seemed to understand, because he let go of the man. He was too surprised to do anything and before I could say anything at Max, Eric placed himself in front of me. His body blocked my view. I froze when I heard the gun being fired and the factionless man yell out in pain. I kept my eyes aimed at Eric’s back and tried not to react too much to the man being killed in front of me.   
That is the second man I see being murdered right in front of me. I am not sure how I feel about that. I don’t feel anything on the insight actually. I feel empty and I don’t think that’s a good sign.  
“Eric, look after things here. Andrew and I will follow the Dauntless who went after the factionless,” Max informed Eric and the man standing in front of me nodded. The two brothers left and I was left alone with Eric and the corpse of the dead factionless man.  
“Are you hurt?” Eric asks me with a surprisingly gentle voice. He turns around and his body keeps the dead man out of my view. He lays one arm around my shoulder and guides me away from scene. We walk down the path we came from and I feel my steps aren’t as steady as they usually are: “No, I’m fine.”  
“Don’t lie to me,” Eric replies rather harshly and stops in his step. I want to keep on walking, but his hand grabs mine and he makes me stop. I turn my head and pull up the best smile I am capable of at the moment: “We got work to do.”   
“Fine,” Eric sighs after a few seconds. This isn’t the place or the time. I am glad that he realizes that. He lets go of my hand and begins walking again. I fall into his step and follow him: “What first sir?”  
I follow Eric’s lead for the next couple of hours and do as I am told. I help Lauren and some Dauntless men I recognized from the bar moving the wounded to the medic wing. It was pretty hectic in there and I got out as quickly as I could. The people that were killed in the action were placed behind a curtain. It gave me shivers seeing those curtains every time I walked in with a new wounded Dauntless member. Lucas was being threaded when I walked in the first time. His brother was standing by his side, his face very pale. Michael had left apparently to go in search for us. I hadn’t seen him yet.   
I ran into Annie and Rob on my way back to the Pit. They were fine, just some scratches and bruises. Nothing serious. I was relieved to see them. Annie went to the medic center to see if she could help with anything. Katelyn had asked me if I could send Annie to them. I guess they could use some extra hands. Annie seemed slightly hesitant at first, but Rob took her hand and guided the way. She laid her head against his shoulder. It was kind of sweet.   
I got pulled out of my thoughts when someone grabbed my elbow from behind and turned me around. It was Four. He had a cut that had been stitched up on his shoulder. It was weird to see him injured. I guess I thought that somehow he and Eric were indestructible.   
“Andy! Are you alright?” he asks me and I nod. We walk towards the Pit together and sit down on a bench. It felt uneasy to sit down. It felt somehow more comfortable to keep moving around. Sitting down made me think about the attack. Four and I watch a group of Dauntless men remove the dead bodies of the factionless. Six Dauntless members were killed during the attack: four men and two women. Most bodies had been moved to the medic center already, but two were still lying on the cold floor of the Pit. Their bodies were surrounded by their families and friends. I notice Skander standing among them. I take a look at the woman lying on the ground. She looked fairly young, maybe Four’s age.  
“Sam, she is Skanders sister,” Four informs me. I don’t say anything and look at Skander. He was standing next to his father. Both were staring numbly down at their family member. Skanders mother was leaning over the body of her daughter, crying. They were surrounded by a bunch of women that were probably Sam’s friends. Skander looked very lonely in the group. Other family members were offering their support to his parents, but Skander just stared at his sister.   
I couldn’t imagine what he must be going through. I wonder if he was close with his sister. She looks to be about six years older than him. I see Kane and Tyra enter the pit, along with Andrew and Michael. They see us and walk over to us. When they reach us, Kane and Tyra notice Skander: “You should go to him. You guys know him better than we do.”   
The brother and sister duo understand and walk over to their friend. Kane lays his arm around Skanders shoulder and Tyra grabs his hand. I turn away from the sight and eye my friends. Michael seems to be unharmed, but Andrew has blood covering their clothes: “Are you guy’s alright?”  
“We’re fine. I left Victor and Lucas in the medic center awhile ago. We ran into Sigrid on our way here. She is on her way to help her mom in the medic center. She was unharmed,” Michael informs me and Andrew continues: “But we haven’t seen Marnie, Kim, Sarah, Marc or Luissa,”   
The two boy’s sit down next to Four and me. Michael asked Four if he knew anything about why we were attacked, but Four shook his head: “No, I know nothing.” I told them what I had heard from Eric and I told them about the tactic the factionless used to infiltrate the compound. Four didn’t comment much on the information. He must have expected something like this. Michael and Andrew vocalize their opinion to each other, but I don’t listen to them. My mind wanders back to the Erudite attack a couple of weeks ago. Everyone thinks that the factionless were responsible for that attack and people were killed. Could that factionless man have been referring to those victims? Everyone thinks the blood of those people is on the hands of the factionless, but it’s actually on the hands of the Dauntless traitors.   
“Maybe they wanted revenge for their friends that Eric killed last week,” Andrew pointed out and I shivered significantly. Michael and Four noticed and I could feel their eyes on my frame. I ignore them and they don’t say anything about Sacha. Michael lays his arm around my shoulders and changes the subject: “Maybe we should go in search for our lost friends. They are probably running around in search for Andy anyway.”  
“Me? Why me?” I ask puzzled and turn my head to Michael. He squeezes my shoulder and cracks up a smile: “Because you are always the one of get’s hurt in these kinds of situations. Frankly I think it’s a miracle that you have walked away from this fight without so much as a broken bone or a gun wound.”  
I stick my tongue out at my friend and elbow him in his stomach. He let’s go of my shoulder and laughs along with Andrew: “Common, let’s get moving.”  
We say goodbye to Four. I wonder why he stayed with us. Maybe he wanted to talk to me about something important, but couldn’t with Andrew there. Maybe I should approach him later or tomorrow. I follow Michael and Andrew into the corridors and let my eyes scan the people we run into. None of them belong to our friends. We run into Amber and her friends. They were just returning from cashing the factionless. They had multiple bruises, but none of them were wounded to badly. Charlotte looked a lot worse when I saw her. She took a severe beating apparently. She didn’t have any broken bones, but she had multiple bruises and her face was looked like someone had danced on it. But that wasn’t the reason why she looked so bad. Scott had been shot twice during the attack. He was alive at the moment, but they weren’t sure he was going to get through the night. Tough guy Scott can’t die, he’s Scott. He looks almost as threatening as Eric sometimes and has almost as much muscles. Who would be a hard ass on me if he was gone? I gave Charlotte a hug. She barely returned it. She was completely out of it.   
We walk through the compound for an hour, but came up empty handed. Where could Marc, Kim, Marnie, Sarah and Luissa be? We decide that our search is pointless. For all we know they might be looking for us or waiting for us in our room. Michael, Andrew and I decide to head there. We run into Kane and Tyra on our way there. Skander was still with his family. I doubt we will see him again tonight.   
“Sarah!” Andrew yells suddenly and I look up. I see my friend up ahead, being supported by a Dauntless man. He appears to be two years older than us. We run over to our friend and the man lets us take Sarah over. The girl smiles but is also obviously in pain: “I guess you aren’t the only one anymore who got shot during initiation Andy.”  
“What? Where?” I ask and Sarah points to her right shoulder. Her arm is bandaged up and placed in a sling: “I got separated from the others quickly and a man attacked me, but I was able to defeat him with the help of Neill.”  
“That would be me,” Neill introduced himself and my friends thank him for his assistance. The man smiles and scratches his head a bit shyly: “Well what was I suppose to do? I am raised to help a beautiful girl who is in trouble. But I will leave you to your friends. I trust they will see to it that you reach your bed. I’ll see you around, okay?”  
“Okay,” Sarah says shyly and she blushes. They share a look and the blush on Sarah’s cheeks becomes more prominent. We wait until Neill is out of ear shot before we all start laughing. It felt weird but at the same time comfortable. After a few seconds I find my voice: “So getting shot is apparently a way to score a man. At least something good came out of this whole attack thing.”  
“Go Sarah,” Michael says and the girl simply laughs and blushes: “He brought me to the medic center when I got shot. I was lucky because I was the first one there. They took care of me before the others started coming in. I was told to rest in my bed because they want to keep the beds in the medic center for those who need constant supervision. I saw Victor and Lucas when I left. Lucas is walking on crutches but should be fine in a couple of days.”  
“That’s good to hear. Did you see Marc, Marnie, Kim or Luissa? We have been looking for them, but without luck,” Andrew asks the girl, but she nods her head. We continue our way to our room. Sarah explained on our way that the bullet hadn’t gone in deep and Katelyn had given her enough pain medication to last a few days. She would need to take it easy and would probably need assistance with dressing and showering.   
“I gladly offer my help,” Kane joked and got punched in the head by his sister: Don’t be such an idiot, we all know who Sarah would like help from.” We laugh as Sarah’s face turns as red as a tomato.   
“You guys are…”Sarah stops midsentence as she opens the door to our room and we all see the scene inside our room. Our beds are turned over and our pillows and sheets are lying on the ground, expect for one sheet. It was hanging from the ceiling and had a body hanging at the end of it: Luissa. Her clothes were soaked in blood and there was a large puddle lying below her. All the color had left her face. Behind there was something written in white paint: ‘Justice for the Divergents’.  
I felt my body go cold as Michael’s hand grabs mine. We all stare at the scene in front of us, to shocked to do anything. The silence is broken when Sarah starts screaming.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 40  
Sarah’s screaming draws the attention of our fellow dauntless members and they came running. They quickly saw what had happened and were all unsure at how to approach the situation. Lauren was among the group and took the lead: “Someone help me take her down.”  
Two men and a woman helped Lauren and they closed the door behind them. They didn’t want more people to see Luissa’s body or the message behind her. I doubt that they can keep those words secret for long though.   
Sarah had stopped screaming when the Dauntless members approached us. Now she was crying and Andrew was holding her. Kane and Tyra were both silent and their faces was drained from any color. Michael was still holding my hand, but I pulled my hand lose when my stomach couldn’t take it anymore. I ran towards a trashcan and vomited my dinner in it. I felt someone rub my back. I shook the hand away. It felt weird and entirely unpleasant. I didn’t look to see who it was. I doubt I would know the person.   
How could they have killed Luissa in such a fashion? If she would have died during the attack in the Pit, that would be understandable (not justified, but a possibility). They shot her multiple times and hung her body up in here, knowing that we would find her. It’s stone cold murder. But why hang her here? Why not somewhere more public? And why kill her? She is sixteen. She didn’t disserve to die like this. Yes, she was a bitch and her attitude was going to get her into a lot of trouble one day, but still. The murdered a child during this attack.   
I felt goose bumps appear on my skin and I shivered as I whipped my mouth clean. How could they do something like this? How can they justify murdering her in such a fashion? There is nothing they can say that could make this okay or even explain it. I couldn’t understand why they would kill Luissa. What could she have done to the factionless?   
Maybe it’s not about her, maybe it’s about her father. The message spoke of the murder of Divergents. Andrew, Max’ brother, had been the one to shoot me. Maybe he has killed more people in such a fashion because they are Divergents. Maybe the factionless killed her to get back at him or something. Or to get back at Max?   
It made the murder of Luissa a lot more disgusting. Maybe they killed a child, not because of her own actions, but because of her father’s actions. A second nausea wave hit me. I bent over the trashcan and let it all come out.   
I don’t know how long we stood there or who it was that guided me away from the initiate room, but a group of Dauntless members lead us back to the center of the Pit. We sat down on a bench and sat in utter silence. We sat there for a while when we suddenly heard screaming coming from the corridor we had come from. It sounded like Max his voice. He and his brother must have returned. I was glad I wasn’t present when they informed them out Luissa. I shivered and rubbed my arms in an attempted to get warm. A jacket is placed on my shoulders and I look up to see Eric standing behind me. The others look up at him, but avert their eyes quickly again. They don’t notice how Eric lays his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it. The words he speaks next shake me to the core: “There is more I’m afraid.”  
Everyone tenses significantly and Michael, Kane and Tyra look at Eric. My mind goes completely blank and the hand on my shoulder starts to feel heavier with every passing second. Michael is the first one to speak. He sounds very desperate and I feel my heart stop when he asks his question: “Marc, Marnie and Kim?”  
“They were shot during the attack. They didn’t make,” Eric informs us. The world around me stops spinning. I don’t hear my friend’s cries of disbelieve as I stand up and shake Eric’s hand from my shoulder. I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want to see him. I don’t want to see any of my friends. They aren’t dead. They are strong and brave and smart. They didn’t die. This is a lie, a trick! I hear my friends call my name as I run away from them. I need air! I need to be alone! I don’t want anyone around me! I don’t want to feel their eyes on me!   
It isn’t true!   
I don’t know why I ran to the medic center. Actually I do know why, I just don’t understand why I went. No one paid attention to me or noticed that I was probably a second away from fainting. I would have vomited if I still had something inside my stomach. I walk past the beds and ignore the people lying in it. They are complaining and laughing and moaning. I hate them! They sound be quite! They shouldn’t get to complain or laugh or moan.   
In the back of the room I see the section that is used for the people who died during the attack. Their bodies are being shielded from everyone by curtains. My heart starts hammering inside my throat as I approach those curtains. They can’t be lying there. They aren’t lying there. They are just somewhere else, not in this room. The people lying in those beds are strangers.   
I stop in front of the curtain and lift my hand. It is shaking noticeably. I swallow loudly. My throat feels very raw suddenly and it hurts to swallow actually. My stomach turns as the seconds tick by. I want to pull the curtain away, but something stops me.   
Fear.   
The fear that Eric was telling the truth. If I see them lying here, there would be no going back anymore. There would be no change of it being a mistake. But it has to be. They aren’t dead. They can handle themselves. They are though and fierce and those factionless were no match for them!   
“Andy,” I hear a weak voice coming from behind me. It belongs to Annie. I turn my head to see her and Rob holding on to each other. Their eyes had turned red from crying and Annie’s cheeks were covered in tears.   
I didn’t think and pulled the curtain away. Annie yells at me: “Andy! Don’t!”  
My heart stops beating for a few seconds.   
The body lying in the bed had the same white color as Luissa’s body did. The body didn’t move and if it wasn’t for the clothes I wasn’t sure I would have recognized who it was.  
Marnie.  
My legs wobble as the truth comes crashing down on me. Marnie is dead? But, how? She can’t be dead. I was laughing with her a couple of hours ago and telling her to make amends with Kim. She can’t be dead. My body felt like it hadn’t moved in years when I walked towards her bed. My friend had a very peaceful look on her face. Her face looked the same as in the bar. Her makeup was still intact. She had been shot once judging by the blood on her shirt. She had been shot through the heart. Her hands were lying by her side. I grabbed one carefully and noticed that their temperature had dropped significantly. Her hand felt very cold.   
I lay her hand down and turn to my right, to the bed next to her. I don’t know how I am capable to hold my tears and screams in check, because I couldn’t comprehend how Marnie could have been standing next to me in the bar one moment and the next she is lying in a bed, dead.  
I advert my eyes from Marnie’s body and look at the beds next to her. They were also filled with bodies, familiar bodies: Kim and Marc.   
“They were with Marnie when she was shot. Zeke here saw Marnie get shot and helped Kim and Marc to overpower the man. But he shot Marc and Kim before Zeke could take him out. Kim was immediately dead, Marc died here a few minutes after Zeke brought him here,” Katelyn’s voice makes me turn around. She looks at me with sad eyes. A boy whose name I don’t know is standing next to her. I guess he must be Zeke.   
I advert my eyes back to my friends. My mind was very quiet and I didn’t feel any particular emotions when I saw my friend’s dead bodies. I was in shock. Marc looked like he was sleeping, but Kim had been shot in the head. Her face was covered in blood. She didn’t look anything like Marnie did.   
I hear Zeke take a few steps closer to me. I look at him. He appears to be around Eric and Fours age. He was uncomfortable and his voice shook a bit when he spoke: “I am sorry that I couldn’t save them.”  
“Thank you for trying,” I thank the man. Katelyn walks up to us and she lays her hand on my shoulder. It felt like being electrocuted and I shook her hand away quickly. I step away from her and notice that I started breathing heavier. Katelyn says something, but I cut her off: “Don’t touch me.”   
Air! I need air. I need to get out of here. I start walking backwards, but my legs wobble and I nearly trip over my own feet on my way out. I ignore Annie and Rob’s shouts. I run to the stairs leading to the practice roof. I run up them and nearly break down the door. I am completely out of breath when I reach the roof. My whole body shakes as I think about my three friends lying dead in the medic center. Why were they killed? Why did have to die? They didn’t disserve this! They were good people, full of life and hopes and dreams. They had their entire life ahead of them! How could they have killed them? They were sixteen, hardly a threat to the factionless!   
My angry thoughts start taking a toll on my body. It started to shake hard and I wasn’t able to stand on my feet anymore. I fall to my knees and I feel tears stream down my cheeks. They fall to the ground. I lift my fist and slam it against the ground. The skin on my knuckles splits open. I repeat the action multiple times and I leave blood behind on the ground, next to my tears.   
Four people died today that I know. Four! Why does everyone around me keep dying? Why can’t someone else die? First my parents, then Sacha and now Marc, Marnie, Kim and Luissa! Why can’t someone else suffer? My life is hard enough as it is! Why me? I hate this! I hate this place! I hate my life! Only bad things happen and it just keeps on getting worse!   
I let my anger and sorrow out on the roof. I stay on it for hours. I even see the sun rise. It didn’t have the same beauty to it as the last time I saw the sun rise. I pulled the jacket hanging over my shoulders tighter and realized that I was still wearing Eric’s jacket. I had forgotten about that. It smelled like him. It helped me relax after hours of having my emotions all over the place. My knuckles were covered in dried blood and they were starting to bruise underneath the blood. I will probably have to explain myself to my friends and Eric. I didn’t care and smacked my knuckles into the ground again. I hissed in pain though.   
“Damn it,” I curse under my breath and shake my hand to make the pain go away. It doesn’t and my hand keeps stinging. I guess I should visit Katelyn when I am ready to face the world.   
Like I will ever be ready to face the world inside the compound.   
It felt good being outside. Everything was quite and there was nothing going on around me. I was alone and no one had any expectations from me. I wasn’t faced with looks of pity or hugs that were meant to comfort me, but only made me feel uncomfortable. I sigh loudly and pray that all my emotions simply leave my body in that sigh. They don’t unfortunately.   
The door of the roof opens suddenly. I don’t turn around and wait for Eric to appear behind me, but I notice that his footsteps are of somehow. They are louder, more heavy. I turn my head and see, to my surprise, Max walking towards me. He stops next to me and stares at the sun rise. He looks tired and like he was carrying the weight of the world.   
We don’t speak and just stare at the sunrise. Minutes pass and I feel my body relax as I lay down on the ground. It feels cold and hard, but for some reason that is just what I needed at the precious moment. I didn’t want softness, I didn’t want comfort. I wanted to feel something other than sadness and anger.   
No, I am not angry. I am furious! The factionless killed my friends. They murdered innocent children! They had nothing to do with the murders of Divergents. They were murdered because of the stupidity of humans in rage and grief. The factionless are angry and they took it out in the wrong people.   
“Initiation has been brought to an end,” Max says after thirty minutes of utter silence. In fact the only noise had come from passing trains. Why is it that the world is capable of complete silence in moments like this? Why are there no birds or other noises reaching my ears?   
No, there is nothing but silence.  
“Why?” I ask after a minute or two and sit up. I don’t turn to Max and he doesn’t turn his head to me. I am grateful for that. Max begins his explanation. His voice is ride of any emotions and it sounds like he has been screaming for hours: “There is nothing more we could learn from the test that you haven’t already proven to us. You all fought bravely last night. You weren’t initiates of Dauntless, you were Dauntless. I saw you follow Eric. I saw you follow orders and think out plans to help attain your goal. I saw your fellow initiates do the same. I don’t think there has ever been a group of initiates that has proven more their worth.”  
“What a bittersweet moment this is then,” I reply and think about what Max just said. He is right. When I was shot Eric told me that they could prepare us, but reality is always the best test. During the tests we can’t depend on our friends to have our backs. We are alone and have to do everything on our own. Last night Lucas saved me and Eric stopped me from falling to my death. For some reason dying didn’t seem so frightening right now.   
Maybe that would give me some peace and quiet for awhile.  
“I know. You will get to choose your apartments and jobs today. Have you thought about my offer?” Max response after another couple of minutes of silence. I hadn’t really thought about it since my conversation with Eric about the matter. Maybe Eric is right and being a leader would only put me in more danger. Maybe I should become a Dauntless spokes person. If Eric takes care of Erudite, I wouldn’t come in contact with Jeanine so much. I wouldn’t mind getting to meet people from Candor, Amity and Abnegation. I would be able to move around the city freely and my days wouldn’t have a routine in it. I don’t want to be locked up in this compound. I need air and space and I need to be able to move around.   
“I have, but I am going to decline,” I answer and I can see Max his shoulders slump a bit. That’s strange. Max sounds very tired when he speaks: “I had hoped you would take up the opportunity. I would have liked to see what you could offer this compound.”  
“I am sorry, but leading isn’t my thing. Stating my opinion and pointing out weakness and making plans, but frankly Michael is more leadership material then I am,” I confess and wonder if Michael would want the job. He can always refuse if he doesn’t want it: “I would much rather work with the other factions. I like being able to move and be outside.”  
“You want to work with the other factions?” Max asks me without judgment. I am glad he does that. I can understand what it must sound like: I just became Dauntless and now I want to leave and make connections with the other factions. Max sighs: “Is there no way I can change your mind?”  
“No sir and I don’t think a Dauntless leader should beg for someone to become a leader,” I say and stand up. I stretch my sore limps and try to wipe the dried blood from my hands. I have little success. A thought, that pained me a lot, crossed my mind. With a shaky voice I voice it: “What are the plans concerning the funerals?”  
“Tomorrow, your friends will be brought back to their previous factions. Back to their parents. They weren’t full Dauntless members yet and I think that their parents disserve to get their children back, even if it is in a body bag,” Max explains and I can almost feel his pain when he speaks. I agreed with him. They should be brought back to their families. Their parents should be able to hold them one last time, to be able to kiss them farewell.   
“They shall be celebrated along with the other…fallen,” Max continued and I saw him wipe a tear away from his eye. I turned my head to the man and saw him sitting very bend over. He looked almost broken. I knew he didn’t have any children, maybe he saw Luissa as some kind of daughter. Maybe she was just a bitch to me and my friends. She probably showed her uncle a complete other side.   
“Get your knuckles taken care of in the medic center,” Max orders me and I nod. I want to leave the roof. Everything has been said. There is nothing more that Max could tell me involving the passing of my friends. They were dead and someone was going to answer for that. I will find out who was behind this attack, who orchestrated it. I straightened my back and wiped the last tears from my eyes and walked down the stairs. With every step I took my anger intensified.  
It was still very early and I was lucky that the corridor was deserted. I had no intentions to be nice to anyone right now and I didn’t want their sympathy or comforting words. I wanted answers!  
I walked to the Chasm and down the path that lead to the old storage room. I doubt that I would be able to leave the compound threw the normal entrances. The Dauntless probably doubled their security because of last night. I shivered when I entered the storage room and remembered that Sacha was killed in here. I wonder if she fought back. I wonder if she gave Eric a run for his money. I hope she did.   
I moved the crates and quickly found the narrow hallway hiding behind them. I didn’t think about the dangers I was getting myself in or that I wasn’t taking a gun with me. I didn’t care. All that mattered was finding Tabassum and find out the truth about last night. Why they really attacked us and what their goal was.   
And most important of all: who is responsible for the death of my friends!


	42. Chapter 42

Chapter 42   
Getting out of the Dauntless compound wasn’t easy. There were multiple Dauntless patrols searching the area for factionless people and probably secret entrances. I debated with myself whether I should leave the secret entrance I used open or not. It comes in handy and I know that I am not the only one using it. But maybe the factionless used this entrance to infiltrate the compound tonight. They know about it. Sacha and Tabassum used it. Four knows about it. Maybe they will use it again. I decide to leave the entrance wide open. It was hard to move the boxes but I would be damned if I didn’t help my fellow Dauntless members. They will find it and block it. I would figure something else out when I returned.   
Using the Dauntless station was out of the question. It was probably hardly guarded tonight and the next couple of days. I guess I will have to walk to Abnegation. They take care of the factionless, so I suspect that I would find some information about Tabassum there. Maybe he even lives in that section of the city. I can’t imagine that the people from Abnegation wouldn’t help me. Maybe I will run into the woman who took my aptitude test. She knows more. She warned me. Maybe she knows about factionless contacting the Divergents within the factions. I don’t believe that I am the only one they contacted. I wonder how many there are in Dauntless.  
I feel strangely calm as I walk down the streets of the Dauntless section. That cannot be a good sign. I shouldn’t feel this comfortable. I should feel guilty and worried that I would get caught. Eric will be furious if he finds out. There is no discussing the fact that he will find out. He probably already knows. Lying to my friends will be easier. They won’t be so worried.   
I know it’s not my smartest plan: leaving the compound to go in search for Tabassum to find some answers. I want to know the truth. I want to hear what the reason is that justifies the deaths of my friends. I want to know what really started this. Who are the Dauntless murderers? Who did they kill? I suspect that Tabassum would know something and if he doesn’t, then he can direct me to the person in charge.   
The night was cold, making me shiver multiple times. I should have gotten a jacket before I left. I was still wearing the clothes that Marnie, Kim, Annie and Sarah had picked out for me. I didn’t care about showing skin at the moment, although the outfit was making me get a cold for sure. My skin was covered in goose bumps. I should have grabbed a sweater or a jacket.   
I took a right and could see Erudite headquarters in the distant. I wonder what Jeanine is doing right now. I wonder if she knows about the attack. They probably informed all the other factions about it. How could they not be informed? In any normal persons eyes this attack could happen to other factions. I wonder if they know about Sacha’s death. I wonder if they know that Eric, a Dauntless leader, killed a factionless woman.   
Jeanine remains an enigma to me. According to that Amity woman, Clara, Jeanine is my dad’s cousin, so we are related by blood. Why is she so interested in her own blood? Maybe she thinks that I am Divergent because on my father’s side everyone is from Erudite and on my mother’s side everyone is from Dauntless. Maybe coming from parents who come from other factions could result in Divergents. But that would mean my mother has a higher risk of being Divergent as well, because my grandparents were from different factions and my grandmother was just not the Erudite type.   
My mother a Divergent? There’s no way? She is so… Erudite. She is smart, calculated, takes action based on logic and not her emotions. I don’t think I ever saw her cry. Everything she ever did was a result of a well thought out plan or because something was the most logical thing to do. But Clara told me that my mother used to be very stubborn and headstrong and that she broke the rules a lot. I can’t picture my mother like that. My grandmother on the other hand. I could defiantly imagine she would be like that. I guess I get my Dauntless side from her. Maybe the gene pool skipped a generation. Marie isn’t anything like her though. She is the perfect combination of our parents. She’s a complete Erudite. I don’t think she is a Divergent. I think her test result will be very clear.   
I hope they will be.   
I haven’t been a lot in Abnegation. I joined dad once or twice when he was visiting the Abnegation leader: Marcus Eaton. I don’t necessarily like him. He was weird and a little bit creepy. Dad and I would walk to Abnegation using the streets behind Erudite headquarters, so that was where I was heading right now. If I have taken a certain route in the past, I can easily remember it. My memory is very visual.   
It takes me twenty minutes to reach the Erudite section of the city. I stop and look around the corner. The Erudite square is disserted. I stay in the shadows of the buildings and cover the side of my face with my hair. If someone would see me, I could easily outrun them, but they could still recognize me. I walk at a quick pace and try to not make any sound. You never know who might be hiding in the darkness.   
I took another turn and ended up in a street that looked very familiar. It felt weird standing here without my father. He would use these streets because they lead the quickest to Abnegation, but they were not the safest. Not that he was ever attacked or anything, but rumor said that the factionless like to sleep in the buildings I was currently passing by. I don’t know if it’s true and frankly I don’t want find out just yet.  
Although that could help with finding Tabassum.   
A sound to my left makes me freeze. It sounded like a can being kicked. I turned around and a person appeared from the shadows. Judging from his posture it was a man. He was holding an iron pipe. He was followed by a second man. They must have been hiding in the shadows of the building. I was doing the same thing, but apparently not succeeding in it. How could I not have noticed them?   
“What do we have here? A Dauntless brat? So far from home,” the first man wonders out loud and I can tell he is grinning. He waves the iron pipe casually while walking towards me. The second man doesn’t move, but crosses his arms in front of his chest: “And one that is unharmed? You must be the dumbest in that compound to come here without protection.”  
“I came here looking for a friend,” I say and try to stay calm. I only see two men, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t more. How many more are hiding in the shadows? I keep my eyes focused on the two men, while I listen for any kind of sound that would betray more people. I don’t hear anything, but my heart beating faster. The man with the iron pipe snickers: “We don’t make friends with you traitors.”  
“You think you can just waltz in our part of the city? You and your murderous friends must be stupider then we gave you credit for,” the second man comments and he laughs. Their part of the city? Technically this belongs to Erudite, but I don’t think it is smart to point that out to these men.   
“What are you talking about?” I ask and I brace my body for a potential fight. If they will attack me, I will need to be ready. I can take them. I am Dauntless, I am brave and I am strong. These men seem to know about the murders that I keep hearing about. Maybe they can tell me more about it: “What murders?”  
“Don’t you dare act like you don’t know!” the first man spits at me and raises the pipe towards me. I seem to have hit a nerve. The second man stopped laughing and I could feel his eyes observe me. I ball my fists. I am sixteen and just transferred to Dauntless, how can they expect me to know such things? I pointed that out and nearly spit out the words. I hate it when I am blamed for something that I was not a part of.   
“From what faction did you transfer?” the second man asks me and signals his friend to lower his iron pipe. He walks closer to me and I can make out the shape of his face in the dark. He is very tall and I believe that he has a darker skin then me, like Tabassum. He kind of looks like him: same nose and chin.   
“Erudite,” I answer and refuse to take a step backwards. I don’t care that this man is standing to close to me. I will not bow down. He will not intimidate me. I faced Eric multiple times before and frankly no one is more intimidating and scary then him. Well except for Jeanine, but that is a whole different category. I notice that both men stiffen significantly. The man in front of me walks around me and eyes me up and down. It makes me feel like a piece of meat: “And what brings an ‘Erudite- transfer- to- Dauntless’ to our neighborhood?”  
“Tell me about these murders,” I say and feel my heart speed up. My knees slightly tremble and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep my face calm and neutral. The dark skinned man stops in front of me: “Why do you want to know about them?”  
“Because I keep hearing about them.”  
“And your Erudite side makes you curious?” the man asks me quickly and I bite the inside of my cheek again to stop myself from attacking him. It isn’t easy to speak with a calm and steady voice: “My friends were murdered in your attack this night. They were transfer initiates. I want to know what the reason is for them dying.”  
“Ha, there it is. I knew there was a more personal interest in those murders. Like an Erudite/Dauntless girl like you would ever take any interest in the lives of those you do not know,” the man spits in my face and I cringe because there might be some truth in them. But isn’t that human nature? Doesn’t everyone care about the people they know and not about the people they don’t know? It’s a selfish thought, but it’s also true, I think. Frankly I think you are lying if you say otherwise. I never cared for my neighbors in Erudite. I saw them every day, said politely hello to them, but that was it. I knew their names and faces, but I didn’t care for them. I don’t care for them now. I don’t care for all the Dauntless members, just the once I know.   
Isn’t that normal?   
“It is your job to protect us, but all you do is think about is your own people. You let us fend for ourselves and throw us out when we appear to be a threat to you,” the dark skinned man continues.   
“I doubt it they would throw you out just because you are a threat to them,” I point out and find his last remark laughable. The factionless can’t be that naïve. Dauntless wouldn’t throw you out if you are a threat, neither would Erudite for that matter. The man doesn’t follow my train of thought: “What makes you say that?”  
“Because if you really were a threat to them, they would have killed you and you are still alive so you are no real threat to them,” I point out and continue before he can interrupt me: “It is in human nature to protect ourselves from potential threats. Throwing someone out of the faction is only a temporary solution. Death is a more permanent solution. Especially in this city.”   
“Maybe you are smarter then I gave you credit for. Who says they didn’t try to kill me?” the man asks me and I almost laugh. I wonder what faction he comes from. Why is he factionless? He doesn’t look like a threat, but he does have a Dauntless stance. It’s a weird thing, but you can tell from what faction someone comes according to their stance. The Erudite, Candor and Dauntless stand tall and proud, where Abnegation and Amity stand with lowered shoulders. Abnegation let’s their heads hang low, while Amity use their hands while they talk. They also have a hard time with standing still. I noticed this with Rob and Annie, especially Rob. The Erudite and Candor stand tall, with their arms close to their frame, while the Dauntless like to make themselves big. I guess that’s part of the image. I am guessing he is from Dauntless, but I don’t know if he was born in it or transferred to it: “You are standing in front of me. You would be dead if they really thought you were a problem. So I am guessing you got cut during Dauntless initiation.”  
“This one is a smart cookie,” the first man joins the conversation. He walks closer to me and lays his iron pipe on his shoulder. He had a lighter skin then his friend and he was a head shorter. He didn’t look very threatening and was carrying a bit of weight. He didn’t give me a Dauntless vibe: “You’re right. He was told to leave after stage two because he couldn’t live up to their ridiculous high expectations. We don’t…”  
“I am sorry, but I am not interested in your sad story. We all have one, but I am not responsible for what happens in your life. So drop the whole blaming stuff on me just because I am Dauntless. Now tell me about the murders you mentioned before,” I say and lift my fists. I am getting tired them ignoring my question. I don’t have all night.   
The men look to each other and laugh. It’s not a snicker or a grin, no it’s a full out laugh and it’s very loud. It makes my blood boil. I can understand that I might not look like much, but I am Dauntless and I will not let anyone laugh at me in such a fashion. I ball my fists and throw myself at the man with the iron pipe. I jump at him and push him down. He is surprised and falls back. I punch him in the jaw and the iron pipe falls from his hands. I want to grab it but the dark skinned man is faster. He swings it at me and I am to slow to block or avoid it. It hits me in my side. I bite my lip to keep myself quiet. I push down the pain and run towards him. He swings again, but this time I block it and grab it. We both pull. I kick him in the stomach and he lets go. He falls to the ground. I place my foot on his throat as he tries to get u. I push my foot down hard, making it difficult for him to breath. He stops trying and glares at me angry. I focus my attention to the other man. He had gotten up, but he wasn’t making any attempt at attacking me. He is not a soldier. He doesn’t know how to fight.   
“I am guessing you are in top three of Dauntless initiation,” the man on the ground asks me and I don’t remove my foot from his throat. I push down a little bit to make it clear that he shouldn’t attack me again: “I am a member of Dauntless, the ranking doesn’t matter anymore.”  
“Of course it does little girl. Ranking is all that matters to those guys,” he says and I remove my foot from his throat. He looks at me surprised. I wave him to get up and take a step backwards. His friend runs over to his side. He isn’t as threatening as he was with his pipe, is he. It was all show when it comes to him. I am guessing he was from Amity or Candor. If he was from Abnegation he wouldn’t have struggled and frankly he doesn’t look smart enough to be part of Erudite.   
“Top two initiates are possible candidates to become future leaders in that compound,” the dark skinned man informs me and lay the iron pipe on my shoulder: “I have been offered that position. I declined.”  
“On what ground?” the shorter man asks me and he looks surprised. What is so surprising about turning down a leadership position? It’s not like I would have any say in anything. And the dauntless leaders don’t look like the nicest people to work with. Granted I only know two of them, but still: “I don’t believe that they have an interest in what I have to say and I am not the type of person to simple follow the crowd so to speak.”  
“Never except that position. It will become the death of you,” the second man warns me. I am taken back by his warning. I know that taking that position is dangerous for me, but why would it be dangerous for others? Max and Eric are weary of me, but I don’t think they know about Michael. I believe that Eric has had his hands full with me. At least I hope so: “I could try and change things.”  
“You will never succeed. If you heard about these murders and if you are as suspicious of your own faction, then I am guess you heard about the secret meetings between Erudite and Dauntless,” the man continues. I don’t answer, but he can tell I have heard of that: “They are murdering people they see as a threat. People who don’t conform to their way of life and…”  
“Divergents.”  
“Exactly, two years ago they attacked us during the night. Everyone was sleeping. We didn’t expect an attack so we didn’t have anyone standing guard. My brother woke me up and all I could see was blood. They murdered twenty tree people. Man and woman, adults and children. It didn’t matter to them, they were Divergents and they needed to be removed from the city.” A nasty shiver crawls down my back when hearing that they killed children. How can a child ever be seen as a threat?   
“You don’t seem shocked to hear this kind of information,” the first man asks me and sighs. I am horrified that my faction is responsible for such an attack, but knowing what I know about Jeanine, this doesn’t surprise me that much: “Jeanine thinks it’s acceptable to experiment on humans, so I am not surprised she would kill innocent people.”  
“We tried to get justice for it, but there was no evidence,” the second man continued. I looked at him confused. No evidence? How is that possible? They must have found all the bodies and bullets. There is way that they could cover such an attack up.   
“They threw in a sedative smoke bomb. We woke up the next morning. All the people we lost were gone and there were no footages from the previous night. There was no sign of a struggle or that there had been an attack,” the shorter man explained. His eyes were focused on his shoes. He was also there. He continues in a voice filled with sadness: “We went to Candor, demanded a trail. We demanded that our friends were found.”  
“What did Candor do?”  
“There was a hearing, but Erudite somehow switched the truth serums. Everyone could lie. Jeanine was the one who pointed this out. The hearing was brought to an end and Candor believed that we were responsible for the switch. It is know that the factionless don’t think high of Dauntless and Erudite. The Candor thought that we wanted to frame them,” the dark skinned man spits out. He kicks the wall beside him and his fists are balled. How horrible: “They did nothing?”  
“Jeanine talked her way out of it and I am sure that you know how convincing that woman can be,” the short man explained. He looked at his friend, but didn’t try to comfort him. The dark skinned man was too angry to be comforted right now. I can imagine that Jeanine would be able to frame the factionless: “Where the bodies ever found?”  
“No, we searched the whole city, but came up empty handed. Most of us moved to the Abnegation section of the city afterwards. We thought that around them, the other factions wouldn’t dare to attack us again. Not when we were living so close to the people who were covering the city,” the short man continued and the dark skinned man kicked the wall again.   
“It happened again.”  
“Of course it did. We don’t know how they know about who is Divergent and who is not, but…” the dark skinned man almost yelled at me as he turned to me. He looked lost and his eyes were hiding that he was scared. I guess living among the factionless isn’t much safer then living in Dauntless. Not if Erudite and Dauntless know who is Divergent and who is not: “You must have a spy in your middle.”  
“Some of us suspect so, but we are with too many to find out who it is. We started advising to keep it quite if you were a Divergent. We are more open about talking about it. We don’t see it as a threat like Jeanine does, but they still found them,” the dark skinned man tried to pull himself together again and continued in a steadier voice: “Since last year we have heard word that Jeanine is targeting the initiates of all factions. Everyone one is being observed by someone. We know that Dauntless is helping her and there is also a spy in Candor, but we don’t think that Abnegation and Amity are helping Jeanine.”  
I want to conform that someone is observing us in Dauntless, but I don’t for some reason. I don’t want to them asking questions that could lead to Eric. People probably suspect him enough as it is. I will not be a part of that.   
“I suggest you trust no one and when I say no one, I mean no one. Even your best friend or your boyfriend or even your parents could be part of the plot. Especially if you are from Erudite,” the dark skinned man advised me and his friend nods. This is all horrible to hear, but what is the meaning of the attack this night? Were they targeting specific people? What was the meaning of it?  
“One of ours was murdered a week ago in your compound and a month ago there was the attack in Erudite, what we were blamed for,” the short man explains. I don’t mention that I know Sacha. I am sure that the dark skinned man has figured out that I am Divergent. Why else would I know these things or ask questions. I’m pretty sure that I would be blind to these things if I wasn’t a part of it.   
“We were punished for it and a couple of people were arrested. We don’t know what happened to them. We thought it was time to send a message back,” the dark skinned man continued and I could tell that he was getting angry again. He wasn’t the only one. I couldn’t keep the anger out of my voice when I spoke: “And murder an innocent girl?”  
“She was Max his…,” the short man tried to justify, but I cut him off quickly: “She was an innocent girl, no way a part in what is happening. Sure, she was a brat, but that does not make it okay to murder her in the fashion that you people did. She was innocent, just like the people you have lost.”  
“Sacrifices must be made,” the dark skinned man said and I had a flashback to the conversation I overheard between my parents and Jeanine years ago. It made my blood boil: “I am sure that Jeanine says the same thing to justify her actions.”  
“Imran!” a man calls to us from a distance and we all turn towards the man. It was Tabassum. Imran turned out to be the dark skinned man. He walked towards Tabassum: “Brother!”  
So they are related. I thought they looked alike. The brothers greet each other with a hug. Tabassum nods to the other man before he turns to me: “Andy? What are you doing here? It not safe to wonder these streets right now.”  
“I was looking for you, but I ran into your brother instead,” I explain and Tabassum eyes his brother. I guess he can tell that our conversation didn’t start on a positive note. His brother shakes his head, but I don’t know what that means. Tabassum turns back to me: “I heard some initiates fell during the attack.”   
“Yes, my friends.”  
“I am sorry for your lose.”   
“So am I.”   
“I am sorry, but I am not here for talking. We need to leave immediately. There are Dauntless patrols nearby. We need to get to a safe house!” Tabassum informs us and the atmosphere between us changes. Dauntless patrols? They can’t see me here! I need to get back to Dauntless as quickly as possible. Tabassum was reading my thoughts: “Come with us until we are out of harm’s way. I will walk you back to Dauntless.”  
“No you won’t. I came here on my own. I am not putting you in harm’s way,” I state quickly and Imran and Tabassum look surprised by my statement. Sacha got killed because she was helping me, I am not putting anyone else in harm’s way. Not if I can prevent it from happening.   
Tabassum wants to say something, when we hear screaming and gunshots. People ran around the corner suddenly. They were factionless. Flashlights followed them. I covered my face quickly and ran to the nearest building I could enter. I could hear Tabassum and Imran follow me. I don’t know where the other man went or where the other factionless people disappeared to. I hope they would make it out alive.   
The building we entered was old and rundown. Parts of the ceiling had come down and cables were hanging lose. The floor was tilled with black and white stones. Maybe this belonged to Candor one day. But we are in Erudite. Maybe this building is from before the war. There were multiple doors, all broken down and so were the windows. This place reminds me of my school. All the classes had windows on both sides of the classroom.  
“We need to exit the building on the other side of the building and then split up,” Tabassum informs us. We run down the old hallway. My heart is beating out of control and I can feel my lungs having difficulty with breathing. No! Not here! Not right now! I cannot have panic attack right now! I could hear people shouting behind us. It didn’t help me try and calm down. Why am I reacting like this? I was able to stay calm during the ambush on the road to the Dauntless compound. Why is this happening now? I have never been here before! I don’t know this building or the people coming after me and…  
That’s it! This is like my fear landscape: the faceless mob coming after me!   
We neared a door and a staircase. Tabassum and Imran ran out the door, but I hesitated. I don’t know why. In my fear landscape I use the roof to shake of the faceless mob, but I could manipulate that scene. I could add stuff to help me. I should follow the brothers and split from a block from here. Should I let them handle their own? I found it very selfish to leave them, but Tabassum had said we needed to split up. We can’t stay together and we are probably not even going the same way. I need to be selfish on this one, but for some reason my heart told me I should stay with them until we were safe. It wasn’t for my own protection, but to make sure that they were alright. I don’t want the same thing to happen to Tabassum that happened to Sacha.   
I found myself caught between choosing when I felt something hard hit me in the head. I looked at the ground and saw it was a small rock. Where did that come from? Another one hits me and I look around. There is no one there. Where did it…? I look up and see at the top of the staircase a familiar face.   
Eric.


	43. Chapter 43

Chapter 43  
Eric? What is he doing here? Please don’t tell me he followed me! I don’t have time to think about it for long because I hear the Dauntless patrol enter the building. Eric waves me over and I run up the stairs just before the Dauntless men and women enter the hallway I was in. With every step I take it becomes more and more difficult to breath. It hurt in fact. Damn it! I can’t deal with this right now!   
Before I am at the last step, Eric grabs my wrist and pulls me with him inside a room. He closes the door behind him quietly and leans against it: “You are the most predictable person I have ever met in my life!”  
“Can you yell at me later? They can come up here,” I say out of breath and eye the room. This used to be a classroom. There were tables, chairs and an old chalkboard. I had never seen one before. I was pulled away from my discovery when I heard someone run up the stairs. Eric heard it to: “Closet!”  
In the back of the room was a broom closet. This must be a really old building to have an authentic chalkboard and a broom closet. There were two layers in the closet. We could easily hide beneath the second one if we sat down. Eric crawls in first and I follow him quickly. I sit down between his legs and pull the door shut. I want to take a deep breath to calm myself down, when I notice a hole in the door. How could I not have noticed it before? It looked like something was thrown against the door, maybe a chair or a desk judging by the size of the hole.   
“Just be quite,” Eric orders me as I wonder if they would be able to see us threw it. The layers of the closet should hide us, but what if they open the door? The door of the classroom opens, followed by footsteps. I hold my breath and feel Eric’s arm around my waist tighten. I feel the hair on my arms stand up from fear. It didn’t help that I felt Eric’s breath hit my neck.   
“Do you see anyone?” someone yells from the hallway to the person inside the classroom. I can practically hear my heart beat as the person walks around, pushing chairs and desks out of their way, making a lot of noise. I push my frame closer against Eric’s and I feel his chin rest in my shoulder. One of his hands is resting on my leg and squeezes it for comfort, but it doesn’t help. His other pulls something from behind him: a gun.   
“Just a second.” It was a woman’s voice. I hear her boots walk towards the closet door. She is going to open the door and find us! I want to push myself away from the door, but I can’t. If I wasn’t holding my breath a full blown panic attack would immerge. Eric’s hand on my leg crawls to my ankle and pulls it back just when the door opens. I wait for the woman to shout that she found us. I wait for her to see us. I wait for her to aim her gun at us and shoot. I see Eric’s gun in the corner of my eye, steady and ready to be fired if needed.   
I didn’t think it was possible for a heart to beat so strongly and not cause heart problems. I am amazed that no one could hear it.   
“This room is empty!” the woman shouts back to her companion and closes the door with a lot of force. She walks out of the classroom and say’s something to her friend. They walk to the next room and I can hear her make a lot of nose again. She was kicking the chairs and desk out of her way again. She must be doing that to scare people who might be hiding there.   
I let out the breath I had been holding slowly and Eric lowers his gun. He lets go of my leg as I lay my head against his chest and let my body relax for a minute. We stay quiet for some time. I almost feel like laughing. I have said this before and I will probably say it again in the future: humor is my coping mechanism in situations like this. I don’t know what to say and I rather not have Eric yell at me when these people are still so nearby. I listen to his heart beat steady and take comfort in his arms locked around my frame. I can’t believe that just happened. That was close. What am I saying, that was to close! What if she had found us? Eric would have shot her, but her companion would have heard that and we would have to kill her as well. Two more people dead because of me. Who knows how many people would hear the struggle and come up here?   
After a few minutes I hear the two people who came up here walk past our door and down the stairs. They are talking to each other, but I can’t hear what they are saying.   
I feel extremely tired all of a sudden. Like I said: that was to close, too much excitement. My whole body felt drained. I sit up slowly and pull my body away from Eric’s, but he stops me and pulls me back against his chest. I want to stop him but I don’t have the energy to fight him. His lips find mine and he silences me with a heavy kiss. I don’t pull back and let him kiss me. His hands find my legs and he lifts me up, so that my legs are straddling his hips. He deepens the kiss and I feel his tongue enter my mouth. My hands slide into Eric’s hair and I feel his hands move to my back. I moan into the kiss as one of his hands reaches my bottom. I grab a fistful of Eric’s hair and push my chest flat against his. He squeezes my bottom again and grins against my lips. He tries to deepen the kiss, but I turn my face away from his and let my lips travel down his neck and to the sensitive spot just below his ear. Eric turns his head, but I avoid his lips and let my hands slide down his chest. I notice that there is a vest underneath his jacket: a bulletproof vest.   
“Initiate, I wasn’t done with you yet,” Eric whispers and he sounds like he is out of breath. I like it when he sounds like that. I let my lips travel down Eric’s neck and my hands try to find a way to get underneath Eric’s vest. Eric decides to catch my attention by squeezing my bottom again. I can’t suppress a moan from escaping my lips, but I keep my lips focused on his neck. Feeling encouraged and slightly bold I push my hips closer to his. I am thankful for the darkness because my face is probably a tomato when I feel him. Eric moans and his grip on me tightens: “Don’t do that again.”  
I don’t listen and repeat my actions. I love hearing the moans coming from his lips. His hand finds my chin and he claims my lips. The kiss is more loaded and aggressive, but I don’t mind. I like it when Eric is being dominant. It makes me feel al warm and giddy on the inside and I suddenly realize to what I was insinuating. I never thought that I would be the first one to make such a move. I expected that to come from Eric. I thought he would make the first move, but here I am straddling his hips and grinding against him. The thought alone made me hot with desire.   
Eric’s lips leave mine and they traveled down my neck. I moan when I feel his lips kiss my breast. His hands crawl beneath my shirt and I shivered from pleasure when he touched me: “Eric…”  
Before I can do anything, he opens the door of the closet and stands up. I wrap my legs around his hips and let him carry me out of the closet. The air was colder in the classroom, but that didn’t matter. My body felt like it was on fire and I wasn’t planning on hosing it down any time soon. I felt one of the desks beneath my bottom. My legs let go of Eric’s hips, but he pushes them apart so that he can stand between them. I feel even giddier.   
“Stop me,” Eric whispers. He isn’t as collected as he is usually. I don’t want him to stop, at least not right now. I want him, I need him! I grab the front of his shirt and pull him towards me. I kiss him and in between kisses say: “I want you.”  
Eric makes a sound that I don’t know how to describe. He grabs my hips and pulls me against himself. I gasp as I feel his member press against my inner thigh. He deepens the kiss and I push his jack off his shoulders. He lets it fall to the ground. My hands crawl beneath the vest he is wearing, but they aren’t getting anywhere. It’s too tight. It annoys me. I break the kiss and want to get the damn thing off of Eric, when he pushes me down on the desk. His frame hovering over mine, his hands pinning mine down. He smirks: “Is something wrong?”  
“You are wearing too many cloths!” I almost growl at him, but mange to suppress the raw emotions I am feeling at the moment. I capture Eric’s lips in a kiss before he can mock me. I’m surprised when he doesn’t pull back. He lowers his chest and my stomach flutters as his weight presses own on me. One of his hands lets go of mine and it slides down my arm. It slides over my breast and grabs it. I moan in the kiss and Eric deepens it. He lets his hand slid down to my stomach. My whole body flutters and I shiver as he reaches the top of my shorts. He stops and breaks the kiss. Our eyes meet and both are covered with a thick layer of lust. It drives me crazy that he doesn’t continue: “Eric…”  
“Yes,” he struggles with saying that. He lowers his head and his lips leave a small kiss behind on my collarbone. He keeps his lips hovering over my skin and I shiver as his breath touches my skin. Damn him: “Please…”  
My free hand pulls his face back to mine. Between kisses I hear him curse me. I don’t know why. He deepens the kiss while he lets his hand slides down my side to my knee. I can’t stop myself from letting out a sound of disappointment. Eric smirks against my lips: “Greedy little thing aren’t you.”  
His hand slides up my leg again, but at a very slow pace. He only went midway and then let’s his hand slide back to my knee. Damn him! Can’t he just…! His hand crawls back up my leg and slides to the inside of my thigh. He comes very close to his destination, before he pulls back again. I am completely out of breath when I break the kiss: “Eric, stop teasing.”  
“Why? I love seeing you like this” he teases me and I nearly lose it when he lets his nails slide over my leg. His hands slides back down to my knee. Eric lips find my ear: “Ask nicely.”  
“Ugh god, you bastered,” I choke out and Eric bites my neck while grabbing my leg aggressively: “That’s not what I told you to do, initiate.” He said that last word with such heath behind it that I wanted to rip his cloths of. I would not let him toy with me without me fighting back. I pushed him up and sat up quickly. I grab his belt and pull him against me and Eric couldn’t stop himself from moaning. I couldn’t stop myself either. I didn’t want too.   
“No no no initiate, that’s not what we were doing,” Eric says when he’s regained his composure. He grabs both my wrists and holds them behind my back: “You wanted me to do something. Say it initiate, it’s an order.” Eric growls slightly and his hold on me becomes a more forceful. I can’t help but feel warmth on the inside: “I think we have established that I don’t do well when it comes to following orders, sir.”  
Eric stiffens. His entire body goes rigid. He stops. I don’t know what to do. I wait for him to continue but with every passing second I can feel the atmosphere changing. The charged atmosphere was making place for something else, something that didn’t feel good or safe. Eric lets go of my wrists and he pulls back. He straightens his back and even takes a step back. I want to pull him back, but I don’t. When Eric looks up I can tell that the mood is over. Well not the mood, but this is not going to end like I thought it would.   
Our eyes lock and I can tell what is running threw his brain. He isn’t even trying to hide it. I should have known that I would never get away from him yelling at me for leaving the compound. It unnerves me that he doesn’t say anything though. He can tell that it’s affecting me and that infuriates me.   
“Say it already,” I almost yell at him when he refuses to make the first move. If there is one thing I hate about him, it’s that he lets me make the first move in situations like this. I hate it. He has something to say, so just do it and get it over with! Don’t dance around the subject!  
“Why?”   
“Why what?” I ask and can’t keep the anger out of my voice. It’s not just anger, the lust and heat from earlier are mixed in there as well and I know that Eric can tell. Bastered! He crosses his arms over each other. I try to keep my attention focused on the issue at hand, but I can’t shake away the memory of his hand on my leg and chest and… Andy! This isn’t helping!   
“Why didn’t you come and get me when you left?” Eric asks me. We both know why and I cringe at the fact that he is completely sincere with his question. Because I wanted to be alone, because I wanted to go to Tabassum, because I wanted answers, because I needed to get away from Dauntless, because I didn’t want anyone with me asking questions, because I didn’t want you there…  
“Why Andy?” Eric raises his voice and I am taken aback by the fact that he uses my name. He never uses my name. He only uses it when we are being intimate. Or I guess when he is really angry at me. I want to tell him ‘because I am an idiot and I should have come and get you and I’m sorry’, but I can’t get the words over my lips. It feels stupid saying them to Eric for some reason. I don’t understand why though.   
I don’t answer Eric out of fear that I would lash out. He gets agitated and he slams his fists on the table I am sitting on. I am amazed that it didn’t break down. Before I can yell at him, he grabs my necklace, the one I got from Annie and pulls my face close to his. For a split second I thought he would kiss me, but he doesn’t. He wants to make sure that he has my full attention. I don’t want to bite back, but I can’t stop myself: “And why the hell would I do that? I can take care of myself!”  
My tone is threatening. I shouldn’t use it when Eric is so angry, but I couldn’t stop myself. Eric’s eyes widen for a second and his grip on my necklace tightened: “No you can’t! You are unable to make rational decisions!”  
“I’m not…”  
“Then what do you call tonight? And the last time you left the compound? It is so predicable that when something happens you run of. They could have caught you tonight! It would have been over for you! Why can’t you get that in your thick skull! This is not a safe city for you! Jeanine is waiting for you to mess up like this to get to you, don’t you realize that?” I know that, but I don’t want to hear Eric say those words. I don’t need to be reminded that my life is worth so much to other people, that is has become somewhat worthless to me. I can’t live my life like I want to. I don’t feel safe anywhere. Everyone is a potential threat to me and I can only talk to Michael and Eric about it. But Eric doesn’t understand it. He isn’t the one whose life is treated like it’s the property of someone else: “I know…”  
“Obliviously you don’t know!” Eric yells at me and I feel a small fear rise in my stomach. He pulls the necklace again and it hurts my neck. I try to get him to let it go. Annie gave it to me, I don’t want him to break it. He doesn’t move though and I stay still. Eric continues: “How would you have handled this if I hadn’t showed up?”  
“I would have come up with something,” I reply, but it only angers Eric more. I don’t think there is anything I can say that will calm him down except for ‘I’m sorry’, but the words won’t come: “And how would you have gotten back inside the compound? I can’t cover for you anymore, I have been doing it to much lately and they are starting to become suspicious of me because of you. If they find out about us, we’re both dead!”  
…  
“Got nothing to say?”  
“What do you want me to say? I won’t do it again? We both know I will,” I reply and Eric let’s go of the necklace. I am grateful for it. His hands grab the back of my head roughly: “Why do you juggle with your life so careless?”  
“Because that is the only thing I have control over! Every day I am confronted in some kind of way that someone is trying to kill me! So sorry if I don’t think about my own life that much, because frankly the changes of me surviving this are rather slim, so it doesn’t matter!” I spit at the man and push him away from me. It’s true, it hurts, but it’s the truth. Jeanine isn’t going to leave me alone for awhile and I can’t live for years not knowing what will happen. I can handle that now, but my resolve is going to crumble.   
“It matters to me!” Eric shouts and I don’t know how to reply to that. I know that he worries, but he must have realized it too. What kind of future is there for us, really? The moment we end this, he has all the power. He can turn me over whenever he wants and frankly I won’t be surprised if he does. Why would he keep protecting me? And if we stay together, we can never openly be together. They will suspect that he lied. It’s a lose-lose situation.   
“I can’t keep dealing with you like this,” Eric sighs and he takes a step backwards. I hate seeing him do that. I don’t want him to do that. I want him to prove me wrong, but there is no way he can prove me wrong. This isn’t going to work and this relationship isn’t worth fighting for for him. He can walk out and live the rest of his life like he wants to. I can’t. It hurts that he is pulling away from me, but I keep the emotions from my face. I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but I still feel the urge to pull him back. I don’t though. Eric continues in a whisper: “Don’t you realize what you put me through every time you run off without me?”  
“Then don’t cover for me if it’s such a hassle!”  
“That’s not what I am talking about! Every time you run of I wonder if you are even coming back, let alone if you are coming back alive to me!” There is desperation in Eric’s voice and I want to comfort him, but my body won’t move. I stay quiet and try to keep my face even. What am I suppose to say to that. Don’t worry about me? I’ll be fine? I can handle myself? I can’t change who I am or my situation. I don’t have a future, I barely have a tomorrow sometimes.   
When did I except the fact that me dying is normal, even expected?   
Eric’s expression is blank and I can’t tell what he is thinking anymore or planning on doing. His voice is the only thing that tells me his emotions aren’t in check as he tries to make me believe: “Don’t you have anything to say?”   
Honestly, no. What can I say? What should I say: “What do you expect me to say?”  
“Tell me you won’t leave without telling me anymore, to stay out of harm’s way, to…”  
“But I won’t. Why make false promises we both know I won’t live up to and that will just disappoint you?” I say and cringe at the thought of disappointing Eric. I don’t want to do that. I want him to be happy, pleased, and proud but how am I suppose to achieve that or give him? I’m sixteen, I can’t handle this!   
“That’s how you see it? You’re not even going to try to…,” Eric stops midsentence and eyes me over. My mind is screaming at me to say the words he wants to hear, but my lips stay shut. It is almost painful how hard my heart is beating at the moment, but I stay frozen in place.   
“You know for a second I thought you scored Abnegation on your test, but I guess I was wrong. You are the most selfish person I have ever met and you don’t even realize it! I can’t keep doing this. You are impossible to deal with. They won’t hear anything from me, but you’re on your own,” Eric tells me and I can’t keep the hurt from my face. He doesn’t acknowledge it and grabs his jacket from the ground.   
How did this happen? How did we go from being together to not anymore? Stop him Andy! Say something! Tell him he’s wrong! That he can put up with it! That you will try to not be so reckless! That you will go to him when you want to leave the compound! That you don’t want him to leave you! That you need him!   
Say it!   
But I don’t and simply watch as Eric’s walks out the door.


	44. Chapter 44

Chapter 44  
We walk back to the Dauntless compound in silence. I stay behind Eric and have to jog a few times to keep up with his pace. It is the most uncomfortable walk I ever had with someone in my life. The streets were disserted and we didn’t run into any Dauntless patrols or factionless people. For a moment I was afraid that Tabassum would search for me and take out Eric. He didn’t though and I was pleased for that. I didn’t want to explain to Tabassum why he needed to spare Eric and I didn’t want Eric to know about Tabassum either. I wonder what he heard of my conversation with Tabassum’s brother, Imran? I had wanted to ask him, but I… I guess that is out of the question now. I know why he followed me, but I don’t understand why didn’t just stop me in the beginning. Why let me continue and engage in conversation with two men I obliviously didn’t know? What did he gain from that? Information about the factionless? Seeing me get my ass kicked by the factionless?   
Why was he there? I don’t believe that he was there just for me. He couldn’t have been.   
I end up not asking and just stare at Eric’s back. His posture reminds me of the Eric I saw during my first days of initiation. The one I couldn’t get along with. The one that hung me above the Chasm and watched me struggling to hold on, smiling.   
What is he going to do when we get back to the compound? He said he wouldn’t tell anyone, but does he mean it. Maybe he lied to lure me back to the compound. Will he tell Max that I left the compound tonight? What will he tell Max? I can’t explain why I went to the factionless. I went to see my sister, but lost my way and ended up in the wrong side of the city? Even I don’t believe that.   
We enter the compound threw a closed door he has a key to. We walk threw a set of dark and very narrow corridors. I was tempted to grab Eric’s hands, but stopped myself. I had to ball my hands into fists to stop them from twitching. He noticed but didn’t say anything about it. I hated him for that. He knows I want to do something, but I just… I just can’t. I don’t know how or what for that matter. This whole dating thing was easier in the beginning. It was simple and yet it wasn’t. It was never simple. It was and always will be complicated. Maybe it was just easier to fool myself in the beginning that this could be something, but what future do I really have with Eric? A guy like him is never going to settle for someone like me. Sure he’s interested now, but why? Because I am trouble? Because he can protect me? But I don’t let him do that, not really. When it comes down to it I don’t let him protect me. I run away and deal with things on my own. It just feels more comfortable that way. Maybe I just don’t want Eric’s help.   
But I want him, so where does that leave me?   
We arrive in the Pit. The silence between us is nerve-racking and I want to break it, but I don’t. I expect Eric to say something, like a warning or a reminder that we are thru or something. I wanted him to say something. It didn’t matter what. Just something. I could answer him and… and… But he doesn’t say anything. He simply walks into the corridor that led to his apartment. I watch him walk away. I want to stop him. I want him to turn around. I want to follow him. I want him to do something. I want to do something.  
But I don’t. I simply watch him walk away from me.   
And it hurt. It really hurt. I want him to come back, but he doesn’t. I wait for a couple of minutes. I stare at the corridor he disappeared in, but nothing. I had to force myself to move or I would stay rooted in that spot for what was left of the night. My mind went blank as I walk to the initiate’s dorm. It wasn’t until I was standing in front of the dorm that I realized that I don’t have a place to sleep. I don’t know where my friends are. I doubt they are sleeping in the dorm where Luissa was murdered. Where am I supposed to go now? For some reason I feel hopeless and like giving up, but what is there to give up? I already lost Eric. He doesn’t want to put up with me, I don’t blame him. I actually have nothing to give up on. I own nothing. My life, but sometimes that doesn’t even feel as my own. It feels more something Jeanine wants to get her hands on. It’s hers not mine.   
My feet start walking and I end up in front of the stairs that lead to the practice roof. I guess I can sleep there. It will be cold, but where else can I go? I don’t know where Four lives and I am not going to knock on Max his door. I don’t want to go to the medic center. I shiver at the thought. I walk up the stairs and place a lose brick in the door opening, to make sure the door doesn’t lock me out of the compound. As I walk to my usual spot I see the trashcan I ‘borrowed’ from Max when he told me about my parents. It was still lying here, probably still had my vomit in it. That’s a disgusting thought.   
I sit down on the edge of the roof and let my legs hang over it. It takes me five minutes to stay calm, to keep it together. Then the tears come and I let them. A lot of them fall. The emotions that come with it are overwhelming. I lie down and let them rage threw my body: anger, fear, shame, hate, sadness, acceptance, remorse, love…  
Love…   
Why love? I shouldn’t feel love! Not for him! Not for Eric. He isn’t worth… he doesn’t disserve to… My breath starts hitching in my throat. No, not again! Damn him! Why does he have this effect on me! I should be angry at him and hate him and never want to see him again. But I don’t. I want him here, next to me. I want him yelling at me and telling me I am an idiot and after that I want him to sit down next to me and let me lean against him and grab his hand. I want that. Maybe Eric is right. Maybe I am extremely selfish. I keep thinking about what I want, but not about what Eric wants or needs.   
Eric…  
How am I supposed to present myself when I see him tomorrow? There will be no secret glances or flirting smiles or waving me over. There won’t be anything. I won’t exist anymore or maybe I will be back the initiate that annoys him and who he yells at. What will he do? What will I do? Pretend I don’t care? Pretend that I am fine? Pretend that I don’t hate myself for not saying something to Eric? Why didn’t I say something? Why did I point out the obvious? Why did I push him away? Maybe I did it because I can’t… no, because I don’t trust Eric. He knows everything and he can use that against me. He can turn me over to Jeanine if he wants to.  
Maybe I pushed him away because a large part of me believes that he will do that, even expects him to do it. I had asked him what would happen if we broke up and he said that we would cross that bridge when we got there. Well we’re on that bridge right now. What are we going to do? What is he going to do? It’s not even important what I would do. It all comes down to what he will do.   
See, even my life isn’t my own. Now it’s in Eric’s hands.   
My tears stop falling after a while and I feel anger overtake me. I am angry, but not at Eric. I am angry at myself. Why did I ever let things get this far with him? I knew nothing good could come from it. He even warned me. I shouldn’t be surprised this blew up in my face. I guess I am not really surprised, but why does it hurt? If I knew it was going to happen? I shouldn’t be feeling these emotions! I should have turned Eric down! I shouldn’t have let him come close! I should have pushed him away when he started coming close. I shouldn’t have accepted his comfort when my parents were murdered. Sacha’s murder should have been a clear warning. That is exactly how I am going to end up if I trust Eric.   
But I don’t trust him. I don’t trust him with all the knowledge he has on me to not betray me. I said it so myself, I expect him to betray me. I need to stay away from him. I don’t need him in my life. I have my friends and soon my sister will be part of my life again. I have Michael watching my back and…  
But I don’t really let him watch my back. Ever since I have been hanging out with Eric, I barely spoke to Michael. How can he watch my back when I am not around? How can I watch his back when I am not around him? And what about Skander? We should be working together, but instead I am putting my faith in someone who is completely untrustworthy and one of the reasons I am not safe in this compound. I need to work on that. I need to team up with them and not think about Eric. I need to forget about him.   
Unfortunately that sounds easier than done.   
“Andy! There you are!” I look up from my breakfast and see Annie and Rob walking towards me. It had been a cold and uncomfortable night on the roof. I barely got any sleep but that was to be expected. My friends seemed out of it for some reason. Before I could greet them, Annie smacks me on the head with a bundle of papers. I look at her astonished. I wasn’t the only one. A few people had seen Annie’s stunt. It was a rather loud smack I might add. She tried to keep her voice even and low as she spoke: “Don’t you ever disappear like that again on us, you hear me! Or so help me god, I will chain you to your bed and smack you with my papers on a daily basis!”  
“Yeah what the hell Andy? We have been looking for you every where since you left last night! Michael practically lost it and he and Skander haven’t slept at all,” Rob informs me and a huge amount of guilt installs itself in my stomach. I hadn’t thought about them when I left. I knew Eric would be angry at me, but I hadn’t considered my friends feelings. I looked at my plate guilty and mumble a sorry. I have officially reached a low point in my life. I completely forgot about my friends. What kind of horrible person am I becoming?   
“If you ever run of like that again, your sorry won’t be worth a damn,” Annie tells me harshly. I accept her words and she smacks me a second time with her papers. I let her and don’t vocalize the pain she inflicted on my head: “You’re right, I shouldn’t have left without telling you guys.”  
“You are damn right you shouldn’t. In fact you shouldn’t have left the compound period, not even with us. What were you thinking?” Annie continues and stares me in the eye and I find it difficult to meet her hurt eyes. I sigh: “I wasn’t thinking. Just being stupid.”  
“Well I am pleased to know that you at least realize what a stupid thing that was to do,” Annie says in a calmer voice and sits down next to me. Rob sits down in front of us and they grab my last two pieces of toast. I want to say something about that, but Rob beats me to it: “Don’t even think about complaining. You don’t get that right for the next couple of days. I thought Michael was going to die from worry last night. Where have you been the whole night? Where did you sleep?”  
“On the roof. When I got back, I didn’t know where you guys were so the roof was my only place to go to,” I admit and watch my friends eat what was left of my breakfast. Annie snickers: “And I’ll take pleasure in knowing that you slept outside in the cold and on the floor while we all had a bed to sleep in, when you could have gone to the medic center and asked for a bed there.”  
The faces of Marnie, Kim and Marc appear in front of my eyes and I lower my eyes. I didn’t want to go there. They were there, dead. They were white and cold and dead and I didn’t want to be in the same room as them. I shivered significantly and my friends notice. I feel Annie’s hand slip into mine beneath the table: “Katelyn told me you went to the medic center last night, after Eric told us the news. Why did you do that?”  
I lift my shoulders and keep my eyes focused on the table: “I guess I didn’t believe Eric.” I bust myself stumbling over Eric’s name. My friends don’t pay attention to it though. They probably think it’s because of what he told us. How selfish am I? Since I left the compound I have barely thought about my friends, I haven’t thought about my friends lying in the medic center or about Sarah and Lucas, who were wounded during the attack. I am turning into one of those girls in Erudite that I used to hate: who only thought about their boyfriends. It felt very weird to say that word when it comes it Eric.   
The rest of our gang walks in the dining hall. Lucas is supported by crutches and his brother is walking next to him, closer than he used to do before. They were followed by Kane and Tyra. Skander wasn’t with them. That was another thing I forgot. He lost his sister last night. He lost five people he knew last night: friends and family. And I made him worry about me.   
How very selfish indeed.   
The brother sister duo was followed by Sarah and Michael. Andrew and Sigrid weren’t with them. They spotted us. I forced myself to meet their gazes and accept the hurt and worry I found in their eyes. I would accept their angry words and let them all smack me if that was necessary. I disserved it after leaving without telling anyone something. Victor grabbed breakfast for the others, while they walked over to us. Sarah her right arm is hanging in a sling and she sits down carefully. Rob helps Lucas sit down, while Michael walks around the table and sits down next to me. He looks terrible. He obviously hadn’t slept much last night. He had difficulty with keeping his eyes open properly and they were quite red.   
He had been crying.  
He didn’t say anything, but I felt his hand grab mine underneath the table and squeeze it. It spoke of his worry and I felt even worse about leaving the compound. He laid his head on my shoulder and closed his eyes: “If you ever do that again to me, I am setting your cloths on fire again.”  
“Again?” Lucas asks while the others stare at us in shock. Victor sits down next to his brother and asks why I am trying to imitate a tomato. That makes my friends laugh and I feel a little bit of the guilt leave my stomach. I lean my head against Michael’s and try to keep the mortification I was feeling out of my voice: “I thought we made a deal never to speak of that incident?”   
“No, you threatened me with a rather large bread knife, but I never agreed to that. I’ll admit that I nearly pist my pants when you came after me, but I never agreed to not talk about it to others,” Michael explained and kept his head resting on my shoulder. He sounded very tired. He needs to lay down for a couple of hours. I vocalized my thoughts and my friends agreed, but Michael didn’t: “I’m fine.”   
“No you are not. Come on Carmichael, you are going to bed,” I get up and grin at seeing Michael flinch when I use his full name. I guess no one here knows that his full name is Carmichael, except for Sarah probably. Our friends laughed and Michael glared at me: “Really? Full name basis again, Andrina?”  
“You shouldn’t have brought up the skirt incident,” I grinned at my friend and pulled him along with me. I didn’t pull my hand lose from his. I would let him decide when to let go. I had a feeling that it was some kind of way to reassure him that I was there.   
“But what is the skirt incident about? We want to know?” Victor yells after us and I curse his name because half of the cafeteria heard him shout that. Damn him!  
Apparently Max had pointed out where my friends could choose their own apartment. It hadn’t been a question to who would get his own place. There were five of us who had a right on our own place, but no one had taken it. They had taken four apartments. The twins, Kane and Tyra had taken one, Annie and Sigrid shared one, Andrew and Rob lived across from them and had an open bed for Skander if he wanted to join them. He had slept at his parents last night. I liked that the four apartments were lying across from each other. The last apartment was for three people and Sarah and Michael had taken it: “We saved you a bed if you are interested.”   
“Are you sure that the compound will survive if we live together? We barely made it happen when we lived across from each other in Erudite,” I joke and Michael opens the door. It was the same size as Eric’s place, but it had three separate bedrooms. They lay next to each other. Sarah had the one of the right and Michael the one in the middle: “That’s yours, but we decided that as your punishment you will have to get your own blankets and stuff. We only brought your cloths.”  
“How kind of you guys,” I reply and close the door behind me. Michael wants to sit down on one of the couches in the middle of the room, but he remembers that he is still holding my hands. He looks at them conflicted. I let go of his hand and embrace the boy: “I’m okay, I’m here.”  
“Please don’t ever do that again,” Michael whispers in my ear and his arms lay themselves around my waist. They have a tight grip on me. I sigh: “I won’t and I’m sorry.”  
“I thought they had taken you when I couldn’t find you,” Michael confesses and the guilt in my stomach is back. I curse myself for being so stupid and not thinking about my friends. Of course Michael would think something like that. I would think the same thing.   
“I’m sorry,” I repeat and pull back. I eye Michael and he looks like he is going to fall asleep standing. He must be exhausted. I guide him to his room and he lay down on his bed. The room was very empty. His cloths were laying on a table, in a complete mess.  
“Come on, go to sleep. You can yell at me when you wake up,” I joked and Michael grins. He wanted to say something, but exhaustion overtook him and he was out like a light. I pull the covers over him and leave his door ajar.   
I sit down on the couch and observe the apartment, my new home. It felt weird calling this my home. I liked the idea of sharing it with my friends, especially Michael, but it felt so surreal. Initiation was over, I am an official Dauntless member now. If I confess, I hadn’t really believed that I would make it past initiation. I thought that I would be discovered or that I would leave the compound to live with the factionless. But here I am, sitting in my new home.   
I wish my sister could be here.  
The walls of the apartment weren’t painted or anything. Just orange/red brick walls. One side of the living room had a large window. Our place was located at the back of the compound. Eric’s place was located on the other side of it. I cursed myself for thinking about him. We could see the fence in the distance. We had our own kitchen, with table and chairs. I couldn’t see ourselves cook our own dinner, but it would come in handy. We had two couches. They had seen better days. Four people could fit in them, maybe five if you squeezed a bit. They were placed in the middle of the room. In the back, next to Sarah’s bedroom door was a small bookcase. It was empty. Next to the couches was a door that leads to the bathroom. It wasn’t big. Toilet, sink and shower. What more do we really need?   
I open the fridge and find it stacked. Sarah probably filled it for us. I doubt Michael would think about things like filling a fridge or cleaning the toilet frankly. Living with him is going to be interesting. I am secretly glad that I am sharing my home with two people from Erudite. We tend to keep our homes cleaner than other factions.   
I grab a can of soda and sit down in one of the couches. I take a sip and look out the window. I didn’t want to leave Michael right now. I want to be here when he wakes up, so that he doesn’t have to worry about finding me. I lower the soda can and let my mind wonder while I stare out the window. It was a sunny day. It didn’t feel like it should be a sunny day. It felt like it should be a rainy day, it should even be storming. I wouldn’t mind standing on a rooftop while it stormed. It would feel more fitting then this weather and this atmosphere.   
It doesn’t feel like three of my friends died yesterday.   
The funeral is probably tonight. I have heard of Dauntless funerals before. My mom told me about them once. I found it weird that people got drunk and would celebrate someone’s life. I can’t see myself getting drunk and laughing and smiling tonight. That doesn’t feel appropriate.   
I shake the thought of my mind and try to let my mind go blank. It doesn’t work. My friend’s worried faces and angry words fill my head and I hear myself apologize to them and promise that I won’t do it again. Why is it so easy when it comes to my friends to say those things, but not when it comes to Eric?


End file.
